Stork Central
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This time last year, a childless Texas couple was at the bitter end of several unsuccessful years of fertility treatment, struggling to celebrate a holiday that is all about a baby, while longing for some assurance that they might ever have one of their own.
But what a difference a year makes!
In the year that's transpired, they came to terms with the realization that their own baby would come to them by other means, with an attached set of birthrelatives who would enrich their lives in ways they might never have imagined.
So they traded in their fertility specialists for adoption professionals, and won the bonus of a 7/10 orientation group called DropSwapChop, gaining them new friends for life.
They learned. They stretched. They grew.
And their Christmas celebration this year will surely be that much brighter and happier, thanks to the presence of their newly-born son-- because they are the gift that has been given to him today, by his loving birthmom and birthgrandmama.
Hark, the herald angels sing! May all the years to follow be filled with peace, good health and glad tidings for this precious child, and all who adore him so!
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Our 2011 orientation dates are tentatively set! (This year, with no regard for the UT football schedule.) We are currently contemplating a change of hotels, due to feedback from our 2010 attendees who reported that the Hilton was getting outdated, so stay tuned for fresh new hotel info! but for those who like to plan ahead, here's what we've got cooking for the coming year*:
January 21-22
March 18-19
June 24-25
August 19-20
November 11-12
Note: all approved applicants must receive an official orientation confirmation letter prior to booking travel arrangements. Those who have already requested the 1/11 orientation weekend should be receiving said letters shortly.
*Dates are subject to change. Orientation is an invitation-only event for those with approved inquiries and applications already on file with Abrazo and full participation is required for all applicants seeking admission into Abrazo's Milagros (full-service) program. Attendees receiving acceptance packets at the close of orientation have ten (10) days, post-event, to execute contracts and remit fees and funds needed to enter Abrazo's program, or forfeit acceptance. Orientation is an intensive, adult-only event; those with children should plan their childcare accordingly.
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The last of the couples who attended Abrazo's H.S.B.D. orientation class of 10/09 have the nicest little reason to set an extra place at their Thanksgiving table this month, because today they were blessed to become the proud parents of a newborn daughter, thanks to the courage and love of a young south Texas birthmom who saw in them everything she wanted for her child's future! They've built a beautiful friendship while awaiting this precious angel's arrival, and we are thankful for the certainty that it is a partnership that will last, because their mutual adoration for their daughter demands nothing less. May God bless this newly-expanded family tree and may their joy be abundant and their gratitude for each other forever overflow! Congratulations!
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Welcome, Amy! and thank you for sharing your insight! We have all struggled with "what to call whom" and when and why... you can find more of that discussion HERE.
The term "first mother", while preferable to some women who place, is also hurtful to some adoptive parents, who feel it prioritizes one woman over the other, silently labeling the mom who adopts as "second best." But in the end, the truth is that every Abrazotot is blessed to have four parents who love them, who want the best for them and whom we hope will forever become each other's best of friends and fiercest defenders-- whatever they choose to call each other and however they wish to be known.
As we tell all our clients, adoption may be what you choose to do, but it doesn't define who you are. And who the greater Abrazo family is just gets better with each new addition, and you are a case in point! We're delighted that you found the courage to post, and hope you'll continue to do so. We're a big, crazy, loving family and there's plenty of room at our table for you, too! so make yourself at home.
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He wasn't expected until next month, but when our newest little arrival heard that Halloween was this weekend, he decided to come a bit early, in hopes of getting in on the fun. So enjoy trick-or-treating with your new parents (from our H.S.B.D. orientation weekend of 10/09), little pumpkin! and best wishes to all your proud parents.
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Thank you, all! (And Isis, thank you, too-- we received an adoption inquiry from a couple just this week who heard you speak and very much appreciated the information that you shared!) Earlier this year, when we had to cancel an orientation weekend due to lack of attendees, we expedited admission for the 2 couples who were otherwise ready to move forward, on the condition that both agreed to attend Camp Abrazo instead. It looks as if we may have to consider expediting a couple more 'tweeners, allowing them to get started in the placement program on the basis of their already-completed inquiry and application, but securing their agreement to attend the next scheduled orientation weekend for which we have an ample number of participants, down the road... what are your thoughts, alums?
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Sometimes, it seems, the adoption process is much like that infamous Kansas tornado. It picks you up, whirls you around through unknown emotions and experiences, then drops you back down in a whole 'nother place, overwhelmed and exhausted and feeling as if a house fell on you (or as if your house was dropped on someone else.) Slowly, carefully, you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, then gradually reorient yourself to a whole new life experience (for good or for not-so-good, but all for the love of a child.)
Surely the mother who painstakingly entrusted her newly-born son's life to another set of parents just today can relate! And surely, that new set of trusted parents (brave Abrazo's Invincible Diehard 'Tweeners, who joined Abrazo's program just four months ago) also know some of what she's feeling, today. Neither had any idea, before this week, what challenges each would face along the way to becoming family. None knew how much this little boy would mean to each of them, and how fiercely all would want him. And no one could have predicted how fiercely all would care about the other... before now.
Now, these three parents jointly begin a courageous new trek down the yellow brick road of life. They proudly carry with them a precious new son, a boy who will surely love each of them. And he will undoubtedly learn that, indeed, "there's no place like home"-- and that home is the lifelong relationship that shelters them all. Godspeed!
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"Recent studies have shown that mothers with HIV or AIDS who get good prenatal care and regularly take antiviral drugs during their pregnancy now have less than a 5% chance of passing HIV to their babies. If these babies do get the HIV virus, they tend to be born with a lower viral load (less HIV virus is present in their bodies) and have a better chance of long-term, disease-free survival."
Abrazo is working with a young mother-to-be who is HIV positive and getting prenatal care for her biracial (Anglo/African-American) baby boy who is expected to be born in late November/early December. She longs to find a Texas couple or family who are/will be faithful open adoption participants. If you or someone you know is homestudy-ready and open to a situation such as this, please contact Angela Martinez at 210/342-5683. Thank you!
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We LOVE that five of the eight couples who joined us for February orientation group this year are already home with their new sons or daughters, that the last couple from last year's orientation is matched and "expecting" this year, and that our newest orientation group (from July) and our latest tweeners are already well on their way, but we need more parents-in-waiting to fully meet the demands of prospective birthparents considering placement between now and next year! Our greatest need is for childless couples (especially Texans) and couples already parenting who are open to children of full Hispanic descent, as well as Anglo-Hispanic and Anglo/African-American and Hispanic/African-American or full African-American babies. So spread the word, if you know prospective adoptive applicants with documented infertility, who are over the age of 25, married more than a year, who are financially-sound, emotionally-stable, comfortable with open adoption and ready for parenthood! Send 'em our way, and maybe you'll see them at Camp Abrazo next July, with their new sons or daughters!
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Reportedly, Madonna has elected to NOt allow daughter Mercy to have a visit from her alleged birthfather (read story here). While the rape allegation and the late birthmother's age at time of birth may certainly seem to justify her decision, we can't help but wonder whether Madge ever made good on her promises to take son David (Banda) back for visits with his birthfather, in his homeland? Hmm...
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Our apologies, Krystal... we were not presuming that this birthmom was innocent of the charge, since at the time of the trial, she'd not been convicted of anything (other than in the court of public opinion). It did not occur to us that anyone would think this story might reflect badly on birthmothers as a whole, simply because this mother's last child's whereabouts are unknown, because clearly her conscientious regard to the children she placed indicated her concern even for children she felt unable to parent?
Our point in posting this article here was to indicate that even a world-class athlete has had her reasons for placing, whether or not society views her reasons as "valid". (And why not? Why should any woman's career goals or dreams for her own life be considered inadequate "justification" for placing if she feels unready for parenthood?)
We do post numerous news stories about adoptive parents whose children meet tragic ends under "Adoption Nightmares", but perhaps we should've thought to place this story under "Birthparents in the News" instead.
For the record: we do not believe the life experience of this mother who placed is reflective of all mothers who place, nor do we fault this mother for the choices she made, whether or not they reflect choices we would make were our circumstances similar. Abrazo's staff holds the ultimate respect for birthmothers and regrets that anyone might misconstrue this linked article as suggesting that we believe birthmothers that place are unusually prone to any criminal element, as we do not feel that way in reality nor in theory.
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An Australian athlete is currently on trial, suspected of murder in the disappearance of her second child. She'd placed her first and third children for adoption in a quest to pursue athletic stardom, a decision that baffles many in Australian society, where voluntary placement is very rare: Kelly Lane's Last Lap for Freedom.
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There's an old saying that suggests that "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" and it reminds us that in life, as in parenting, it's essential to be able to adapt one's plans to accommodate one's realities.
Just weeks ago, a couple from our 1st-n-10 orientation class of 2/10 came to Texas for a perfectly-planned trip intended to result in the placement of a baby girl, for whom they seemed perfectly-matched. It was not to be, however, for reasons which none of us understood at the time, and they went home heart-broken and empty-handed, wondering if perhaps they'd somehow misread all the "signs" along the way?
What they didn't know then and couldn't know until now is that there was another baby who needed them more; a little boy who would be born sooner than expected and needed a loving set of parents who could drop everything to make room for him in their lives, with very little time for planning but who would move heaven and earth to make his life's beginnings perfect in every way!
May God bless these proud new parents, their darling preemie, and his courageous birthmom and her other children, and may their relationship grow and flourish, from this day forward! Blessings, all.
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Here's an excellent blog about the importance of positive adoption language (and even more important, healthy adoption perspectives) that should be a must-read for all of us who are (or support) parents that/have adopt/ed: http://theadoptiveparent.blogspot.com/2010/07/open-letter-to-adoptive-parents-and.html. (Text appears below, in case the link goes bad.)
Dear Adoptive Parent/Prospective Adoptive Parent,
Today I came across yet another blog of a prospective adoptive couple using their blog to chronicle their "journey to adoption." Sadly, it read more like an online tantrum:
"We've spent a fortune already and we still don't have a baby. We were matched with a birth mother last year who changed her mind after she gave birth and she refused to follow through. I'm still angry about that! Everything was set until the birth father got involved and that was the end of it. He was uninvolved for the whole pregnancy and then decided to care after we made an agreement with the birth mother. It's not fair!"
I'm an adoptive parent myself. I understand the agony of infertility. I experienced the gut-wrenching uncertainty and anxiety and helplessness of the adoptive process. And I understand using your blog as a release valve; I often do the same thing. However, (deep breath), I don't understand the attitude of entitlement. I don't understand resentment toward birth families who ultimately decide to raise the children they themselves create (How dare they?). I don't understand how you don't understand that some of the language you use is crass and base and incredibly insensitive. I don't understand how you think you will love a child as children need to be loved when you seem to have such a low opinion of birth families.
Certainly, you can use whatever language you choose; it's your blog. But when I read the words below on an AP/PAP blog... it scares me. Seriously. It scares me because it reflects a narrow, self-centric perspective on adoption that I think is unsettling at best and dangerous at worst. I know first-hand the challenges of adopting. I'm NOT suggesting you deny your feelings or just grin and bear it. You need the support of people who know what you're going through.
What I am suggesting is that if you're working so hard to become a parent perhaps you should work harder on expressing your feelings with more sensitivity to birth families, adoptees, and other APs and PAPs.
Words to look out for:
1. Words that refer to the cost of adoption - cost, money, expensive, finances, savings, loan, etc. When PAPs complain about how much money they've invested in the adoption process I want to shake them and say, "I know birth mothers who would give everything they have, including body parts, to be able to raise their children or to have contact with the children they placed for adoption. These women paid dearly for their decisions, and you're crabbing about what it costs you?" You can choose to adopt privately or from foster care if you can't or don't want to pay adoption agency fees. Unless you're discussing ethics and the need for adoption reform, complaining about money is tacky and insensitive.
2. "Deal", "promise", or "agreement" as in "We made a deal with a birth mother but she changed her mind," or "She promised to let us witness the birth," or "She violated our agreement." I'm not even sure where to start with this one. You made a deal? She made a child. She has the right and obligation to make the best decisions she can on her child's behalf, regardless of what plans she may have made earlier in her pregnancy. Hormones, denial, stress, support resources, health... things change rapidly during pregnancy. Most parents waffle for months over what to name the baby, what color to paint the nursery, and whether or not to introduce a pacifier. Please, show some respect for one of the most important decisions a woman can be faced with.
3. "Lie", "deceive", or "manipulate." Even if it's true. Even if you can prove it. Even if it hurts a lot. Assume that it was unintentional. Assume that she did the best she could under the circumstances. Assume that anyone who deliberately deceives you is in a worse position than you are.
4. "Our" as in "our birth mother" or "our baby." They're not.
5. "Want." Of course you want a child, perhaps more than you've ever wanted anything in your life. I get that. But "I want, I want, we want..." makes you sound grabby. What you want is still a part of another woman's body. That's pretty heavy.
6. "Hero." Birth parents aren't heroes. Well, I know some who deserve the title
, but speaking generally, they're no more or less heroic than anyone else. Birth parents make the decision to place because they think it's best for their baby, not for you. It's not about you. It wasn't about me, either. It's not about making an infertile couple's dreams come true. It's not about being a hero.7. "Deserve." You don't deserve children any more than I do. No one does. It's not a birth mother's responsibility to provide you with a child. She's not a breeding sow.
8. "Pray." Please, please, please don't ask people to pray that a birth mother "makes the right decision and gives us her baby" or anything along that line. Do you believe that God would rip a woman apart mind, body and spirit in order to answer your prayer? Do you really want to believe that? I'll pray with you for grace and patience. I'll pray with you for peace. I'll pray with you for a birth mother's strength and clarity. And I'll pray with you for everyone's health. Please don't ask people to pray for you to get what you want at the expense of someone else. Is that what you're going to teach your child?
Sally Bacchetta - Freelance Writer
The Adoptive Parent
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It's been said that God answers prayers with "yes", "no" and "wait awhile"...
For the final couple from Abrazo's Cootchie Cootchie Coo orientation weekend of June, 2009 to be awaiting placement here at Abrazo, the wait for the 'right' match may have been arduous at times... but it also ensured that they were definitely ready when (during our February 2010 orientation weekend) the agency took an after-hours call from a young mom looking for the right family for her summer baby.
Although summer seemed a long ways away (back then), the proud new parents of Abrazo's newest arrival would surely tell you now that their handsome newborn son (and the beautiful birthfamily who belong to him) were definitely all worth the wait! (And how fitting that he waited to make his grand entrance into the Abrazo family until the middle of our July orientation weekend!)
Asking God's continued blessings on this precious little boy, his joyous new mom and dad, his loving birthmama and his doting birthgrandparents. May this be only the beginning of a beautiful bond they all share for life!
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Just wanted to post this in loving honor of the mama whose loving support helped her daughter find the courage to make a big choice today. It's not easy to see your baby go through the adoption process, nor to stand up to relatives who don't agree in support of your child's decision, nor to see your grandchild leaving with another couple, no matter how much you may like those people. Birthgrandmothers are very special women and we pay tribute to all of them... today's, included.
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Some matches and placements just seem to have God's fingerprints all over them, and today's was no exception.
The happy adopting couple entered Abrazo's program just this year, having attended our February 2010 "1st-n-10" orientation weekend. Within weeks, on the adopting mom's birthday, they had their first phone call with a prospective teen mom, and her mother-- who hailed from the same part of the US that they did. The babydaddy gave them his blessing, and a match was made.
Two days ago, they gathered in a San Antonio hospital room to celebrate the arrival of a precious newly-born baby boy, and today, on the adopting dad's birthday, Abrazo completed paperwork that makes all of them family forever!
Blessings on the young couple whose mature and courageous choice made parents of a childless Midwestern couple, blessings on that couple whose commitment to continued trips to Texas to honor their open adoption promises will enable their child to always know his birthfamily, and blessings on that little boy, who will forever be so very much loved by everyone.
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June is, typically, a month of transitions, as people "graduate" from one life status to another. In San Antonio, today, one bright and beautiful young woman graduated from high school, despite the fact that she and her family had faced enormous hardships over the past year. She'd been determined to do her best, and to not let life's challenges cost her the future. Today's events were a tribute to her efforts.
In the audience were her proud mom and brother, and her newborn son, and two hopeful parents-to-be. That couple, too, had endured enormous hardship over the past year, as they'd had to bid farewell to very premature twins conceived after years of fertility treatment attempts. They then attended Abrazo's H.S.B.D. orientation weekend of 10/09, but took some needed time off from adoption planning to further grieve their loss. They, too, did their best to not let life's challenges cost them their future, so today's events were a tribute to their efforts, as well.
That graduation ceremony, and the completion of entrustment documents this evening, thus mark a commencement of sorts for all of them. The baby's first mom, her mother and brother have officially become a birthfamily, the adopting parents have gone from being a childless couple to being proud parents at last, and this much-adored baby boy is now the axis of a circle of love that shall surround him forever.
As the sun sets, they each commence from the events of this day to being a beautiful, new, extended family, bound by a friendship built to last a lifetime. We wish God's greatest blessings on every one of them!
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A thoughtful blog post by a mom who adopted internationally, on helping toddlers who have been adopted to work through their own losses:
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“We all have dreams. But in order to make dreams come into reality, it takes an awful lot of determination, dedication, self-discipline, and effort.” -- Jesse Owens, Olympic runner
All who are parents, whether by birth or adoption, are surely marathon runners of sorts. The brave birthparents endure months of "training" to prepare for childbirth and the rigors of relinquishment, and the prospective adopters persevere despite an obstacle course of paperwork and regulatory challenges and even self-doubts, at times. But they do so because they share one essential goal; that of bettering the life of a beloved child, and theirs is a noble calling, indeed.
The parents we celebrate today (a young South Texas couple and two graduates of our Coochie Coochie Coo orientation weekend of 6/09) may have crossed a finish line of sorts, as together they welcome a precious baby girl into the world they now share. But the entrustment of this child, by one family to another, is in truth a bright new beginning; may the race she runs through life be glorious and sweet, and may all the parents who love her so be forever standing on the sidelines together as they cheer her on. Blessings, all!
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Abrazo got the nicest note today, via our Facebook page, from a firstmom we worked with years ago... we're so glad her children's adoption story has been such a positive one, for them and for her, and undoubtedly, for the adoptive couple, as well!
I wanted to send a little thank you to you and everyone that helped me through my adoption with Abrazo. I called not knowing what I wanted to do and felt comfortable and relaxed with you. I spoke with you back in 1995 and decided to put my twins up for adoption. The family that I chose to raise the kids was the best family I could have ever found.
They were in the initial packet you sent and I couldn’t stop thinking about them. It must have been fate, because you requested that I choose 2 other couples just in case something happened and they weren’t able to adopt. So I picked out 2 other couples. Just so happened that one couple had just had a private adoption go through and the second couple didn’t want twins. I called the couple I wanted to adopt and they couldn’t be happier that I was having twins.
We hit it off from the get go and I fell in love with them. When the time came for the twins to be born they were there as quick as possible. I think letting the babies go was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but you all being there with us helped so much.
Well here it is almost 15 years later and I have been in contact with the family since day one. I have watched the twins grow and become young adults. Well a week ago I spent 5 days with my family and the twins and their family! We had such a wonderful time and I know I choose the right option by seeing how wonderfully they turned out and how much they are loved by their adoptive parents.
I still continue to receive photos twice a year and we are also all friends on Facebook. They will always know how much I love them and have always wanted the best for them. I am very grateful to you especially Elizabeth for your one on one attention and the care you showed myself and the adoptive family during our adoption.
Thank you! Vicki C.
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From the first time they looked over profiles, they knew which home meant for their child, and this birthcouple never wavered in their choice of families.
These two couples and their children have spent quality time getting to know each other and building a special friendship meant to stand the test of time. It made today's entrustment between four loving parents not the culmination of their efforts, but rather, a special event in the lives of all, as one young Austin couple and their chosen San Antonio relatives formalized the paperwork making the newborn daughter they share an official member of both families.
Our heartfelt congratulations to this little girl, her two big brothers (one by birth, one by adoption), her loving birthparents, and her newly-adopted parents, graduates of Abrazo's 1st-n-10 orientation weekend of 1/10. May they always be as tight a family unit as they are, today! and may the road between Austin and San Antonio always be but a short jaunt for them both. Blessings, all!
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Once upon a time, back in the era when unmarried fathers' rights mattered in Texas adoptions, we had a placement that was momentarily challenged by a birthdaddy who didn't want his child adopted. He didn't ever contest the case in court, but the adoptive family couldn't find it in their hearts to relinquish their subsequent distrust of him, even years later, after he'd written to thank them for being his daughter's parents and explain why he hadn't initially agreed with the adoption plan.
Fast forward, to another place(ment) and time. The same birthcouple had found themselves again needing to make an adoption plan, but opted to match with another family instead. This adopting couple warmly welcomed both birthparents into their lives with open arms, and they have continued loving contacts with both, even after the birthcouple split up. They had even made plans to all meet at Camp Abrazo this July, and the birthfather couldn't wait! He openly expressed his excitement during his last visit to the agency, just last month, when he came by to pick up the latest photos of his second child and to once again inquire about the first family (on whom he'd never given up, even though his interest seemed unwelcomed by them... something he realized, as well.)
Sadly, whatever opportunities for openness they might once have had are now gone forever. The sands in that proverbial hourglass of life unexpectedy ran out too soon, and Adrian Aguirre will not be joining us for Camp Abrazo this year as planned. Just 31 years old, Adrian suffered a fatal aneurysm this week, leaving behind the three children he did parent, his own parents, the two birthdaughters who were placed for adoption, the grieving birthmother of those children, and the adoptive families of both.
Our thoughts and our prayers go out to all of them, and especially Adrian's two little girls, who will never get to meet their birthfather in this lifetime. It was an honor and a privilege to call Adrian our friend, and he will be greatly missed by us all.
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It's been a baby blue kind of year so far... but shove aside those trains, racing cars, dinosaur and tigers togs, because today's placement, with a patient set of graduates from our H.S.B.D. orientation class of 10/09, marks our first girl-baby homecoming of 2010! May this little princess always be surrounded with beauty and abundant in grace, and may all the parents who love her so always hold each other in equally high regard, as well. God bless them all!
Application And Home Study
in Looking to Adopt
Posted
Danette, we've spoken since your last post, I believe? but if anyone else is still searching for the latest homestudy requirements, you should be able to find them here: Look for post #98!