1st x grandma

Thank you ladies.. I'm so ready to get rid of these symptoms and get on with life feeling better.. :-D

Thank you ladies, appreciate the good thoughts and prayers.. Sorry didn’t mean to leave yal wondering what is going on with me, just can’t type very well on my phone, which is the only option I have from home… In mid Dec. finally made an app. With an ENT, due to holidays and all he didn’t have opening until after the first of the year.. After going through the symptoms and reason I was there, he proceeded with testing. He then asked me about other symptoms concerning allergies etc.., so I gave him the info he needed.. He asked about heart burn, reflux…NOPE DON”T have that….Then he tells me I do have reflux, I know I must have looked at him like he was nuts, because I should know whether I have it or not .. So he told me that I have symptoms related to something called “Silent Reflux” , which is more of a head, drainage thing instead of stomach reflux… He has put me on medication and also had me cut back on caffeine, tomato based foods, spicy foods, hot sauce and salt.. plus a long list of other stuff.. He also found that I have a cyst on the back side of my tongue and an inflamed blood vessel in my throat.. Apparently these two things can cause me to choke with food or liquids.. I do sometimes choke with liquids, and I have always thought I swallowed wrong and it went down the wrong pipe. So he needs to keep an eye on them, eventually if they grow they will need to be surgically removed. And due to me taking a pretty nasty spill on Christmas Day down some concrete steps AND I told him I HADN’T EVEN HAD ANY ALCOHOL TO DRINK, at least if I had been drinking I could have blamed that.. ,,,, lol… He sent me for more MRI’s and referred me to the Neurotologist.. Well last two weeks have been working with Neurotologist and I’ve gone through an extensive battery of test.. Part of what he thinks is wrong is that I am getting migraines that are not noticeable by extreme pain.. Since I did have a history of migraines diag back in the 80’s and though I told him I had had very few in the last few years, he said once a migraine sufferer always a migraine sufferer.. He put me on some vitamins that are suppose to taper this off.. (we will see) .. Lastly he said I have “an enormous amount of fluid in right ear” I have something called Vertigo Menieres Cochleovestibular, it has impacted my balance.. Wheww, and here I thought I was getting clumsy in my old age.. He said no, I could rest assured that I wasn’t, but if left untreated it could cause me to lose my hearing in that ear.. He is treating it with two different medications and I see him back in a month.. Once the fluid starts to dry up, I will need to go to physical therapy for my balance.. So there it is… .. I am anxious for all these meds to kick in and start working.. So looking forward to not having these little dizzy and lightheaded episodes to deal with throughout the day…

Finally looks like I'm on my way to resolving this nuisance light headed/dizzy episodes..last 4 weeks visiting an ENT more MRIs, he is taking care of partial problem and something else he found that I had no clue I had.. Then he referred me to a Neruotologist and after a couple of long long visits and almost 8 hrs of additional testing he found two things causing me the problems... So glad cause I was close to thinking I was nuts..

Welcome precious little babe.. Prayers for all who love you..

Oh Monica... At this point probably good for me just to add all first parents and adoptive parents who have no relationship to my prayers... Isn't it something many fm/fps who are missing out because their child's aps pulled away and then the other side of it aps who want a relationship but fps have pulled away..

Merae, Wonderful that she has at least her boyfriend who sounds like he may be a good support for her. My daughter shied away from Group for a long time, I kept bringing it up and she would not budge, then her school schedule didn’t allow her time.. I think the first event she went to was a Thanksgiving Dinner gathering in 2012, last year she and I went once, but since she had been working there on her Christmas break she had the opportunity to participate and she enjoyed it. I think the big thing was just giving herself the chance and trying it makes a difference. If Monica is not comfortable with a group maybe she would be willing to meet up with another FM, I’m sure one of the AbrazoChicks could make that happen for her. But it all comes down to her/them wanting it and taking a chance. I’m sure it is hard for her; I know it was for my girl. As well as the openness of the adoption piece. It will need to come from them, but we can certainly pray about it. You ladies just keep loving them even if it needs to be from a distance!! IT WILL PAY OFF!!!

Merae, This saddens me for everyone’s sake but especially Jordan’s. I’m sorry you took it personally, and being on this side of the fence I feel confident enough to say it had/has nothing to do with you. I’m glad you came to realize it was M’s grief. And I believe you are so right, on her not knowing what it was going to be like. You know at the beginning one knows it’s going to be difficult, you know it’s going to hurt and you may even think you have a lot of it figured out, then the time comes and you find that it is much harder than you ever dreamed of, the most difficult choice and experience of your life. I saw my daughter go through it, I have talked to many first mom’s who have shared the same thing. Some have as Monica chosen not to have a relationship with their child or child’s family, believing it is easier; others have forged ahead through the thick of it, dealing with the pain, putting their children once more ahead of themselves and having a relationship with their child as my daughter and many others have. And they have found it was so worth it. My daughter cannot imagine not seeing her daughter, not being in her life. Was it easy? Not by any stretch of the imagination, I can’t even comprehend myself how hard it hurt and how hard first moms had/have to work at staying in touch and having a relationship with their children and their children’s families, but they did it for the sake of their child. It is extremely hard and they are so strong and courageous to entrust their precious child, but it seems to me that even in the face of this strength and courage, it is twice as hard if not harder to see them being raised by someone else, even if they know that it is best for their child. I am sure guilt plays a big part with many as well; having to face that each time they see their child may be too much. I can only guess (and fear) that if some are waiting for the pain to ease up before they have a relationship with their child, what happens when they finally decide to see him/her and the wound rips open again because instead of attending to their wound (heart/pain)little by little and gradually allowing a scab if you will to build, they’ve instead been protective of it and kept it covered with a band aid, now it’s open again because truly they hadn’t healed, because they didn’t allow themselves too. These are the types of conversations my daughter and I had on a daily bases for so long, we also continue to have very frequent conversations, a day does not go by that we do not talk about something regarding my granddaughter. Helping Monica understand how important and even vital this is, is tough. My hope is that she and other fmoms in the same situation have someone they can talk to, or find someone to share with that can identify with them and how they are feeling, also a voice of reason or someone that can help them see the bigger picture. Does Monica have anyone like that in her life? Someone that can play the devil’s advocate if you will and open up dialog with pros and cons? Help her put it in perspective, Offer to be with her, hold her hand while she may be makes a short visit with ya’ll in person? Someone that can hold her and let her cry after the visit, and let her know that she is not alone? Someone that knows what makes her tick, knows her fears, and how much she can handle to be able to reassure her that she is much stronger then she thinks she is? Does she go to group? If not is she open to going? If not group, do you think she is will to meet with someone who has been there and has that openness with their child? I’m sure Elizabeth would be able to find someone Monica could talk to. I am glad you are keeping those lines of communication open with her. I also hope that one day she will want that relationship for the sake of Jordan and Jordan’s siblings.. Because those relationships I understand can be very good and strong if they are nurtured right. It’s also wonderful to know how much it means to you and Scott to have Jordan know her roots and where she first started. She’s two and a half, it seems like it won’t be long for questions to start coming from her. My daughter recently experienced this, she knew they would come; we talked about it on and off early on, but didn’t think they would come so soon. Thank you for sharing with me, sorry I didn’t have a lot of good answers for you.. Each person is unique and handles things differently even with a similar journey. I will keep Monica, Jordan and her siblings in my prayers. Hugs to you! Leah, Thank you for sharing with me.. I also hope to meet you one day and I will add Alexander and his fmom to my prayers. I know sometimes fmoms choose to not have contact due to circumstances. My heart goes out to all of them. Hugs to you!

Happy Birthday to my sweet and beautiful Angel Girl.. Exactly 5 yrs ago today you blessed us with your presences.. Of course you were 7 wks early and only 2.5 lbs.. But look at you now.. We love you and thank God for you!!!

Merae, Leah Thank you for replying.. I will be back to comment on both as soon as I can do from a computer.. Trying to reply from my phone would take me all day and night.

Leah, would love the opportunity to meet you also.. Give me a holler when heading to SA.. Merae, Leah, So I have to ask, only because I'm just curious.. Coming here once a year, does this mean your babes first mamas are not in the picture (thir life)?

Merae, Sounds great... As of right now our plans are to go visit my daughter in Vegas when Lauranda is out for spring break, but we are returning the 13. Looking forward to meeting up with you and family.. Just let me know..

Merae, Thank you so much, I so appreciate your lovely words. I too would like nothing better than to meet you and so many more in person.. May be I can bribe Elizabeth in letting Lauranda and I swing by camp on that Saturday just to say hello.. But she's a tough cookie (as she should be) so I won't be holding my breath. ;-) Hugs right back at ya.. I don't like typing on my phone.. Ugh too many errors darn thing thinks it knows better than I do as to what I'm trying to type.

Congrats to the newest addition... Prayers for all who love this precious babe..

Beth Thank you Beth… I needed the hugs …. Not feeling sorry for myself or anything, it’s just part of the journey and process and those bitter sweet moments that creep up especially during SPECIAL/Meaningful events/milestones in life. Katie, You don't know how glad I am that G has her mom to lean on, many, much too many don't have that support system. As mom’s of first moms we still can’t identify exactly with how they feel, the depth of their emotional pain and hurt, but we do have (or should have) an insight, an idea and we can certainly help some by offering an ear, a shoulder, a hug or just to let them cry and even cry with them, if we as their moms are willing to show them not only our strength but our vulnerability (which is also a sign of strength and courage) and be open minded along with an open heart, they will know that the emotions they are having are ok to feel. It's never just the first parent(s) that go through and experience the loss, their families are also impacted in some form or fashion, and we have to be willing to share our hearts as well, but I will never tell my daughter that I understand what she's going through, simply because I don't.. I know how I feel, but it's never going to be even close to the level of her loss and pain, I will never put my pain above nor think it even equal to hers. I love your view of a Grandmother's role (Important), I think many if not the majority of Abrazo parents have the same sentiment as you, and I certainly agree, we do have an important role, I like to think of it as a SPECIAL role and certainly one that is not unique to only first-grandparents, it's a role of HONOR held by all grandparents no matter how we became grandparents and I have certainly been accepted and acknowledged by my granddaughter's family in that role of honor as well as acknowledged and accepted by her other grandparents. The love we all share for OUR little gem makes it easy to love and respect each other, we can't take this role lightly, even as grandparents, to me we have to be good examples for our grandchildren, we want to make them proud of us, proud to call us their grandparents. We need to not only make the time to love and hug on them, we need to make the time to play and laugh with them, as well as support and respect the roles of their parents. And for me speaking as a/ the first-grandmother (Nana) of my angel girl, it's also very important that I always put my daughter's relationship with her daughter ahead of mine, certainly way before I would put my relationship first. For me That's the relationship that will be vital to how my angel girl will feel about herself and the decision her first mom made for her (her daughter's) future. I am not only glad but honored to be a part of and accepted by this community. We certainly all have something in common, different roles maybe but we have all been touched by adoption. I always wish there were more of us first-grandparents here, but I do understand why there is not. If I can offer someone no matter if placing or on adopting side a word of encouragement now and then, cheer them along, celebrate with them, or cry with them, it's a small drop of water in a huge ocean of life and all the small drops eventually make a difference and bring us together. Thank you, thank you for keeping me in your thought.. wow, this came out huge and I don't know why tried to make smaller but couldn't

Congrats to All who love these two little additions to the Abrazo family.. Wow 4 babes already and we are still in January.. Is this a start to a busy year ahead for our Abrazo Chicks.. :-D

It's hard to believe it's been five years since my daughter and I started our journey with Abrazo.. It was December 22nd when we first made contact, Abrazo was the first on a list of three.. And we never made it to the next two, think this is where He wanted us.. Last week was five years that my daughter and I really started looking at SO many profiles (we had them for a few weeks just couldn't bring ourselves to look at them at first then it seemed too overwhelming). This week five years ago she made her calls and chose her daughter's beautiful family.. Tomorrow is the fifth anniversary of meeting them for the first time.. Little did we know then that they would be back in just a little over a week.. A week from Monday is my angel girl's fifth birthday, amazing how fast time goes by.. These weeks/days are a bit emotional for me, SO many things to thank God for, but first and foremost is the lives of my daughter and granddaughter, thankful for bringing us to Abrazo, for the wonderful family my grand baby has as well as we do., for being in her life and the ability to watch her grow. Thank you God for these gifts and so much more.. Sorry for any type 0s or not making sense, I can't type on a phone very well plus these stupid tears that are clouding my eyes doesn't help..

Thinking of first moms and first families as some precious babes have celebrated their first year of life.. ALL surrounded by loving parents and family. Prayers for all who love these babes.

WOW is all I can say... When I posted yesterday about waiting to welcome the SECOND Abrazo babe for 2014 to join Ryder, didn't realize it would happen so soon!! This year may turn out to be as busy as last..

Congrats to the New Family and to the second Abrazo baby boy of 2014...Thoughts and prayers going out to all who love this little gem.

Hope all had a wonderful New Year's.... So much going on around the forum... EXCITING!!!! Can't wait to welcome the second ABRAZO babe for this new year that was kicked off by little Mr. Ryder.. Thinking of all who are dealing with some of the nastiest weather out there... Ya'll stay warm and safe!!

Welcome baby girl.. Wishing you a life surrounded by much love and happiness.. Congrats to all who adore you..

Congrats.. What better way to end an awesome year...

Thank you all.. Had a wonderful time with my girls and family.. Though the time went too quickly, especially when we had to take my daughter to airport yesterday, but that's how it is if you work retail.. Just glad she was able to come home for a bit anyway.. Hope all had a great Christmas, love seeing many beautiful pictures on FB.. Wishing all of you a safe and wonderful start to the New Year..

I hope everyone has been having a GREAT month and excited for Christmas, especially moms & dads with children who will experience their first X-Mas... I know I'm excitingly awaiting Christmas Eve and the arrival of my first born child.. she hasn't been home for x-mas in several years so I can't wait that even picking her up at the airport that night doesn't bother me.. Yay...can't wait...can't wait.....can't wait.... On another note, my second (last born) finished her fall semester last week with her last finale last Thursday... Looks like she may end up with A's in her two classes ..whew!!.. So proud of my child!! Now I am ready for a much needed break from school for a little while I get stressed when she gets stressed so the combo is stressful mentally Wishing each family a wonderful weekend and an even BETTER Christmas!!

Sending positive thoughts and prayers for this special A family and expectant family!