1st x grandma

Condolences to his Family and all who love him. May he rest in peace 🙏

Where do we start, how many times have I asked this same question in the last several months. I am a mother of two girls and more recently a grandmother to a placed beautiful baby girl, my first grandchild. I have debated for several months about posting in the forum, mainly because as I have looked through it, I have been somewhat disappointed or maybe just discouraged that there are so very few recent postings in the placing side. I certainly understand though, it is so much easier and more pleasant to celebrate then it is to grieve. When we are happy we don’t mind sharing our good news, but when we are dealing with a loss, many of us tend to be more private and quiet, not that we don’t want to share or talk to people, I feel it’s more that we are hurting and sometimes can’t find the words to describe our emotions, thoughts and feelings or depending on the subject matter, sometimes we hold all or a lot inside, because there are things and experiences in life that not everyone understands, unless they have walked in our shoes. So to share very private and intimate details of a sensitive and sometimes controversial subject puts us at risk of being judged, criticized, and misunderstood and yes, in even some cases being estranged from many who don’t understand. Oh some may be polite and say they understand or they know what we are going through, but we know they really don’t. They can’t fully comprehend when we are having a bad day and want to scream, or cry or just sit in a quiet room with our thoughts, or ask ourselves the “what if” questions, though WE know we really don’t need or want an answer, sometimes we just need to ask them, I feel that only those who have been there can truly know where we are coming from. Before I go any further, let me share a little about my daughter and myself.. My daughter (first mom) is my youngest of 2, born almost 12 years after her sister. She has always been a very compassionate, caring, loving person, who is also very passionate about her ideas. Since she was a toddler until this day she has always been the protector the little mama of her cousins, friends and pets. She played sports since she was 3, co-ed sports and wasn’t to happy when she couldn’t play on the same team as the boys by the time she was 6, you see both my daughter’s have always had more male friends then female friends, so on her coed team it was my daughter and 5 little boys who hung out together. She played softball, basketball, volleyball, golf, tennis.. Volleyball was her passion of sports, she lettered her freshman year in volleyball and golf, she actually played volleyball that year on the varsity, jv, and freshman team, she was on the jv tennis team, her sophomore year she again played varsity volleyball, golf and tennis. She has a beautiful singing voice, but doesn’t like to sing in public (except for a recital in first grade) of course now she says “that was before I knew better”.. She has to be pushed in academics, her strong suit in school was socializing, my social butterfly. She has a strong, confident personality, doesn’t like to hurt people’s feelings, but doesn’t have a problem telling it like it is. From the time she was born to at about 12 she was a daddy’s girl. I was the outsider in their world. As for me, my daughter(s) are a lot like me in many ways… protectors, passionate about ideas, strong work ethic. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and feel that we need to give 100% in what ever we do. I am normally a very private person, I don’t like to share a lot about me or what is going on in my life or my families life, people sometimes say I am quiet (ok that is definitely different then my daughter’s) , usually am very selective as to with whom I share. I like to observe, and listen and pick up on things. My co works use to tell me I should have worked for the FBI, part of my job was loss prevention so I had to develop those skills pretty quick. I worked for the same large company for 28yrs plus, quit (too young to retire) when my daughter was in seventh grade, due to my work sch. 60hrs plus, and constant travel. I had missed out on a lot of her life and wanted to spend more time with her, so I took on a part-time job that allowed me to do this. Of course I was also thinking that she would soon be a teenager and I needed to be around more. My entire family is important to me; I have experienced the loss of two siblings through out my life, one brother when I as 14 and the other when I was 35, as well as my father when I was junior in high school and my step father in 2000. So the family I have left is like gold. I don’t consider myself a perfectionist, but I have been accused of being one, I am also very tenacious and can be very analytical to a fault sometimes. That pretty much covers it. This journey/chapter in my daughter’s, in mine and in OUR life has thrown us into new territory that we were not prepared for or expected, but none the less here we are, though we all grieve or handle things differently, knowing that there are others out there who have walked along the same paths, shed tears for the same reasons, know the loss of a mother or a grandmother gives me hope and courage to continue to be strong for my daughter, because even though we both and our families as well are suffering a loss, even if it is to adoption and not a death, it is no less a loss. I can not begin to understand my daughter’s pain as the mother; I can only understand it as a grandmother, and as a mother to a hurting child. I feel we both need to have people in our lives that have walked in our shoes, someone that does understand and knows that we sometimes just need to vent, cry, talk or even some days just get by. Although she is not ready to take this next step and I respect her for that, I know she will when her time is right, as for me after much thought and prayer, I have decided to share my daughter’s and our story from my view and as a grandmother of a beautiful baby entrusted to a wonderful couple to raise. It has really taken me a long time to put this together, I had to do it in pieces because I could not get through very much of it at any one time, so I apologize if some of my writing sounds like rambling, I probably was/am. I hope to hear from other first grandparents as to how you are doing now and what has helped you get through those sleepless nights thinking of your grandchild, how are your daughters/sons (the first parents) doing now, how is their relationship with the entrusted parents, how is yours? Do you have one? To be continued.......

Welcome to the world sweet babies ! Prayers for All who love them ❤️

Welcome to the world sweet babes!!! Prayers for ALL who love you

Welcome to the world sweet babes....Prayers for ALL who love you!

Welcome to the world sweet babes!! And prayers for ALL who love you

Time just seems to keep flying by.....Can't believe my little 2lb 5oz angel girl has turned 9!!!! Thank God everyday for the blessings He has bestowed upon ALL who adore her. To a brilliant, funny, intelligent, and amazing little girl, who stole my heart, and calls me Nana.....I love you baby girl

Wishing All a safe, happy, and very Blessed New Year!

Thank God he was found in time for help... Sending prayers his and his families way.

Welcome to world sweet babe! Prayers for ALL who love you

Welcome to the world sweet babe!! Prayers for All who love you

Welcome to the world sweet babes! All who love you have So many blessings to be thankful for.....Prayers for each of you little ones and All your families.

Wishing each of you a Wonderful Christmas Season! "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you, because the greatest secrets, are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic, will never find it." Roald Dahl

Welcome to the world sweet babe! Prayers for ALL who love you

Dawn, Keeping your family and all who love your MIL in my prayers.

Welcome to the world sweet babe! Prayers for ALL who love you

Ok...so I just ran across this and read a beautiful letter...Now my coffee is pretty much watered down...

Can't believe, just a couple months ago I posted about summer vacation coming up and now school starting up again is just around the corner.... In my neck of the woods, it seems to be going by fast (guess the older I get the faster days fly by)... Had a wonderful Mother's Day, spent with my daughters and hubs in New York, though this was my second trip there, it certainly beat the first one of just a one day experience (side trip in 2000).... Also getting reading for my 40th high school reunion at end of month (if that doesn't add to the OLD)... First reunion for me after attending Beer Bust for my 10th... Didn't think I would ever go to one, but we've been having a monthly social, and I've really enjoyed reconnecting with classmates, and even getting to know some that I didn't really know in HS.. So I'm looking forward to having a nice time... And when August comes around a trip to see my angel girl and her family (before she starts school and 3rd grade), as well as Lala turning the BIG 25...wow...I better stop here, just keeps adding to MY OLDness Wishing you all fabulous remaining summer days!

Welcome to the world sweet babies, prayers for ALL who love you!

Welcome to the world sweet little one!! Prayers for all who love you.

Prayers continue to surround this sweet babe and ALL who love her.

Open ADOPTION embraces the heart of a child that connects him/her to their roots, their daily living, the love of their adopted family, their birth family, which are ALL his/her family and The legacy all these foot prints will leave with them as they travel their life's journey.

Congrats, prayers for ALL who love this precious babe

Thank you Monica! We had a fabulous Easter, my angel girl and her parents joined my family for a wonderful celebration. Was exciting to see my angel girl experience cascarons for the very first time. My godchildren {niece & nephew} were great at providing her with insider tricks. Hope all had a wonderful Easter! School's almost out for the summer,,, are you guys ready? Haha... love to you all

As a birth grandma (Nana), I am so grateful to have an on going open role in my angel girl's life and her family's life. And blessed beyond belief to be able to call her adoptive grandparents friends (and share in the ability to spoil OUR granddaughter)