1st x grandma

“Dare to Be When a new day begins, dare to smile gratefully. When there is darkness, dare to be the first to shine a light. When there is injustice, dare to be the first to condemn it. When something seems difficult, dare to do it anyway. When life seems to beat you down, dare to fight back. When there seems to be no hope, dare to find some. When you’re feeling tired, dare to keep going. When times are tough, dare to be tougher. When love hurts you, dare to love again. When someone is hurting, dare to help them heal. When another is lost, dare to help them find the way. When a friend falls, dare to be the first to extend a hand. When you cross paths with another, dare to make them smile. When you feel great, dare to help someone else feel great too. When the day has ended, dare to feel as you’ve done your best. Dare to be the best you can – At all times, Dare to be!” ― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free For all needing a little encouragement tonight...

Thank you ladies... Hope all had a wonderful weekend...

Yesterday we celebrated our 28th wedding anniversary.. We had a good day, the three of us worked in the yard in the morning and then had a late lunch/ dinner.. Best ways for us to celebrate all milestones in life are to spend our time with family no matter how we are doing it.. To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong admit it; Whenever you're right shut up. –Ogden Nash

Just watched the movie Octoberbaby… Pulled at the heart strings something fierce..

You Always Have a Choice "When faced with the inevitable, you always have a choice…. As I learned during my liberal arts education, any symbol can have, in the imaginative context, two versions, a positive and a negative. If you spill your milk, you’re left with a glass which is either half empty or half full…. You may not be able to alter reality, but you can alter your attitude towards it, and this, paradoxically, alters reality. Try it and see." Margaret Atwood –The University of Toronto commencement, 1983 Sending warm thoughts and prayers for continued strength and courage to all in need...

Tears have a wisdom all their own. They come when a person has relaxed enough to let go and to work through his sorrow. They are the natural bleeding of an emotional wound, carrying the poison out of the system. Here lies the road to recovery. --- F. Alexander Magoun

Oh my gosh Beth, are you kidding me? This is just way too cool and what are the chances.. You tell Grandma M, we are kindred Spirits in the world of our families, please.. I always try and post inspirational things on my facebook also.. It has been a sort of tough day and this has lightened my load like you wouldn't believe. Thanks for sharing..

This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, Smiles when sadness intrudes, Rainbows to follow the clouds, Laughter to kiss your lips, Sunsets to warm your heart, Hugs when spirits sag, Beauty for your eyes to see, Friendships to brighten your being, Faith so that you can believe, Confidence for when you doubt, Courage to know yourself, Patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life. - Anonymous

Amy, First and foremost, my most sincere condolences on the loss of your dad. Unfortunate that Charlie will miss out on getting to know him, but I’m sure your dad will always be there with him. Secondly congrats on the arrival of your nephew, praying that mommy and son are doing great and of course can’t forget proud dad. I think my daughter would say I am a little like your dad in the sense that I may know an answer to a question she has, but I will let her try and figure it out or have her look it up before I give it to her. You WILL know when it’s time to take the next step in your journey, whatever step that may be. In the meantime enjoy your little one and keep a watchful eye and a tuned in ear for those little signs. Don’t discount the whisper of the wind. Have you ever seen the movies Fools Rush In or Serendipity…they each have some great scenes where Matthew Perry and John Cusack start noticing signs in the least expected way and places. Ecclesiastes A Time for Everything To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

“My life isn’t perfect, but it does have perfect moments.”

Thinking of some of the STRONGEST women I know!! My beautiful daughter Lauranda, Amber, Paula, Ellie, Mama C, Bianca, Laurie, Sammy, Elicia, and so so many more who have walked this journey and those who have yet to come.. May God always watch over you, May you feel the continued strength He gives you when you’re facing fear, pain, and uncertainty. May you feel His arms embracing you, guiding you and lifting you up when you think you can no longer cope and go on. May the love that surrounds you be the beckon of light you need to find your way to peace and fill your dreams with those endless possibilities you WILL conquer. http://youtu.be/d82NF01r-xc

Grace, Thanks for your response. I think Trust has such a big part, the flexibility and openness to figure it all out as well. I think of any relationship, nothing really happens by magic, all relationships take work, a give and take attitude as well as respect for each person. I agree with Elizabeth, expectant moms have taken the responsibility in several different forms; medical attention when they could get it, the biggest is making a plan a personal sacrifice that will allow/afford their child a better life then what they are able to provide at that time in their life. In reality no one can dictate what she must do or not do during pregnancy even if she weren’t considering entrusting, people (family, friends, doctors, nosy acquaintances) can certainly gently encourage, suggest, recommend, etc. but what expectant moms choose to do is up to them in the long run, though I would think in a situation of entrusting, it may be a fine line for a PIW to do the above, but as Elizabeth mentioned a PIW certainly has a choice whether to want to match with expectant mom or not if what she has done/not done during her pregnancy is not what the PIW would like or do if they were in her situation if they could be (meaning with child). Thanks for your candid view. Fran, Thank you for your response. I personally and I guess especially being part of the first family side love your “ideal situation” relationship. I also believe that the child is/should be the primary focus for all involved, I whole heartily believe this type of relationship benefits the child to grow in an emotionally secure (as possible) environment. On my selfish side, I feel in many cases it helps ease the loss and pain of the first- mom. The first- mom will always have that void, the special place in her heart that is missing a piece, and as you mentioned the child also having a hole. It may not heal completely, but knowing each other, seeing, talking and interacting is so much better than the not knowing anything about the other and always wondering. I agree that the strength and commitment must be there. So essential on both sides of the spectrum, though I think it becomes stronger over time if all parties allow it and are committed. What a great tool to use video chat when possible, would keep relationship fresh in-between visits. On the “on paper”, isn’t that something, don’t we as humans, sometimes allow our first impressions no matter how we come by them to dictate likes and dislikes without giving the other person a chance, and when/if we finally do, we think “wow you’re not so bad”. I think group is a great tool for first-moms; the best folks to identify/understand them are those that have walked in similar shoes. Though if they do not have the opportunity to attend, there are a few groups on-line (too few) (I think nothing compares to an in person group). I also feel the support of family and open communication within the family makes a big difference in their healing process. It seems like there are too many first-moms who do not have this, so a group of other first-moms would be so helpful. Some folks say supportive friends, this sometimes goes the other way, because many will not understand, certainly can’t identify with the loss and may be very uncomfortable with the subject, so it’s easier to distance themselves from the first-mom. Frankly some family or friends may not agree with the decision that was made to entrust, so having the option of group would be a blessing. Having things in common would be a bonus I think, but if the hobbies/music is lacking in the beginning maybe each will open up some new interest that the other may not have considered before, and of course the main thing in common would be “their child”, what parent doesn’t like bragging of their child and his/her accomplishments, I think this makes for great conversation. I don’t think you sound like a Pollyanna, what you describe is not only a beautiful commitment to the child in the center of all hearts but a blessing to all involved. My family is blessed to feel like this, we see not only my grand-daughter’s parents, but her grandparents and her aunt as part of our family, just like we do our bio and in-law relatives. The bigger the better to surround her with love I say. There are first-moms/first-parents that may not want this type of relationship or commitment, and there are would be adoptive parents that also do not want this. Though the child would miss out on the bigger scale, these two type of relationships would be a better match with each other. Allowing for those first families and adoptive families who want to become a part of an extended family find each other. The only way though this can happen is by being upfront and honest with yourselves and each other as to what the intentions really are instead of telling the other what one thinks they want to hear or worse yet as some may think, just to get a child. There are some first-moms/families who may want the relationship but it may be hard for them at first, may take some time and if they are blessed with an adoptive family who supports and understands them; this can evolve to a wonderful part of not only each other’s lives but most importantly the child’s life. Wow, so many things to think about, look at, consider, analyze and pray about. Though adoption is hard for the birth side, it is a blessing for the adoptive side, can’t have one without the other unfortunately. But I believe those that cross our paths are due to God's plans, if we just stop long enough to listen. Some subtle thoughts or feelings may be all he gives, following those gut feelings may be needed.

Will come back to you ladies later on this, short in time right now, got to get to work … Thank you for your responses, as I read posts my mind is going 100 mph... Wishing you all a wonderful day!!

Well, somehow I managed to delete part of my comments above.. I have no doubt that Joseph’s 1st grandma may be a lot like me, she loves her grandbaby, and I am sure would love to see that relationship between him and his first mom/ parents as I love to see with my daughter and granddaughter. In the mean time it sounds like she will be the link and the bridge for him BETWEEN his extended family. "From your mouth to God's ears! We so hope so, too. We would like nothing more than to have Joseph grow up knowing the love of his first mom in person. We are so thankful for Grandma M but of course hope that C will join us." Keeping both families in my prayers for this to happen. And thank you for loving his first family and keeping those connections, some folks don’t realize how much that means and how much that helps many first moms come to a place of peace, which is what I pray will allow Joseph’s first mom to be a part of his and your life. Oh..ps.. yeah, sorry about that batman comment, I had that on my mind ALL day.. My 7 yr old Godson loves batman, so we had spent time the day before talking about the difference in the batman/robin of my day where you couldn’t say one without the other and the batman of his day now where you don’t even hear about the boy wonder, which of course he says it’s because batman now is stronger and doesn’t need any help like the “old one”.. And at home my daughter LOVES superman so I have to hear how in my time (like I’m old or something) superman wasn’t as good looking.. I get it from all ends!!

WOW holy taledo batman!!!...can't even begin to imagine how some of you folks got so MANY for Elite... By the scale Melissa put up there.. It may take me a heck of a long time to get my next "Fresno Chilli Pepper" as my daughter calls them (ahh, I still like red jalapenos), took me over three years just to get here.. I won't give up though!!!! May have to give myself a little kick start with this helper.. Thank you all for congrats and awfully sweet words.. Beth, I sure pray your little guy will get to have a relationship with his first parents.. Kudos to 1st grandma.. As a grandma I love seeing and spending time with my angel girl, but the BEST part for me that brings me smiles and a HAPPY HEART is when I see my daughter light up talking to her little one and watch them interact.. it's priceless and a beautiful sight to my eyes..

Yay…got my fourth JALAPENO…. Not sure exactly what that means but..I’ll take it!!!

Thank You for grandparent's wishes.. Had a wonderful day as well as celebrated my mom's 79th bday.. Thinking of some very special ladies who may feel like this right now.. Time To Stop Struggling... Life is unfair, sometimes the misery we can't bear.. This was a feeling I could never share... I am strong, strong enough to move on from this pain, I won't feel the shame; my life is not a game, tired of these tears and my fears... I will cherish my inspirations... I will find my dream, I promise, that's what I will achieve….I believe in miracles, some people laugh like it's hysterical... I won't fall, I may be lost but I will be found... One day I will find the perfect life, life will run beautifully, I will fly like a butterfly through the night, will have a pleasant sight, afraid but I will fight... No boundaries, free my mind of all the pressure.. I want so much to see... I want to reach the sky, I want so bad too fly... I made a mistake but I won’t let myself break.... So now I kneel down to pray, for these times of struggle I will just say, I'll leave in your hands. God, I will let go..

Fran, Grace, It has been asked of first-moms, what helped them select their child’s parents and what they looked for. Just curious as to what you each would consider and ideal match? What qualities are you as possible future parents looking for in your forever family? What type of relationship do you want to have? Thanks in advance for your insight look.

" took Garrett shopping to pick out a couple of things for his Grammie yesterday and told him not to tell her it was going to be a surprise on Sunday. Well as soon as we saw her yesterday he says "We have presents and a suprizzee" he couldn't wait " Monica, Don't you just love those moments!!.. my god-children have done the same but with my daughter.. On different occasions my sister-in-law has bought a “surprise” for my daughter (whose her god-daughter) and has told the kids not to say anything, as soon as they see her they’ll say.. “We have something for you (in a teasing manner), but we can’t tell you, it’s a surprise.!. Do you want to guess what it is?” Then they turn to their mom and say “right mom, you bought Randa a surprise”.. LOL, we got to love all those priceless kid moments.. I know my angel girl has ALL her grandparent's heart!! I can identify with your mom..

Have to say this brought happy tears to my eyes.. as it does each time I read from other parents something about their extended families "spoiling" their child with love. It really makes my heart beat a little faster and a lump grow in my throat, because it is such a blessing. I have seen my grandbaby's aunt with her, playing with her, loving her and my angel girl loving her right back so I can imagine Steven's sister with Ollie. The respect and love we have for her family for loving her the way they do is immeasureable. I know how my daughter feels each time she sees their interactions so I'm sure Oillie's first-mom's heart feels the same. Thank you for letting her know! Hope you guys are taking tons of pics..Wishing you safe travels home..

“Melissa, it is so great that you have been able to spend this time with Steven's family. It makes all the difference in the world when you know that the people your child is surrounded by not only accept them but also love them unconditionally.” Monica, I hope you don’t mind that I copied your comment above to Melissa here. I really liked what you wrote. Your words are so true for first families also. Though there is a long list of worries and concerns for a first mom when she is considering placing, this I’m sure is one to the top major concern, for my daughter it was no different. One question she asked all the perspective parents in waiting that she talked to when she was going to place was in regards to their families, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, anyone who would be around her child if they were the ones entrusted to parent. How extended family felt about adoption, would they embrace, accept and love her child as their own biological family. The last thing a first parent(s)/family(ies) would want is for their child to be in a family where they would be neglected, pushed away, not accepted, ignored or worse mistreated because the child is adopted. I know all first families appreciate their child’s entire family surrounding their child with acceptance and unconditional love, no matter how they came to be part of the family and no matter their ethnic origin. Heartfelt thanks to all families for this, I know we are very blessed that my beautiful grandbaby is surround by so much love within her family. Tomorrow is Grandparents Day, so I want to wish all grandparents (first family & adopted family) a Wonderful and Blessed Day..

I must say, I just love all the pictures of the kiddos sporting their awesome threads and lunch boxes ready to start school.. How exciting!!!

Great Monica… Let me know how it works for you.. Continue to keep Gary in my prayers, hope he is feeling better though it must be a long wait until next week’s visit.

Ditto to the travel.. I used to travel also two to three weeks out of the month, also carried my portable CD player with my music.... I usually listen to my audio in the car instead of radio on my way to work after dropping off my daughter at school or after work on way to pick her up.. And when I wake up during the night and can’t sleep happens too oftern (and that’s that I don’t have a baby in the house) so I don’t bother anyone else I put in my ear piece and listen to my current book on there. Love my kindle, got mine for Christmas, at first didn’t think I would like it because I love to read and really enjoy the feel of a book in my hands.. But it hasn’t been bad, transition was great..I also like that I can store my books on my cloud instead of device and just download when I want to read, then remove from device when I’m done and no clutter. I still read paper books, though I have accumulated a ton over the years, have given away many, but my stack (boxes) are still too many. My sis and I were just talking Sat about finding a place to donate too, and then catching up on Sunday’s paper yesterday I read (in Dear Abby) a gentleman from my very own SA who collects books and donates to the USO, apparently there are two locations here and their shelves are always in need of books for service members. So I plan on cleaning out my boxes this coming weekend, finding one of these USO’s and taking them books. If you or anyone ever decides to try the app. It’s FREE just need a library card from your local library to check out items, you can set your preference from library as to days of check outs (I always do 21 days just in case) easy to return them as well.. I have only downloaded ebooks from here and some I purchased from Amazon for kindle., been using this app for almost two years. Software/App is Overdrive.com

Leah, Not sure if you like ebooks or audio books..There is software/app that you can download to your computer or phone and download books from library that come in those formats.. I have it on my kindle, my computer, and my phone.. Like audio books for my phone.. Anything available to check out from a library you can get on your devices if format is available.. I check out movies on my computer and kindle from library as well. hope you enjoy the book..