1st x grandma

Beth, I hope Joseph can have a special picture like this...I wish that for all babes.... What a better testimony of their heritage/legacy that they can look back on... It took my mom a while to come around, mainly I think she was proctecting hers and my daughter's hearts.. But when we kinda pushed her (gently ) in that direction she was a gonner no turning back .. Thank you all for the beautiful comments.. She is a very much loved child!!! And we are all so blessed to have her and each other...

Thank you all for my bday good wishes, ya'll are awesome... I not only had a great day but had a great weekend.. One of my best gifts was spending the weekend with my grandbaby, she and her parents were down for a visit, love seeing them and her but most of all love seeing my daughter glowing and continuing to make some wonderful memories.... day filled with almost all my loved ones, just missing my oldest baby girl.. .. Will up load some pics in a day or so.. Wishing all a great week!!

Ok..so this week at work we start closing for a lunch hour and staying an hour longer which I don’t care for (staying longer ) but on the plus side I get to pick up my daughter from school another 2 days and the other 2 days that she gets out earlier (my first try yesterday) I am going to a nearby library to continue to work on my journal “our story”.. Looking forward to this quiet time to think without it being midnight … And just maybe I can also use some of this time to catch up on reading some of the many posts in other treads.

Leah, it sounds like your church has a great program for adoption.. do they offer this as well for placement side?

Thanks Airi... We work hard at replacing or at least trying to replace sad/hard memories by making new good ones.. I am sure there is an area on raising kids that would fit this topic..but I must confess was being a little lazy to try and find it so I put it on my thread instead.. It was interesting reading for me, thought I would share. Families Who Adopt Should Use Extra Health Services, School Support: Experts http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/news/fullstory_129707.html

Thank you Jocelyn, Airi.... I know one day we will not have such heavy memories...so looking forward to that time, but in a sense these memories keep us grounded, appreciating life, each other and so much more ...if that makes sense!! Airi, yes still tough on loss of Teddy, we received a condolence card on Fri from some employees at the vets.. Once more Lauranda is still not ready to read this either, so I have put all these things in a safe place for when she is ready.. I still can't seem to put away his things, I think it took me a little over a month with our other doggie Ginger.. Thank you so much for your prayers.. Hugs to all....Happy Halloween...wishing all a safe trick r treating night.. We will be having a Special dinner @ Chilli's

This is one of our tough weeks… Four years ago tomorrow we almost lost my daughter; it was the first of several other close calls (too close) that put her and her daughter’s life in danger. Halloween was always a fun time; looked forward to it. But for the last three years it has had a totally different feel and we have spent these days keeping busy, working hard at doing something to reduce those dark memories that still seem to hover over my daughter, her dad and I during this time. Part of our ritual (no pun intended) has been to first and foremost give thanks to God for the blessings he bestows on a daily bases, although done daily, on these particular days we each know that this is the conversation we have with HIM more intensely because of the two miracles we still have. ONE DAY AT A TIME SWEET JESUS ONE DAY AT A TIME!! Some Days are good. Some Days are bad. No matter the day. Always be glad for what you have.

Thank you Leah.. My condolences to your parents.. They do become like children.. These were the first grandchildren I had according to my daughter (s).

The only reason we don't open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don't feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with. To the degree that we look clearly and compassionately at ourselves, we feel confident and fearless about looking into someone else's eyes. - Pema Chodron

Thank you so much Sherry,. Good to know that others feel/see family the same as me, each person entwined with all the other members within their family/extended family. The best analogy I could connect with was the quilt, I love quilts even if I don’t own one myself (yet), I love to admire them where ever I see them and see how all the pieces fit so perfectly together, but most importantly to me is to appreciate the creator of such beauty, how much time, love, and care was invested in weaving these master pieces. So wonderful grandma is able to be the bridge for your families while FM is unable to be there. I love being in my grand-daughter's life, but it's more important and wonderful to me that my daughter is part of her life. I am sure grandma feels the same way, in the mean time thank goodness she is able to step in allowing you to build that bond and relationship. Praying your daughter's FM will one day be able to have that connection with her/your daughter.

Pets can drive you crazy or warm your hearts (just like some family members).. But they are always there to give unconditional love.. Well most of them.. My oldest daughter got a poodle when she was in the second grade, she had been wanting a dog, so we made a deal if grades were good she could have one, will grades were good so I took her to the humane society and she found a female poodle that many years later could have been teddy’s twin.. We had her for a few years, but one morning as we were getting ready for school/work, she went outside and a thunderstorm suddenly came out of nowhere with loud thunder, I think her dog got spooked and somehow managed to get out of the fenced yard. She cried for weeks, we put up signs, called the radio stations, drove around for days on end, each time she saw one that looked like hers we would stop to check it out. (Hadn’t realized how many poodles had the exact same coloring and size).. She finally gave up I think to give her heart a break.. Then came a canary, who loved to fly in his cage and sing to his little hearts delight.. Had him for many years before he passed.. She wanted no more pets after that.. Now though she has two dogs that she’s had for several years. Lauranda has had her dogs, Theodor, Teddy for short, her toy poodle born in 96, Ginger Bread a cocker spaniel born in 99 (she was supposed to be my mom’s dog, bought it for her bday, but my step-dad got diagnosed w/cancer and she couldn’t take care of them both so we took her) Jose Blade Christmas an apple head chihuahua born in 04 and most recent Chiquita a deer head chihuahua born in 11, (she came from my mom also, who decided to get the dog for my nephew without asking his mom who said no dogs, so Lauranda took her).. And in 2004 she also got a hamster named LD, short for Little Devil.. He was mean, got him for a science project, and had him for a little over three years, I hadn’t realized that they don’t have long life span.. Then Ginger passed in Dec of 10...Both of these losses were rough for Lauranda, but nothing compared to Teddy.. “Mari, I hope that the reduction of work hours is a good thing for you as you probably have other projects in the works. You do seem like someone who is juggling a lot of things and doing very well at each thing!” No not really a good thing, I love to work, have worked since I was 14.. I did take a few months off when I left a time consuming and demanding job after almost 28 yrs in 05, but found I was driving myself crazy..You can only clean so much and I wasn’t about to get hooked on daytime soaps.. I then worked at a church, mother’s day out program a couple of days a week, which actually worked out great because it was Laurandas 8th grd year and the last of 10 years at the same school. (Catholic School) where I was asked to be a head room parent, one of only two responsible for planning and executing all the year’s activities/fundraisers for their last year there, which was no easy task with 70 plus students and their parents.. But when she started high school, I needed something more, so I found another part-time job that allowed me the flexibility to make all her VB games and tournaments. Been at this job since 06.. Although I missed working 12/14 hour days, even weekends and traveling a bunch at first, I did enjoy part-time after a while. I have to say though that before Lauranda’s BT, I had planned on getting two part-time jobs or maaayyyy be finding something fulltime when she started college, those plans are not in the cards for me right now, but that’s ok.. I like to stay busy, feel productive and the BEST part is that I also like to have my OWN $$, and buying what I want/need when I want/need to without having to ask or be at the mercy of my spouse.. Just the independent side of me..

Monica, I think the poem name is Paws in Heaven, to be perfectly honest, I haven't tried to read it since we got it Sat. so I am not 100% sure that is what it is. Once I can go back and read I'll let you know.

Thank you Ellie, Heidi, for your thoughts and sweet words..pets do pull those heart strings and certainly are precious parts of families and homes. Today we rec'd the most beautiful condolence card from our Vet, along with some inspirational reading inserts and a packet of wild flower seeds with a beautiful poem to plant in his memory.. I tried to get through reading it all, but had a hard time, I will try again another time. Lauranda wasn't ready to look at any of it yet, I know it will take a bit longer for her. Hope all have a wonderful Sunday..

Wow, I really admire people who can write emails and post from their cells... I struggled just to type what was right above... ugh... So let me try on a LARGE KEY BOARD... Her dolls were great, she loved them and kissed them and put them to bed all the things she associated with a mama.. but her first dog, well that was a different story, he was able to show her love right back. I'm sorry you missed out on having one, I know they are a lot of work and committement so it's understandable your family situation. But maybe, little Ms Juliet will have the opportunity you didn't have.. ;) Right now I am in a quiet house with only Lauranda's other two doggies keeping me company, she's gone off for the day with one of her aunts for a girls day (which I llove for her) and her dad is at a soccer game... Hummm debating whether to go back to bed for a while or do house work... tough call....

Thank you Airi for your sweet words... , he was Lauranda's first baby bringing out her mothering instincts... We will always have him in our hearts...</p>

Thank you... I do have a collection I've built through the years.... "secret hiding place" hummm hadn't thought of that

There is nothing to suggest that mothering cannot be shared by several people. ~ H. R, Schaffer

Thank you so much ladies for your thoughtful and kind words. It was a rough morning, poor doggie just kept getting seizure after seizure, couldn’t really recover from one before the next one hit. It’s strange even though we hated to see him that way, I was glad we were home when it was happening, and him hopefully hearing our voices talking to him instead of him being alone during the day going through it all. We love all our pets and have special memories and moments with each, but Teddy will always have a special place in our hearts. I bought him for Lauranda to help her get over her fear of dogs caused by a mean dog next door when she was a toddler, and although she was afraid of him when we first brought him home, (talking to him from the very top of the couch’s backrest and tossing treats to him from that same safe place) it didn’t take him long to have her fear diminished. Before we knew it she was on the floor laughing with her doggie licking her face, poor Teddy was subjected to playing house (he was the baby wrapped in blankets), then playing school or dress up, and he did manage to get her to stay at the table a little longer to eat her food after she once left her hotdog to go play and he had no problem jumping onto a chair pulling out the wiener eating it. He was her teacher of many things that only pets can teach.. RIP Teddy... hope you and your sister Ginger are playing chase again in doggie heaven.

Right now my heart is heavy.. My daughter’s poodle. her first dog that she has had since she was 4 and who helped over her fear of dogs is not doing well. He’s been on medication for sever seizures for the better part of this year, they seemed to have helped him some but we knew it would get to the point where the medication wouldn’t help him, since early this morning he has had numerous ones and he is in such bad shape. Call has been made to his vet, we knew what they would recommend because his quality of life is being impacted. My heart breaks to see him this way and I feel so bad for Lauranda. She’s still asleep right now and I told my husband he can’t take her dog to the vet until she is able to say her good bye. I don’t want her to have to go through the pain of losing another dog again, she already had to say good bye to one of her other dogs almost two years ago, but I know this is the down side of being pet owners. Today is going to be a tough tough day..

I love this one, thanks for sharing.. I love quotes as you may have noticed, so many of them say so much with just a few words..

Transform Your Wounds into Wisdom Turn your wounds into wisdom. You will be wounded many times in your life. You’ll make mistakes. Some people will call them failures but I have learned that failure is really God’s way of saying, “Excuse me, you’re moving in the wrong direction.” It’s just an experience, just an experience. Oprah Winfrey –Wellesley College commencement, 1997

Leah, Monica, I have only read (will actually listened to numerous times) the two I mentioned, came across them last year. I knew (figured out through the years) that my oldest daughter responded to physical touch, the hugs, caresses and she loved to snuggle, to this day she is very affectionate physically, of course never knew then that there was such a thing as a love language and her love language is Physical Touch. My youngest was with words, compliments, asking her to do things by communicating how good she was at it, how much help she was providing me, here again I didn’t realize that it was a love language which is Words of Affirmation, to this day you can pick her up with words or you can tear her down. They both have a strong secondary language and there is a little of the others in them as well. When I heard the audio books for the first time and the examples that were used, I could sit there and say which one of my girls that sounded like. It was so interesting and then I had a WOW moment when I realized why they responded to people/things in the way they did, I understood them better, what that meant and where they were coming from. I know you will enjoy them…gosh with kiddos as young as yours I can only imagine how wonderful it will be identifying these love languages in them and using them to understand them so much better, such a great learning tool for you and the people around them. Monica, Ah, so your mom didn’t get it! I am glad you are enjoying it. Butterflies are a symbol of life, wear it in good health. BUTTERFLIES CELEBRATE LIFE***In many cultures, butterflies are recognized as universal symbols of faith and transformation, making them the perfect means to celebrate and remember the lives of loved ones.

The thread “Speaking of Real Parents”… reminded me of something after I posted my comments.. There are a couple books out there that as a parent I would have loved to have read when my girls were young and then teens.. It has helped me discover now that I was on target with each of their love languages, but many of the things in there sure would have come in handy and saved me and them some grief. Not sure if anyone has read, but they are some good ones.. The 5 Love Languages of Children and The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers by Gary Chapman

I fall into the same category as Jocelyn and I’m sure many others in testing our parents. I never used the “going to live with” excuse, mainly because there was no one to go to, but had there been, I am sure I would have played that card more than a few times. During mine & my siblings years as youths my mom had a saying in Spanish that she would throw out at us when we were threading on her last nerve by challenging her authority.. “Cuando tengan sus hijos van a ver lo que es amar a Dios” translated to English (but not sure it carries the same exact message) is “when you have your kids you will know what it means to love God”..I always took that to mean that she prayed A LOT for patience and strength to not break down and go dump us somewhere or worse to save herself from wanting to cause some serious injury to one of us... When we were young she also had that LOOK that said more than words, but as we got older the LOOK lost its effect somewhat.. (she still has that look and my girls tell me I have it too).. I agree we forget what it was like to be kids, pre-teens, and the nightmare of teens in some cases.. Those glorious short lived stages and ages where these little cute and adorable creatures that don’t talk back yet, let us dress them how we want and don’t get into too serious mischief pass so quickly.. It’s funny how when kids start coming into their own, pushing their independence, their likes and dislikes we sometimes feel like they are challenging us, when all they are doing is growing and experiencing and experimenting which is the natural process. Is it fear we have based on them no longer being 100% dependant on us or is it we think (actually we know) we are losing control (meaning acknowledging our kids have opinions that differ from ours, etc.), or a little afraid of us losing them by giving them that independence. I think these are some of the same reasons that some parents may give into their kid’s whims and wants too easily and sometimes we contribute to our kids feeling an entitlement, so when we say no emotions run high (to put it nicely) .. Some kids well challenge the guidelines, boundaries, rules and regulations more than others no matter what, always reminding/telling them we love them even when we have to communicate we do not like, condone or accept a particular behavior, language etc. The good foundation Jocelyn mentions is so important, of course many of us with our first child, are a work in progress ourselves, learning to be good parents and depending on what we experienced in our own homes, what/how we saw our parents deal with us, that adds a lot to the mix. . Children’s personalities are also different, so we can’t deal with all the same; we have to find what works with each child. The boundaries, guidelines, etc.. Should remain the same for each one, but how we get them to that end goal may be different. In my case with my girls it was no different. My oldest child was an easy going one, did what I told her and didn’t have to tell her no twice. Especially in stores when impulse items are situated on tandems right by registers. She went through her terrible twos @ 18. My youngest child which some have gotten to know here, was my challenge, questioned everything, challenged everything, had to tell her no 100 x, was very PASSIONATE about things, to get her to do something I had to stroke her ego if you well, “can you help me with xzy because you are so good at it” .. With that same passion she would ALWAYS the first to jump in and help someone. I used to tell her that if she had been my first child there would only have been one, no matter that they are almost 12 yrs apart. But I truly believe that same passionate and zesty personality was/is what has gotten her through several life threatening and the many life altering experiences she has had to deal with in the last four years. Bottom line is really that It doesn’t matter if we are raising our natural children, adoptive children, step-children, foster children..If you have to set the guidelines and rules, enforce consequences, say NO/YES defending on the situation, we are going to run into those times that we will not be the favorite parent, may not even make the top two list, this lifelong job/position we have is/will not always be a popular one.

I came across the following last week and was going to put it on my fb today... them this morning came across this thread and thought it fit here very nicely.. If you've never been hated by your child, you've never been a parent. ~ Bette Davis