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Dale and Amanda

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Posts posted by Dale and Amanda

  1. Choosing Domestic Adoption Vs. International?

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I will say that not all agencies involved in the foster care system are honest and upfront about issues, either. You can be just as ill-equipped working with them even if you have done PATH training. Foster parents need to be told honestly about a child's issues so that it can be handled properly from the beginning instead of having to find out by experience.

  2. Mind Your "B"s and Cues!

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I really don't want to sound silly......but here's the thing.

    I just completed my profile, (10 minutes ago HORAAAY, i think so anyway) which begins dear birthparent believe me, and as I'm sure all of you understand this-I have done this over and over again (the profile) should I be paranoid about my cover letter?

    Let the obsessing begin :(

    Several of the ones in the gallery have Dear Birthparent. Some start with Hello!

    Whenever I talk about the girls' birthmothers, most of the time I just use mom. Maybe because I called my stepparents mom and dad as well, I don't know. I justs think that they have the same love that I have for the girls because they did what they thought was best, and that is what Dale and I work to do every day.

  3. Choosing Domestic Adoption Vs. International?

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I don't usually support suing over anything because I think that some do it out of greed, I am hoping that this case can change some of the garbage agencies out there that are only out to make money.

    I am constantly amazed by non profit agencies that employ people that say they do things for the greater good of others, but they get in their high-end cars with their designer clothes and bags and take great trips...at the expense of couples/families that really need the services that the organization provides.

    I'm glad that Abrazo didn't partner with the Frank Foundation and made a great decision in this instance!

  4. Choosing Domestic Adoption Vs. International?

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Dale and I watched as well and wondered why agencies don't require the parents to learn some basics in the language of the child??? I thought that the language barrier issue was insane since it isn't exactly an instant placement when you do international.

    I am so thankful for the ranch that the children can go to and for the woman that seems able to handle these children so well.

  10. The Myths, Misconceptions, Facts, & Reality of Open Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    While I am sad to hear that the misconceptions about adoption (open or not) continue...I am glad that this woman called and was open enough that Elizabeth could give her some truth to think about. Had she been shifty with her words and attitude, Elizabeth might not have had such an opportunity to speak just as honestly and openly about the wonderful side of this experience.

    Hopefully this woman will be able to read and open her mind to other options available to her possibly expanding family, even if Abrazo is not the agency for her.

  17. Financing An Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Now that being said I am not fond of a lot of the wording in it...like they are saving the child, but that may just be the person who wrote it.

    I think the wording is what bothered me the most. They may well have wanted it to sound like they were saving a needy child in order to gain public favor and bring in additional $$. I don't know. If I had been the subject of that news story, I would not have been happy about it.

    I know that foster care is hard. We went through the state. We were a certified foster home. We had a terrible situation. I just know that babies usually don't need a good home. Older children are the ones that "need."

    I'm not knocking someone for raising funds to adopt. Many need assistance to make their dreams come true. It is the way this story makes it sound...and knowing that I have many of my forum family members that are waiting for their child to come home that gets me.

  18. Financing An Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I felt that this family has a misperception that babies "need" a family and a home. I sent the reporter an e-mail including the link. I am sure it won't get passed on, but I felt that if all this couple is wanting is to give a home to a child that doesn't have one, that would be a better route. There were no children under 5, but I had to get out of there because of some beautiful eyes of a young girl there!!!

    I doubt that there will be a reply, but I tried.

  20. La Promesa: Special Needs Adoptions

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    But I think it is helpful to examine how every adopting parent who fills out that information to think about how you would respond if you gave birth to a child with the same ailment, and further explore whether your ability to "handle it" might differ-- and why?

    (Although this particular case is obviously specific to the special needs thread, keep in mind that the reasons potential adoptive parents "walk away" from babies in the hospital aren't alway medically-related... sometimes it happens due to gender, or skin color, or hair color, even! Go figure!?)

    I love these thought-provoking posts and it would be great to hear other's take on things, but I also understand that it isn't always the fun thing to go against the norm.

    On that note, I don't necessarily always post what I believe but rather play devil's advocate to put the less popular thought out there. I do think that we might never be able to understand why someone walks away from the placement of a child (even if they tried to explain it). I am thinking that in some of these cases, we should just be thankful that the child didn't end up in the home of those that walked away.

  21. La Promesa: Special Needs Adoptions

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    While I don't think that I could have turned away because of a heart defect, it obviously was no less an easy choice for this woman to walk away. We chastise her for knowing that she couldn't handle a situation, but we applaud birthmothers for having the same strength?

    I am so very thankful that this little miracle was found by a family that has embraced her and her potential future afflictions and ailments instead of being a burden to someone and being reminded daily through word or deed that she was not their idea. I love it when families can truly work through some of the worst of issues!

    As I have said before, in a perfect world we would all be able to accept any child into our family and no child would have to grow up in "the system". Unfortunately that is not where we are so finding the right family is so crucial for those that have special needs.

    Elizabeth, I do have a question. If I filled out all my information and said that I couldn't handle a non-correctible medical issue (the immune deficiency came to mind) and the mom I was matched with gave birth to a child that had such a deficiency, wouldn't it be right for me to deny placement if I really knew that I couldn't handle it? This is just a supposition because there is NO way I am parting with my girls.

  23. The Myths, Misconceptions, Facts, & Reality of Open Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    One of the things I try to always say when asked how a mother could "give up her child" is to say something along the lines of the fact that birthmothers are the strongest and most selfless people I know. I know that I am too selfish to make that brave of a decision. I guess that people don't think about the faith that it must take for a parent to trust their child to someone they hardly know (if at all). I am so amazed by first parents!

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