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Dale and Amanda

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Posts posted by Dale and Amanda

  4. INQUIRY

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    you need to get out and interview agencies...we interviewed 10 before we made the decision that would ultimately change our lives.

    I guess I haven't thought of it that way, but we were in contact with several agencies as well, trying to figure out who we felt the most comfortable with. Some that came highly recommended just didn't seem to be right for us, so it is certainly an individual thing.

    I haven't been in contact with another agency that encourages open adoptions so strongly as Abrazo does. Not that it is good or bad, but they are all different.

  10. Profiles: Presenting... YOU!

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I scanned through here and didn't find anything for our situation. Most of you know that we have Arianna, and have had her for six weeks now. I spoke with her birthmother for the first time almost two weeks ago. She is wanting the profile ASAP, and I think I have some of the components down, but what about the dear birthmother letter? Should I write it to her specifically? She knows that we have not done one before as we didn't get that far in the process. Gathering pics was all we had done.

    What about other things? Should I address it as we know what is going on? Should I keep it more generic?

    If some birthmommys could give me a clue as to what they think would be appropriate. I want to honor Arianna and her birthmother. I don't want to offend her birthmother, either. Is it as fine of a line as it feels?

    Thanks in advance!

  11. Employer Adoption Benefits

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Adam, don't forget how great an onsite daycare could be! Some of the things are great, and others not so much. It cracks me up, too how different it can be "across the street." MLK day is not a holiday for us!!

    Agreed regarding daycare. Yes, things are a bit different between the streets. I think the IT group over there has a bit more flexible scheduling as I know my buddy in IT over there works 7:30 -4:30. Wish I could do that. My former employer let me work 7-4 which was great.

    We just got MLK as a holiday last year. But, the hospital took away our day after Thanksgiving holiday. So, it was a swap. A lot of people are unhappy about it. Not upset at all regarding MLK, but very unhappy that they now have to burn a personal holiday or vacation day to get the day after thanksgiving off which they had off for years.

    Yeah, well. We supposedly don't have "flex" time anywhere in our organization, but that's a bunch of bull. I was thinking that you lost the Friday after Thanksgiving, but I wasn't for sure. It is funny, too, because we don't have the same insurance group. Dale's doctor isn't one of the providers for your plan, but he is for ours. When we first changed to my plan from his, the dr office kept telling us they weren't in the plan because all they saw on my card was the hospital name. HELLO! Ours was on there first.

    Anyway, I wasn't able to take any sick time during my "maternity leave." I didn't give birth, so I had no note from my doctor saying I wasn't able to work.

  12. Employer Adoption Benefits

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I wish my employer (a Children's Hospital) would contribute towards adoption expenses.

    They are great at savings children's lives but unfortunately they don't bend over backwards to help their employees have children (no fertility coverage nor adoption allowance)

    That would be SOOOOOOO GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Adam, don't forget how great an onsite daycare could be! Some of the things are great, and others not so much. It cracks me up, too how different it can be "across the street." MLK day is not a holiday for us!!

  13. Bi-racial/Transracial Adoption: Fears, Prejudice & Praise

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    So - fall in love!

    Lastly - I had a wonderful patient named Griffin, and he met Gabe and I for lunch (his Mom too) when Gabe was a few weeks old. Griffin at age 4 took one look at him...and said to me..."cool Heidi, you have a chocolate baby...but it doesn't matter the outside color, cause the blood inside is always red" As a nurse - I will tell you he's right

    Heidi, we certainly have!! I have to say that it was awesome of Griffin to make that observation. If we as adults could be so bold to speak out like that.

  15. Bi-racial/Transracial Adoption: Fears, Prejudice & Praise

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Elizabeth, I will say here that you got my attention with a few PMs that went between us. I was one that said that my family would have a problem with adopting an African American child. I really did believe that, as my father has a slang reference for just about all ethnic groups. I received a few direct statements from Elizabeth that really made me question my motives. I see my dad a couple of times per year. It would crush me if I had a child that he wouldn't accept, but I would survive it.

    When we received the call about an AA baby girl needing a home, I still wasn't quite sure about it. Through prayer I knew that this little girl was for us. We had been down some rough roads leading up to it, but all those roads led to her. Dad wasn't very receptive when I called to tell him about the match. Now he is so excited and is ready to come see her. He was very upset that the ice storm last weekend prevented them from coming. He has referred to her as his grandbaby, which made my heart rejoice. It has been a prayer at our church and in me that dad would be able to embrace her as his grandchild. My children will be the only ones he has. I can't wait for him to meet her.

    For anyone that is waiting for a child, please seek an open mind to a transracial adoption, including African Americans. You will face some challenges, but it is SO very worth it!

    Elizabeth, give us about a year or so, and we will see about one of those sweet babies!

  18. INQUIRY

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    We are so happy to have Arianna....

    Arianna is a beautiful name.

    -Adam

    Thanks! We agree, which is one of the reasons we were happy to keep it for her. The way things look with her bps, it may be one of the few things she will have from them. We really like it!

  19. INQUIRY

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Well, we received our letter today officially closing our inquiry. We are so happy to have Arianna, but we think it would have been great fun to work with Abrazo (since we pretty much had to do all the requirements anyway!). The ladies seem like a riot. Maybe next time!

  21. When To Say When?

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    We have always planned to adopt to grow our family. It has been something I have wanted to do pretty much ever since I can remember. We found out last year that I had medical conditions that would keep me from carrying a pregnancy to full-term. I was devastated, but I believe that God had been preparing me for that for many years. I handled it and started moving on with my life. Then around Mother's Day this year I got MAD!!! Why had God given me such a strong desire to be a mommy only to take that hope away from me? I hadn't taken the time to grieve that part of the loss. These forums have helped me to see that we absolutely want to parent...who gives birth is secondary for us.

    All I can say is I am so thankful for a God big enough to take my anger. I fell away from church for a while. I had friends continuing to pray. I am so grateful to say that He has mended that part of my heart and has placed many people from my past in my adoption path. Last night at Hearts for Adoption (for those in Memphis) it was shared how much of a faith-building exercise adoption can be. Anyone who knows me can attest that I accomplish pretty much anything I set my mind to. The thing with adoption is, I don't have any control. Talk about having to walk in faith!

    As for when to say when? For us there hasn't been much reason for treatment. If I get were to get pregnant, I have little to no chance of making it to term. My doctor has strongly suggested treatment that would result in sterilization. I haven't taken him up on that just yet as the med works for me.

    Thank you so much for all the encouragement on here. Bravo to the Abrazochicks for creating this forum. Whether we end up accepted by Abrazo or not, I truly appreciate your heart and your passion for creating families!!!

  23. When Agencies Turn People Down

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted · Edited by Dale and Amanda

    What a horrible thing to happen to a child!

    Denial is one of the things that scares me at this point. Thank you for posting this information and letting us know that one denial doesn't mean all will. I am fairly new to the adoption world, but I have a sweet friend that has been there and is walking beside me!

    Elizabeth, thank you so much for being in Memphis last Wednesday. I enjoyed hearing (and seeing) your passion for adoption and speaking with you afterward.

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