Adam & Beth
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Posts posted by Adam & Beth
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A few ways to finance adoption..
1) Tax credits will really help to alleviate some issues.....
This is good information, but just as an FYI to those who may not be familiar with the Adoption Tax Credit and who might be counting on it to assist with the financial piece of adoption:
It may be up to a Year or even longer AFTER taking placement before you are eligible to file for the tax credit.
So, it can help recoop costs, but the tax credit monies will not be available to you when the bills are initially due (at time of placement).
The tax credit is currently around $11,000 and has been going up almost a thousand dollars a year. There are no guarantees though that it will always be available and the amount can change from year to year.
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You tell em Adam!!!
It's easy to 'yell' from my office chair
-A
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had a mother look at me very disapprovingly at the grocery store yesterday over that artificial stuff.
Makenzie asked for some popsicles and I grabbed a box without looking at them. The woman's son asked for some popsicles too. She said "No honey, we don't eat those artificial things in our house. They cause cancer." Big FROWN directed at me.
I was SO TEMPTED to hand one to Makenzie and one to her poor son! My basket was piled high with fresh fruits and veggies for Makenzie, but everyone needs a little break sometimes. Popsicles are Dr. recommended for soar throats too.
It's times like that even though I probably wouldn't chime in, I'd be thinking:
- Lady!:
- I hope you're washing all your fruits and veggies to remove pesticides, those things can cause cancer
- I hope you're putting sun screen on the baby everytime they take a trip outside. UV light is bad for baby.
- I hope you're using 'safe' laundry detergents. Who knows about those chemicals?
- I hope you're not using too much anti-bacterial soap. That's bad. You'll Lower their disease resistance.
- I hope you're not giving your child too much natural sugar. Childhood obesity, diabetes
Sheesh, I mean come on. Besides the person being rude, I doubt they avoid every 'questionable' thing in the world either. We are parents and make choices for our children, and generally (hopefully), parents are going to look out for the welfare of their child. So, bottom line to that lady is obviously "don't judge" and "don't cast the first stone".
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Ok... I realize that everyone must "set their own limits" with regards to the "type" of case (read: child) they're willing to accept, but today was a first:
I reviewed the first-ever application from a prospective adoptive couple who wrote in the margins that they will not consider any case in which the birthmother drank a caffeinated beverage during the course of her pregnancy.
That, in my humble opinion, is an ideal example of moving from the ridiculous to the sublime!?!
Please, Please, Please tell me that 'odd' (for lack of a better term at the moment) applications such as these arrive very rarely.
While I respect everyone's right to decide what is or is not 'right' for them, hearing that people enter into the adoption process with preconcieved notions like this is a bit disturbing.
Caffeine, really? What's next, no exposure artificial sweeteners?
-A
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Thank You, God, for my father, who turns 80 today, but whose spirit isn't a day past 40!! He's always been my best friend and I'm so proud of him.
He lives by himself (and keeps an immaculate house, unlike his daughter!), he works part-time at the local funeral home and does pulpit supply, preaching in various churches from time to time when their pastors go on vacation. He's very humble and patient and always there for me and my boys, and my brother and his family.
I'm just so very thankful for every day that the Good Lord allows us to enjoy his company and benefit from his wisdom. God is good, all the time... and I thank Him for all 80 years of my earthly father's goodness, as well.
Congratulations and Happy Birthday to your Father!
Wasn't sure if his last name is "J" so
I'll stick with "Way to Go Elizabeth's Daddy!"
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Did Stamos remarry after Rebecca Romijn (sp) or is he considering being a single parent? --anyone know?, merely curious.
-A
Sorry, Adam. I only posted the first two paragraphs of that story. Here's the rest...
Stamos and Rebecca Romijn divorced in 2005, nearly a year after they announced they were separating after five years of marriage. Romijn, 34, married Jerry O'Connell in July."Right after I got divorced or separated, I was like, 'I've got to find somebody,"' Stamos says. "Then I went through a phase where I hated dating. Now I'm kind of embracing it."
Stamos, who co-stars on the NBC medical drama "ER," says he doesn't find dating hard now.
"I think I'm probably easier to date," he says. "I'm certainly not as wild as I used to be."
Of his marriage to Romijn, Stamos says: "It burned really bright, and I kind of knew it was going to burn out at some point. But it was a great ride and I don't regret one minute of it."
Thanks John. Sorry, I didn't mean to be trouble, I was just curious.
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Another celebrity looking at adoption...John Stamos says he's ready to be a father, is interested in adoption, in magazine interview
NEW YORK (AP) — John Stamos played uncle Jesse on the '80s sitcom "Full House." Now he wants to be a father.
"If I don't have kids soon, I am going to adopt," the 44-year-old actor tells OK! magazine in its latest issue, on newsstands Friday. "Even if I do have kids, I think I will (adopt). I always thought to myself that I would be a better father later on in life."
Did Stamos remarry after Rebecca Romijn (sp) or is he considering being a single parent? --anyone know?, merely curious.
-A
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WELCOME AIDAN NICHOLAS!
Congratulations Hallye and Peter!
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Congratulations, Peter and Hallye, on your new son!
I'm sure he is quite the little "hottie"!
We can't wait to see the pictures and hear all the details!(...and what a beautiful poem, Elizabeth!)
What's the name of this little Guy?
(besides Bambino Calliente!
) 
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I heard from a local social worker who quoted me $300 for an update. Does anyone know if that is about the norm for TN.
I was very pleased that she is willing to just do the update and not a full homestudy.
I had heard the the typical homestudy update runs about $500, but that was just hearsay, so I don't really know. Seeing the $200 quotes makes it sound like $500 may be on the high side. The extra money was worth it for us because we had used the agency for a while and were very comfortable with them. They'd bend over backwards for us if we needed it to get things done. Our social worker even called us this weekend just to check up on us to see how we were doing
Our FULL homestudy ran us $1000 I think.-A
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Driving to my brother's house yesterday with Lily and Nathan in the back seat.
I saw "Oh, darn" about something
Lily says "That's not a nice word"
Me: "Okay, what about 'shoot' "
Lily: "No sir, that's not nice either Uncle Adam. GOD doesn't like that"
Me: "Oh, so what Does GOD want me to say instead?"
Lily: "Oh My Goodness!"
Me: "You know Lily, I think you are right
"
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Would it help if, at some point, you invited your family members (just one or two?) to get on the phone with Nathan's birthmom themselves, to tell her how loved he is to to hear for themselves how sweet she is? Just a thought...
Good idea. We'll feel that one out. May take a bit, but we'd love to see that. They DO love her and think highly of her, their fear just comes from our years of struggles to have a family.
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I was just curious because I thought the profile was how a BP was informed about an AP. Based on what I've learned so far, I didn't think about those who have their homestudy done before their profile
Thanks, again to you both!
Cathy
For some birthparents, the profile may be a first 'meeting' of the PIWs they will speak with. But for many who live farther away from San Antonio and thus haven't had the opportunity to meet one of the Abrazo folks in person yet, a phone call from a PIW is their introduction to a set of PIWs.
When the profiles have to be mailed to a birthparent, it takes the mail or express delivery a day or two to arrive. During that time, Abrazo is typically actively setting up calls between the birthfamily and the PIWs. I know many of the birthmothers we spoke with were really surprised how fast the process starts once they've made their initial call to Abrazo. One or two have said "Wow, that was fast. I wasn't expecting to hear from you guys TODAY"
So, don't be surprised if in more cases than not, you speak with a birthmother who has not yet received your profile. As I mentioned, for us, that was the case majority of the time. But never fear
, in each case, the birthmother always eventually receives a copy of the profile(s) so that they can put a face with a voice So, all the work you are putting into your profile WILL go a long way in your relationships with birthfamilies.
-A
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Our SW is very reasonalbe and a visit and update report will be less than $200.
Wow, $200 is a great rate for that service.
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Adam,
What a gift you are (indirectly) giving to your mother-in-law by showing her (by your actions more than your words) that you and Beth totally embrace everything about your child, including his beginnings... and that his birthparents are not to be feared, not now and not ever.
I am betting she is closely observing and most probably is (or will be) admiring your openness!
In time, she will SEE for herself, through her eyes (not her ears).
Karen
Our birthmother called while we had a lot of family over on Saturday. Beth and I went upstairs for a bit to talk with her. When we came down, there was a look of concern
on some of their faces as if something was wrong. They were scared something had happened that would jeapordize our placement We calmly explained, NO, as we have said, this is an OPEN adoption relationship and we will be talking with "C" regularly. This is regularly!
It had been a week or so since our last call.I know they are just trying to protect us, but I think it's going to take a while for them to get used to this idea that "C" will be in our lives as extended family FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They seemed to be more at ease when we said "No, all is well. She was just calling to chat, letting us know that she received and loved the pictures of Nathan, and just to say "HI!"."
I love my family (well, this was actually Beth's side this time, but mine would probably act the same way) but they can WEAR YOU OUT!
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That is interesting because of the roughly 12 birthmothers we spoke with during our adoption journey, only 3, maybe 4 had even seen our profile. We matched with "J" earlier this year without her even seeing our profile We did later get pictures to her and met her in person so she'd know who we are and what we looked like.
Adam
Just curious. . .what information were the BMs given if they weren't given your profile? I guess I'm curious as to what they based their decision on?
Please don't take this wrong--from what I know you and Beth very much deserve to be selected
Cathy
Oh, no worries. No offense taken or anything. I too wondered the same thing when we started the birthparent call process.
This is my perception of the process:
As far as what information was the birthparent given? I don't think they got much information about us other than perhaps Abrazo advising them "you will be contacted by a couple of prospective adoptive couples who we feel may be the right fit for what you are looking for, based on what you've told us. You can talk to as many different couples as you wish, but we recommend talking to 3 different ones first so you get a good feel for how the process works and that you may find that one that just feels like "This is the right couple for me and my baby" ".
Because our homestudy was already complete from our previous private adoption attempt, we actually got our first call 5 days after Orientation. We had barely even started putting together a profile. I was like "Hey, How did this call happen? They don't even have a profile from us". Then I remembered that once your homestudy is complete, you are eligible to get the calls because you can technically take placement should something happen fast.
I think Elizabeth explained it well in her response above, which was the basic understanding I had of how the process works.
So, your questions are natural. There were times that I thought, I wonder why I didn't get a call to talk with "Them" or did they not like my profile or why are things working out for couples in the new orientation groups and not for us, we've been waiting much longer ? The thing to remember is that the Right birthmother/birthparents will find you when the time is right. We can't rush these things which is hard because we all (PIWs) SO want to be parents...NOW!
I have said it before, probably on this thread, but for ME the key to the profile was to be both Happy & Proud of our work (profile). If I felt good about it, that is all I could do and I just had to let nature take its course. Our baby would find his/her way home to us when the time is right. It's much easier to say that now as new parents, but it is the truth.
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I definately agree Elizabeth! Most birthmoms that I have talked to and even matched with have told me that they chose us based on the pictures. Some even said they just skimmed over the wording so definately put in great pictures that tell your story!
That is interesting because of the roughly 12 birthmothers we spoke with during our adoption journey, only 3, maybe 4 had even seen our profile. We matched with "J" earlier this year without her even seeing our profile
We did later get pictures to her and met her in person so she'd know who we are and what we looked like. But, I will say that our successful match with "C" later this year did start by her choosing 3 couples to speak with based on the profiles. I was happy ours was in there and that she felt comfortable with it.
I agree that the pictures are worth MUCH more than the words for first impressions.
Just my 2 cents
Adam
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We had our homestudy updated once a quarter (I think that is right). I think (I could so be wrong, I am all the time, ask my 13 year old) that that kept us safe from doing any emergency updating at the time. Our birthmoms due date went from Feb 22, to Dec 10, to Nov 22 in a matter of two weeks. I was very glad to have had that update done! (Of course the fingerprinting was a whole other issue..... )
But the only way to stay "current" with your homestudy now based on Texas requirements to have an in home visit within 30 days of placement would be to pay for a homestudy update EVERY 30 days until placment occurred and then you still run the risk of it not being up to date (example: Say you update it on the 1st of every month and you get a call on the 30th that there is a BOG, well, placement wouldn't occur until say about the 3rd of the month and then technically you are 2 days beyond the 30 day limit
) I know that scenario is extreme, but that is just based on a BOG scenario.Since our agency charges $500 for a homestudy update, I know I'd wait and find a way to get it done when we knew about the BOG and not do a monthly update....
I was very happy with Abrazo's direction and help with this when our original homestudy expired and we knew we would be in need of an update. They encouraged us to have everything done except the last in-home visit so that it could be knocked out quickly in the event of a fast placement but it would keep us from incurring any undue expenditure in the meantime while we waited for the right match and baby to come along
-A
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And, we all know how long criminal checks can take. We just decided to update now so it won't be as involved when it comes to an update within 30 days of placement.
This is interesting because our criminal background check with our last update came back in less than 7 days so it seemed to move VERY fast.
I see your point though that with that kind of distance between you and your social worker, it would make spur of the moment appointments very difficult.
-A
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it would have been very challenging had it been a BOG match.
It would be a challenge, but it can be doable.
I think I would be up for the challenge any day.
I understand that I and I too was ready for anything. It just means and extra flight or two to get things done and get back to baby
Stressful and expensive maybe , but worth every moment and penny to get the things done to grow your family -Adam
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Although, TX requiring an in-home visit within 30 days of placement sure can add to the stress level of a placement involving short or no notice at all.
We had just over 30 days notice between the time we matched and the delivery of Nathan. During that time, there was a 2 week period where we could not link up with our Social worker to complete the homestudy update (that visit within 30 days of placement). It came down to a 7 day window to complete everything and we got it done, but you are right, it would have been very challenging had it been a BOG match.
-Adam
30 days, that would be nice. We officially matched with Meghan's birthmother July 21 and Meg was born July 23. So we didn't have much time, but God allowed it to all work out. Although, the requirement of a SW visit within 30 days was not in place at that time.
We were matched for over 4 months with our prior match before it dissolved. There are pros and cons to the varied lengths of time.
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Hi-
My name is Maureen. My husband, Dan, and I are currently looking to adopt. I have been reading lots of information both on the web and in books. We are pretty set on domestic adoption, but are trying to decided between independent and Agency. I have seen such great things about Abrazo and was wondering if anyone in Maryland has used them before. We also have an appointment with an adoption attorney just to see what information he can give us. If anyone has used this Agency in Maryland, who did you have to go through for your homestudy?
Thanks,
Maureen
Maureen,
Welcome to the forum.
Whatever choice you make, we wish you the best of luck. My wife and I participated in a private adoption at one time and later made the choice to go with an agency adoption. Each adoption scenario is unique and only you will be able to make that choice. It's good that you are evaluating all your options.
While working with Abrazo, we took placement of our son last month
Good luck,
Adam
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Although, TX requiring an in-home visit within 30 days of placement sure can add to the stress level of a placement involving short or no notice at all.
We had just over 30 days notice between the time we matched and the delivery of Nathan. During that time, there was a 2 week period where we could not link up with our Social worker to complete the homestudy update (that visit within 30 days of placement). It came down to a 7 day window to complete everything and we got it done, but you are right, it would have been very challenging had it been a BOG match.
-Adam
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Since we're currently talking about older children, I have a question. Somewhere I read (cannot remember where) that when adding to a family you shouldn't change the "rank" of the children already in that family. So that the first child remains eldest, etc. even if a non-infant child joins the family.
What is the current thought on that in the SW field? Is this a generally accepted "rule of thumb"?. Does it apply to certain situations and not others? Is it totally off-base?
Good question Mary Helen. I'm interested to see the professionals' responses.
Financing An Adoption
in Looking to Adopt
Posted
First, let me say, I am no tax expert so for the best advice seek professional tax help.
I use TurboTax every year and it is very helpful and we processed the tax credit a couple of years ago. It resulted in a refund.
There are situations in which, when applied, the Credit will result in a Refund Check from the IRS. It is a complicated process and does take into account a lot of factors.
It comes down to Credits vs Refunds which the IRS has stipulations and procedures for each. So, please make sure you follow the rules and I suggest using a good Tax preparation software package or have a qualified person submit your taxes.
I will say that based on some additional factors we have this year with a failed Match and a successful placement, but which cannot finalize until next fiscal year, we will be seeing a tax professional to ensure we receive the maximum credit available to hopefully recoop some of the lost monies from the failed match and the monies spent with the successful adoption.
The problem I have run into, is that a lot of people don't know the details of the credit very well. I had tax professionals telling me I could not claim a failed adoption. The IRS literature states very clearly that you can, but that if you have a successful adoption (of a different child) in that same calendar year, then you have to treat the 2 scenarios as 1 successful adoption.
The dates of when things happened and are scheduled to happen make the credit filing a bit tricky.
But, for $11,000 it is worth the time spent reviewing it IMO