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Don&Andrea

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Posts posted by Don&Andrea

  6. The Welcome Wagon!

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Congrats Jessica, on getting that application off in the mail! That's one step closer to making your dreams a reality!Heather and Shawn have a thread on the Joyous Journey section of the Adoptive Parents Forum. It's called....Heather and Shawn ;) It's a great read; Heather has alot to share and there is a happy ending ;) or as I like to say...a happy beginning! :D

    Thanks Heather! We are hoping to attend the March 2008 orientation! Congratulations on your new baby! 3 months we see! How long was your wait?

  8. The Welcome Wagon!

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    A hearty, warm welcome to you two! Thanks so much for sharing...you'll fit right in around here :P

    When we joined the forum we started at the beginning and read every thread...that's when the 'forum addiction' starts :rolleyes: We learned so much and now are blessed to be part of the greater Abrazo family!

    Read alot, post much! We all learn from hearing from everyone.

    Looking forward to hearing more from you!

  10. Open Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Melissa, first of all, give your friend a great big 'Abrazo' hug from us!

    We experienced a failed placement before we found Abrazo. We were attempting a private, attorney assisted adoption. The relationship was to be open but secretly, we were afraid of that and really had no idea what that meant. Honestly, we figured we would send pictures and letters and visit every now and then when we were in town. I'm ashamed to say that I think the phrase "I don't want them calling all the time or trying to come to our house" might have been uttered in private at some point. :ph34r: The day I took that baby back to his mother's home changed my heart forever. After two + weeks of bonding I felt like I was giving my child to someone else. (Please do not think I am implying that I know what it is to place, I don't mean that.) I think that experience was the closest I could come to empathizing though. My heart broke in a thousand peices. If it was that heartbreaking to me, what must it be like for First Moms who do place?

    By the time we went to orientation at Abrazo, our biggest fear was that our placement would be closed. I spent the first year of Clara's life afraid that her birthmom might loose contact with us. (now that it's been more than a year, I am secure in our relationship and know that we will always be family.) Having experienced loss through miscarriages and other biological issues and the loss of Aiden in our failed placement, how could I be okay with taking another woman's child and know that she would never see her again or know about her if our placement had been closed? I wouldn't be able to bare it if it were me in her shoes..............

    Don't get me wrong, it's not all teddy bears and rainbows. Let's be real. Clara's birthparents are family and it's a relationship like any other that takes some work. What wouldn't I do for my daughter and her First Family?

    I like what Tina said here........

    Those who harbor fears about open adoption, who are scared of birthparents finding them, or coming back for the baby, will still be afraid with a closed adoption, I think-- they just won't know who to fear. They may wonder if someone is looking for them, or if every stranger could be their child's BP. It is not the case with open adoption. In a strange turn of events, open adoption takes away the fear, leaving people to live much more easily.
    Exactly, I feel like if you don't know your child's family you would feel like you were always looking over your shoulder. Openess takes away fear, exactly! :)

    I appreciate everyone sharing here so much. What a great community of support and knowledge!

    Melissa, I hope your friend stops in to the forum, send her a link and tell her to post too ;) We'll welcome her with open arms and lift her and her family up!

  14. Open Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I've been thinking about the people who are 'concerned' about or don't understand our open adoption relationships. I think their fear comes from a stereotype of who or what kind of people they assume birthparents are. If they knew our child's birthparents or had ever met a birthparent (they may already know someone who has placed and not even know it!) or for that matter, if they ever met their OWN CHILD'S birthparents.....they may not have the same fears. Maybe they would realize that people who choose adoption for their kids are loving and responsible. And respectful of the relationship their child has with their adoptive parents and value the relationship they have with their birth children.

    I know Don's family (not all but some) thought we were crazy when Clara's birth father came to our house and stayed the weekend and every time we visited them in Texas. They always asked weren't we afraid they would want her back. Um...no. They are happy with their 'choice' of us as her parents (maybe if we hid her from them or didn't let them see how awesome and happy she is it would be different). Plus, our adoption was legal and handled by professionals by the book so we had no fear legally either. Once they met 'E', most of those fears subsided because they could see he was happy Clara was with us...heck, he told them so! He told them how great we are as parents and how grateful he is that we have an open relationship.

    I think if I were in a closed adoption situation and 'unaware', I might be afraid too. Seems like secrets and hiding only bring about strife. What is true, is that all those secrets and trying to keep their beginnings away from the kids is likely going to backfire in a big way down the road. :(

    I was thinking about trying to understand where these adoptive parents fears might be coming from........maybe understanding the origin of fear can help us help others to overcome it?

  15. Open Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    What about talking to the minister? Could he give an eye-opening sermon? Best, Kay

    That's a great idea Kay. Our minister did a sermon about how God adopted all of us into His family. All of us, regardless of station or health. He did not intend it to be an 'adoption' sermon but to an adoptive mom's ear, it suited the topic well. Even touched on openess. I"ll try to find the passages he used...........

  16. Open Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    This whole situation is heartbreaking. This statement inparticular is reprehensible...

    They are thinking of moving to "keep their family safe".

    Don't these people know that if they did everything correctly, legally, ethically, then they have nothing to fear. That is if indeed their fear is the birthfamily stealing the child. Sounds to me like the fear is about something else, like you said Tina, insecurities <_<

    How sad this child and her first mother will likely suffer loss twice thanks to the adoptive parents lack of understanding.

    I'm with you Tina. Tell it like it is! ;)

    I'm wondering if the prayer request from them at church has been for protection from the first family, that they will go away. I will pray for peace that surpasses understanding.

  22. Nursery Notes

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I'm so happy to hear his Abrazo Aunties are going to visit. My heart just breaks thinking of him alone there in the nursery. When Aiden was in the NICU, there were babies in there with no families, don't know the situations. There were volunteers that would come in and hold them, rock them, feed them, touch and talk with them. The smallest of angels with the greatest of needs.

    Give him a big hug from us!

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