LauralandCasey
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Posts posted by LauralandCasey
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I wonder if this adoptee is mad at how and when her adoption story was told to her. Did her adoptive parents keep in touch with the birthparents? Was it the closed manner that made it hurt so much?
I don't think the anger can help her feel anything but so hopefully she can find some ways and persons to talk to and get the anger out of her system.
I just think us infertile couples and adoptive parents are doing the best we can. I communicate with both our birthmother's whether or not I hear from them because it is good for our kids to keep that relationship open.
I do it because I want to not because I have to.
Laural
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we have portraits of our boys birthmother's in our house. I just think my parents should know their names.
I try to not say anything I think they would not want me to(their birthmoms) on the forum and definatately not all the details of their births.
I respect details are private.
Laural
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My parents cannot remember our birthmother's first names. We are not socialite people with a million friends.
This annoys me that they can not remember these important women in our lives and the lives of our children.
Laural
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Dear
Elizabeth and Paul,
Praying for you as you celebrate your dad's life but at the same time miss him terribly.
Take Care.
Love,
Laural and Casey
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We gave mamma C's 10 year old Sam's sister. He liked it.She thought it explained the situation exactly like it was happening.
Laural
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Hi. I was wondering if any of you grandparents have any advice. My parents are going to go to Joshua's finalization. The
have not been around Mama C (Joshua's birthmother). We may spend the weekend in a large cabin after that with her and my parents. They read some adoption books with my first child but I am not sure if they understand the openess so much.Any advice on how to ease the transition? My older child 21/2 will be there too so maybe we'll just have our hands too full to worry about it.
Thanks
Laural
They both love our boys to death so that part is not an issue.
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Zachary was so cute at Joshua's baptism. He lasted about 1/2 of the service. He would imitate the choir. He took a prayer card and held it in front of his face to act like he was holding a book and singing. He went to his first children's sermon. My niece took him up there with her. My dad did the service and wore a Kente cloth robe to remind the children of my dad's dad who served 20years as a missionary in the Belgian Congo now Congo. He did the service that was responsive and the congregation did not do great following him but I guess we will print it out and send it with the copy of the video we send to Joshua's birthmom.
Laural
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Congratulations on Nathan's baptism. It sounds like it was fun. The poem is also very neat. It is nice to have people so talented share in our joy.
Thanks for sharing it with us. Take Care.
Laural
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On the forum I usually refer to birthmom's prior to a placement as prospective or birthmom to be. But if you are matched and after just ask her what she would like to be called. Zachary's birthmom likes him to call her by her first name. Joshua's birthmom likes us to call her and eventually him Mama C.
Laural
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I thought it was a neat idea. I hoped I wasn't being too pushy with our birthmother in suggesting it. I showed it to her when we met in jan. and she liked it. My husband liked it more that day than before hand.I guess it just made sense on that day.We have it on tape so we shared it with birthfamily members who couldn't be there or so we can look at it later.
I especially like that it reflects on how everyone is feeling and that God will be with us in those feelings.
I like that everyone gets a blessing and that we are recognized as all part of one family now.
Laural
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We heard from Zachary's birthmom on his birthday. We were on our ICPC in Galveston when she called.We are hoping to have him talk to her soon. He is 2 and likes to talk on the phone and sometimes just listen.
we had not heard from her in awhile. She works evenings so I am trying to call her to have him talk to her before she goes to work.It was nice to have her call and hear her voice and know she got her old job back.
Take Care.
Laural
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Liza,
Great photos. Mikey is lucky to have such a loving godmother in his life who is so devoted to spend so much time and really enjoy him.
Take Care.
THey do not stay little very long.
enjoy.
Laural
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I did not write this but got most of this from this site. We had the ceremony today.
Service for Giving a Child in Love:"Our Lord Jesus Christ told his disciples; where two or three are gathered in my name, I am in the midst of them."
Matthew 18:20
On this day of April 18, 2008, Casey and Laural are receiving Joshua Thomas into their family. This is an important and joyous occasion has special meaning for many people. We wish to celebrate the addition of the birthmother, C
and her sons C and M into our lives as family. We wish to acknowledge the birthmother, C, whose love for this baby directed her decision and plan.
Prayer
God Creator you who form us in your image, we thank you for your compassion and understanding in times of sadness and letting go. In the midst of our pains and joys we gather today to give you thanks for this gift of new life.We thank you for this child's birthmother ,C who brought him into this world. At this time of letting go we thank you for your presence which bonds us together in love.
Reflection by Birthmother
Blessing of the Child:
Lord God, you who are mother and father to us, send forth your abundant blessing on this child who is made in your image. We pray this child will have a home filled with faith,hope, and deep love. A home and parents who will love, watch over, and protect this child forever and ever.
Blessing of the Mother by chaplain (he reworded this so she did not have to read it but it meant the same thing)
Dear God-I look to you at this turning point in my life. As I place my beloved child for adoption.You who know the hearts of all creatures, know the pain I feel.Give me strength and courage, the strength to love and let go, the courage to live through the moments of doubt and sadness. Knowing I made the best choice I could. God, Bless my child.Help this child to grown up healthy and happy. Guide this child in this life to know Your ways. Help this child to know that out there there is always someone who loves him. Finally you the master of life, help us to realize that none of us own children. Some are given the privilege of conceiving a child. Some are given the privilege of raising a child . Thank you for granting me the privilege of giving birth to this child. May I always be worthy of your blessing.
Prayer for the Adopting Parents(Everyone)
Bless the parents who will raise this child.Give them wisdom in their parenting. Help them love and protect this child. We thank you for their compassion and their caring. Give them strength and patience,gentleness and humor.
We know they are excited now. We know they are as delighted as any expectant parent in the world. Soon they will have a day they will never forget when this beautiful child comes home to them. Be with them as they guide and direct. Be present during sickness and anxiety. Be there Lord when they need you. We are privileged to be a part of their love.We are honored to give this most precious of alll gifts.Bless this couple, and this family, Dear God.
Closing Response
We remember Them (refers to C, her two older sons, Joshua, Laural and Casey)
Chaplin 1st line, everyone 2nd
In the raising of the sun and its going down, we remember them.
In the blowing wind and the chill of winter we remember them.
In the opening of buds and the rebirth of spring we remember them;
In the blue sky and the warmth of summer, we remember them.
In the rustling of leaves and the beauty of autumn, we remember them.
In the beginning of the year and when it ends, we remember them.
When we are weary and in need of strength we remember them.
WHen we are lost and sick at heart we remember them
When we have joys we yearn to share we remember them
So long as we live, they too shall live,
For they are now part of us, as we remember them.
Final Blessing from the Chaplin
"The Lord Bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you and be gracious unto you, and give you peace now and forever more. Amen."
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Sabrina,
I am glad you are feeling better and your friends were there to help you see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Take Care.
Laural
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Zachary turns two soon so they start Sunday School at church for his age. We know his teacher so we hopefully can start taking him during maternity leave and that will be a habit that Casey can continue when I go back to work.
Take care.
Laural
Any other dad's do this alone?They have a contemporary service he can go to during Sunday School so maybe he will try that out.
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Whoever( from Abrazo)comes to get the reliquishment papers signed if C decides to have the entrustment ceremony when you are there you are welcome to come. I guess that would be Friday the 18th. I will ask C
maybe tomorrow to see if she has an idea. I will need to let the minister family freind know what date we are looking at since he will be coming from Katy,Texas.
Laural
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How scary is that and I am sure Christian felt bad. I am glad Matthew is ok. Next time maybe batters helmets are required for miniature golf.
I am glad they were in one piece for Easter quite a cute pair you have there Elizabeth.
Take Care.
Laural
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Abrazo gave us our son Zachary as a B.O.G. only 3 weeks after our 1st orientation. How is that for service?
Our second match came shortly after orientation as well. I think God is good. We are blessed with birthmothers who
liked us for some reason.
But Abrazo has been great and we would highly recommend using them. Open your hearts and minds to adoption, openess, and maybe even transracial adoption.
Take Care.
Laural
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We only contacted Abrazo. We had a friend of a friend use Abrazo and have a good outcome.
We initally were unsure about the openess but that changed after orientation.
We are now back 2 years later as againers.
Elizabeth, Do you have an agency you recommend to people who already have bio. children and want to adopt their second? I have people ask me and would like to know of one that they could use but also believes in the openess way of life.
Take Care.
Laural
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Tina,
I am glad you were wrapped in God's arms and kept safe.
Laural
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We are planning having an entrustment ceremony. Our birthmother looked at one I did from Elizabeth's 1st planning your own placement ceremony. I changed some of the words.I got one of my dad's (former minister) friends (former minister) who lives in Texas to do the ceremony. The chapel is small. I think most people who will come will be our birthmother's friends and family. She originally thought it was a "handing the baby over" ceremony. I told her to me it meant more than that. Blessing of the birth, birthmother, adoptive parents, and the relationship we all have. She probably will not be able to come to the baptism so I think it will be nice to do. I will let you know. I am letting her tell me when she wants to have it up to a week after the delivery.I think my husband may only get to be there that long.I think the hospital is going to let us use their chapel even if our birthmother is discharged already.take Care.Laural
Has anyone else out there done a placement ceremony? What was your experience with it?
Laural
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Tina,
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. This must be frustrating to have to deal with in church every week. I can not understand a church not getting the openness of open adoption. They need some education. It must be frustrating to feel like you have to do this but on some level it will eventually affect your child if you do not.
Is the family not secure in the legality of their adoption, afraid of anything besides them taking their child away? I do not understand people who do not get that- more people to love you could be a bad thing? It is kind of like step families or blended families there are just more people to love.
Take Care.
Laural
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I am also trying to change my corner of the world. My good friend is a single parent to a son she adopted from Guatemala. I am always trying to get her to mail a photo or e-mail it to the agency in Guatemala so the birthmother or foster mother(they have the children for 3 months) could see he is alive, healthy, and happy. I think that would be the hardest part of closed adoption- the not knowing on both sides.
Take Care.LauralI am also trying to change my corner of the world. My good friend is a single parent to a son she adopted from Guatemala. I am always trying to get her to mail a photo or e-mail it to the agency in Guatemala so the birthmother or foster mother(they have the children for 3 months) could see he is alive, healthy, and happy. I think that would be the hardest part of closed adoption- the not knowing on both sides. Take Care.Laural -
Hi. My cousin who adopted two girls from Russia wrote me back and thanked me for the adoption magazine stuff. She said the girls are very open about their birthmom and talk about going to see if we can find her in the future.She said it will probably be in about 4 or 5 years. So I was encouraged that she did not make any negative comment and the card about their birthmother and their is hope for the future.
maybe she will subscribe to adoptive families too.
Take Care.
Laural,Casey,and Zachary
Positive Adoption Language Primer
in The Family Room
Posted
Dear Fabi and Paul,
Hi. I have framed pictures of the boys birthmother's in my house either on the family wall in the hall or in their rooms. I also have their half brother's photos in their rooms. Our contact has changed but I continue to send monthly letters and pictures. So I guess the amount of contact from Zachary's birthmom has changed mostly.
We've already started with Zachary reading adoption books to him. Mostly How I was Adopted by JOanna Cole.
Another one we have is Did my First Mother Love me? a story for an adopted child. (I don't really like to refer to either of them as an adopted child rather they were adopted.( It shaped their past history and it is part of who they are but not a label) Don't know if that makes any sense. Anyway that book is by Kathryn Ann Miller. Making a life book with their story and telling it over and over helps. I want Casey to make a hard back picture book just for Zachary and Joshua with their stories. I guess I need to sit down with him or go through loose pictures and help him with it. I have two in my purse from one of those on line snap fish or co. like that.
Hope this helped.Take care.
Laural