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HeidiK

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Posts posted by HeidiK

  1. Bi-racial/Transracial Adoption: Fears, Prejudice & Praise

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I can't help it, but I have been thinking about this topic alot over the past few days. 1st of all, I live it everyday, it is my life and I wouldn't change a thing... and 2nd of all, I keep asking myself is there anything I could do or say that might change someone's mind about parenting a child outside of their race.

    I keep thinking about how I felt at the beginning of my adoption journey..I was open to a child of any race, I hardly gave that box a 2nd glance but scared to DEATH about open adoption. Honestly, I only checked YES in that box because I thought it would get me placed sooner. I had never heard of an open adoption, I had no idea how it would work, how I might feel and the impact it might have on my child or my family..or on the birth family. At the agency in California, it wasn't even called "open" adoption, you checked off your willingness for contact..ei..meet face-to-face, letters/pictures, identified placement ( meaning last names exchanged) stuff like that. I was scared and so was my family - honestly my family had zero issues with the color of my child, they were freaked by the whole meeting the birth mother, staying in contact ect.

    My Mom and I dropped off pictures to the agency, at the request of Gabe's birthmom when he was about 10 days old. They had called to tell me that LaTonya was greiving ( duh...) and would I mind dropping of some picture. BTW...I was over there in about an hour and we had lunch when Gabe was 3 months old...it was awesome. And then we had lunch again a few months later. Its been 4 years and everytime I mention to my Dad that we saw or are going to see Latonya he asks the same question: "Do you really think that's a good idea?" YES I do...

    But some how..I knew on some level that contact is good for everyone, and that secrets, questions, wondering can be harmful, or painful or even damaging to all. So I pressed on even though I was scared, unsure even frightened that an open adoption might somehow back-fire and I would be left heart-broken.

    So I wonder if transracial adoption could be the same enlightening process for some. I wonder how many adoptive parents initally "checked" YES to that box - biracial or AA because they thought it might "get them placed sooner". I would bet ya - that not too many would give back the children they now love and adore. I am sure that they must have been scared, unsure and frightened when orginally "matched" with a child of color and his/her birth family, but I know that its scary period..no matter what color the child will be. Until you look at the face of your child, and your heart tells you its okay to love THIS child...its a hard process.

    For me and my family, transracial adoption simply adds another layer to the entire adoption story - but its not the whole story. I have NO idea what will be the issues that my children will face surrounding their adoptions, but I prepare for them all. Being adopted, having full birth siblings or 1/2 siblings, contact vs no contact, birth fathers, being raised black and Jewish, being raised by a single women..the list goes on and on...I think race is only a part of the whole "matza ball". I know most of the PIW wonder what issues their child might have, and I think a few might choose NOT to transracial adopt believing that its better for the child. My heart tells me that those that leave boxes "unchecked" have probably never really loved someone that was another color, or another race and are unsure of their capacity to do so.

    I have heard from some that parents, siblings, friends ect would have "huge" issues if I/we adopted a AA child. I ask them is that what they "think" or is that what they "know" as in having had a frank and honest discussion with the person(s) in question. I think people might be surprized if they asked the "rascist" family members flat out to discuss it with them, I really think more would be supportive and be ready to welcome a child into the family than you might think. Or at least that has been my experience. Again, if you fall in love just once with someone who looks different from everyone else you have ever loved or held close....color issues melt and become another layer of the story.

    So - fall in love!

    Lastly - I had a wonderful patient named Griffin, and he met Gabe and I for lunch (his Mom too) when Gabe was a few weeks old. Griffin at age 4 took one look at him...and said to me..."cool Heidi, you have a chocolate baby...but it doesn't matter the outside color, cause the blood inside is always red" As a nurse - I will tell you he's right

  5. Baby Announcements 2007

    in New Arrivals

    Posted · Edited by HeidiK

    Welcome to the school little fishy...

    Congradulations to the little girl who is loved by many

    PS Welcome to 2007 Ms Stork. May your visits be frequent, and filled with the knowledge of a JOB well-done. I know a few people that are counting on you this year!

  7. INQUIRY

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted · Edited by HeidiK

    Guess what?!?!? Our application and profile are done and we are mailing them tomorrow (well, FedEx-ing them since it's a national day of mourning for Ford)...either way... And our friends emailed us a copy of the letter of reference that they wrote for us and it is AMAZING! I am so lucky to have friends like them :) This has been an wonderful (but extremely busy) weekend and a fantastic beginning to 2007! We cannot believe how fast everything is moving! How exciting!!!!!!!! Best of luck in 2007 to everyone in our new Abrazo family :) Kristin

    Great Job getting so much done..you are certainly ready to jump into the "Abrazo" pool. Good luck with finishing your homestudy too...

  9. For our Jewish friends

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    Lisa,

    The 1st night of Hanakah is always sundown the NIGHT before..so we will light the 1st Candle tomorrow (friday). We will be heading off to Temple after eating dinner, exchanging gifts and lighting the candles. The 1st night I give the kids gifts, and they will exhange gifts. In our family, then gifts from Grammie another night, Pappa...ect. Everyone gets a candle or I fill in with smaller itmes, like books, games. Of course, Santa comes too :P

  10. Celebrity Adoptions

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Question for the "Chicks" : Do you think a celebrity like Angela, Madonna or JLo could even attempt an open adoption in the States? Wouldn't the celebrity status influence a birth mothers decision, ( either positive or negatively) or get in the way some how? I wonder.....

  14. Baby Announcements 2006

    in New Arrivals

    Posted · Edited by HeidiK

    Dear Santa AKA STORK CENTRAL, :D

    I know a few families that have been VERY GOOD this year and they all would love to have a sweet pink or blue bundle to put under their holiday tree. Keeping all the PIW in our hearts and prayers during the season of miracles

  15. For our Jewish friends

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    The Ruggrats have the cutest Hanakah special called the "Meany of Hanakah" I watched it with my Dad before the boys and should really try and get me hands on a copy. Thanks for the item infor - I need to order one. WE are having 20 kids over for a Hanakah bash...I so wish you were coming out to visit your sister and then US, LOL

    Hugs

  16. For our Jewish friends

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted · Edited by HeidiK

    Hi Ladies,

    I love the hand paint menhorah. Lauren- can you tell me where to get one for Gabe? I would sure apperiate it. I took the boys to service last night and I know it made an impression because today on the playground her told his friend " We go to Temple and then you tell people Sabbot Shalom" Color me proud!

    Hugs

    Heidi

  17. INQUIRY

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Welcome back Gloria!!! I hope you hear from Abrazo very soon!!

    Thanks Angie!! B)

    Welcome back to the fourm Gloria ( and now you have to stay!) and many blessings on your journey to add another child to your family!

  18. Picking & Choosing

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted · Edited by HeidiK

    I wonder how many birth parents pass up potential adoptive parents for the exact same reasons.. Let me explain

    When waiting for Gabriel : I marked open to everthing for the very reason(s) elaborated by Elizabeth because I wanted to be presented to potential birth families as often as possible, and I was afraid that I would miss my "child" and I worked hard at NOT trying to picture what my child would really be like. On paper - surely I wasn't anyones perfect match! I was present with some very challenging and difficult situations...most of them when I thought it thru got educated and prayed.. I discovered I was really open to most . Gabriel's "situation" had a very specific set of challenges inculding Native American heritage, drug exposure and no birthfather inforamtion. Once I made the VERY painful decision to turn down a baby that I learned later passed away in the loving arms of the family that had agreed to foster her. I say a special prayer for them all the time.

    AND the ironic thing about Gabriel's birthmom is that on her matching sheet she selected: African American or Biracial only VERY FIRM, Christian VERY IMPORTANT, stay at home mom, other child in the home. Not exactly a perfect fit - with a single working Jewish mom, no other kids and gulp...40 yrs old. Had she not been open to ME ----what we have missed out on!

    What makes the differnce - is having agenies and social workers invested in the VERY best interests of all the clients that they work with. Latonya ( Gabe's Birthmom) looked at the profiles of the families that fit her "check list", and then afterwards the SW also showed her a few others that were also open to the specifics aurrounding her child, and I was in that stack. When we met - it was a great fit for us both....

    I guess the bottom line is that NOBODY - is really exactly what they appear to be on paper, and decisions to accept a match or decline really need to be on so many other things...like connection, faith, love, shared values and ideals...and oh yea...listening to the whispers that assure you that you are making the right choice.

  22. Soul / Sole Support

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted · Edited by HeidiK

    Speaking of support...I want to THANK Jean and Nathan for a wonderful day at the zoo. It was such a blessing to connect with another family just like mine! Jean - You know I love you sister! And your amzing son too!

    PS _ Big hugs for the warm welcome from MathaJ and Catherine - Gabe is still talking about his friends in San Antonio

  23. How do I make my mom understand?

    in Considering Adoption?

    Posted

    Dearest Lisa,

    Yet again you have reminded me that with each situation that comes our way, we always have the opportunity to re-choose. We can always be different, react different and change to help our children and/or ourselves. Bravo for your MOM for becoming your MOM again....I am just sorry that it took a pregnancy for her to come around again. But I shudder to think what you all would have missed out on had she not been willing to embrace you in that exact moment

    I watched the Oprah episode today. It was heart-breaking to think that any young woman would need to go to such lenghts for acceptance, for a boy friend....for any thing. But looking back on my past, their are some things that I did for acceptance that I am not that proud of.

    I would agree with you, that there seemed to be a disconnectedness, Jessica said all the right words but emotions or facial experssions didn't really add up. And the opportunity to make a HUGE statement was missed. My prayers are with all the young girls tonight hiding something from those that love them.

    Heidi

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