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HeidiK

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Posts posted by HeidiK

  1. Managing Adoption Expenses

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Maybe you really don't like this idea, but I can think of dozens of ways in which our society seems to think that financially incentivizing certain choices is completely ok, and an effective way of shifting societal attitudes.

    Another incentivized choice in adoption is the AAP ( adoption assistance program) - This program was created to encourage the adoption of foster kids.

    And while we're on the subject, what about that $10,500 adoption tax credit that adoptive families in America can get, just for adopting a healthy newborn of any race?

    The funny thing us, if firstmothers were offered an equivalent tax credit for placing, we'd call it "inducement" and that would be considered a bad thing, wouldn't it??

    (But when the shoe is on the other foot, well, ...?)

    good point!

  2. Managing Adoption Expenses

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Maybe you really don't like this idea, but I can think of dozens of ways in which our society seems to think that financially incentivizing certain choices is completely ok, and an effective way of shifting societal attitudes.

    Another incentivized choice in adoption is the AAP ( adoption assistance program) - This program was created to encourage the adoption of foster kids. In some settings, foster parents counld not "afford" to loose the state support they recieved. The funding would be cut off if the families completed an adoption - so it made better finacial sense for the children to remian foster kids The program allowed kids to "belong" and for their AP to continue to receive the benefits

  7. Frank Talk about Open Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Elizabeth-

    Pardon my thinking out loud..BUT does or has Abrazo ever decided NOT to work with a birth family not open to the idea of an OPEN relationship and on going contact ? And how do you help birth families "open up"? I know that life situations sometimes get in the way - but ....how do you help people in this type of stressful situation change what might be a set of "fixed ideas"...just wondering

    heidi

  8. Frank Talk about Open Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Seems like its MY job to nuture and grow Gabe and Parker's relationships with their birth families.........and I hope that they will always be connected and know that they are loved ...and that's an everyday part our world ...and would be a healthy part of all families created thru adoption. Even if the birth famliles choose not to particiate at any point in time, it s the job of the adoptive families to share and nuture what they do know with their children, AND keep the door open for birth families should they later make a different choice. its just MOP <_<

  10. Picking & Choosing

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I would have to say that 'Race' would be a different category when it comes to picking and choosing. My reason is that 'Race' is a factor that for the most part can be controlled within those having biological children, as well as in adoption. I say for the most part because I know that there are exceptions to every rule. I have my own, sometimes conflicting thoughts and feelings about picking and choosing when it comes to race, but it does seem to elicit different reasoning than picking and choosing along other lines. I suppose age would be a similarly different construct- in that adoption is really the only way in which choice is involved in the age of your children.

    Just a thought.

    I am not really sure if I agree with this - I think being race specific should be in the same category as the rest- after all most AP's are not open to children of all races. And just becasue I was open to only children of African American decent doesn't make my choices any "better" than anyone else......I need to think some more on this subject <_<:ph34r:

  11. Picking & Choosing

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I have a different "take" on the choosing thing. With my 1st adoption - I was OPEN to everything - color, health issues, premie, sex of the baby, age ( up to 3yrs old) openess, drug exposure, unknown birth father, legal risk - it didn't matter - I wanted to consult and think about each situation as presented. I thru my "hat" in the ring on just about everthing that I was consulted on ( about 10 different situations) with the exception of one 23 week premie little girl that God called home all too soon , I said show my profile.

    However for my 2nd adoption I was MUCH more selective - I only wanted a full or 1/2 African American child of either sex and was strongly encouraging an open relationship. I was still open to everything else BUT I really believed that the race of a 2nd sibling was important. I just felt that Gabriel shouldn't be the only child of color in this family and that having to kids with the same ethic background would allow them to similiar expereinces

  12. Open Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Honestly gang - openess as something I agreed to because I simply thoughtit would help me get placed faster - did I just admit that out loud :unsure: . But it was the truth. I had NO idea why I checked YES - but I knew the more NO's on the sheet the longer it would take to match - I just figured I would figure it all out later and I did. I also knew that I am the type of person that keeps her word, personal intergrity is very important to me - so if agreed to visits, or pictures or whatever - I knew that I would do as I had promised. Five years later - I can't imagine not knowing my sons entire families - and in return I have a peaeful heart as do Latonya and Sandra - and that tranlates into sons that I hope will undersatnd the choices the women around them made for them.

  13. Putting up a Praise!!!

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    For all you nurses out there - many of you can relate to this situation "getting home and finding out you have the "KEYS" in your pocket". WELL that is what happened to me this weekend - and I had todrive back to work and get home again - I live an hours drive form work and I was exhausted from working a long tough shift.....

    My praise is for a dear friend in West Virginia who talked to me for the entire drive - making me laugh so hard that I was so glad to have actually taken the keys home as is gave me a chance to connect and laugh. Big Praise for a wonderful freind!

  17. Frank Talk about Open Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    You know open adoption is working when you are talking to your friend (Sandra and Parker's birth mom) and she couldn't wait to tell you about this lady she did some work for that had two adopted children ( white woman with two biracial girls) AND she spent an hour talking to her about "opening" up her adoptions and why open adoption works. Including whipping out one of the many brag books I have made and sent in the past two years filled with all the wonderful momments we have spent togther....in her words as "A FAMILY" my heart is full!! :) !

  18. Is Adoption the Wrong Choice?

    in Considering Adoption?

    Posted

    Ok,I think I need to clarify some of my thoughts that may have been taken wrong. First of all I know that not everybody who adopts is greatly priviliged,I was saying that maybe all adoptive parents SHOULD HAVE TO BE. If somebody truly believes that money makes things better for the child,then there is always somebody with more. Not everybody places for money reasons,some do it because they just aren't ready to be parents,some have dreams of going to college and can't do that with a child(which is related to money if you look at it) some just have too much stress or abuse problems or addictions to deal with etc.... So many reasons,and that is my point. Money shouldn't be an issue but it is. My two children were placed for money reasons and money reasons ONLY!!! We were NOT on any government assistance ,we refused. Keeping my children would not have put us in a much different situation,I would have had more kids to take care of,that isn't a bad thing. Placing my two children did not improve our situation either. If anything it continued to get worse(not because of placing). If you place your child for financial reasons because you truly believe that is what is best for them then that is fine,that is your decision and nothing at all is wrong with that. What makes it wrong is if you place for financial reasons because you feel you have no other choice and don't know where to turn and there is no help to keep your family together.But it happens all the time and in that situation it is not right. I am not denying that adoption is needed and is important and a great thing. I think it is. My husband and I hope to adopt some day. Probably not an infant,maybe through foster care,or a sibling group or older child etc... Also I was not implying that I think adoptive parents should financially support BP's etc... I don't think that at all. What I was saying is there aren't many people out there willing to help a family in need stay together if they aren't going to get the baby in the end. That is the sad truth. I know there are many of you who would give your right arm for your birthparents,no doubt about it. But not many of you who would have given them financial help,found counseling for them,taxi'd them to and from work and babysat their baby for them to find a job if the baby was never going to be yours. I think the thought of this is unimaginable for most people to think of. There is a program out there that does that. Through foster care you can take in a pregnant woman,and her children and baby and help them as if they were a part of your family etc.... It keeps families together,builds and extends new families and children get to stay with their biological mothers. But that is not the main goal of our society. For the most part we still think it is easier for us to just place a baby for adoption and give it to a more privileged family than to work on trying to improve an imperfect sysytem. Ok,I digressed. Sorry,maybe I should just stop and keep my mouth shut because sometimes I feel like I am not getting my point across the way I would like.

    Jada - I have been thinking ALOT about yur comments the past few days ...and I am churning your thoughts around in my head. One thing for sure- PLEASE don't stop posting your ideas, ...........you represent an amazing point of view - so needed here and everywhere

    heidi

  24. Baby Announcements 2007

    in New Arrivals

    Posted

    WOW! Prayers for and congratulations to the newest family. I hope this is who I think it is!!!! :lol::lol: And if so, the offer still stands .... we have lots of girl things to share! ;) And of course girls can wear blue --- HUGS!!!!!! What a wonderful Thanksgiving blessing.

    And of course you have the best taste in baby girl clothing Majorie!

    Thank you everyone for your warm congratulations!

    We have been through a whirl wind of emotions in the past 24 hours. It started with broken hearts from a match that was so good falling through and ended with joyous hearts as we signed the papers for our daughter Cecilia Colleen.

    Our prayers go out to all those feeling loss tonight-- may God bring you peace and a happy ending!

    Your heart felt comments bring tears to my eyes....Congradulations

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