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Susan

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  6. In Memoriam

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    Oh, she was such a special woman and an inspiration to us all! She was definitely a highlight of Camp! I also remember how touched Lisa, Tasia's birthmother, was by her. She inspired Lisa so much :) Can we have a special tribute to her at Camp 2011?

    Susan

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  9. In Memoriam

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    The last few months have unfolded so beautifully since Adrian's passing, for with tragedy has come joy. Only a month after his death, his dear mother Christina reached out to us, and to Jenna's family. Her outstretched hand led us to talk with her over the phone and make plans to see each other at the end of July when we were in Texas for Camp Abrazo. We did indeed meet and Tasia got to know her birthgrandparents (Adrian's parents) and her sister Adriana. It was like love at first sight between Tasia and Adriana, and a few days later all three sisters (Adriana, Jenna and Tasia) (and birthdaughters of Lisa and Adrian) would be all together at the San Antonio zoo.

    Today, a lovely photo of Adrian's gravestone arrived from Adrian's mother...a plaque engraved with all five of his children, including his three girls. We are so touched that she included Tasia and Jenna on his gravestone. How tragic that Adrian never had the chance to know Jenna and Tasia...may he rest in peace in the knowledge that they will ALL know each other, and the love and embrace of his parents.

    I posted the photo of his gravestone in the Gallery.

    Open adoption is pretty amazing...thank you God for blessing us with such a full and special extended Texas family!

    Susan

  13. In Memoriam

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    “Don’t dream your life, live your dream.”

    I found this quote, accompanied by a small red and yellow bird, on a small plaque attached to the large Live Oak tree that stands above Adrian’s gravesite. As I walked behind the tree on Friday, taking a moment to reflect on the scene around the grave, I came across this meaningful phrase. May it stand as a testament to the lives of two very special people – Lisa and Adrian – the parents together of three beautiful girls.

    Adrian’s life ended tragically last week. And just at a time when his life was turning around, when he was making changes that would set him on a course of better times. He and Lisa had also reconnected in ways that reminded them both that they were each other’s “one true love”, even though the complexity of their shared history made being together a challenge. What also makes his death so tragic is that it seems to likely be the result of a lack of access to health insurance and adequate health care. As someone working in public health, I am reminded of why we so need to ensure that everyone in this country has the ability to get the care they need, when they need it.

    Friday’s funeral and the day spent with Lisa and her grandmother was a day I will never forget. The Abrazo angels – Elizabeth, Angela, and Audra – were also there through it all – a reminder that Abrazo’s commitment to birthparents is always enduring, way past placement. For both Lisa and Adrian have so touched our lives. Since our first meeting with Lisa at Camp Abrazo when Tasia was 18 months, and Jenna was almost 3 years old, we have developed a deep and lasting connection with her. We have also seen an amazing transformation in her life – parenting a new child by herself, moving out on her own under difficult circumstances, holding down and excelling at her job, getting her GED, starting her certificate in community health at the local community college, and securing a place of her own.

    Within the last year, she had also reconnected with Adrian, a man with whom she shared so much (the good and the bad) and with whom she had borne three beautiful girls. Their lives were frought with complexity, and yet their love endured. Adrian, too, was on a new course. Just a month ago, he reached out to Abrazo (based in part on Lisa’s encouragement to find out more about Jenna and Tasia) to know how the girls were doing. He has written to both our family and Jenna’s family several years ago, but had decided that he wanted to have contact again. He made such a special connection with Angela, and the other Abrazo chicks, that he was making plans to be at Camp Abrazo this summer. He was really ready to meet us.

    Unfortunately that day will never come and we will never be together in person. But being at the funeral and hearing all of the stories about Adrian has given me a greater appreciation for who he was. Watching his mother and other family members grieve at his gravesite was almost more than any of us could take. It was very special to be there with Lisa who grieves so deeply now – her grandmother said to me at the gravesite that “a piece of Lisa’s heart is in that grave.” I shared very poignant moments with Lisa’s grandmother, who told funny and touching stories about Adrian. I also spoke with Adrian’s mother, although I am not sure if she made the connection given her state of grief. I am hopeful that in the days and years to come that they might be open to having a relationship with us and the girls.

    Now I find myself seeking ways to keep all of the details of the last few days forever documented so that Tasia can know the stories. We told her of Adrian’s death on Thursday before I left for the airport. She took out a photo of Adrian, carrying it around the house talking about how her birthfather had died. We also looked at the “family tree” in the book Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born and she pointed to this person who is Adrian (we talk about Adrian whenever we read that book together). We find it harder to explain birthfathers to Tasia, especially since she had never met Adrian, but now we will find ways so that he can always be “real” to her.

    May he rest in peace, and know that all of those he leaves behind will always remember him.

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