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mbell

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Posts posted by mbell

  7. Open Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Jada,

    I too am sorry about the lack of communication and broken promises you are experiencing. It is hard for me to believe that people can work with Abrazo, attend orientation, listen to the birthparent panel, etc. and still turn a deaf ear to pleas for contact. (although I suppose people can sit through orientation etc. with a deaf ear and do and say what they felt was needed for placement.).

    I have learned so much from the Forum in the 2+ years since our orientation, and so much of the wealth of information that is on here is because of the honesty and openness of people such as yourself that post so that we may all learn from your experiences. Thank you and I hope you have the contact you desire very soon.

  8. Open Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    In addition to The Open Adoption Experience, I recommend Children of Open Adoption by Kathleen Silber and Patricia Dorner. As I recall, it was good and very easy to read.

    Would you be able to invite her to join the Forum to see all the things that are discussed? If not, could you PM the authors of several of the posts on this and other threads for permission to copy them and email their words verbatim?

    I don't have contact with Kate's birthmom as often as many on here, nor as close a relationship, but what we have I cherish. I also am so glad for all the information I have, as well as having the chance to have spent time with her birthmother in person. Not only can I tell my daughter that I hugged her birthmother and laughed and cried with her and promised to take good care of her (Kate), but I can also tell her that her birthmother had a beautiful smile and a good sense of humor, etc. I also have an avenue for finding answers to her questions as she grows and wonders about her identity.

    Here's how our relationship is: We had a short match, but met and spent time with Kate's birthmom a few weeks before Kate was born and during her hospital stay. At this time, we have sporadic communication with Kate's birthmom through the mail. She has our names, address, and phone #, but she responds to us, rather than initiating contact. For the first time in 2 years, we received a phone call from Kate's birthmom but weren't home to talk with her. We very much hope that she'll call again as soon as she's able. We have also recently established contact with her birth grandmother. It means so much to me to be able to tell the woman who entrusted me with her child how well that child is doing; to share her accomplishments and every day details. Selfishly, it also makes me overjoyed to know that she thinks we are good parents and that she is so glad she chose us. There is comfort and relief and joy in sharing both directions.

    I am not uneasy about sharing my full name or address etc. (At least not after having been educated about open adoption. ) I think that one of the above books goes into a bit about fear - and I think that fear of the unknown is worse than being able to deal with known facts. Those who harbor fears about open adoption, who are scared of birthparents finding them, or coming back for the baby, will still be afraid with a closed adoption, I think-- they just won't know who to fear. They may wonder if someone is looking for them, or if every stranger could be their child's BP. It is not the case with open adoption. In a strange turn of events, open adoption takes away the fear, leaving people to live much more easily. (Not that there are never issues, mind you, but there are in any relationship.)

  10. Open Adoption

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Good grief, Tina.

    When you siad you had gotten a couple of calls, I thought you were going to say that people wanted you to share you positive open experience with that couple, not that they thought you should hide Mackenzie! :angry: I can't even comprehend being so scared as to contemplate MOVING to keep my child's location a secret.

    You know, open adoption is so good for all parties - what a weight off if those people could open up - imagine the relief they'd feel. I think you should tell them that you're offering prayers - for them to be enlightened. Hoo boy. Or maybe have Jay stay at home Sunday so you can deliver a little speech uncensored ;)

  16. Baby Announcements 2007

    in New Arrivals

    Posted

    Wow - the Stork sure has been busy giving folks reason to give thanks!!

    Congratulations to even more new Abrazo families:

    Teena and Joe -- welcome your new son!! Nathanial Joseph

    Dale and Amanda - welcome your new daughter!! Faith Nichole

    What a wonderful wonderful holiday in Abrazoland! Enjoy your new blessings!!

  19. Nursery Notes

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Dane and I have talked about these kiddos several times this weekend. They kept popping in my head all during church today. We are praying for them both. There is just something in those eyes.

    I am so glad to hear things are progressing.

    So have we, Mandy. In fact, I sent their picture to Jim at work last week. . . I hope to hear they have new home with an Abrazo connectin soon!

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