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suebee

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Posts posted by suebee

  4. Baby Announcements 2008

    in New Arrivals

    Posted

    Congratulations Patti, Steve, and Big Brother Jack!!!

    I am so thrilled for you. When Joshua and I were praying for you, I was secretly asking God to send you a little girl. I love having the experience of "one of each" and there is something so precious about the way Joshua is with his little sister. I know Jack will be the same!! Praise God for this special blessing and loving prayers for her birthfamily.

    P.S. I agree with Donna, it has been a joy to follow your journey!!

  5. International Adopters: Looking for a Shortcut?

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Okay,

    I've decided not to pursue this any further. I could kick myself in the butt for pursiung this in the first place. I filled out the first inquiry that asked for indetifying information so now I am worried about that. Hopefully nothing bad will come of this. I should've asked for advice before I did anything. O'well, live and learn.

    Melissa,

    I would not feel bad, just relieved that you were probably spared a lot of heartache. Many people fall for these scams because when you want to be a parent so badly, you are emotionally vulnerable. You were wise to seek counsel here...particularly from Elizabeth...she's got a lot of experience and will always shoot straight!

    Wishing you the best on the journey to your child...

    Susan

  7. When Christianity & Adoption Intersect

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    "When Sam and Peggy at last had an adopted son, the moment of the child's baptism arrived. As part of the service, the parents were asked to affirm that the child was not theirs but God's. After all that he had been through, Sam wanted to shout: "This kid is mine." At the same time, said Sam, "It was the most freeing experience I've ever had to realize there's a God that doesn't desire for this little kid's hairs to be harmed, whose arms are so much sturdier than [my] shaky arms." Adoptive parents have a keen awareness that children belong to God, not to their parents."

    Thanks for the articles, Elizabeth. I quoted the part that stuck out to me the most. This concept of "ownership" is one of the most intriguing realizations of parenthood in general (adoption or not), in my own opinion.

    I'll have to go back and read the articles, but I wanted to comment on this quote. I think one of the reasons choosing to adopt was not a difficult decision for me was because I had been taught and seen through the example of my mom that your children are not your "own." You have the privilege of raising them for 18 or so years, but ultimately they do belong to God and they are also their own unique individuals...totally separate from their parents.

  14. Managing Adoption Expenses

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I have a question relating to inappropriate questions that children may ask relating to fees of adoption. My 8 yr old niece asked me one day 'how much did it cost to 'buy' Delaney?'. YIKES!??? I told her that her cousin was not 'bought' but rather that she was 'adopted' by us and left it at that. I didn't think I needed to go into further detail at that time. Her mother was horrified. Just curious what any of you would have answered to that question?

    I think you answered it very well. A little boy in my son's 1st grade class at school asked me if we bought Lydia, and I told him no, we adopted her and explained a little what that meant.

  16. Baby Announcements 2008

    in New Arrivals

    Posted

    Rejoicing in this latest placement and all the dreams being fulfilled. Also praying for the first family who have made tough choices for the love of this precious girl...may the God of all comfort give them peace. May this be the beginning of brighter tomorrows and a beautiful future together!

  17. Positive Adoption Language

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Bumping this up because we can all use a reminder every once in awhile about positive adoption language. Also, it's important to remember that a woman is not a birthmother until she places her child for adoption. If she chooses to parent, she is simply the mother.

  20. Putting up a Praise!!!

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    Boy, it sure did this heart good to get on the forum this morning, click on "View New Posts" and see that both of my son's birthparents (and my friends) Jeff and Nichole had posted last night!! They are both wonderful people, and I am so proud of them. It was the highlight of my morning.

    (Of course, when your morning starts out with a lot of whining and complaining from a certain 7-year-old because it's spring school picture day, and he has to wear decent clothes (i.e. no sweatpants) with the shirt tucked in...it can only get better right?! So which one of you wants to claim responsibility for Joshua's stubborn streak...cause I know he didn't get it from me!! :lol: :lol:

  22. Managing Adoption Expenses

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I think many birthparents could tell us how they've incurred any number of unreimbursed costs, in deciding to continue a pregnancy that ultimately "benefitted" someone else-- whether it was in lost wages during periods of doctor-ordered bedrest; the application of the private insurance benefits covered by their paycheck deductions, arbitrarily used to cover labor & delivery costs that the adopting family would otherwise have to pay on their behalf; forfeited monetary support or inheritance from relatives or family members who disapproved of their adoption decision; uncovered medical expense for which collection agencies demand payment from them after Medicaid is filed by hospitals too late for coverage to apply and long after that window of time during which the adoptive parents could be held responsible; increased gas/food/clothing/childcare costs incurred during pregnancy, that they never sought agency/adoptive parent assistance with (proud as they were); etc...?

    Absolutely then, I think the laws should be changed to allow first parents who incur non-reimbursed expenses for a pregnancy in which they place the child for adoption and can document said expenses (as adopting parents are required to do), should receive a tax credit equal to that offered to adopting parents. Has anyone ever tried to get this done? Is it done through the laws, the president, or how?

  23. Managing Adoption Expenses

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Maybe you really don't like this idea, but I can think of dozens of ways in which our society seems to think that financially incentivizing certain choices is completely ok, and an effective way of shifting societal attitudes.

    Another incentivized choice in adoption is the AAP ( adoption assistance program) - This program was created to encourage the adoption of foster kids.

    And while we're on the subject, what about that $10,500 adoption tax credit that adoptive families in America can get, just for adopting a healthy newborn of any race?

    The funny thing us, if firstmothers were offered an equivalent tax credit for placing, we'd call it "inducement" and that would be considered a bad thing, wouldn't it??

    (But when the shoe is on the other foot, well, ...?)

    Is it really the same thing though? You get the tax credit up to $10,500 for adoption expenses paid. If you only pay $8000, you only get a credit of $8000. Since first parents don't generally incur financial expenses when placing a child (at least that I'm aware of), giving them a tax credit for placing is "inducement." Isn't it?

  24. Managing Adoption Expenses

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I want to make a point of clarification. I think that there is a difference between adoption costs that naturally fluctuate on a case by case basis, and actually having a fee structure that differs based on race. I also wanted to make it clear that I was not saying that children are more or less valuable based on the the cost of their adoption, birth, etc..., but rather that to have a fee structure that is concretely different solely based on the race of the child could communicate how we value people based on their race in the overall society.

    The reason I bring this up is just because I feel like my original concern is being taken completely out of context.

    I also wanted to say that while there is a recognition of "why" this takes place, I am not sure that this addresses the overall concern of "why" this needs to take place. Why should some individuals have to be given financial incentives to be willing to adopt a child based on that child's characteristics? Maybe others don't see that as a concern, but personally I have a big problem with that.

    BTW- Thanks everyone for being willing to talk about this- money and adoption is another very touchy issue and one that I think hits a lot of nerves for all of us based on some of our experiences with others perceptions. As always, I value your willingness to tackle difficult issues and love the way in which you push me to think about things at a deeper level. I am thankful for all of you!

    Bobbi

    Bobbi,

    I "hear" what you are saying, and can understand why that is a concern. :)

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