linlacor
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Posts posted by linlacor
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Hi Beth,
If you happen to read this - please know that you will be in our thoughts and prayers. I am a birthmother to a daughter I placed almost 15 years ago and I'm also a very very happy mother of a daughter we adopted almost a year ago. Cancer is such a scary thing - something I certainly worry about as my aunt is a breast cancer survivor. I guess my own mortality is something I worry about often - it just feels like we have so much to live for - especially our children and to watch them grow up and become parents themselves. I am praying a long, cancer free, happy, and healthy life for you my friend - I'm so glad you reached out for our prayers - we have some powerful prayering going on around here and we are the witness to miracles happening right and left.
Please keep us posted on how you're doing - I'm so glad to hear you're doing well. Look to your future and see it as you want it to be - healthy, happy, and surrounded by love. Huge hugs!!
Your friend,
Lisa
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Congratulations to all the Holiday Hopefuls and their familes.
Y'all are a special Orientation group because while we were in the process of getting to know our precious baby Kayleigh (she was born Thurs, 12/5 and we were in Austin to meet her on Sat, 12/7) - y'all were in San Antonio at your Orientation. I think y'all were even there when the Abrazo angels made that call to us on Saturday to give us the wonderful news that we were indeed going to be Kayleigh's parents. And my apologies for all those interruptions - I think Elizabeth and I spoke probably every 30 minutes that weekend (well, maybe I'm exagerrating but there was so much going on - I know we spoke quite a bit!! )
Anyway - I've always felt a neat connection with you all even though I've never met or spoken with you (at least I don't think I've spoken to any of you yet) and I'm so glad to hear that you all now have your little ones with you all safe and sound.
Here's to wishing you all a very Merry Christmas this year - it will be quite different from your last Christmas, that's for sure. Kayleigh came home with us to Seattle on Christmas eve so even though we were officially a family last Christmas - it was such a whirlwind and the three weeks prior to Christmas were spent in Texas - mostly in the hospital - then a few days at my mom's house before flying home on what was the best flight I've ever had in my life. So, anyway - we're looking forward to a very special Christmas this year too!
Congratulations once again!! So glad to hear the wonderful news!!
Lisa
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Oh I'm all teary!!!!! Christina - I am sooooo happy for y'all! And Samuel's name is truly gorgeous!!! I love every one of them - they just flow and sound beautiful!
We have 3 cats and although Kayleigh disrupted their routine just a bit in the beginning (who am I kidding, she still disrupts their routine which consists of sleeping wherever they please...the sunnier the spot, the better) and they ended up just completely ignorning Kayleigh - as though she didn't even exist. That worked for awhile until she really noticed them (this all happened about a month or so ago) and let me say, I never see her crawl as fast as she does when she sees the "kitties" - she's like lightening! They're not quite as enthusiastic as she is to make contact so they skeedaddle off and up (I don't know what poor little doggies do if babies chase them, at least the kitties have somewhere to go and observe from high up out of her reach).
The sleep part, you'll get used to.....or at least I did. And it doesn't last very long - about 3 months (give or take depending on Samuel's sleeping habits).
Anyway, we're so so so so so happy to hear from you and to hear y'alls news and I wish all 5 of you all the best (you, Robert, Samuel, & his birthmother and birthfather).
-Lisa
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Congratulations to the new parents!!!
Now, fortunately, the Abrazados Orientation group graduates have probably had the most plentiful and active forumites in quite awhile so it's been loads of fun reading all their posts and getting to follow along with them during the wait. Unfortunately - this makes it awful hard to figure out WHO YOU ARE!! So - it's either cgrace, S&L, Geddy, or Varnavi - and heck if I can figure out which one....so pllllleeeease someone check in so we know who is on top of the world at the moment (and by the way - you kinda stay that way for quite awhile, so don't plan on coming down from cloud 9 anytime soon).
-Lisa
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My husband was 36 when we met and 37 when we married (neither of us had ever been married before). He was pretty comfortable living his life as a bachelor but was definitely wanting to get married. I believe I asked him on our first date whether or not he wanted children or not (because that would have meant bye-bye Mr. Right) and he said that he could see himself with a child (or even 2). So, that was good enough for me - at least I knew he wasn't opposed to having children....he just didn't have a burning desire for it like I did.
Throughout our journey to get pregnant (about 3 1/2 years...), he was always supportive (we did 2 IVFs) but again, he wasn't watching the Baby Shows I would tape every day. I was a little concerned that maybe he was going along with the infertility stuff simply to be supportive of my desires to be a mom - but over and over he assured me that it wasn't entirely like that. He couldn't assure me that he desperately wanted a child, like I felt, but he did want to be a father. I just wanted to be sure that I never pressured him into anything because I didn't feel that was something I wanted to "deal" with later on in case it ever came up.
I remember going out to dinner together shortly after our first failed IVF attempt. I wanted to talk to him about adopting because I hated the in-vitro experience - I wanted a sure thing and to me, adoption has a fairly predictable end result (granted - it may not be a predictable journey but most everyone I've ever met who began an adoption process, ultimately ended up as parents). He told me he wasn't opposed to adoption but he would really rather try IVF one more time. I didn't push things (although I kept reading adoption books, etc and educating myself on the process and the various decisions one has to make when they go that path).
We moved to a different state, due to a job transfer for my husband. I briefly considered giving up on the mommy thing for a few years (mainly because I just couldn't bear to go through another IVF cycle and the disappointment) and even took the LSAT to apply for law school. I changed my mind, started the IVF again and once again, the results were negative. I read a book by the author Jill Smowlowe called, "An Empty Lap". Whoa! Talk about a reluctant spouse - he made Lance seem enthusiastic about starting the adoption process. (In the end, her spouse totally does an about face and just adores their daughter as a father does). That book gave me hope because even though I wasn't exactly dealing with a reluctant spouse - I was dealing with a spouse who wasn't in a hurry to do things and though open to adoption - he openly admitted to me that he had some concerns that he needed to work through on his own (the expense was something he needed to come to terms with - he also said (I hope this comes out okay) that because he didn't have this burning desire to have children at that moment in his life, he was a bit worried about how he would bond with a child - a biological child...and since he thought it would take him some time to bond with a biological child...he was really concerned about how he would bond with a child who didn't share his genes, he was really concerned about what would happen if a birthparent changed their mind and how that would feel...those are some of the things I can think of off the top of my head that he shared with me when we talked about it (and we talked about it quite a bit - I kept bringing it up as a topic of discussion - I wanted to understand what was really driving his "reluctance" even though I knew I couldn't & wouldn't do anything to change his feelings...I totally accepted that this was something he needed to work on all by himself but I wanted to know that he was in fact thinking about it and trying to work on it - I didn't want it to just stagnate in all the other things he had going on in his life (i.e. work mainly). I also tried to balance bringing it up with not wanting him to feel pressured - it was really more of a discussion where I asked questions and listened... alot....and if he didn't have answers, I didn't push it.
Anyway, inside - I was going insane - all I could think about was how much I wanted to be a mother and I wanted him to want it as much as I did but it wasn't something I could control. I did a lot of reading and websurfing about adoption and adoption agencies but I didn't want to make contact until I could do so with his knowledge (I would have felt like I wasn't respecting him if I would have done something behind his back - I'm all about the "do unto others" thing).
This was all going on during my 2nd IVF cycle (because I knew I wouldn't get pregnant). I'm not sure exactly when but at some point, Lance worked through his concerns enough where there was a light (meaning we could begin the process and he felt confident enough that whatever lingering doubts he had would be worked out at some time during everything). Once we learned the IVF didn't work - I was ready to make that first contact - I asked him it was okay and he said "sure" - I think he thought it would take a bit longer than it did. I made that contact, we had the application to complete about a week or so later - we spent about a week completing the application and by this time, his concerns were down to the financial aspects of it and what if a birthmother changed her mind.
I wouldn't describe Lance as someone who was as enthusiastic about everything as I was - I lived, breathed, ate, slept, drank, etc baby, baby, baby. The thought of becoming a mother consumed every thought I had - I would just out of the blue say, "I want a baby so much" about 50 times a day and Lance would always respond the same, "I know you do sweetie". I really think that book though helped me accept that Lance wasn't as "into" it as I was but that didn't mean he wouldn't just fall head over heels in love with our child once we had him/her (oh my gosh, and did he ever - he tells me over and over again how he just never knew how much he needed Kayleigh but now he knows - he describes it now as he has such a sense of belonging now that she is his daughter).
One of the big shifts for him occurred at Abrazo's Orientation - he really connected with Elizabeth. He felt he could trust her and he had a huge amount of respect for her and her integrity. Whatever was said during those couple of days made a huge impact on his desire to start a family "then" not "later".
I will say though that even when we got the call on Kayleigh - Lance told me he needed some time to "think about it". I told him he had already had time to think about it - that's what he'd had the last few months to do (we attended August 2002 Orientation and got the call in Dec 2002) and that there wasn't anything to think about and I had already agreed to the case. He wasn't all that happy that I hadn't included him in on the decision but in my mind, we had gone over and over and over what we were and weren't comfortable with and Kayleigh's case didn't have anything about it that we had discussed as something we weren't comfortable with. Anyway, the reason I'm adding that in there is because that's why I wanted to be 100% sure that he was "on the same page" as me when we started the process because if he wouldn't have been, well....trying to get on the same page once the call came would have been the wrong thing to do - and at that point, you're involving too many other people - not a fair thing to do (it's one thing when it's between the two of you). I knew that Lance was ready to adopt - he wasn't as anxious as I was but I knew he was ready. His feeling of "needing to think about it" was just him - he never likes to rush into things but he had to make an exception and we had talked about that beforehand too (when we agreed awhile back that we'd be open to a last minute case, where the baby had already been born). That's just the way Lance handles decision making - very slowly.
Not sure if any of this helps anyone - I guess to sum my long rambling thing up - is that I don't think you should ever pressure someone into something they're not comfortable with but I do think it's necessary to keep the dialogue flowing to make sure you understand where your spouse is coming from. I don't think I'd take the first step until I felt comfortable that my spouse was ready, willing, and able to begin the adoption process (I think it's totally okay to gather information, etc and even read it to them (like I often did) but not get the ball rolling yet). And, be prepared for your spouse to perhaps not have quite the enthusiasm level as you may have - that CAN and likely will change once the baby is a more tangible concept - for Lance, I think it was just hard to picture himself as a father and so it was hard to get really excited about it until it seemed real. And for the record - Lance gets just as excited as I do now over every little thing that Kayleigh does and often, is more teary than me when we are sitting back and just watching her be her. He says he bonded with her more than he ever imagined he could ever bond with anyone the minute he laid eyes on her (he wouldn't even let me hold her!! )
-Lisa
Oh yes, and I wanted to respond about the 2nd choice thing. Even though we didn't go straight from not being able to conceive to adoption - I don't think of adoption as our 2nd choice - I guess though if you think about it, it was. I really like the way Jill put it though that it isn't the child that is 2nd choice - it's something different from that. Kayleigh is the child I wanted - if I had it to do all over again and I could choose between Kayleigh and a biological child, I'd choose Kayleigh without even thinking about it. And Lance feels the same way. Granted, we would have liked to have not gone through what we did in order to become her parents (meaning it sure would have been nice to get pregnant on the first try (or even the 2nd try), have a healthy full-term pregnancy, have a no-complications delivery and voila - live happily ever after as we are now. For sure, that would have been my first choice but not because of there being a biological child aspect - just because that would have been easier, less risky, less expensive (I hate to say that but hey, if I'm honest - it would have been nice to be able to hold on to the adoption fund and apply it toward Kayleigh's college fund - but unexpected expenses come up in our lives and I'm sure people who have experienced lay-offs recently and have spent their retirement fund on just making ends meet because it took them a year or more to find a job would say they would have rather had their retirement fund for retirement, not for "now" - but you just never know what will come up in your life - and certain things certainly take priority), and less painful. I have such a hard time knowing that in order for us to be so happy and to have so much (i.e. Kayleigh), there is someone else out there who lost so much and will feel the loss for the rest of her life. So - call it what you will, 2nd choice, whatever, I think it's totally okay to have not set out in life saying, "I want to adopt a baby" but adopt a baby/child after all. In fact, I always get a weird/uneasy feeling when someone says, "I always wanted to adopt a baby" - I kind of wonder about their motive.
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Jennifer,
Your friend, Jeri, is certainly in my thoughts and prayers today (and a few others who I've e-mailed and asked for their prayers too). She is only 35 years old - I am 32 - she has a son who just started school (I've been reading from the link you posted) - my goodness, she has so many rich wonderful things in her life - and her faith is just amazing. What a wonderful family of friends she is surrounded by. May God be with her and keep her body strong and alive this morning and all the tomorrows that follow and may he also be with those amazing brilliant doctors who are doing everything they can to help her go home to Texas to be with her husband and son.
-Lisa
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These baby announcement posts are always so touching and without a doubt, my all-time favorite thing about the Forum!! However, this last one sure does take the cake - what a moving and inspirational story this couple has to share with their child someday. It was one that gave me goose bumps and sure put a smile on my face when I read it!!
Congratulations y'all - We're so blessed to be able to witness these miracles happen right before our eyes.
-Lisa, Lance, & Kayleigh
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Oooooh....sure brings back memories!!!!!
Huge congratulations to the very happy new family and his birthmom and birthaunt are sure in our thoughts and prayers - what special people they are.
Hope to hear more from y'all (there's a great topic on here called Joyous Journeys if you have a few spare minutes to share some news on your little guy (what's his name? how much does he weigh? how are you doing?)
Love,
The Cornish's
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Joey and Sarah and their families will certainly, certainly, certainly be in the Cornish thoughts and prayers. I'm not sure I know what else to say - it's so hard to not ask and wonder why these things have to happen....I know that's not what you're supposed to do though. I'm praying for strength for these families too - the strength to have faith and the strength to get through such traumatic experiences.
It sure puts everything into perspective.....just knowing you need to be thankful for every day you have with the ones you love and to not take a single day or person for granted because change can happen so quickly.
-Lisa
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Hi Plano Parents,
Abrazo was the first & only agency we contacted....however, I'd read several, several books about different agencies and different types of agencies. I had a really good feeling about Abrazo because the daughter of my mom's friend had adopted from Abrazo, had a fabulous experience and had nothing but glowing things to say about their adoption experience. When we made the decision to adopt, I was so nervous about finding an agency (this was before my mom reminded me about her friend's daughter...she'd told me about them about 2 years prior to our decision to adopt but we were starting our in-vitro stuff and we weren't ready to think about adoption yet). There was a person I had worked with who had worked with a Texas agency and had been on a "waiting list" for something like 2 - 3 years with no contact from the agency whatsoever. They said it was a nightmare (and had already paid the agency quite a large amount of money which would be forfeited if they decided to sever their relationship with the agency....this is a pretty standard practice so that part of it isn't so off-track....it's the other part (the agency's reluctance to have contact, etc during the wait...and the wait itself). Anyway, they decided to end that relationship and work with a different agency (and they're now parents of a baby girl born a few days after our Kayleigh was born) - but - just hearing their story sure made me worry and wonder about whether we'd get stuck in a situation like that.
So, to me...word of mouth and positive experiences from others meant the world to me when it came to making a decision on an agency. Then, that first phone call I had with Elizabeth just did it. I just knew this was "the one" - she seemed so "real" and down to earth and honest. And throughout everything - I never, ever doubted that we were with the right agency. They may not always tell you what you want to hear (which isn't such a bad thing - I'd rather hear the truth and have honest feedback...even if that means their response sometimes is that they don't know (there is often a lot of uncertainty with adoption and there are no guarantees - I think that's just the nature of it).
So anyway, I think it's perfectly okay to have certain expectations, etc about the agency you want to work with...just make sure they're realistic and attainable.
Best of luck to you in your journey - I guess I'll just close by saying once your baby is with you, you'll probably feel like everything you went through to get there is worth it 100 million percent and if you had to do it all over again, you would. However, it helps to work with the best agency in the entire world and of course, I think Abrazo is that place - they were just fabulous!!! I can't say enough about how much they just made everything feel right and I felt as though they truly are doing what they do for the right reasons - and they're all just so cool too, they're a blast to work with and get to know.
-Lisa
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Hi Grandma Grandma,
Wow - your posts just really touched me - I just get goosebumps thinking back to the most wonderful day of our lives when our daughter Kayleigh joined us and remember how a million miles high I was on that day - thank you for bringing back that feeling with your sweet words and most of all - Congratulations to you and your special families.
Happy Grandma-ing to you!!
Lisa, Lance, & Kayleigh Cornish
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Just wanted to say congratulations to the happy family from Bruce's 8 Great Posse!!!
We're so happy about your news!!!
Lisa, Lance, & Kayleigh Cornish
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Hi Lisa2,
Oh my goodness! I have chills from reading your post and I feel like I'm right there with ya! I wish I could give you a huge hug too and I am so so so so happy to hear all about your decision to tell your dad and his wonderful, supportive reaction. See there, that's what parents are for, huh? How fortunate he is to have you as his daughter - and vice versa and how fortunate your birth-son is to have all of you as part of his extended family - what a fabulous story!!!!!!!
Congratulations...yippee!!!
Lisa
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I just wanted to provide a link to Adoptive Families magazine's website http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/index.php there is currently a link on the left-hand side under "Pre-Adoption Resource Center" called, "Help with Adoption Expenses". At the bottom, there is a link to a website that lists various non-profit organizations that offer grants and other sources of help.
-Lisa
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A big huge congratulations to the 2 Bruce's 8 Great Posse new parents (the one in June and the one in May) (that name just cracks me up by the way... ), and the Los Misionarios new family, and the Holiday Hopeful family from May.
We are so happy to hear about the new families and hope you get a few minutes sometime to tell us how things are going and brag on your precious little bundle of joy (although 8 lbs - wow! he is a big boy already!!! I hope you didn't buy too many newborn size clothes)
Yippeeeee!!!!!
Lisa, Lance, & Kayleigh Cornish
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Katy,
Thank you, thank you, thank you so much!!! I'm so glad you've enjoyed my often rambling posts....(and I wonder sometimes how Kayleigh is so verbal.....I guess I'm like this in person too) and you've been able to sift through and pick up useful info. In the beginning - it can all be so overwhelming and so uncertain (I mean, you know your dream will come true...but the not knowing "when" is the hard part) and just trying to know what to do to stay busy and focused and "ready" for everything......it's so exciting but also feel like you are in this huge ocean and you're a minnow trying to figure everything out and know what to do...(by the way, for me, as prepared as I thought I was...when I received the call about Kayleigh - I just lost all sense of being and knowledge and stayed that way up until a few days after placement - my brain just literally turned to mush - all I could think about was her and since we didn't have contact with her birthmother, she (Kayleigh's birthmother) was on my mind so much - worrying about her and wondering what she was feeling and going through - so, don't worry if you feel totally unprepared for your baby - I think that's totally normal and just go with your instincts and don't worry about everything else...listen to your heart, you'll do GREAT!! (And please, please, please post updates.....even if you're only able to spare time for a 1 - 2 sentencer.....)
(And thank you so much for the Kayleigh compliments - she is our entire world...as if you couldn't tell - our sun rises and sets around her......we have never been happier than the day Kayleigh became a part of our family - it's just the most amazing thing ever.....she could have purple polka dots all over body and a green & pink striped tail and to us, she would be beautiful and perfect because she is our daughter and we love her very, very much!! ) Well, enough of my Kayleigh babble.
Best wishes to you and your family and please keep us updated!!
Lisa
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Welcome Katy & Christina.....and congratulations!!!
Christina, just wanted to comment on what you said about how it feels to be under the microscope. I had totally forgotten that part until you mentioned it. I felt the same way - it does feel kinda strange when you're answering the questions and you feel like someone is totally judging your answers as to whether they're "right" or "wrong". However, after going through it all now...I don't think that's actually what's going on.....think of it more like they're just trying to get to know you and your spouse and the environment your child will grow up in.
You're totally right on though with the responsibility Abrazo has to the Abrazo babies and their birthfamilies to ensure that the parents of these children are going to provide a loving, stable, supportive, nurturing, etc family forever and ever and ever. I'm even a birthparent and I know what's involved from a birth parent's perspective about wanting the very best parents for your child (and the definition of "very best" means different things to different people) and I still had to remind myself of this as we were completing all the questions, etc (like telling myself, "okay, put yourself in a birthparent's shoes"). And now I think of the enormous amount of responsibility that Abrazo has in selecting potential parents.....oh my gosh - it would scare me to death to know that I was responsible for making sure that a child was placed in a loving home with parents who are going to love and support this child unconditionally, forever...that's a huge responsibility...
Think of it more that way rather than an additional hoop you have to jump through as an adoptive parent.....I try to think of it as I would if I were choosing who would raise my child if something were to happen to myself & my husband. And once you get through that part, you'll probably forget all about that part because you'll be focused on your big day - which overshadows absolutely everything you go through in order to get there - it makes everything else seem so trivial...the day you hold your baby/child for the first time....and you become their mother and then suddenly you feel so protective and you totally understand why you needed to demonstrate that you and your spouse are going to be great parents because you'll be holding the most precious life in the entire world and you wouldn't want just anyone being responsible for that precious little one's life.
I hope you'll keep us posted on how things are going - (and you too Katy and all the other parents in waiting). These are some of the most interesting and exciting posts to read because it's always so much fun to go back and read them again once y'all aren't parents in waiting anymore...to read what you did to prepare and what you're thinking about during the "wait" and all the anticipation and then BOOM! Your day arrives and we're all so excited for you because we know exactly how you feel and it brings it all back for us and we get to relive it all over again.
Best wishes to you!!!
Lisa
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I loved this (this thing by Heather Lowe) - I stumbled on it earlier this year and posted about it here in January 2002 under Birthparents, Considering Adoption, Know Your Rights and I so wish something like this would have been available to me when I was making my adoption plan. I'm so glad to see that Abrazo endorses this -
For any prospective birthparents out there - I also recommend you check it out - it's great that you can just download it without ever even talking to someone. Knowledge is power!!!
-Lisa
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Hi Christina,
Let's see...hopefully I can answer some of these...I don't think the physical has to be done at the same time as the application but I could be wrong - I'm pretty sure we did our physicals after we attended Orientation (by the way, we sent in our inquiry July 5th 2002 and thought no way would we be able to go to the August Orientation (I thought we'd be in the October or December one...(ooh, I just realized that if we would have been at the December Orientation, we wouldn't have Kayleigh - my my how amazing divine intervention is...) and lo and behold - we were invited to the August Orientation and that was that. Anyway, I think we did the physicals after Orientation but I may not be remembering correctly. (We had a form from Abrazo that our doctor needed completed and a form from our homestudy person for the physical).
As for the letters of reference - at the time we did ours (which was almost a year ago) - Abrazo required 3 letters of recommendation. Our homestudy person also required 2 or 3.
As for the types of questions - well, a lot will have to do with your thoughts on adoption and open adoption and how you've handled/coped with infertility, questions about your relationship with your spouse and vice versa, etc - lots of soul searching type questions - for me, I'd done so much of that kind of thinking already that the questions weren't difficult to answer - trying to fit my answers on those tiny spaces that are on Abrazo's application is another story (I pity the person who had to read my application - I was writing all over the place trying to fit everything in - I even used extra paper...but, I'm kinda wordy in case you didn't notice)
I would also recommend that you go ahead and start trying to find someone to do your homestudy (not sure if you live nearby Abrazo or not - I think Abrazo may have someone who could do your homestudy (not sure if they still do or not), if that's the case - I'd definitely go with them. If you're not near Abrazo or if Abrazo isn't doing homestudies any longer, I'd start trying to find someone who could - I called about 10 different agencies/people before I found 2 that were even doing homestudies outside of their own agency - then I narrowed it down to the person I ended up going with (if you need to find resources for finding someone, I believe there are posts here regarding homestudies - if not, check out www.resolve.org 's website - they have a link for Adoption then they have a thing called "Adoption Information Exchange" and it has lots of different resources there, including a list of people/agencies that do homestudies (at least I think that's not a Washington state specific thing - I think it's the main Resolve site...)
Something you could do while you wait for contact from Abrazo about whether your inquiry has been accepted or not is think of questions that you have and write them down so you can ask them when you speak to them (I had quite a few and they were so informative and answered each and every one).
Some other things would be to buy some books (can't remember if you already have books or not) - there are several books that Abrazo recommends (requires actually) that you read - I think those are in a post on here too somewhere but even if you don't end up working with Abrazo - I think these are really useful reading anyway - one is Dear Birthmother, The Spirit of Open Adoption, The Open Adoption Experience...I don't want to list too many because they may have changed their recommended reading but I liked the content of these books (if you have trouble finding them, http://www.tapestrybooks.com is a good source) Also, if you haven't already subscribed to Adoptive Families magazine, that is a fabulous magazine!!! (kinda pricey subscription but I think it's totally worth it! http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/
Another thing you could do is start looking for some type of adoptive support group...I found one in my area and they had regular meetings for waiting parents and we never attended the meetings...always meant to but had conflicts it seems like...anyway, this support group also has a thing for New Adoptive Parents and we're now going to those bi-weekly meetings and I really enjoy that so it's at least good to start looking for things and seeing what's available (because you won't have much time for web searching, etc once your precious bundle of joy arrives...at least I've found that I don't have as much time...)
And this doesn't have anything to do with adopting but I found flipping through the pages of my Baby Bargains book always kept me busy and excited (didn't like to do it while in the infertility treatment stage but once we started the adoption process, I felt so confident about the outcome and literally felt as though I was expecting and had no qualms about getting ready and figuring out what I needed and what I didn't need and how much it would cost, etc.
Well, off the top of my head, that's what I can think of...keep posting and if I think of anything else, I'll post again - I'm sure others will have lots of good tips and info to share with you too (especially some of the new ones who've attended some of the more recent Orientations...)
Bye for now...
Lisa
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Hi Quietly Wondering,
I'm not sure that I'm actually going to answer your question - it's hard to know if there is a right or wrong answer to your question - it's such a personal decision to make and for me anyway, I had to just do a lot of soul searching and asking myself a lot of questions about whether or not parenting my child was best for me and also best for my baby at that time. To be honest, in the beginning - my answer to those questions were the easiest - I knew that adoption was the best decision for me at that time. It was further into it that it kept getting harder and harder for me to "know" if I was doing the "right" thing. And, once I gave birth to my baby - that's when it was a really tough thing to know what to do.
I did end up placing my daughter for adoption - and I do know that for me, I made the right decision and I hope and pray that I made the right decision for my birth-daughter too (I placed through an agency that only did closed adoptions so I have very little information on how she's doing other than she's healthy and happy, etc).
Everyone is different and everyone's circumstances are different and it's just so hard to know what is the right decision for you - only you will know.....in a nutshell, my 2 big reasons for placing were #1 - money (we had none...I was 18 & in high school and lived with my mom who worked 2 jobs) #2 - I wanted to go to college so I could have a different life than my mom & I had - there were other reasons I came up with as time went on and I had more time to think about everything but in the beginning - those were the drivers of my decision. But, money isn't everything - just because a parent (or parents) raise their children without any money doesn't mean they're not doing a good job as parents - that is soooo not true! I grew up with little to nothing and if someone were to ask me, "okay, if you had everything to do over again and you had a choice of being adopted by some really wealthy family who would love you very much or you could stay with your mom and you would struggle and do without and be left alone a lot while she's working all the time...which would you choose?" Duh! I'd choose the life I had - I had a good life - I wouldn't want any other life so that's why I think it's good to have other reasons just than wanting your child to have a better life than you can provide...
Just my thoughts.....
-Lisa
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Dana - what a truly wonderful post! I am soooo happy for you all!
Just FYI - if any parents-in-waiting are needing a little inspiration - you should definitely read Dana's story under "Adoptive Parents", "Tears, Fears, & Keeping the Faith", then "When the Cookie Crumbles". I've just re-read it because I thought I remembered that you'd certainly experienced some challenges (and there was that sad post from Elizabeth shortly after Kayleigh was born about y'alls disruption....that post really got to me - I felt so overjoyed with my precious little one and then couldn't stop thinking about the pain you and your family were experiencing at that time - it didn't seem fair). Anyway, the One up above always knows what He's doing and he sure had this plan in his sight - little Matthew was just meant to be Jacob's brother & yours & Glenn's son.
What a heart-warming story - what a happy family you all must be. Congratulations!!!
Love,
Lisa, Kayleigh, & Lance Cornish
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I would be very interested in hearing other late 30 something & 40 something parents comment on this topic as well - I'm 32 and overweight - quite overweight.....I'm certain this must have an effect on my energy level though so far, I haven't felt as though it's had any effect on how I interact with Kayleigh & "keep up" although she isn't mobile yet so let's see how things go then (I'm on yet another diet because I want to be able to build box tunnels in our living room with Kayleigh and both Lance & I want to crawl through them with her when she's old enough to do so). My husband is 43 - although he definitely likes to nap on the weekends - his mom said he's always been this way and I think it's more a factor of boredom than a lack of energy.
I guess upper age limits being imposed on couples wanting to adopt kind of frightens me - I'm just concerned that if that were the case, then where would the limitations end? One of my biggest fears before we adopted was that my weight would affect our chances of adopting (either by not being accepted by an agency or birthmothers not selecting us because of it). I'm a skinny person inside - I think I'm in denial about the weight thing although I do so much want to get back to where I was in my skinnier days. Although I'm not "mature" as you say, I think I'm also in denial about my age and the whole "getting older" thing - as is my husband - neither of us are likely to ever "grow up" and I think we'll work hard to avoid it at all costs (even if we're huffing & puffing around this place and that in order to keep up with Kayleigh).
My mom gave birth to me when she was 36 (she gave birth to my sisters when she was 21 & 23...I was an oops! ). She always said I kept her young - she's now 68 and not exactly healthy (she's also overweight) but she tries her darndest to keep up with me and now that Kayleigh is here - with Kayleigh (when we visited her back in March - she insisted on getting up with Kayleigh during the night and early mornings to feed her, etc. I am so glad I was born when I was - I think my mom was a better mom to me than she was to my sisters - her priorities were different, she "chose her battles", she appreciated things more by the time I was born - (now that I've read your post though, maybe all that was a result of just sheer exhaustion?? ha, ha!! ) Anyway - those are my thoughts but I sure would love to hear some feedback from other "mature" parents on their thoughts about all this - (maybe as part of Orientation, we should have a ropes course or something to get us all ready for what's in store for us down the road.....or like a toddler training program type thing...hee hee!! )
I'm no expert on adopting older kids but in some discussions I had with our homestudy person during our homestudy (when she asked us about the upper age limit we were comfortable with for a child/baby) - she gave me some things to think about that I hadn't considered before and I think now my opinion on adopting older kids is that it's not for everyone & it's important to be prepared for the level of commitment & expectations it could require - and I think it's more important that the couple is right for and ready for adopting older kids. My sister & her husband adopted a sibling group about 2 years ago (their daughter is now 10 & their son is now 8....my sister has a son by birth from her previous husband and he is now 24) and she says all the time it sure takes a lot of energy to keep up with those 2 (I'm of the opinion that I have it easy with Kayleigh compared to all the things she has going on with Alexis & Eric.....camp (and she's volunteered to be a camp counselor this summer), dance class, soccer, homework tutoring (both are very bright little kids but Alexis didn't go to school for a year so she's very behind and neither had any sort of structure in their lives prior to being adopted (their story is almost as hard to hear about as JustMe's) in addition to some medical challenges (FAS, ADHD, etc). My sister & her husband are now 44 yrs old - when they began their adoption journey - they had said they wanted 1 child....preferably a little girl between 2 - 4 years old who had very minimal special needs. They rec'd a call about Alexis and Eric & within a few hours, they'd accepted the case. My sister won't argue that it's a lot more difficult and challenging than she ever imagined it to be (nor will my brother-in-law) but she is also the first person to tell you there aren't 2 children out in the entire world who were more meant to be with them and they are so thankful for being Alexis & Eric's parents -
I guess though my feelings are that in order to ensure what's best for the child, couples considering adopting older kids need to be well prepared to be parents of children who may have had some difficult experiences prior to becoming a part of their family (our homestudy person spent many years doing older child placements and she said too many times people weren't really prepared for everything and actually would change their mind...after the child had already come to live with them, etc - I just think that would be one of the worst things that could ever, ever happen - as well-adjusted and loved, etc as my sister's kids are...they still have shown they're afraid of my sister & her husband "giving them back" - their social worker called my sister the other day just to check in & when my sister asked the kids if they wanted to say hi to her, they both became very quiet and said no and went to their rooms - after she hung up, they asked her what was wrong, why had their social worker called and she was confused and after dragging it out them, they told her they were afraid of "going back". Heartbreaking! Sorry, I kind of got off on another tangent. I hope others will jump in and participate on this topic and maybe even get some feedback on adopting older kids as well
-Lisa
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Oh goody, goody, goody, goody!!!!!
Now I know who the couple was last time - I am once again overjoyed - I am soooo sooooo sooooo happy for both couples (and for the new big brother too! ) from our Orientation and what wonderful news about yesterday's new little one too - congratulations to 3 very wonderful families (I know the Holiday Hopeful couple is a wonderful family even though I don't know them personally because they are an Abrazo family and if there's one thing I DO know - it's that Abrazo families are the BEST! )
Yippeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
-Lisa, Lance, & Kayleigh
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OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!! I have chills and I don't know if I can stand the wait! There are only 2 couples from our 8/02 Orientation and both of them only just became active participants on the forum (so thanks a lot for that clue - no help whatsoever).
I am absolutely overjoyed at this news - this is absolutely fantastic! This little guy has such a loving family - both of you are just such sweet, kind-hearted, good people! I'm so thrilled to read this and I know it won't be long before Stork-Central posts another one for the other baby who is destined to be part of our 8/02 Abrazo Orientation family.
Now, will the new proud mommy PLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE hurry up and end our suspense - please, please, please!!!!! I can't stand it!
Love & Congratulations & Hugs & Kisses & all that good stuff!!! Oh happy, happy, happy day!!!!!!!
Lisa, Lance, & Kayleigh
Baby Announcements 2003
in New Arrivals
Posted
Woohoo!! Congratulations Lisa & Jim! You Abrazados are just moving right along!! How wonderful!!
Thanks so much for the update Lisa - it's always so exciting to find out who it was and how they're doing.
Best wishes to you and your newest family member and also to his special birthmother - you are so, so, so fortunate to have her in your lives and to be building this special relationship together - what a blessed little guy Andrew James is!!
Happy Mommying.....