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TeyandTy's Mom

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Posts posted by TeyandTy's Mom

  4. Soul / Sole Support

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I am a single adoptive mother of two AA boys. The first adoption was about 2 months. The second adoption from start to finsh was about a month and a half. However, I was open to any ethnic background which probably played a part in the time frame.

    Just my two cents!

    Sabrina

  5. Baby Announcements 2006

    in New Arrivals

    Posted · Edited by TeyandTy's Mom

    Who are Baby Ashtons parents? He is beautiful! He looks so much like Heidik's new little one Parker Or is that Parkers first name?

    Lindsey you look so at peace holding your Quintons hand smile.gif ! It brought a smile to my face this morning.

    Sabrina

  6. Soul / Sole Support

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I have to agree! Once you open yourself up to other ethnic backgrounds you may see things happen more quickly. I did attend orientation for my first adoption. I think you should definately attend. I think the only way you would'nt is if there is a birthfamily ready to deliver immediately or has already delivered.

    Orientation is a learning experience...very helpful in your adoption plan.

    Congratulations on getting tht paperwork in. Your are right it is a bit overwhelming...but, the payoff is your baby is out there somewhere just waiting for you.

    Good luck

    Sabrina

  11. Creative Grandparenting!

    in The Family Room

    Posted

    Teyler thinks that his Grandma is amazing. She picks him up from school everyday. He asked me one day if I knew how to do homework and I said yes but, why? He said well grandmas always helps me. When I look back on the kind of woman my mother is ...I am amazed at where she has been...and in awe of who she is.

    Sabrina

  20. Things Infertile Folk Hate to Hear

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I have been around welll should I say a few uneducated country folk..if ya know what I mean. Sweet people just not very smart....take my neighbor across the street. In an effort to tell me what he thought about my adopting a second time..he made a really stupid remark. "purty soon Sabrina your gonna have to open up you an orphange" blink.gifblink.gifblink.gifblink.gif (this coming from a man who puts a 10foot santa on his roof every year. I just walked away thinking "rednecks....gotta love 'em"

    Sabrina

  22. Soul / Sole Support

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    That is so true because at the time that my husband died...I thought there is no way I would ever become a parent. God was like "that's what you think sister" biggrin.gif . He had a plan in place LONG before he let me in on it. He knew that the two sons I have were meant to be brothers and be my sons. I can't think of any puzzle that fits together better than me and my guys.

    Sabrina

  23. Soul / Sole Support

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted · Edited by TeyandTy's Mom

    I forgot to add these survival tips that Carrie Krueger put at the end of her article. There are some really good tips.

    Sabrina

    Carrie Krueger’s top ten survival tips for single moms and other busy parents

    1. Have lots of back up plans. Figure out in advance what you might do if you’re sick, your care-provider is sick, one child is in the hospital, the car breaks down etc. It’s a good feeling to have plans.

    2. Seek a variety of supportive friends. Married friends with a stay-at-home spouse can bail you out on week days. Single friends with kids know what you’re going through. Single friends without kids are great for hikes (they can carry gear!). The point is, you need friends in all categories. Even a neighborhood grandma-type is helpful.

    3. Pay for as much help as your can afford. If you can afford a cleaning person for your house, do it. If you can afford someone to manage your bills, take in your dry cleaning, walk your dog, whatever, do it. Pre-teens will often do a lot for little money.

    4. Let lots of things slide. When I’m driving to pick up my kids at day care, I say to myself "Nothing matters tonight as much as nurturing these kids. That’s my focus." If you just lavish love and attention on them, get them fed and into bed, you’ve succeeded! Everything else can wait.

    5. Cook dinner after dinner. No joke. Sunday night, make two dinners and put one in a casserole dish. Monday night, microwave it, and you’re eating five minutes after you get home. After dinner when kids are more calm (and tummies are full), cook up the next night’s meal and save it. I even set the table the night before because that first period of time at home after work is SO hard, having dinner all set is fabulous.

    6. Get organized. Set up systems for everything. Bills, laundry, recycling. Simplify it, set up a system and stick to it. It helps so much to organize the essentials. (I teach a whole course in this, so I won’t say more.)

    7. Simplify morning and nighttime routines. Before going to bed, I lay out my clothes and the kids clothes for the next day. I even untie their shoes so they’re ready. I put dry cereal in cups with lids (easier to hold than bowls) and pour milk into cups with lids. In the morning, I hand them their cereal and milk and put on a video while I shower, dress, make my coffee (mandatory!). I dress them while they continue to eat and stare at the screen. They walk to the car carrying their two cups and continue to munch while we drive to day care. Simple eh? I have a similar simple routine at night. It begins with me stating emphatically: "As soon as you are in your PJs with clothes in the hamper and teeth brushed, we can read books." I then sit down and begin reading their books to myself, inviting them to join me when they’re ready. It works.

    8. Trade off with other parents. Take their kids and have a "party" one Saturday night, hand your kids off to them the next. Your gonna hear over and over again that you need time to yourself. It’s very tough to do, but one night every few weeks will do you a world of good.

    9. Lower your standards. Amazing discoveries: Bed sheets do not have to be laundered every week. Fast food isn’t all that bad for kids. Children don’t need baths every day, or even every other day.

    10. Courage! You’re not the first person to do this and many others have done it without having a choice or having near the resources most of us have. Whenever I get to feeling overwhelmed, I focus on how fast these years go by, the difference I am making in young lives, the difference they are making in mine.

  24. Soul / Sole Support

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted · Edited by TeyandTy's Mom

    I found this article in ADOPTIVE FAMILIES magazine. It is great! I completly understand where Carrie is coming from as a single adoptive parent of two.

    Just thought you guys would enjoy!

    Sabrina

    And Baby Makes Three

    A single mom’s decision to adopt a second time.

    by Carrie Krueger

    My mom tells me that when I was little I said that when I grew up, I wanted to have a house with 100 different rooms, and a baby from every single country in the world. I collected dolls from around the world and always knew someday I would adopt. I also figured I would get married. I was about half right.

    College came and went with no sign of Mr. Right. Career, travel, friendship and adventure took me through my twenties. Thirty hit and the knight in shining armor still hadn’t ridden up. I told my parents I was serious about wanting to adopt. My father asked me to take a year and work on finding a mate. I tried! But at the same time, I started researching adoption agencies and programs. China opened up and suddenly it all became clear. I was one of the lucky early pioneers in the program, traveling to Hangzhou in July 1992 to break new ground and bring home my daughter Claire.

    At that point people pretty much figured my family was complete. But I knew in my heart it was not. As elated as I was with my daughter, as exhausted and overwhelmed as I was juggling work and family as a single mom, I knew I wanted another child. I felt at least 3 irresistible pulls:

    I didn’t want an only child. I wanted her to have a sibling growing up and later in life.

    I wanted to help another child, to offer a family and love to another child in need.

    I didn’t want to be so completely focused, infatuated, obsessed with one individual. I knew it wasn’t healthy for her or for me.

    So I pushed forward and in February 1995 I welcomed my son Cameron home from Vietnam. (Getting a boy has been really fun, but I can’t say wanting a child of the opposite sex was a reason for wanting two. I would have been thrilled with two girls as well.)

    What’s it like to be outnumbered by one’s children, alone in the house with a toddler and a preschooler? Exhausting, overwhelming and a whole lot of fun. While the first period of time with a new infant was not for the faint-hearted, things really are getting easier and more enjoyable all the time.

    Many adoptive parents relate to the feeling that they were "meant" to have this child, that they got exactly the child that was supposed to be theirs. I feel that times two, PLUS, I feel my two kids were "meant" to be siblings. They’re star-crossed, a love match. It’s beautiful, moving and emotional to see them together and know that they will have one another for the rest of their lives.

    The drawbacks? Time to myself has gone from none to non-existent. Between work and home, I have ceased to exist as an individual. I’ve let myself go, do not exercise or even cut my hair. I have NO free time. But these are the crunch years. I really believe things will get easier (and those of you with older kids, please don’t tell me it doesn’t get easier!) Besides having no time, I have no money. In a two-parent household, you have the option of two incomes, or one income and free child care provided by the stay-at-home parent. I have one income and pay full time child care for two kids. It’s killing me. Again, I think things will get easier. Lack of time and money sometimes leaves me feeling lonely (but never alone, of course). It would be nice to be sharing the ups and downs of all this with someone else. Anyone out there got a nice, single brother who loves kids?

    Some of the second child issues are amplified in a single-parent household. For example, it’s very difficult for me to carve out time to be alone with either child. And certainly those long nights of crying baby and cranky toddler are worse when there is only one parent to try to get everyone settled. Bedtimes are tough because kids of different ages need different routines. When I was rocking my 8 month old, it was tremendously difficult for my three year old to stay away from us and let him fall asleep. I’m sure plenty of couples face these same dilemmas when one partner or the other is out-of-town, working late, or otherwise unavailable. Still, the pay off comes when the two of them laugh hysterically over a private joke, comfort one another when grumpy mom yells, or run off to make "pancakes" in the sandbox. It’s worth every ounce of effort for those moments!

    Meanwhile, I have to say that in general, I’ve gotten far LESS support for my second adoption than for my first. I think it is often true that people are less excited about a second child than a first. But for me I got a message along the lines of "I could understand you really wanted a child and supported you. But two? Now you’re going too far." When I express feelings of being overwhelmed by this experience, I feel some people are thinking "What did you expect when you took on TWO?", or "You asked for it . . ." It’s true, one child is a LOT easier, more manageable, more contained that two. But that just means parents, especially single parents, need even more support when they take on a second.

    The adjustment to two? It takes a good solid year. With one, I felt such bliss that the late night feedings were a joy and an honor. With two I felt despair, even depression after months of sleep depravation. I felt like I would finally get one of them happy or settled and the other one would wig-out over something. It was rare that the whole household was happy at one time. But those days are starting to seem like a long time ago. Now we’re mostly happy most of the time. The kids are busy together, running in the sprinkler, finger painting or putting on a show for me. Everyone is sleeping better. Each child is becoming more capable and independent, and every day I’m even more happy that I decided to adopt a second child.

    Can I hold the line at two? Everyone keeps asking me that. I don’t know for sure. But I do know that we’re all pretty happy right now. I’ve got no money for another adoption and I don’t want another BABY. But I could imagine a day when a third child, older than a baby but younger than the two I already have would enter our lives. You never know.

    My parting advice to anyone, single or married thinking about two: It’s hard, it’s a lot of work and I’m SO glad I did it. I can’t imagine life without my pair.

    Carrie Krueger lives in Seattle, Washington with her family

  25. Spiritual Enrichment

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    I received this poem from a dear friend today and though I would share it .

    It's words speak volumes

    Sabrina

    Enjoy!

    Christians

    By Maya Angelou

    When I say... "I am a Christian"

    I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin.'"

    I'm whispering "I was lost,

    Now I'm found and forgiven."

    When I say... "I am a Christian"

    I don't speak of this with pride.

    I'm confessing that I stumble

    and need Christ to be my guide.

    When I say... "I am a Christian"

    I'm not trying to be strong.

    I'm professing that I'm weak

    And need His strength to carry on.

    When I say... "I am a Christian"

    I'm not bragging of success.

    I'm admitting I have failed

    And need God to clean my mess.

    When I say... "I am a Christian"

    I'm not claiming to be perfect,

    My flaws are far too visible

    But, God believes I am worth it.

    When I say... "I am a Christian"

    I still feel the sting of pain.

    I have my share of heartaches

    So I call upon His name.

    When I say... "I am a Christian"

    I'm not holier than thou,

    I'm just a simple sinner

    Who received God's good grace, somehow!

    By Maya Angelou

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