Sally

OOPs! Sorry, Sugarfamily. I just reread my post and realized that I did not directly answer your question about whether the adoptive child would ultimately reject the adoptive parents and want to go back to the birth mother. I think this is a very common fear for adoptive parents. Friends of ours who were considering adoption asked my husband the same question. He replied that he could not speak for everyone, nor predict the future, but that he had always considered his parents to be the people who raised him. (keep in mind that his adoption was closed) Our newest family members - daughter age 7 and son age 3, have only been with us for a month. They speak to their BP on the phone once a week. There has been no crying or "I wish I was with you" when they are on the phone with her. They tell about riding their new bikes and going to the park and making new friends. The three year old sometimes asks, "I see you tomorrow?" But I think the 7 year old has a better understanding. They did already spend some time away from the BP, in foster care. Also, since being back with the BP, I think they moved around alot, living in several less-than-ideal places. One of the beauties of open adoption is this...When I had to chase down the 3 yr old in Target, after he had run away from me for the second time, I told him he had to ride in the cart. He wouldn't hold my hand, so I had to carry him. While I did, he screamed, " NO NO NO! I'm gonna tell my mama on you!" I got several strange looks from other customers, who I thought might suspect me of kidnapping. Then I told the 3 year old that he was welcome to tell his BP all about it when we called her on the phone on Sunday after church. I said that I knew she would tell him that he should listen to me, Mama Sally (we refer to the BP by Mama and her first name, also.) A 3 yr old moves on to the next thing pretty quickly, and he has not once remembered one of these incidents by the time of the Sunday phone call. Hope this helps! God Bless You!

Hi Sugar Family! My husband David and I just adopted two wonderful sibs - a daughter age 7 and a son age 3 through Abrazo. We also have a bio son, almost 8, and daughter, 9. In our situation, the children obviously had a close bond with their BP. What really surprised me was how much I liked the BP myself. We call her on Sunday mornings after church, and send her letters and pictures. The children have two moms. I can't imagine having it any other way. When couples divorce and remarry there are blended families, and two sets of parents,too. My husband was adopted as an infant. At that time, all adoptions were closed. He was told all along that he was adopted (as were his two siblings.) Unlike some adoptees, he has never searched for his birthparents. He says he has been mildly curious at times, but overwhelmingly feels that his parents are the two people who raised him. He holds no ill feelings for his BP, either. I hope that as time goes by, we can continue to maintain the relationship that we have with our childrens BP. In case you're wondering, NO, I don't worry about whether she will "want them back." After all, we are not hiding them from her. She made a very courageous decision with the welfare of her children in mind. Remember, all children are from God. Some of them take a direct route into our families, and others take a longer, more scenic route. Sally