Steven&Melissa
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Posts posted by Steven&Melissa
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According to the Philadelphia Inquirer, more and more older adults are turning to domestic adoption.
At Abrazo, most of our successful adopters are between 32 and 46 at the time of placement. We find that most of our 20-35 year old placing parents seem most at ease with adopters whose age is somewhere between their age and their parents' age. But very few birthparents are eager to place their newborns with couples whose ages are closer to their grandparents' ages (and keep in mind that for teenagers who were born to teen parents, their grandparents are often in their fifties).
Wow, good information. I get questions from people all the time about adoption now. It may be a co-worker or a random phone call from someone who's gotten my number from a friend of a friend... or yesterday someone at our CPA's office. Most times, the couples are in their late 30's/early-mid 40's and are asking about if their age will affect an expectant parent's decision! I do tell people that Abrazo has a full spectrum of couples whose ages range tremendously, but an expectant parent being comfortable with "somewhere between their age and their parents' age" makes a TON of sense. It even applies to our case... Mama B was 17, we were 28 and her parents were in their 40's.
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Such a beautiful announcement for two amazingly beautiful and tremendously loved children. May their first parents and newly adoptive parents continue to work as a team to shower these two children with all of the love they deserve, always knowing what a careful and emotional choice brought these two families together! Prayers especially for Victor and Yuli's loving birth parents during these incredibly difficult days... but prayers as well for this newly-formed family that rays of excitement peek through as they form new memories.
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Is this the big bundle of DropSwapChop babylove we were thinking about all week?! If so, huge congratulations to Erin and John (and big sis!) and tremendous amounts of prayers going out for J, the birthmother who I know placed her faith in wonderful people who will not only love her little boy, but honor a steadfast commitment to open adoption.
Also, if this is the 11lb wonder, you might want to check out Old Navy for a Star Wars t-shirt we found for Oliver today. Everyone always says "what a BIG baby!!!!!" so we got him the shirt with Yoda on the front that says "Judge me by my size, you do?" A must-have for the plus-sized baby!!!
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Congrats, Dale and Jennifer!! I hope you post photos soon of your time in San Antonio... these next couple of weeks are tough living out of a hotel room, but they're such a great opportunity to indulge in the time you have away from the rest of the world (hopefully with Amelia's birth family, too)! Have fun!
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We also have a dog who is extremely well-mannered and trained. She's only about 20lbs and has always done extremely well with babies and all ages of children.
Each expectant mother we spoke to asked about pets and this was something we talked about during initial phone calls. It's just one of those things that's easy to bring up.
Getting rid of your animal because of a baby seems ridiculous unless you know your animal is not great with children, the child is allergic, or you think there is some health/safety risk involved. Barking is another behavior that can be controlled. Our dog knows "speak" and knows the word "no." So, we say "no speak" and she understands to stop. Have we run after her when she barked at the mailman while Oliver was trying to nap? Sure... but she's learning and he LOVES petting his puppy and she loves him.
It all comes down to the pet - and child - you have!
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Mary Helen - the photo of you two with Caroline is beautiful!! I'm so happy to see you blessed with two beautiful girls... what is Kate thinking?
See you in just 5 months! Caroline will be jabbering away by then.
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WOW! What a surprise!!!
Congratulations!!! Can't wait to meet Caroline at camp this summer! Hooray! Sure hope you'll be posting photos soon, too!
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Here are a link to info already on the forum:
Breastfeeding Your Adopted Baby: The Adoptive Parent Perspective
It also provides comments from first moms on the forum.
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Congratulations, Tanya and Andrew, on your little miracle!!!!
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Mari - LOVE the photos!!! I can't believe how big Sloane is now. She looked so happy.
Thank you so much for posting photos! -
Wow... such an amazing story and a reminder to never give up hope. Things seem to happen at a moment's notice in Abrazoland! Congrats to our fellow 'Tweeners on their little miracle, baby Emma!
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Hi, Merae!
It's wonderful that you're already on the forum and have made your first post! We got active before being accepted, too, and I'm SO happy we did. I spent night and day on the forum (often with horrible insomnia because there was so much information to read!) and learned so much. It was a huge comfort during every step of our journey, so dig in and get ready for a bunch of support! Excited to follow your journey; we're hopeful right along with you!
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Hooray! The staff there are such big supporters of adoption and are excited to make a home for Abrazo's clients, whether at the start of their journey at orientation or during the ICPC with a baby in tow. Happy they were able to work out such a good rate and hope there are lots of families who get to take advantage!
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(Don't tell anyone I helped open it back in 1985 when I was fresh out of college and got a job there as a desk clerk right after it was first built, ha!)
Haha! I just told their sales person today.
Hopefully she's already given you a call to work out an adjusted rate for upcoming orientation groups and couples who stay in San Antonio waiting out their ICPC! -
This announcement almost made me cry!!!! Heartfelt congratulations to you, Amy and Craig, for your amazing miracle and tremendous prayers to the birthmama and birthgrandmama who must love him so unconditionally that they found such wonderful parents in you for this baby boy.
Let the (joyful) sleepless nights begin!
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Happy birthday, Mari!!! Love reading your entries on the forum and have learned so much from you. Hope today is a wonderful day full of joy.
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Hi, I'm Amy's MoM. Amy will tell you it took me time to "Get It". Wow, what a journey and I really appreciate A&C letting me be a part of it. Watching Amy grow her relationship with K makes me very proud and I hope some day to be able to tell K how much I respect her and her family. Dec 3 is the due date, but if Baby B is born on Dec 8th we could share a very special Birthday!!! Prayers for all of the Abrazo Family, God Bless, TC
Hi, TTC!
My mom is also on the forum - GrandMimi (or Jackie!)- so I'm so glad to see another grandmother on the forum. Open adoption is such a wonderful journey and I'm so happy to see you on the forum. We just recently took placement of a little miracle, Oliver, in September and such a large hole was filled in our hearts, but my mother's too. Grandparents have such a special role and how wonderful for this sweet baby to have a grandmother to potentially share a birthday with! We're enjoying reading Amy's thoughts (and are learning so much from her) and really look forward to hearing more from you, too. There's so much to learn on the forum about how amazing open adoption can be.
With love,
Melissa
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Oh, soooooo excited!!!! Can't wait to see photos of these new little ones go up in the gallery. Sending tons of best wishes and congratulations to everyone who loves this little girl so much. Enjoy these first days with both gratitude and excitement.
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Welcome, Baby Anthony!!! Congratulations to mommy and daddy and wishes of strength, peace and healing for Anthony's first family. May his life be filled with love and joy from everyone who loves him!
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Hi, Amy! I'm so glad you made your first post on the forum.
Like you said, there's a huge amount of gratitude we all have to Abrazo for creating and maintaining the forum. We all learn so much from each other here and like (the other) Amy mentioned, there is a thread somewhere on the forum where many people have talked about preferred "terms" - birth mother, first mother, real mother, etc. I agree with you: a mother's love does not end at birth - for both the biological family and the adoptive family, the love skyrockets at birth and BOTH roles are incredibly important. We also had a discussion with Oliver's "Mama B" about what she wanted to be called. Although Oliver is only a month old (today), I talk to him about her all the time. I don't say "your birthmother loves you," but I do say "your Mama B loves you so much." We are BOTH mothers. That's a hard role to share (for both first mother and adoptive mother), but how wonderful for a child to be sooo tremendously loved by TWO mothers!
To add an extra element to the importance of first mothers/families: Mama B gives me a reason every day to be a better mother. When Oliver is crying and upset, the first thing that pops into my mind when I'm frustrated is that Mama B would give anything to be there soothing him right then. She gives me a reason to be a better mother: to make her proud and never take for granted the daily role I hold.
You've found the right agency who really stands behind open adoption and educating the adoptive parents about what's really involved in an open adoption. There's respect between first parents and adoptive parents that doesn't end at birth, but it's a continual relationship that is in place because everyone loves this baby. Keep writing on the forum and we can't wait to follow your journey and support you along the way!
Love,
Melissa
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After being signed on with a local agency for nearly a year with no activity, we started considering other options. We joined a group at church that gave support to couples who were in adoption or foster programs. When we became friends with the leaders and another young couple, they extended an invitation for us to all get together for lunch on Valentines Day. We sat down after eating and I just poured out the problems and frustrations we were having. This agency wasn't placing many babies at all, yet they kept adding family after family onto their roster. The wait time was 3+ years and that felt like forever to me. In talking through solutions to our problem, a friend mentioned that her social worker had mentioned an agency called Abrazo once who was doing "everything you keep saying you think you agency should be doing."
I came straight home and checked out Abrazo. You'll notice under my avatar that I joined the forum that day. The rest was history. The forum won me over instantly. I already had such a wealth of information, such a huge amount of support, access to reading other people's testimonies through their Joyous Journeys (what a HUGE resource to prospective parents), and just seeing how active Elizabeth was on the forum (this told me we'd have a much more hands-on experience than we'd previously had). I heard that a local church once hosted Abrazo for their annual adoption day learning seminar, so I reached out to them and they put me in touch with a Memphis family who had successfully adopted through them. Then I reached out to forum members and Suebee was nice enough to have dinner with me and Steven and mwalker reached out and was my email and phone pal through the journey. We went to a MAMS gathering and met other Memphis couples. All of this was happening during our application process and I can't stress enough how important it is for Abrazo to have loyal advocates out there supporting them... I know it certainly gave us faith to move fully forward (and quickly!!) We turned in our application in February, were invited to the April/May orientation (which turned us into 'Tweeners), and Oliver was born in September - just 7 months after the first time we heard about them and 4 months after officially signing on. Wow.
I knew Abrazo would lead us to our baby and they most certainly did. After two sticky situations, we got a call on a Thursday that we were being considered for a baby due to be born on Monday. We found out Friday, hit the road and were there at the hospital for Oliver's birth on Monday afternoon. Having the chance to spend time with his birth mom and show her respect and love during those days - with Angela's help - made us huge fans of Abrazo. We're forever grateful!
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there are a limited number of grant programs and a couple of adoption loan programs, and fortunately the tax credit was renewed, but you're right, adoption is the investment of (and in) a lifetime and it does require a significant upfront investment.
Thank God for that tax credit. I'm sure we're not the only ones who feel a tremendous amount of thanks that we're able to put the cushion back in our savings accounts after taking so much out during the adoption process. Though it still requires so much money be saved on the front-end (which is no easy task in this economy), it gives a sense of relief that you can repay a loan or build your savings back up.
I've seen a LOT of posting and re-posting from loyal Abrazo families on Facebook, so the word is spreading quickly... hopefully it brings great results!
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I heard about a special Grandparent to be, who has shared her homecooking with an expectant Mom in Austin. How thoughtful (and Yummy)!
Karen
She certainly has... "J" called me today talking about how much she and the girls had loved digging into a batch of chicken & dumplings my mom dropped by a couple of days ago. I love hearing that someone thinks my mom is as great as I think she is!!
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We are at the 2.5 weeks since mailing application......I jump everytime the phone rings!
Welcome, Jim and Laura! I can easily remember back to mailing in our application! Congratulations on completing your first step in the process. Keep posting on the forum - you'll meet a bunch of friends to support you along your journey!
Baby Announcements 2011
in New Arrivals
Posted
It truly warms my heart to hear this!! My heart aches for this sweet boy's birth family, but I know the commitment Tara and Eric have to a loving and respectful open relationship... may the birth family have peace in their hearts knowing their child will always be in their lives and surrounded by love!!!