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Steven&Melissa

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Posts posted by Steven&Melissa

  3. Texas Reunion?

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    So what brings you to SA in December?

    Just a weekend in Suite 540 with some chicks and a blue cooler.

    :) glad to see you finally get to go to orientation. Long time in the coming.

    Might be an even longer time coming... we're talking about waiting until the February orientation due to various things... but I'm so glad we'll finally get to go to orientation, too! That's one part of the experience I've missed out on and am glad to be a part of!

    We'll definitely be seeing our San Antonio friends while we're in town. By waiting until February, it also means we don't have to fly in and out so quickly. We can spend an extra day in TX to enjoy everything and everybody!

  4. What is Open Adoption?

    in Considering Adoption?

    Posted

    I just got asked this today. I told her that openness allows our son to be surrounded by as much love as possible, to never wonder where he came from, to never fantasize over what his birthparent(s) look like, etc. It's a relationship, with highs and lows like any other, that grows from mutual respect and healthy boundaries that keep the focus on the child and his/her longterm best interest. After all, that child's best interest is what brought us together and it should be the glue of what binds us as well. It isn't co-parenting (we get asked that a lot) and it isn't foster parenting. But it is a gift we all give each other, but most of all it means our child never has to doubt how loved he is.

  5. Spiritual Enrichment

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    My mom texted me something this morning, saying that she'd read it during her bible study and it reminded her of the feelings I described after we un-matched with J, just days before we got that fateful call from Bianca that led us to her and our son.

    Peaceful

    "I know God is speaking to me when, in spite of my initial struggle, an undeniable release and peace follows when I have obeyed His voice. When I finally do the thing He has been nudging me to do, whether it's letting something or someone go, or taking a step toward the unknown, there is a deep calm in my soul. Where my heart and mind were once filled with terrible angst, I am now filled with a supernatural peace." - Kathy Troccoli

  7. APPLICATION

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    start hitting up your friends... yes, you do need new references.

    Yes you will need the references again

    Great, thanks guys! Digging into the paperwork today. I'd forgotten how fun it is to divulge every personal detail! :P

  9. Texas Reunion?

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    So what brings you to SA in December?

    Just a weekend in Suite 540 with some chicks and a blue cooler. ;)

    awww Melissa im excited you'll be in town we have to get together even if the reunion doesnt plan out in time :)

    Yes! I know it's a short trip for us, but we are definitely going to reach out to meet up with our SA friends while we're in town! I'd love to meet you!

    TX has an amazing group of families. Mandi, I hope you succeed at pulling everybody together! You've also got Austin folks not too far away!

  10. Texas Reunion?

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Ooooh, I hope you guys will get a reunion together. We'll be in San Antonio in December and would LOVE to meet up with the San Antonio crew (even if it's just a few for a quick lunch!) We are very blessed in Memphis to have a group of folks who make a point of getting together. It's been struggling a little lately, but we have a new resurgence with two new PIW Memphis couples! Wish the San Antonio crew could gain some strength in numbers!

  11. Family Opposition?

    in The Family Room

    Posted

    This topic is so interesting! Luckily our families experienced our infertility pains with us so they were all 100% on board with adoption. My husband comes from a bi-racial family so race was not an issue either. My mom is adopted however hers was a closed adoption and she never had a desire to know or find her biological parents. I think everyone's struggles were wrapping their heads around an open adoption. Adoption was "normal" to them however open adoption was forgein. I also admit that when we got to Abrazo I wasn't really sure what open really meant either. After being placed with Yorick and everyone seeing the relationship we have with S has really opened everyone's eyes, including ours, to what an open adoption truly is. Everyone, again including us, also sees firsthand the benefits of an open adoption.

    Long ramble but basically just trying to say that people always fear what they don't know or have not experienced for themselves. It's normal human behavior to question the unknown! We were fully embraced by our families during our entire journey, infertility and adoption, and for that I'm so grateful. However it wasn't until we all had first hand knowledge and experience with it that we all truly got it!

    They will come around!

    Kelli - I'd be really interested in hearing if your mom has experienced a range of emotions about her own adoption after seeing the benefits of open adoption blossom with Yorick and his birth family. We were the same way... I don't think I really understood what open adoption was until we found Abrazo.

  15. Selecting the right family for your baby

    in Considering Adoption?

    Posted

    Beautiful post, Amy. Something tells me you'll feel that spark... the tug at your heart strings... and something will just set the gears into motion in your journey to Charlie's sibling. It's pretty awesome thinking that you have an extra angel up there now... one who is especially invested in creating miracles for your family. Congratulations on your new nephew! What an amazing gift of joy during a time of sorrow.

    When the time comes, and a birth mother has the opportunity to consider you, Craig and Charlie as a possible family for her baby, she's going to find a wonderful friend in you. Just keep listening and pausing to feel the tug. Big, huge hugs to you.

  16. Nursery Notes

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Posts like these always make me get butterflies. Wondering whose families these little miracles will soon become a part of. Prayers for everyone who might be considering adding to their families, and especially for the expectant mothers who deserve options and choices.

  17. Selecting the right family for your baby

    in Considering Adoption?

    Posted

    I can't imagine being in a position where I needed to choose a family... put all my faith in this family... to raise my child, never knowing if the things they told me about themselves (their family history, their medical history, their aptitude to be parents, etc) was true. The leap of faith that takes far surpasses any leap of faith I think APs have to make.

    Sure, we go through home studies and all of that... but how do they know if the promises we make are true? They have to put their faith in us. We're taking on a lifelong responsibility to raise a child, so of course we hope for a healthy child if it's possible. That BP certainly hopes their child is healthy, too... that's just love. But they put their faith in us that we won't betray them, won't raise their child in secrecy, won't shut them out... there are certain things they can choose on the front end, but the blind faith it takes to hand complete control over to someone else and just believe in them has to be so tough.

    That's just personally how I feel as an AP. It's impossible for us to write down what we want on a piece of paper and then cast the bottle out into the sea and wait for that "perfect" situation to float back to us. We all daydream... we fantasize about what our child might be like or look like... we lose our train of thought in the middle of the day thinking about how "ideal" we hope our open adoption situation is. But the truth is... when APs get that phone call... hopefully, when they hear that a child needs them, they forget "perfect." Hopefully the APs talk about the things that are REALLY important to them... what they can handle vs. what they've dreamed about... and then they take a humongous leap of faith.

    Our leaps of faith are different, and while we can all pick and choose certain things, the real decision lies with the birthparent who has to ultimately decide if the APs she chose for her child are the people she really wants to raise her child. She puts faith in us that we'll do a good job and that we'll have that door propped open forever so that even if contact is too hard right now, or her life isn't condusive to contact right now, she can watch her child grow up when it's possible.

    For PIWs, I think the daydreaming makes us feel more committed and more linked to open adoption promises. We start broadening our minds, thinking, "oh, if my relationship could be like theirs, I could do this." At least that opens up our minds to think and reconsider what once might have sounded scary. Then, hopefully, the more we all realize that EVERY situation is different, the more we begin to trust in ourselves that we can do this... no matter what hardship may arise. If I learned nothing else at all from this experience, it's that when your baby is placed in your arms, the challenges are somehow pushed far into the background. When you're witnessing a woman's pain, there is no "ideal." In open relationships, when times get tough (because undoubtedly, times will get tough somehow, some way along the road) there is this child in your life calling you "mommy" who counts on you... and somehow, it gives you the strength to "do right" by that child in any way you can, if openness truly matters to you.

    Elizabeth has written many times that in an "ideal" world, adoption wouldn't exist at all. We'd be fertile and able to have biological children. Birth parents wouldn't be plagued with hardships that make placement plans their best options. Children would grow up with their biological families and wouldn't experience loss. But "it is what it is" and so we all do the best with what God has planned for us... because birth or adoptive parent... it's my opinion because of my faith that we can plan and plan and plan... but when God has something in store for us, if we listen carefully with open hearts, we'll all get exactly what we need. The subject of this thread is "Selecting the Right Family for YOUR BABY" and I think that puts things in the right perspective. Selecting the right adoptive parents is a gift that birth parents get to give their children. It's so easy to forget (I oftentimes do) that adoption isn't about what I get out of this relationship... it's about Ollie's birthmama choosing people she felt would raise her son in a way she could be proud of. It's about me living up to those promises and providing Oliver with the best life possible... one that affords him the ability to stay strongly connected to the family who made his life possible.

    • Upvote 5

  22. A Birth Grandmother's Role

    in BirthGrandparents & Important Others

    Posted

    Mary - I love what you wrote. I can imagine feeling the same way if I was in the birth parents' shoes. I have written elsewhere on the forum recently that, since placement, I find that we gravitate toward friendships and family relationships that are especially supportive of Oliver and his open adoption. Steven's family has always been so verbally supportive of Oliver's placement and inclusion in our family, but I'd never seen them in person with him. His sister cried twice today, just holding tight to him, saying how thankful she was for him and repeating how blessed we all are to have him. The way Steven's family has embraced Oliver, and has been SO supportive of us persuing open adoption, has made me love them so much more. It makes me want to make the extra effort to go up to NY more often. I was texting with Ollie's birthmom today and saying that I hope no kid can be spoiled by love because it honestly feels like it's overflowing here. I could sense the peace she had in her return texts after hearing how unbelievably loved her son is by everybody in his life!

  23. Growing Spiritual Children

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    Oliver has begun praying this week. We've done it together many times... I ask him to do "prayer hands" and we say "Dear God" together before I name family members he knows and then we say "Amen" together.

    He was playing with his toys in the corner the other day and I heard him say "Dear God...mumblemumblemumble... Boo Boo kitty. Amen." Steven found the most raggedy, sad, wounded 6-week-old kitten last weekend and brought him home. After a trip to the vet, the kitten took up residence in an out-of-the-way shower stall in our house. Ollie stands outside the shower door and talks to what he's started calling "boo boo kitty" every day and we say "Get better soon, kitty!" He took that to prayer the other day and appealed to God for a quick fix for our buddy Boo Boo Kitty. So sweet. :)

    His B has also been battling the flu this past week or so, and we've been putting our prayer hands together for her every morning and every night. He's started giving what looks like a fist pump when he says "Amen!" :lol:

    • Upvote 2

  24. Do's & Don'ts

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    bumping up these do's and don't's!

    Grace - as you find passages within threads that are especially helpful to you as a new forum member (and soon-to-be PIW we hope!), put them into the "Must Read" Posts for All Forum Members thread if you want and have the time. We haven't had anyone combing the forum as thoroughly as you are for a while and I think you're going to unearth some great stuff!

    To do this, just choose the "quote" button at the bottom of whatever forum post you find helpful... then copy what appears in the box. Go back to the "Must Read" Posts for All Forum Members thread and copy it into the reply box there. Then you can write about why it was important to you. :)

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