Steven&Melissa
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Posts posted by Steven&Melissa
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Congratulations!!!
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When sending the 10 profiles, should we paperclip them, staple once at the top, or staple down the side to make a book? Is there an agency preference?
Thanks,
~matt and katie
I believe the standard is staple on the upper left corner. You might also consider providing a digital version of your profile (PDF if you created it electronically or scanning it as a PDF if you hand-made it) to the family services coordinator just in case there's a mother who wants to receive profiles electronically before she can receive them in the mail. This happened to us once at the start of our journey.
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Congrats to Steven and Becky! What a roller-coaster it has been but it led you right to where you needed to be!
Wanted to add that I love the placement/family picture in the gallery!! So special!!
Me, too! Such a beautiful family.
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While I know today is a mix of emotions, I know there must be a sense of peace in these babies' birth mama over the amazing couple she chose. Congratulations to Steven and Becky and lots of prayers for the kids and every parent who loves them as they make this transition!
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If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again
I love that, Mari.
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Congratulations, Jak and Tamara! I know it has probably felt like a loooong rollercoaster ride, so I'm glad you have the "proof" now that everything works out just as it's meant to.
Welcome to the world sweet boy! -
Leah,
We had a GREAT weekend spending time with my angel girl and her parents.. She is a ball to be around.. An awesome treat for my daughter and us was having our precious babe spend the night with us in the hotel, it was beyond SPECTACULAR!!!
So appreciative of her parents for blessing us in such a special way. Mari - I hope you know that you're forging the way for adoptive parents here on the forum to keep an open mind about where their relationship might lead in the future with their child's birth parents. I know you and Lauranda have built up so much trust within your relationship and really have forged something amazing with them. I know it must have been so awesome for you all to have that special time with your granddaughter and I'm so happy to see the posts from both you and your daughter that are overflowing with love for your "angel girl." What an amazing dynamic you all have together and it makes me so happy thinking of all the love that surrounds her (and all members of her family). So glad you had such a wonderful weekend together! Continued prayers for your health and state of mind as well!
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Love the pic!!!!
For real... such a great photo.
Can't wait to see the first photo of all 4 of you together! -
Praying this family can get ready quickly and loves this baby to the fullest.
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I'm so sorry to hear you've had such a tough morning and that you have so much on your mind concerning your health. I know that can be such a shock to the system to hear that something might be wrong and the worry that comes along with that is a lot to have on your shoulders! You've got lots of prayers being said right now while I take a moment to pause from my work. Focusing on calmness of mind and body, just as you requested, but also throwing in some special prayers in there for your overall health and well-being!! Keep us updated, please.
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Happy Father’s Day to all dads and grandpas..
A SPECIAL ONE being sent with much love and respect to my Angel Girl’s daddy Joe.. My little treasure IS a daddy’s girl, watching them together fills my heart with so much love in seeing first hand that he is all these things described in the poem to her and MORE. He is A true blessing in our lives because he is a GREAT blessing in hers. Thank you J for being the daddy to our little girl that her beautiful fm wanted and pictured for her and a big part of why she made the decisions to entrust. We love you!
A Little Girl Needs Daddy
A little girl needs Daddy
For many, many things:
Like holding her high off the ground
Where the sunlight sings!
Like being the deep music
That tells her all is right
When she awakens frantic with
The terrors of the night.
Like being the great mountain
That rises in her heart
And shows her how she might get home
When all else falls apart.
Like giving her the love
That is her sea and air,
So diving deep or soaring high
She'll always find him there.
Mari, there is something so special about the validation that comes with a compliment from any birth family member about an adoptive parent being good at something, the right fit, etc. It's really heartwarming to see what you had to say about Joe.
So sweet. -
Suzi said it perfectly. I can remember all those same questions, too. I read the forum from cover to cover, somehow trying to predict would would happen on our journey based on the stories of those who came before us. But I can testify that our first journey was unique and I'm sure our second one will be, too. No two stories are ever the same and there's just no safeguarding against the pain that inevitably comes along with adoption. What I can tell you, though, is that you become stronger than you ever thought possible and that's a trait that will serve you very well when you become parents. And as the Abrazochicks say, it's not "if" you become parents, but "when." So just keep trying to look on the bright side of "bad" situations... there is always a silver lining at Abrazo.
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How soon can we adopt again??? We would love to give Jordyn a baby brother or sister!! Is this even a possibility?
ditto!!!!
Ditto?! Dyna... have you kept that home study fresh?! Ready to ride the roller coaster again and get Ty a baby sibling?
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How soon can we adopt again??? We would love to give Jordyn a baby brother or sister!! Is this even a possibility?
Hoping this is a possibility!!
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Hi, Katie and Matt! Welcome to the forum. Glad to see you're already on here.
With our first journey, we signed on officially with Abrazo at the beginning of May, 2010 and went through a couple of failed situations before getting "the" call on September 23 (4 months in) about a birthmom due to be induced the following Monday. We talked to her Thursday, she chose us Friday, we started our drive to Texas on Saturday and we met her first thing Monday morning in the hospital, where our son was born at 2pm.
This time around we went to orientation 4 months ago in February, 2013 and have not been matched yet.
All situations are so different. I remember our first time around wanting to understand everyone's situations because it made me feel hopeful that anything could happen. You could come into Abrazo and have a baby a day later or you could wait a year or more. There is just no way to know. No two stories or situations are the same!
We signed on with Abrazo the first time around because I felt comfortable all the way around. The reason we came back the second time is because of the sense of family that's built by this community and that's something I really wanted for our second child as well.
Good luck to you!
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I am sure there is a place for this type of info, was just too lazy to search, so put it here..
Thought I would share this for moms with babes-tots-children’s clothing size 12mths to size 8..
This link is for a place that purchases clothes in mint condition from top brands like Guess, Gymboree, etc.
https://kindermint.com/support.asp
Hope someone can benefit from this.
It looks awesome! Thanks for the link, Mari!
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Congratulations, Jeff, Melissa and Abby! We are celebrating with you as we keep J close in prayer for peace in her heart.
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This post was made in an open adoption group I belong to on Facebook today. They accept anonymous questions or comments and this one made me smile. I'm not a fan of hearing/saying, "my birthmom" or "our birthmom" because B isn't "my" or "our" birthmom... Oliver gets to own that piece of his history, but I loved the question from the birthmom below because there's such a sweetness to it:
"Fan Question: Lately in my head (until this post) I have been referring to my birth-daughters Adoptive parents as MY adoptive parents, not because they are in any way parenting ME but because I chose them and they are awesome parents, I am proud of them! It feels more accurate than calling them THE adoptive parents. To my friends/family I use their 1st names but secretly I feel they are mine lol Is that weird?"
The comments she received (22 in the past hour) gave different perspectives, and while I still call B "Ollie's birthmama," she is still "our" family and I do call her that. I don't say she's a member of "his" family because there is no doubt we're all intertwined and belong to one another now, though I do still believe the title of "my birthmother" is Oliver's alone.
As an adoptive parent, there is something so validating about any hint from your child's birthparent that you are doing a good job or that they are proud of you, which makes me look at the message behind saying "my" or "our" a little more positively, wondering if birthparents feel the same way.
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Not too sure if this is where to post this but I wanted to share.
Alexander is loved by so many people. Our parents love him to bits! He loves going to their houses for a visit and he loves when Kevin parents are in from Scotland.
I adored my Grandparents. They loved and supported all of their grandkids. They came to our concerts, our recitals and took us for ice cream when our report cards came out. Alexander is named after our grandfathers (Alexander-Kevin's Granpa's first name, Brown was my Grandad's last name).
My Dad decided last year he wanted to honor his parents through a scholarship fund set-up at our old high school (My parents graduated from there and so did me and all of my siblings). My Grandparents believed in higher education a great deal. They were not able to help my Dad monetarily but they supported him through love, prayer and encouragement.
Here's what what my Dad sent me this morning. I will admit that I got chocked up reading it. As I really do think my Grandparents are my angels.
Just got a call from the High school.
John will be the First recipient of the Frances and Joseph Adams Hispanic Scholarship $1,000 Award. He is in all advanced classes and activities.
The guidelines for the award scholarship goes to the Hispanic with the Highest GPA. The Scholarship ceremony is May 23 and Elissa will be presenting the award.
John is Hispanic and He is Adopted
I think this is Grandma and Popo blessing Alexander and giving their love to both of you for adopting Alexander and being wonderful and loving parents!!!
Ok, that choked me up, too.
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I read the below submission in a blog called Bumbler's Bumblings today, which is written by an adoptive mom, but her son's birth mother is a guest writer sometimes. The writing below is from her son's birthmom Amber about the day she first met her son's parents, her expectations for them, why she chose them, and her feelings on selecting the right family for her baby. Such a moving story about all of the thought that went into her decision.
Here's the link, but the text is pasted below in case the link goes bad.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Open Adoption Roundtable: Guest post from B's Birthmom
Open Adoption Roundtable #27: Write about a first meeting.
I'm so pleased to be able to share the following story, written by our son's birth mother. She refers to him as Bundle in her story:
It seems almost impossible to accurately describe the feelings and emotions that surround the meeting of the parents of your child. That statement alone holds thoughts that can never be understood unless this exact experience has been a reality in your life. But, here I am over two years later and I clearly remember every detail and I will try my best to express and explain the most important meeting of my life.
The night before the meeting I sat at my window, watching the snow quietly fall, and told Bundle all about the events of the next day. I read and re-read their profile, analyzing every word and picture. I was so nervous I could not fall asleep and I just stared and talked. I wasn’t nervous because I was unsure of my choice to pick a family for adoption I was nervous because I wanted to pick the perfect family. My idea of perfect is not the family who has everything together, never fights, and looks beautiful every Sunday at church. My perfect family is one that loves each other unconditionally, loves God, and loves life. How exactly do you decipher these qualities from a couple you meet for two hours? I had no idea how I was going to be sure that these were the people I wanted influencing and raising my son. This seemed like an impossible task and I was terrified of making the wrong choice.
The snow began to pile outside my window and I decided that the first test for the couple would be whether or not they canceled our meeting. It was an early morning meeting and we had chosen a neutral location at a conference room in a hotel. But, of course the blizzard was predicted to blow through the night and well into the following day. I told my social worker that I did not want to cancel the meeting and I waited to hear what the couple was thinking. I wanted to see if they thought this meeting and, essentially meeting their potential son, was worth driving through record breaking snow. If they canceled I would have never rescheduled and started back at the beginning.
The next morning my social worker confirmed that the couple was not only willing but thrilled to hold to our meeting time. So, my family packed into my Dad’s truck and proceeded to drive in a raging blizzard to get to the meeting. I went over thoughts and questions in my head as I stared out the window and whispered to Bundle. I had read their profile so many times, I felt like I knew them already. I tried to put myself in their shoes so that I could understand what they were thinking and feeling. My plan was to be myself and see how well we meshed because Bundle’s personality would probably reflect mine. We pulled into the hotel parking lot and I instantly checked all the cars plates and tried figuring out which one was theirs. A car can say a lot about a person and I was desperate for any clues or hints.
We trudged through the snow into the conference room with my social worker. She said that the couple was in the hotel waiting and that they were very nervous. We joked about how we should just not smile and shoot questions at them and make them really nervous, just to break the ice. It was obvious that everyone involved was going to be nervous but I wanted to see the couple in a comfortable setting so that I could understand who they were, how they acted, and their thoughts without the pressure to perform for me. So I rearranged the room. The hotel had set up long tables with chairs sitting far apart and it was very impersonal. So I suggested taking the chairs away from the tables and setting them up in a cozy circle to ease everyone’s nerves.
Watching them walk through the door brought a flood of emotions. My mind immediately went to work. First thought, Nate held the door open for Amber, good. Second thought, she is beautiful. And this was the beginning of exhaustingly documenting every thought and storing it deep into my memory. Every second that happened in that meeting I relived and worked over in my mind every hour of every day until I went into labor.
I immediately jumped out of my seat and ran, actually waddled over to them. I told myself early on that I would not pay attention to superficial things such as looks or clothes. But, the first thing I noticed was that they were a very good looking couple and well dressed. I introduced myself to Nate first and I told him I would rather hug him than shake his hand. I remember thinking that he was really handsome and had features that Bundle was going to have, dark hair and blue eyes. This was very important to me because I wanted Bundle to look like the family I chose. He smiled and hugged me and was quiet. I instantly decided it was not necessarily the shy kind of quiet but more the thinking kind of quiet. I then turned to Amber. She was beautiful and very nervous. Hugging her was special because Bundle hugged her too. I’ll never forget when she looked at me and then at Bundle. It was a defining moment in that day and in my life. It wasn’t the sparkle of excitement in her eyes or the kindness that I saw, those things I expected. It was the sadness that I saw, not for her or from her past but for me. I had put myself in her shoes so many times and I knew she would be nervous and hesitant and excited. But the fact that she had thought about me, my feelings, what I was about to do, made me realize that she already loved Bundle. She had a kind heart, she understood me.
After introducing my family, minus my twin who couldn’t make it, we all sat down in our circle of chairs. My social worker prayed and we began our meeting. Right away, Amber, was so nervous that she picked her finger nail off. It went sailing through the air and then fell to the floor in the middle of the circle. She quickly jumped out of her chair, picked it up, and stuck it in her pocket. It was a hilarious event because my little sister literally asked her why she decided to put her nail in her pocket. This was the ice breaker because everyone had to laugh. Looking back it’s even funnier because I know Amber so well and I am no longer surprised at her hilarious and wild antics.
The afternoon seemed to float along. We talked about planes, boats, and shopping. We talked about their history as a couple, their goals, and families. I was very specific in my expectations for them and they met every single detail that I had in mind over and above. It surprised me. I set goals that I thought I would have to compromise on. I did not want a history of divorce in either family, must be adventurous, educated, friendly, Christians, outgoing, kind, hard working, easy to relate to, and the list was endless. They fit each idea and description and I was overwhelmed.
Then Amber told me of when she first found out about me choosing them and she was so excited just telling me about it. Her eyes were sparkly, excited, and her words were full of happiness and anticipation. I loved that she was so bubbly and vibrant. She said exactly what she was thinking right when she thought it. It was easy to tell that she was driven and loved life. Nathan was very funny also but in a different way than Amber. He was kind and sensitive and reminded me a lot of my Dad. Towards the end of our meeting I excused myself to call my twin and fill her in. I wanted to be on the outside and secretly spy when they thought I wasn’t looking. So I stood in the back of the room and watched Nate and Amber interact with my family. The thing that struck me the most is that they were so eager and absolutely bursting with life. The room was never silent, but filled with laughter or happy chatter. We had our serious moments but they were met with open hearts and minds. This was not only similar to my family and home life, but it was exactly the atmosphere I wanted my son to be raised in. I wanted an atmosphere of life, living, laughing, and loving. I chose life for my son once and I wanted to choose life for him indefinitely.
Before I knew it two hours had flown by and we decided to head out into the storm. I could’ve sat and talked for hours and hours with them and this was something I had not expected going in. I said good bye to Amber last and I asked if she wanted to rub my giant belly. She looked at me with hesitation and I’m pretty sure slight anxiety. My decision was already made and I knew Amber would be perfect for Bundle. And as corny as it sounds we shared a special moment.
So how do you pick the people to care for your child? How do you make that choice of handing over the life you made? I wanted to be the one to protect him and love him. But I couldn’t. Once you get past the feeling of helplessness you have to decide who can take your place. So how do you pick and trust someone to care for the only thing in this world that you love? You don’t. I really believe that I did not pick them. God did. It was a God ordained plan. A masterpiece of events and incidents. We found each other through God. This plan is my gift to Bundle. I may not give Bundle his dollar from the tooth fairy, I may not give him his first piggy back ride, I may not give him gas money or drop him off for his first day at school. I may not give him a kiss good bye after his first date or give him the keys to his first car. But I gave him my eyes, I gave him my heart, and I gave him life.
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I believe all payments need to be in the form of a check (or other such form... Not sure on those specifics) but I've never heard of a credit card being allowed?
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Welcome to the world, Alex! A huge congratulations to Scott and Deb. We are keeping everyone who loves Alex in our prayers!
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Bridgett - I have to admit I was also pretty angry when I realized our policies. I work for a large, global company and just before we adopted Oliver, I found myself in DC. I requested time with our Chief HR Officer and gave my thoughts and opinions and asked for an explanation. He got very detailed with me and though I respectfully had to agree to disagree with him, I could see why a group of decision-makers who had never been touched by adoption made the decisions they did. I chuckled the other day when I called the company that now handles our benefits (outsourced now). I explained to the girl that I needed an explanation of the process and what I'd be expected to do once we found out we were about to take placement (paperwork, who to alert, etc). I called it "maternity leave" and she heehaw'd around that for a while before she said, "Oooooohhhhh, you mean A BONDING LEAVE OF ABSENCE." Huh? Sure... yes, a bonding leave of absence then. "Women who give birth to their children get maternity leave through short term medical leave, but when you adopt someone's baby, it's just a bonding leave of absence." I don't know why it felt like a slap in the face, but it did! There is most certainly something about "standing in a different line," of sorts, that feels stinging, no matter how seemingly resolved your infertility issues are (and I imagine this is how most adoptees feel about "standing in a different line" through no choice of their own). Steven's company gives a $5k payment per child, per adoption. Mine gives nothing. Steven's also gives unpaid paternity leave, regardless of the method the child comes to you. That $5k puts a dent in the pay we lose out on during that "bonding period," but the bonding is essential whether we're getting paid or not. That time is critical for a newborn, but I can't imagine heading back to work and not having that time for Oliver to learn us and for us to learn all about him. I hate that companies do this, but each adoptive family has to find a way around the financial aspects of it all. I think this is why we see a lot of families in their 40's or older adopting for the first time... the fertility treatments and everything else don't just take time, they take money... and after you've wasted all your time, you've wasted all your money, too. Financing an adoption is not an easy thing to do for 99% of us and I think many of us don't build our families in the time frame we otherwise would have, namely because we're trying to get into a financial space where we can afford it... but for a certain population of the world, who are having biological families... they are planning their families against their financial capabilities, too. And hopefully they're not telling their kids that they might not exist today, had mom and dad not waited a few years to build a family because the expenses just weren't where they needed them to be. Finances are just a touchy thing to talk about, no matter what the context. I understand that some children are going to be sensitive to each step of their adoption story, just as some of us adults have a sore spot for the topic in our adoption journeys as well! Hopefully the way we process it will help establish a healthy frame of mind for our kids as they grow.
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Congratulations to Chris, Judy and Mikayla! And welcome sweet baby Joshua! I know you're going to show your mama and daddy just how awesome it is to have a baby boy around!
A Birth Grandmother's Role
in BirthGrandparents & Important Others
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Happy anniversary, Mari! 29 years is a wonderful accomplishment!