1st x grandma

Continuation…Part 38 Friday morning 4:30, they came to get her ready to take her to her CT Scan…She had rested pretty well during the night, only woke when they would come in to take vitals or give her meds. What would a new day bring? I was struggling with my emotions, jumping between being eager for the day to start yet at the same time somewhat cautious. I found myself not only hoping but also praying that it would certainly be better then the day she had before, it certainly had been more then a bit of a battle for me as I had tried to rein in my emotions so they would not distracted me from being useful. At our request, my husband and I had been actively taking care of our daughter. We were able to help with any little things we could. The nurses showed us how to put on her leg massaging boots, how to work the controls, how to adjust her back up on the bed when she slide down, which happened due to her head needing to be kept raised on the bed and several other minor things we could do... This just allowed us to be able to do some thing instead of pacing the floor or biting at the bit. Once they brought her back to the room and she was fully awake, we knew right away, she was definitely feeling more relaxed, was quite talkative, in a good mood and hungry (all good signs). As she flipped through the TV channels she kept coming across the movie Hairspray. Each time would say, “oh, I want to see this, I’ve never seen it”, and I am sitting there thinking to myself “oh no, not again, I am tired of this movie”, she had watched it numerous times that Wednesday and the days prior to her surgery, but she never remembered watching it.. She did remember that day was the tailgate or at least it is better said she kept remembering and that Saturday would be the holy bowl (her previous catholic school and their rival catholic school’s big annual football game)..She kept asking her dad if the game was that Sat. and if it was going to be televised, he kept telling her it was, but the hospital TV didn’t have the catholic channel. It all of sudden was like that movie ground hog day all over again, except that instead of waking up to the repeat of the day before, it was every few minutes.. She did not remember anything for very long. All the visitors she had gotten since her hospitalization including family and friends were erased from her memory bank in no time…Her doctor and nurses would ask her each time they came in if she knew their names, needless to say, if she were being tested on that information, she certainly would not have passed. When her doctor would came to examine her, it was going through the drill of checking her strength, her vitals and asking the questions that had become the norm, what day was it, why was she there, what was his name etc... He advised us that the CT showed the fluid was continuing to drain well so he was going to remove the ventricular tube and the dressing from her head. As the nurses prepared what seemed to be a little surgical table in her room with all the tools he would need, he explained how and what would happen when he removed the tubing, told us that some cfc spinal fluid would drip out as well as shoot out, but for us not to get alarmed it was normal. Her dad and I stayed at the foot of the bed while the doctor and the nurses did what they needed to do. First numbing the area, and then removing the sutures that had held the tubing in place. As he gently pulled it out, the line just kept going and going, fluid started oozing out. I was watching in disbelief, how on earth was all that in her head, it seemed like it wasn’t ever going to be finally all out, he kept asking her if she was ok, if she felt any discomfort and to my relief she said she was ok, it didn’t hurt..When the last of it finally came out, her forehead looked almost like a water spicket, fluid just shot straight out; he cleaned up the remaining water and blood then proceeded to stitch it shut. I had to find my way to the chair behind me, I really couldn’t watch any more, though she said it didn’t hurt and she seem to be doing ok, she was definitely doing better then me. Even though doctor told us it would happen, it was obvious that my husband and I still did not fully understood exactly what it would look like, much less how we would feel seeing it. We can laugh about it now, talk about her looking like a little whale with a blow hole, it wasn’t too funny back then though. Then came the removal of the dressing across her head, I just kept telling myself to stay calm, no matter what it looked like, keep a poker face, don’t show emotion on your face, don’t alarm her, and definitely don’t pass out. Once he removed the dressing he checked the staples, he told the nurse to make sure my daughter’s hair was not washed or wet for a few days, which did not make my daughter’s day. She was anxious to wash her hair. Overall it didn’t look too bad, so I told her, but the blood dried matted hair I thought made it look worse then it really was, or at least that’s what I kept telling myself and her when she asked for a mirror. Her doctor made sure she was ok, not feeling faint or in pain, then said he would be back that evening to check on her. The good thing with the ventricular tubing/machine now removed, she would be able to be more mobile, do the little things that she had not been able to do in a week. It would allow her to be able to start sitting up in a chair, walk to the sink to brush her teeth instead of doing it in her bed. There would be both someone from physical therapy and a speech therapist that would come in that afternoon to evaluate. Even though she had been having on and off tingling on her left side, she was anxious to get out of bed at least for short periods of time, now they would work with her to make sure she could start walking short distances, and hopefully on her way to full recovery and out of NCCU, all huge milestones. Her sister would be in that day, her aunt was going to pick her up at the airport and bring her straight to the hospital. Even though she did not remember, her dad and I would talk to her frequently about the visit, sometimes she would ask if her sister knew she was there, if she had been there, several times before responding with the answers we started suggesting for her to look at her journal for the answers to those questions. We talked about her uncle (my brother) trying to convince her two nights before that she loved math, it was her favorite subject. Though at the time she thought about it for a very short bit, then started laughing and telling him no, that she hated math, but gave him kudos for a good try, but he wouldn’t be able to “brain wash” her to believe she loved math. She had though done extremely well on math problems he had given her to do. It just seem amazing to us how the mind worked, especially with this all being so new to all of us, never having to deal with or be exposed to anything like this was forcing us into a different world, how different, we had no idea at the time. Her ob came by to check on her, and advise that a different Dr. would be on call for the weekend, but she was requesting for continued daily visits from the on call dr. to monitor the baby’s heartbeat and check- in with the maternity nurses that had been making their daily visits to my daughter. A few times the heartbeat had been difficult to find, but they all felt or at least communicated to us, that the little one was just in hiding and staying low key. The good thing was that my daughter pretty much had the same two nurses come in, so they both became very familiar with both my daughter and granddaughter. After she talked to my daughter for a little while and listened to the heartbeat, she asked to see me outside my daughter’s room, I was not prepared for what she was about to tell me, and everything else that came with it. To be continued…..

Thank goodness that awful posting of mine has been removed.. I will re post soon.. Hope all have a wonderful day.. thank you

It was, and WE ARE STILL CELEBRATING....Even though she started college this week, and we have talked about the next graduation in a few years (college)..Due to some of her friends still having their graduations that we have attended, it just keeps going..I am sure eventually it will run out of steam, but I rather be here doing this then where we were not too long ago. Which brings me to this: Just as my family celebrates my daughter’s high school graduation and my sister in laws college graduation accompanied by family and friends, we have joined many of our family friends as they also celebrate these huge milestones. I know there must be other families on the forum who are also celebrating graduations. Just want to send out this pray to all GRADUATES AND A BIG CONGRATS with Blessings from our family to yours. Graduation Prayer Dear Lord, I have knowledge, so will You show me now, How to use it wisely and find a way somehow To make the world I live in a little better place, And make life with its problems a little bit easier to face. Grant me faith and courage and put purpose in my days, And show me how to serve Thee in effective ways. So my education, my knowledge and my skills May find their true fulfillment as I learn to do Thy will. And may I ever be aware in everything I do, That knowledge comes from learning, and wisdom comes from You. Amen.

Scary indeed, well said...It is something you don't wish on even your worst enemy... Though we are still (more my daughter then us) dealing with the effects..I pray she really is past the worst of it, the rest even though it is a challenge at times can be handled emotionally a whole lot better by us all. Blessings,,,,May you all have a wonderful weekend Mari

It reads perfect Mari....I always enjoy & look forward to reading your post. Amy Your sweet, but it’s a pride thing for me.. I think I mentioned early on that people accused me of being a perfectionist, not true, but this latest posting really took the cake.

Wow…I have like a trillion misspells on this latest addition… I better quit typing at night when I am tired.. Sorry about that.. If I can get the computer guru to deleted it I will repost with corrections..I had tired to correct after I reread it several times, but seems like you don’t have much time with the edit mode..

Thank you...and thank you also to all who support and embrace my child.. blessings

Thank you, we are all so proud of her, she has done all the hard work herself though, I just give the hugs, kisses, lend the shoulder, an ear, help her stay focused on her goals, give her another perspective when needed and love her unconditionally. Oh yeah, and dished out the consequences and punishments when needed. She has been on an amazing and at times quite difficult journey, but she continues being very optimistic about life and realistic about her educational career plans. She views things from a different perspective then many, and we know it is due to her stronger faith, courage and bumps her journey has encountered. She has not only touched, but has inspired so many lives. This was evident and almost overwhelming to her dad and I on her graduation night, the positive, loving, genuine admiration, sentiments and comments shared with us by her teachers, counselors, school administrators and many of her peers was amazing. She continued to share her faith and positive outlook when she delivered her invocation on behalf of all the graduates. I am also a very proud grandma…my angel girl was wonderful and the PERFECT ANGEL, if I do say so myself, keeping her grandpa entertained as well as taking in everything around her, she was certainly the other inspiration (celebrity) for many. Can’t even count how many people looked forward to and enjoyed meeting this little gem. We were blessed to have our angel girl, her mom and dad at this milestone and special occasion; we certainly know they are proud of her and her accomplishments. It certainly allows all of us to see the traits, strength, determination, feistiness and courage that no doubt my daughter has passed on to her off spring. Family is everything to us, even our friends there, they are all part of our family, my husband and I could not have asked for a more perfect night for our daughter. When I think of my daughter, I think of the words in the chorus of the song The Words I Would Say Be strong in the Lord And never give up hope You're gonna do great things I already know God's got His hand on You So don't live life in fear Forgive and forget But don't forget why you're here Take your time and pray These are the words I would say Blessings, Mari TURNING THE TIDE ** When everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.—Harriet Beecher Stowe

Ladies thank you very much for your kind words and wishes...BTW you all have such beautiful children. I am glad you liked the poem,I have enjoyed it for years. It is such a beautiful one that says so much. Suzi, LOL,,I am glad it was timely for you, well have to keep you in mind for the future.. I do hope all had a wonderful Mother's Day.. My daughter and I really enjoyed our retreat on Saturday and met some great women... But nothing tops our Mother's Day, we had an absolutely wonderful one that was more then we could have hoped for.. We had the blessed opportunity to spend part of the day with my granddaughter and her parents..I know my husband and I were on cloud nine, but our daughter we think was on cloud trillion. I couldn't have asked for a better gift for my daughter,what a thoughtful gesture and gift she received, we all received. After all the health issues my daughter has been dealing with, this certainly made her day. Have added a few pics and I think the faces say more then my words can.. We are looking forward to seeing them all again in a couple of weeks for my daughter's graduation. Blessings to all Mari

Even though daily, I keep all first mothers and grandmothers and their families, in my thoughts, heart and prayers. I am sending out special prayers for each first mother and grandmother on Mother’s Day. Hope you have something special planned to pamper yourselves physically, mentally and/or spiritually. My daughter and I will be out of town on Saturday attending a mother/daughter retreat. We are both looking forward to this event and our time away from the everyday comings and goings. Happy Mother’s Day to all Mothers, Our blessings to one and all..Love, Mari I said a prayer for you today And know God must have heard. I felt the answer in my heart Although He spoke no word. I didn't ask for wealth or fame I knew you wouldn't mind, I asked Him to send treasures Of a far more lasting kind. I asked that He'd be near you At the start of each new day To grant you health & blessings And friends to share your way. I asked for happiness for you In all things great & small. But it was for His loving care I prayed for most of all. Unknown Author Dear God, We thank you for taking us into your family through the miracle of your grace. Today, loving God, we pray for mothers: • who cared for us when we were helpless • who comforted us when we were hurt • who love us unconditionally • whose love and care we often took for granted Today we pray for: • those who are grieving the loss of their mother • all first mothers • mothers grieving the loss of their child • all adopted mothers who unselfishly share their child • families separated by war or conflict • Lord, give them special blessings Gracious God, continue to keep us united with you and with each other, so that we can be and become all that we are meant to be. Amen.

GRAY MATTERS May is Brain Tumor Awarness Month Our brain controls many of the complex activities that we perform on a daily basis. Unfortunately sometimes the first time that we think about these "how to" steps is when we encounter difficulty performing the tasks. When someone we love is affect by the effects of a brain tumor, we want to do everything we can to help. The recovery is at times very stressful for the surviors, dealing with relearning simple task and just trying to do everyday activities can at times be challenging, this can take its toll on many. Sometimes, even for the caregiver, the demands of caregiving combined with the ongoing stress of everyday life can seem like a lot to cope with all at once. There are many from children, to the elderly that are affected. The road can sometimes seem long, continuing and taking one day at a time may be all we can do, what better way to help then by including them in our prayers, wherever these families may be. Reach out and touch someone with your prayer this month.

May is Brain Tumor Awarness Month Our brain controls many of the complex activities that we perform on a daily basis. Unfortunately sometimes the first time that we think about these "how to" steps is when we encounter difficulty performing the tasks. When someone we love is affect by the effects of a brain tumor, we want to do everything we can to help. The recovery is at times very stressful for the surviors, dealing with relearning simple task and just trying to do everyday activities can at times be challenging, this can take its toll on many. Sometimes, even for the caregiver, the demands of caregiving combined with the ongoing stress of everyday life can seem like a lot to cope with all at once. There are many from children, to the elderly that are affected. The road can sometimes seem long, continuing and taking one day at a time may be all we can do, what better way to help then by including them in our prayers, wherever these families may be. Reach out and touch someone with your prayer this month.

Jocelyn, Heidi, Amy, you ladies ROCK...thank you so much URGENT!!!! Wanted to share the following with all and pass on info asap.... it was forwarded to me by a reliable friend,,,it sure does have all kinds of info..in some cases there were even phone numbers... It only lets you delete two or three entries per email address..it is easy to delete your info,,,just follow instructs... Please feel free to pass on to family and friends and help them protect their privacy.. Hope you find this helpful Blessings, Mari There is a site called www.spokeo.com It's an online phone book that pictures of you and family members and your home, profession, your age, materitail status, how many people are living in your house and the ages of your children, credit score and so much more. Go there and do a search and see if your name is listed. To remove yourself click on Privacy button on the bottom right. Just do what it says to remove your profile. Also do a search for everyone in your house for their profile to delete it.

Thank you Heidi…Your right, extremely proud of her… You would have thought she won the Pulitzer prize.. She has worked so hard, given her challenges and the last almost two years she’s had, it makes this milestone that much more meaningful for us.. Thank you also to all who have congratulated her..It is not only heart warming but comforting that so many are joining us (her family) and cheering her on.. I know I have slacked off on posting.. things have just been really tough, here I had thought that a year and a half later it would all be easier to deal with, but I found out much too soon that they are not, so I am not going to say that I haven’t had time, it’s more that I haven’t wanted to or been able to continue at this point.. With every doctors appointment I take my daughter too, every time something else pops up with her health due to the brain tumor, just continues to bring all of the scary frightening feelings back up and it feels like it was yesterday.. I really look forward to finally having to stop adding new doctors, new specialist to her extremely long list and her being healthy again in all aspects. Don’t get me wrong, I thank God for her daily, he and I continue to have numerous conversations daily, and he keeps sending me reassuring signs that we are on the right track.. It is just the human side of me that has trouble wrapping my arms, head and heart around it at times..I do feel confident that I will eventually make it there, of course hoping for it to be sooner then later. Blessings to all, Mari

Hello Forum Family...Hope all are doing well... Just want to wish each of you and yours a wonderful, blessed and safe Easter.... Blessings, Mari HEAVEN’S GROCERY STORE I was walking down life’s highway a long tme ago. One day I saw a sign that read…”HEAVEN’S GROCERY STORE.” As I got a little closer the door came open wide… And when I came to myself, I was standing right inside. I saw a host of angels…they were standing everywhere. Once handed me a basket and said, “My child, shop with care.” Everything a Christian needed was in that grocery store. And all you couldn’t carry, you could come back for more. First I got some PATIENCE. LOVE was in the same row. Further down was UNDERSTANDING…you need that everywhere you go. I got a box of WISDOM, A bag or two of FAITH. I just couldn’t miss the HOLY GHOST, for it was all over the place. I stopped to get some STRENGHT and COURAGE to help me run the race. By then my basket was getting full when I remembered I needed some GRACE. I didn’t forget SALVATION….for salvation that was free. So I tried to get enough of that to save both you and me. Then I started to the counter to pay my grocery bill, As I thought I had everythng to do my Master’s will. When I went up the aisle, I saw PRAYER and I just had to put that in, For I knew when I stepped outside…I would run right into sin. PEACE and JOY were plentiful. They were on the last shelf. SONGS OF PRAISES were hanging near, so I just helped myself. Then I said to the angel…”Now how much do I owe?” He just smiled and said, “Just take them everywhere you go.” Again I smiled at him and said…”How much do I really owe?” He smiled again and said, “My child, Jesus paid for your bill a long time ago.” Author Unknown

Continuation….Part 37 When my husband walked back in he told me my friend J was out in the waiting room wanting to see me, I wondered out loud how she knew we were there, then he shared with me, that the mother of one of my daughter’s classmates had gone by the night before, I hadn’t seen her, she happened to come by when my sister in law and I had gone to the food court before she left for the night, and when I got back into my daughter’s room, the only person there was her dad and visiting hours were over. I personally didn’t know her, or her son, my husband was the one who knew this mom, they worked as volunteers for a project at the school my daughter use to attend and even though my daughter was not attending that school currently, he was still very involved with this project. Apparently this mother had gone to see my daughter’s friend O, but found that she had been released from the hospital already so she went to see my daughter while there, after which she was going to the house of my daughter’s friend to see her. It occurred to me that was probably the reason for the call from my friend J the night before; this mother probably told them about my daughter. When I shared that thought with my husband, he said he hadn’t thought of that, and didn’t think to mention to me the visit. Tish, I now felt a little worse for not taking her call, I was sure she was concerned about my daughter. Had I known though about the previous nights visit I could have expected her call and yes even her visit.. I knew I would have done the same, well what was I thinking, I had done the same when my daughter and I found out about her friend the previous year, and we were there every single day visiting her until they released her from the hospital several months later. I braced myself and went out to see her.. As soon as I saw her she asked me how I was doing, didn’t wait for a reply, she apologized for not being there sooner, but she had only learned of my daughter’s situation the night before…and as I had figured, it had been my daughter’s classmate’s mother who had been there. After we cried together, I caught her up on my daughter’s situation, and we talked about the irony of two friends who were dealing with life threatening experiences within a year of each other.. She shared with me that the previous Sunday she had seen my jeep in the parking lot, and thought we were there to see O, but when she got to her daughter’s room and she hadn’t mentioned we were there, she thought maybe we were there visiting someone else.. We hadn’t been to the hospital since O had returned for her bone marrow transplant due to her immune system and blood counts needing to stabilize, even though we were some of only a very small group of none family members who could visit her.. We just didn’t want to take a chance with her and expose her to any illness that would put her life at greater risk. So we were waiting for her to be released from the hospital to go see her. I told her that I would have really preferred her not finding out, only because she had enough on her plate with her daughter’s situation, but I had thought of her often while there. I was glad thought that O’s health had finally improved enough to be able to go home, O wanted to see my daughter, but she could not freely walk the hospital corridors yet, her platelets were still too low, she could only go as far as the clinic to get her treatments three times a week and still could not have too many visitors. I needed to get back to my daughter’s room, I felt sort of anxious and uncomfortably not being there, especially in the state she was in. So when I told J that I appreciated her coming by, as well as her prays and concern, she asked if she could see my daughter before she left, her husband was with her daughter who was getting a treatment down the street, I told her she was sedated but she could go in to see her, I tried once more to paint a picture of how she looked to give a little heads up.. I asked her to tell O that my daughter was doing good, no need or sense in her being concerned with my daughter, she needed to focus on getting well and stronger herself. After J left, I sat there and thought about what we talked about, two teen girls who had become friends when they met their freshmen year…They were each other’s date to their first homecoming dance (neither were allowed to go with a boy yet). They both played volleyball and golf, she usually went with us when we went to tournaments, practices or other functions away from the school, including out of town football games, and it was as if we had acquired another daughter. O, was looking forward to being in my daughter’s quince the year before, they had been practicing for it the day before she ended up in the ER..She kept trying to talk her doctors into letting her out of the hospital so she could be part of the celebration, and of course that wasn’t going to happen, but no one could say she didn’t try. We did make arrangements with her parents and doctors permission for my daughter and her court of honor to stop by the hospital on their way from the church to the reception hall to see her. Once O was able to return to school, my daughter was her protector, watched over her like a mother hen, the dean of women called my daughter her friend’s guardian angel. Little did we know at the beginning of their high school years that they would both be dealing with life threatening situations before they had graduated, what were the chances? My daughter pretty much slept (a better way for me to look at it) well into the late afternoon; her vitals were finally looking better and were staying stable. She still seemed to be more out of it then not during the short times she was awake. Even though she seemed to be resting more than being in the comatose state (as the nurse and doctor had described it) she had been in that morning, I was still too worried and filled with the anxiety of not fully understanding or rather knowing what might come next, we knew her situation was crucial, it had been an unforeseen set back, I prayed a small set back, but it was a setback not less and I was not about to leave the immediate area for any length of time. I knew there was nothing I could do to make her better, I couldn’t snap my fingers or wave some magic wand over her and make all this go away, though at that time I sure wish it was possible and I could have pulled out some special love filled angel dust to use, but all I could do was continue to leave it in God’s hands, continue to ask him to keep her wrapped in his loving arms and to protect her and her child, after all he had gotten both of them this far, I knew he would continue to embrace them. Her neuro doctor came by during his afternoon rounds to check on her, advised us that after the CTS the following morning he would decide whether to remove her ventriculostomy tubing that had been inserted in her head that previous Friday, but only if the fluid was still draining properly. Depending on how she was doing he was also going to have someone from physical therapy and a speech therapist come see her and work with her, he would get the nurse to contact them and schedule. Her OB also came by to see her; she had already been brought up to date by my daughter’s neuro doctor of what had transpired that day. Nurses from maternity floor where still coming in daily to monitor the baby’s heartbeat, we had made sure that when they took her for her CTs, and when they had come to her room for x-rays they knew she was pregnant so they could take the necessary precautions… Family started coming by in the evening, not staying long, they all just wanted to see how she was doing and to check on my husband and I. Everyone kept trying to get us to go eat something, or just go take a break, but neither of us were moving from there for now. One of my friends was going to bring us dinner, she would call us when she got there so my husband could meet her out in the waiting room, so we were pretty much set until he had to go let my daughter’s dogs out and feed them. Friends that called were still told that we would call them when she was up to having company outside of the family. Several religious sisters, one from our church, and two from her school came by to give her blessings, we were not going to turn them away… They were Gods angels, yes as we all are, but to me though, they had more of a direct line to him then me and with closer ties, we would take all the blessings and help we could get. Meanwhile we continued to wait, I sure wish I could say waiting became easier, but it really didn’t, it took so much work and was emotionally draining just to sit there and not be able to do anything for her. To be continued……

Continuation…Part 36 It didn’t take long for Nurse Elizabeth to come back in with a bag which was a steroid...the lab was called and not long after another bag of drip was added, this time it was potassium. She had been on both after surgery and they had been removed earlier that morning when the bags were finished, but a few hours later it look like she was having some type of withdrawal/reaction to not having them, so the doctor ordered them back for her. He was on his way back in to check on her. My daughter was pretty much out of it, they had also given her morphine which pretty much knocked her out. As we waited for the doctor and talked with Elizabeth, we found out that she was not due to be on duty, it was supposed to be her day off, but the nurse that was scheduled had been in a slight fender bender that morning, due to rain we had been getting all night and into the morning hours. All we could say was thank goodness she had been there, God was truly looking out for my little girl. I waited for her doctor to check her out before I called my daughter, she had already called, but I had told her the doctor was there and I would call her back, even though at the time of her call he wasn’t there yet, but I wanted to make sure we knew what was going on before I spoke with her. Once the doctor came in and checked her, he asked Elizabeth to increase the steroid drip and gave her some other instructions that only they understood, but it had something to do with stabilizing her vitals, there had been drops in her heart rate then it would go extremely high, so keeping her as quiet and still as possible was necessary. Currently that didn’t seem to be a problem, due to her being pretty much out of it, but it would be important as the other medications started to work and her body started to respond to the meds and regained strength. Every morning lab techs came in to take blood, labs were done on her daily, prior to surgery they took the blood from her arm, after surgery they took it from a port-a-cath that had been inserted in the left side of her chest, and because he didn’t want her moved, he asked Nurse Elizabeth to have radiology come in and do some x-rays, instead of the normal process of unhooking her from the big monitors and hooking her up to portable ones to take her to radiology. He would be back later, but they knew to call him if there was a need. Though we knew she was well taken care of, she was in good hands and all precautionary measures were being taken, it was still nerve racking to watch this unfold and feel utterly helpless, all we could do was wait, wait on the latest test, wait on the findings of the tumor from the Mayo Clinic, wait to see if she was going to need chemo or radiation treatments, wait for her vitals to stabilize, JUST WAIT……. When I finally did call her sister back, I told her that she was asleep when she asked to speak to her, I told her she had not had a good morning and was resting, but I assured her she was doing better, a short while after we got off the phone, she called me back to tell me she was going to make arrangements to fly in the next morning. …No need for me to try and talk her out of it, I knew it was something she needed to do, it was important for her and I knew her sister would love to see her. I just asked her to call me once she had her flight scheduled so I could make arrangements to have her picked up at the airport. As my husband and I sat there doing the only thing we could do, keep vigil, I told him that I had several calls from the night before; one was from my friend J, the mom of my daughter’s friend who has leukemia. Her call had come in around 11 pm, but I just wasn’t’ up to talking to anyone outside the family at the time, so I decided not to take the call, I would call her the next day.. I felt bad, because I had always told her to call me when she needed to talk, I couldn’t imagine what she was going through with her daughter’s illness, and if being there and lending an ear when she needed to talk was how I could help her deal with the situation then that’s how I was willing to help her. Sometimes she would call me around midnight if she had been having a hard day and couldn’t sleep, I would stay on the phone with her until the early hours of the morning. I hoped her daughter was doing ok, she had been in remission for about a year, but the cancer had returned just a month prior and she had to have a bone marrow transplant a couple of weeks before my daughter’s ER visit…but right then and there when the call came in, I just couldn’t focus on anything outside of my daughter, I hoped it didn’t make me a bad friend or selfish person, I just couldn’t’ take on someone else’s grief at the time, and I didn’t know if I could remain calm enough not to tell her about my daughter, she also had enough to deal with at the time. My husband asked me if I was going to call her back, I told him she was probably at work, I would call her that evening.. Though my husband (originally before the episode with my daughter) was going to go get some breakfast, we were both no longer hungry..I guess both of our insides were a jumble of nerves that had stamped out any appetite we may have had. We were good though, had tons of snacks, that my mom, sister, and SIL had been bringing, I just needed something to drink, so he had gone out to get me some orange juice, of course something stronger probably could have done me some good to settle my nerves, could probably have been able to handle a stiff drink like a Starbucks Coffee, but juice would have to do. Received call from my daughter with flight info…told her I would make sure someone was there to meet her and that she would be staying at her grama’s, so she wouldn’t stay at the house by herself. To be continued……

I don’t think I did anything that another mother wouldn’t have done for her daughter in the same situation I would hope. I just did the mom thing which is to continue to try and take care of my daughter, since I knew I couldn’t take her sadness away, I just tried to add something pleasant to the mix. I thought it was important to be able to balance the VERY IMPORTANT DAY, which I knew would be sad for her, with something that would be a little fun to do and give her some new memories…Now she can also remember her daughter’s first b-day with the first time she had a massage/facial at a spa… Had been thinking about different possibilities for over a month, finally deciding on our outing two weeks before, but didn’t tell her until the night before..So I am so glad it worked out for us (that she wanted to do it)… I will always be there for you I am your mom. Someone to share the good times As well as the bad. I make no judgments by what you say I just listen with my heart and Hope to be of help in any way I can. I will be there for you now and forever And always please remember I am your mom!

Thank you for your kind words… Though my daughter was a little sad at times, over all we really had a good day…Her day actually couldn’t have started out any better than with the call we rec’d from my grandbaby’s mom, first thing in the morning…that was exciting…which really made my daughter (actually both of us) feel warm and glowing.. We had the chance to talk to our angel girl, twice actually.. We greatly appreciated the opportunity, what a beautiful gift we were given… I also kept ourselves busy.. I took the day off of work, kept her out of school (I know, not a good example, sorry)… Hit the spa for a massage and facial, then went to a movie and dinner, just the two of us (not being selfish or anything,but her dad is out of town, otherwise I think he would have joined us for movie and dinner, don’t think he would have been too keen on spa)…It was a better day then we both expected… Hope all have a wonderful and warm weekend…. Be safe and well… Blessings, Mari

As I reminisce on the day you were born Along with your entrance, came a cold winter storm The newspaper contained such depressing news, happening in the world Little did they know, that day would be born, a beautiful baby girl A headline read: Gray day in S.A But a miracle happened, on that cold winter day Though seven weeks early, doctors could no longer wait On pins and needles, we prayed & we waited, to learn your fate And all of sudden, here we are, one year later Our love for you, expands our hearts so much greater Even though with you, on this day we cannot be You’re not far from our thoughts & our hearts, please believe As we see pictures of you today, with sparkling eyes and smiles We hope our immense love for you, reaches you across the miles Your first year of life we will also celebrate Never forgetting you made your entrance, on this forever special date God answered our prayers from far above To give you the strength to thrive, our beautiful angel, we will always love With lots and lots of love, your grama HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY OUR SWEET GIRL FROM YOUR FIRST FAMILY, We love you so much... May God continue to keep you safe and well...…

Continuation….Part 35 As I expected my daughter’s call came in around 10:45 that night, I explained what had occurred to her little sister, and walked her through the events of the previous weeks, then spent another half hour reassuring her that her sister was doing well so far. Then I prepared myself for the emotional rollercoaster that my daughter was obviously going through as I heard her cry, the concern and fear in her voice on the other end of the phone, it took great inner strength to maintain my own composure, the last thing I wanted to do was frighten her even more if I became emotional, and I feared she would think her sister was not doing as well as I had told her. Once she had the opportunity to release many of her emotions, she seemed to be calmer and assured me that she had no plans in going into work, she was going back to bed, she needed me to assure her that if anything happened I would contact her immediately, and I promised I would. Once we were off the phone, my husband and I talked about the events of the day, we both sat next to my daughter’s bed and just watched her sleep. Once again we took turns keeping vigil, as I sat there I thought back to my oldest daughter so far away, I wondered if she was sleeping or laying awake thinking of her sister, I so wished I could have been able to hold her, offer some comfort with my arms around her and sooth her fears. I knew once she learned of what had happened, she was going to be terrified for her sister and feel that she should have been there for her sister and for me, after all__ this was so much more crucial and delicate then a few months prior when she learned her sister was pregnant and flew into town to be with her. I thought of how ironic, well not really sure if ironic is even the right word, of all that had happened within the last few months, the dips on this rollercoaster ride we were on kept getting steeper the turns somehow seemed more ferocious with these major life changing events that we had been through to this point. I prayed for strength and courage for all of us to continue to plow ahead, we couldn’t give up now; we couldn’t allow ourselves to get discouraged and lose our faith. Before we knew it, it was five am, her vitals had been good during the night, they would be in shortly to check her again, she had already started to stir and I was anxious to see if the left side of her face had relaxed and returned to normal. I was also both anxious and hopeful, if that makes any sense, as to what this new day would bring; we waited for her doctor to come by. My daughter’s face was still not back to normal, but she was able to move her arm and leg a lot easier then she had previously. She wanted a mirror to see what she looked like, she didn’t seem to remember much of the previous day, I silently thank God for that, but she did have a lot of questions, especially after she saw the bag of spinal fluid which was still the reddish brown color that was still hooked up with the drip from her head. She didn’t seem to be alarmed when we explained that it was due to the surgery and some blood that was mixed with the fluid.. Within a few minutes she asked about it again, it seemed like every few minutes we were having the same conversations, her doctor explained that she would be experiencing short term memory loss, the paralyzes on the left side of her face, as well as numerous other side effects she was having would eventually clear up, they were all temporary. Over all she was in good spirits, seemed calm and relaxed, her dad and I took turns quizzing her on events and people, though it was still somewhat a bit alarming that she didn’t remember things, events or people, even though we knew why. Each time the nurses or the doctor came in they would check the strength of her legs and arms as well as her grip.. She has always been physically a pretty strong person, pretty solid, don’t know if that was due to her workouts and playing sports or if her strength made her the good athlete she was, but she had some awesome power in knocking those balls, whether in volleyball, basketball, softball, golf, or tennis from the time she was a tiny tot, so we knew it was only a matter of time that her strength would be back, of course as long as there was no nerve damage that prevented it. Some of her aunts were going to stop by, as was my mom, I had asked my brother and sister not to bring my niece and nephew just yet, I wanted them to see her first. Both of her cousins are sensitive individuals and I was afraid they would be needlessly frightened at how they saw her. She had developed what seemed like a nervous twitch around her mouth and she kept biting the right side of her lower lip, her hair was also extremely matted with dry blood, I would let my sister and brother decide when the time was right for my nephew and niece to see their cousin. We called her previous high school to get her previous years year book, we wanted her to have something that would help her with some of her memory blanks, she seemed to remember things from two years prior, but didn’t really talk much about more recent times, people or events, my sister in law would get it and bring to her, she also brought her a small photo album that contained pictures of my youngest niece and nephew, my daughter’s two pride and joys. We asked another one of her aunts if she could bring her a spiral notebook to keep a journal of the daily events. Her sister called and spoke with her for a while several times, but not long after she was off the phone she didn’t remember she had spoken to her much less the conversation, the same was true with her visitors, while they were there, she had normal conversations, but shortly after they left, she didn’t remember they were there, so keeping her journal became almost a life line for her. I had made the phone calls she wanted me to, and all were told that we would contact them when she was up for visitors outside of the family. Five am Thursday morning they took her for a ct scan, she had awaken once more in a good mood, she had a slightly busy day Wednesday, but we vigilantly monitored who came to see her and how long they stayed, we limited visits to no more than ten to fifteen minutes and only one to two people at a time, with either her dad or I remaining in her room at all times, we made sure no one mentioned the brain tumor, she was still referring to it as “a blockage”, we also made sure that anyone who came to see her knew ahead of time what to expect when they saw and talked to her, well we tried to convey it as best we could, but__ some things just have to be seen for themselves. They had been taking her vitals every two hours throughout the night and after her cts, her doctor made his morning rounds, her ob had also been coming by to see and check on her daily, she had breakfast was talkative, and then something changed, luckily she had nurse Elizabeth, the same nurse she had the day before and twice prior to surgery. We noticed that she had become pretty quiet and lethargic, Elizabeth watched her carefully and kept checking in on her every few minutes, my daughter was certainly different then she had been the day after surgery, Elizabeth kept asking her questions, her speech became sluggish, she couldn’t keep her eyes open for long and she started getting headaches, she was getting disoriented once more, I knew her nurse didn’t want to alarm us, but we could see she was concerned. It was barely eight am, and after we all tried unsuccessfully to keep my daughter awake for even five minutes, nurse Elizabeth said that something wasn’t right and walked out of her room straight for the phone and was calling the doctor. to be continued......

Hello everyone, Thank you ladies so much for your kind words.. Elizabeth, glad you like the pics, hoping we can get by there in the near future to see them up. Our family has been hanging on..this has been a difficult year to say the least, and the last several months have been a little tough, but we keep plugging along. Thank you also for the nice comments on the pics I added to my album, my girls are lovely if I do say so myself. We had the opportunity to see my beautiful grandbaby in Oct and then again in Nov which was awesome..We are so grateful to have been given the opportunity to have the portraits done of my daughter and granddaughter, these certainly made the holiday season more bearable for my daughter, her dad and I. My daughter had her follow up with her neurosurgeon in Nov and even though her EEG from Oct came back abnormal, she is still in remission, her doc weaned her off the anti seizure meds which she is happy about, but that made me a little nervous, hopefully she won’t have any more need for it, but we will have to wait and see. Her next MRI is scheduled for Feb, she also continues to take the meds the endocrinologist prescribed, there wasn’t much change in her lab work in Dec, and she was feeling a bit discouraged, but I reminded her she had only been taking the meds since mid Oct so to give it some time, the nurse advised that it may take up to six months to see improvement, hopefully when she goes back in Feb. there will be at least a little so she can get at least some encouragement. Trusting all of you had a good start to the New Year and that God has many blessings in store for the remainder. Once again thank you.. blessings, Mari

Thank you Amy... We are trugging along...Blessing to you and yours.. Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas in the company of all your loved ones...And thinking of all who need special prayers during this holiday season, holding you in my thoughts, prayers and heart.. Thank You, Lord, for Your healing love. We ask You this holy night to please heal us, in our hearts, wherever we are lonely, empty, fearful, proud, or resentful. Heal this brokenness in us, dear Jesus. Give us Your deep inner peace that we might impart joy, hope, and courage to all whom we encounter. This Christmas, dear Lord, please open our hearts to see You more clearly, to receive You more deeply, and to follow You more willingly. Increase our ability to give Your love to others, and to receive Your love from others. May this Christmas Day warm our hearts all year, and only increase. Thank You for coming to us, Lord Jesus. Amen blessings, Mari

Thank you for the B-day wishes... Paula, Heidi same to you my fellow November b-days and anyone else I may have missed.. Wishing everyone a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving in the company of your family and friends. Sending special prayers to ALL BIRTHFAMILIES everywhere, may you find yourself surrounded by an abundance of family and friends who will embrace you with warmth and love to help ease the void in your life during this holiday season. The Ship of Life Dear Lord, steer the ship of my life to your quiet harbor, where I can be safe from the storms of conflict, show me the course I should take. Renew in me the gift of discernment, so that I can see the right direction in which I should go to find much needed solace. Give me the strength and the courage to choose the right course, even when the sea is rough and the waves are high. Knowing that through enduring hardship and danger, in your name I shall find comfort and peace. Amen

Hello forum family, Just a short update….my daughter and I are doing well, most of the time….. She had her appt. w/endro and after a slew of test, we rec’d diagnosis at her follow up a few days ago.. Doc was looking at three possible reasons for her symptoms/health concerns; it was one of the three. Unfortunately she has been put on meds that have some not so pleasant side effects.. It is sort of strange, out the three possibilities one really had us concerned, thank goodness it wasn’t that one, though none were very good, so even though what she has seems to have some sever repercussions in the future if not taken care of, it seemed to be better then the other possibilities. I am still doing research on what she has been diag with to better educate both she and I, the good thing or bad thing (glass half full or have empty) is that we are finding out this seems to be a very common thing, so lots of info out there. We continue to travel new territories; sometimes I picture this road we are on like the ground after an earthquake, with cracks that spider out in all directions…Staying positive and looking at the brighter side, has no doubt been a challenge this last year, but we can not, I can not allow either one of us to give up or let everything thrown at her/us to beat us down, there are so many more positive things in the world for her, for us that outweigh the negatives, sometimes we just need to keep reminding ourselves. Good news though, she has remained focused on her studies, has earned another credit in the last few weeks, she is close to earning one more, which she should get in the next couple of weeks, then will have one more to go to finish her senior year.. She is slated to take her ACT later this month. I think this focus has also helped keep her sane sometimes.. Your prayers for her continued courage and strength physically, spiritually and emotional greatly appreciated and needed.. Dyna, congrats on your ACTS journey, my daughter also has hers, attended her first retreat in 07 and was part of a team in 08… Blessings to one and all, Mari