karen&scott
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Posts posted by karen&scott
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I agree, this is so very beautiful!!!!
And the picture in the gallery is also beautiful, with the sun shining through the window behind you all.
Thanks for sharing this special ceremony and prayer. Wow, what a day!
Karen
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Good luck Erin and James... wherever and however your journey begins and ends.
I really do not believe the child you now parent stands in your way of adopting, if that is where your heart is leading you.
Peace,
Karen
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Oh Natalie, how I would love to be 25 again!!!
I didn't become a parent until I was 32. And now I parent two at 43 (shhhh). Now I can only pretend to be younger, keeping up with a pre-teen and a first grader who keep me on my toes.
No wonder I am tired all the time...but I wouldn't trade any of our journey for the world.
Best of luck to you...
And Erin and James. The initial questionaires are important...so take your time answering and searching your soul for how an adoption agency can best help you. Open adoption is an option for family building for those who come with openness, desire, willingness and need to learn more....on how to become ready with realistic expectations. On top of agency specific requirements like age and length of marraige, proof of infertility, etc.
In the beginning open adoption is more about connecting with an expectant Mom/Dad and less about parenting their baby. The later will come naturally. Be honest to yourselves and to the parents who will entrust you to parent through adoption, if this is the option you choose. Be ready to work through many thoughts and feelings (and discussions with your spouse) you've maybe never explored before now.
Karen
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Adding more (((hugs))) and special prayers... for the first Momma and Daddy of Lauryn Elizabeth and her chosen parents!
Karen
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Hi Erin and James!
Welcome to Abrazo...we'd love to know more about you both. As you can see, open adoption is way more than a concept here, it's a way of life!
James, if your comfortable enough, please do share about your search and reunion with your birthfamily, because we love those journeys and the emotions that come with them. I promise you will have a captive audience, who really do understand. We know not everyone is successful in their search, so I am glad to know you were/are.
For other reunion posts, please visit under Adoptees, Coming Full Circle. You can even start your own blog, especially if you like to journal.
Erin, I admire your courage and concern, your first post worrying about if your family fits what Abrazo is looking for. I think most of us can admit we have had some of the same feelings in the beginning. Good for you for saying it and asking it.
Good luck on your journey, wherever it begins.
Karen
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Hi Kris!
I know your time is not your own... parenting 6 kids! Whew...I am in total admiration of your energy and love.
We would love to hear more from you, anytime! I know you have a wealth of information which would be so helpful to us all.
I noticed this was only your 12th post...please do keep posting.
Hugs,
Karen
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Hi Saint!
Would you care to share why it took some convincing?
Can you remember why you had hesitations and fears?
We would love to hear your turn-about!
I know for me personally, making that first phone call to Abrazo was a BIG deal! I was ready (and desperate for a plan for our life). I just know I sounded so pathetic on the phone. Lucky for me, I got this great guy, (who worked at Abrazo at the time) who was sooo patient, answering all my loaded questions. He was so caring and CALM, I just knew that we were going to be OK!
(And this was pre-forum, 1995.)
Karen
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Amanda, I do not know how people would feel about a post adoption yard sale. I guess they may figure you made it this far, you already have your daughter, why would you need extra funds unless there is extenuating circumstances like unexpected special needs, etc? We all have bills that we would like paid sooner than later, some may think to themselves. Come to think of it, why does anyone need to know why you are having a yard sale? And if you wanted to share some of your reasons, you could just say to help defray costs of finalization, coming up in a few months.
Your question reminded me (not that it is anything similar) of a horribly tragic story of a family that found themselves caring for a once healthy and now wheel chair bound young toddler after surviving a car accident. (Some would say her survival was not exactly a blessing.) Long story short, the Mom and Dad were members of the local country club, where I played tennis at the time. Several of the families wanted to do a fund raiser for them at the country club and they did. I always thought it was strange because if I found myself and my family financially stressed (due to medical bills, and especially ones that were not going to go away, ever), the first thing I would do is drop the country club membership. Some would argue they need their hobbies now more than ever. It just did not make alot of sense to me. Were we being asked to support their country club dues and/or to help buy medical equipment for their daughter? Not sure.
Anyways, back to Amanda's question... I hope you get some other responses.
Karen
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How wonderful! for everyone!
Karen
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Welcome Melissa... aka Ms. Ortega!
No worries, Abrazo will get back with you. So many of us can relate, that even alittle patience right now is extra hard, when you are sooo ready!
I can remember our first orientation back in 1995, somehow we missed the July date (by days) because it got filled up. I was crushed. The next one wasn't until October. I can remember sitting in the room (at orientation...finally) thinking we were the ones who had waited the longest to get there, how unfair was that?
There was no need for us to feel rushed (or delayed) because our daughter was born Dec 6, 1995 and the rest is history!
Keep the faith.
Karen
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Oh Mandy, yeah for DAD!!!!!
I am so glad your Dad is very strong-willed! As he is showing us (all) how to overcome any and all medical complications.
So so happy he will be home today!
Karen
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Welcome Julie!
I am glad you found your way to Abrazo. It's really easy to feel at home here via the forum. Please keep posting.
Best of luck to you and your husband on your soon-to-be amazing journey.
Karen
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Hello Runyan 2002! Welcome to the forum family!
Thanks for posting on this "not so easy" topic.
(It's only your second post? wow!)
Karen
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Yes, and reducing it to it's purest sense does not change reality.
There are folks way more worthy than I... to adopt another's baby, without regards to any of the above mentioned factors, cost of adoption, race of child, age of child, location of child (as in international adoptions) , openness of child's birthparents, risk of placement, disability of child, etc.
Parents-in-waiting come to the process with needs, even though some may be deemed unjustified. We come with limitations, financial, emotional, and educational. We come with broken hearts, losing the dream of a biological child and wanting to embrace and love a child not biologically ours through adoption. This very human process, comes with all the associated imperfections that come from being less than perfect. Some of us have more imperfections than others, therefore our expectations/(demands) are skewed. Does that make "us" wrong?
Birthparents, who are wanting openness, are also coming to the process with needs. They choose the family they feel is best for their baby, however imperfect that process may be. They have options (and rightfully so). Which explains the high demand for childless couples, because they are most sought by Abrazo's expectant (birth)parents. Does that make "them" wrong?
I appreciate agencies, like Abrazo, that really make it their business to know all of their clients... to continue to broaden our education, on our behalf, therefore making our expectations more realistic, helping to support the best possible placement of baby/child, without passing up lost opportunities (for us and baby).... because we do/did not know ourselves well enough.
I do not have the answers for how to overcome our own imperfections or the imperfections found in adoptions, in general.
Is it okay to feel entitled to make our own best decisions, knowing any decision made at any point in time is limited by our understanding of ourselves?
And with our decisions, should there be guilt in adopting or placing?
Karen
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Because essentially I see them as gifts from someone greater than I ...and on that you can put no price!
I agee Sabrina! Which is why it does not matter how much or how little an adoption costs.
Follow your heart and it will lead you to "whom" you seek.
I can remember getting all worked up (inside) during orientation when the staff presented the financial expectations/risks part of adoption. Whew!!! I am an accountant, which didn't make the numbers any easier to digest (at that point). But I can honestly say that those were fleeting moments in the BIG picture...now ask me, what I wouldn't pay "on behalf" of the children I have been blessed with! There is no answer.
Hopefully, every parent feels the same way.
Karen
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I do have a question though: how do you talk about adoption fees with an adopted child when they grow old enough to understand? Do children draw conclusions about their worth from differential fee structures? Has anyone had experience with this? (I mean, beyond rude questions from strangers about "how much did you pay for her?")
Best, Kay
Hi Kay,
Basically it's no one's business!
But dare I be so rude to well-meaning (rude) people that ask. I usually just say that the costs are similar to what is paid for most babies to be born, of course there are medical fees and other perfectly legitimate fees that can (and should) be paid on behalf of the child you hope to adopt. I really think most people ask because they are curious to know if there is ever money exchanged between parents for the "gift" of placement?
They really do not know that that is illegal. This is sometimes when I choose to educate about the merits of using an adoption agency, wanting ourselves and the birthparents of our child to have access to and obtain all the services we were/are eligible for.As far as talking with your child about their adoption costs, personally I do not go into detail about any of our financial matters with our children, so this would be no exception. However, when my children become adults and were to ask me specifically, I would have no problem discussing it.
Karen
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and I think that financial incentives are often more effective and more honest than emotional or guilt-based incentives.
Very well said. Actually, I agree with your entire post Darren (and Kay).
Both of our adoptions were done through Abrazo and each placement had different/unique "total" adoption costs, which does not mean one child is more or less valuable than the other. There is no correlation between the cost of an adoption and "the worth or value" of your child.
Karen
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Yeah for Jeremy and Jessica!
March is right around the corner... and only God knows "who" will be around the next corner?
I agree that posts from Stork Central and/or ElizabethAnn like this, are very exciting!!!!
We love to follow the journeys that begin at orientation.
Karen
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Hurrah for the newest Abrazo family...congratulations on becoming parents.
Karen
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Oh Andrea, that is great news...keep the good food going to Momma.
I just want to brag about Amanda today... she brought home a progress report with all A's and B's!!!!
She has always struggled in school, however I am starting to see herself become more confident in her abilities! Go Big Girl!!!!
Karen
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Yeah Gramma Sharon... I like your new blog.
Karen
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-For those of you who have older children, what have been some of your best book resources for you in continuing to tell your children about their adoption? We have the book "20 Things Adopted Children Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew" and have found that very helpful but I am always looking for more resources. What is your favorite?
-The idea of framing a photo is beautiful. The twins loving BP and BF, though not together anymore, went to have a photo taken together so we could have it for them. I also treasure the photos we have of them with Jon and me. That is going in a frame too!
I think you said it best..."continuity" is the key! It's easy to become complacent while your children are little and therefore do not understand what you are saying to them, however it's great practice time for Mom and Dad. And your child will have always heard about their adoption from day 1. Julie, I have read lots of books, I cannot say that one stood out over the other (for me). My advice is to read everything. And knowledge is gained from so many different sources, one of the best is this forum.
Even those that did not know about open adoption before, can start slowly with your child. A framed picture shows your child the importance of their birthparents and that you are open enough to not only share it with your child but want to proudly display the photo(s) in your home. It might help to create more moments with your child where you can talk about their adoption. Heather, even if openness is not possible right now, you can begin the groundwork in hopes of future contact. So if and when your child is able to establish some contact, it will be as positive and comfortable as possible, due to your efforts on behalf of Katelyn.
And as great as "openness" is for our child, nothing takes away their painful awareness that they were once adopted. Your child will grieve this over and over, many times. However, they will not have to do it alone, they have a family who is open enough to feel it with them, who will go the extra mile to maintain contact or at least open doors for them, who realize that this knowledge of their beginnings and acknowledgement of their first family...makes possibly for a softer landing... when your child feels like nobody understands.
Karen
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It's expected that we love our families. But what about those people who come into your life and become a part of it, whether it's "convenient" or not? Let's face it, adoption is not "convenient," no matter how hard we try to ignore the realities of it. Whether we like it or not, whether the adoption is open or not, the birthparents and their families are a part of our lives now. We can try to hide them in the closet, push them away or make pretend they don't exist. But they are there, in our child's face and mannerisms and -- soon enough -- in his or her questions.
So, if we take Matthew seriously, if we recognize our Christian duty, what are we to do? I would argue that we give the birthparents the opportunity to love their child and, in the process, love us, too. I would argue that, while we may not want to love them, we must love the birthparents, at the very least for the sake of the child we are raising. And I would argue that there are infinite blessings for those of us who get past the idea that this love is merely an obligation and truly embrace the birthfamily and welcome them as our own.
John
Thank you John. You succinctly put into words how and why many of us feel so passionately about open adoption.
Karen
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Congratulations Jean!
It's always great to be working toward something and even greater when we achieve it.
I hope the certificate is proudly displayed, where everyone can see how dedicated you are.
Karen
INQUIRY
in Looking to Adopt
Posted
I think the reason your question has gone unanswered by those of us who would usually respond quicker...is because there has been much discussion all over this forum (recently) about adopters coming to the adoption process with certain defined expectations ie: wanting a full hispanic infant, etc. However I think if your preferences are also open to "other than" then your chances of acceptance will be greater. Good luck.
Karen