karen&scott
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Posts posted by karen&scott
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Kristal, your post is so sweet. I know deep inside all the things you say...but even knowing that doesn't insulate me from hurt.
Thanks to you and Jada for caring enough to respond to my post(s). I needed that.
Karen
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Your right Jada, my post sounded strange to me too. Why can't I say to my co-worker, "she is fine, thanks for asking".
Sorry about the way my post hit you, I certainly was not trying to say those feelings are not felt by first Moms too, because I know first hand they surely are.
It's just that, there are times I am boldly reminded I am not my child's birthmother (as there is only one) and it hurts.
Thanks Jada for letting me clarify a bit.
Karen
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All of us here understand the language part so well and the associated sensitivities.
I have a co worker... when I say we drove up to see Kathy this weekend... says "Oh, how is Amanda's Mom?" I am sensitive to it everytime, I just want to say, I am fine thank you for asking.
(I know that's immature). Yet, I have no problem acknowledging Kathy as Amanda's first Mom or as her other Mom, but people talk in terms of there can only be one Mother. I just want to say "so who am I?"
I am the one nurturing my daughter's relationship with her first Mom.
I am the one worrying every minute about my daughter.
I am the one with my heart so full of love for my children.
I am the one who wants everyone to understand how much we love our children's birthfamily, not to be confused with replacing them or being a stand-in parent.
Karen
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Oh this is heartbreaking, I hope someone in our family knows someone who will be the perfect family for these children.
I wonder if Abrazo will hear about more of these life situations, with the fall out from the hurricane, the rising unemployment rate, and the rising costs of groceries and health care.
I hope whomever finds themselves in need of help, will find what and who they are looking for, and remain faithful in God's love.
Karen
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Kristal, thank you for adding so much valuable insight here.
I just wanted to add that we were not matched very long with either of our children's birthparents, however both placements had all the right feelings. We did not know each other well, but just enough. We felt like we had known each other forever. There is this indescribable thing that happens when emotion and need blur together and God helps put us all together.
Also, I do not think an expectant Mom should feel the need to convince anyone about her choices, to place and/or with whom.
Karen
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Dear Michelle,
I am lighting a candle in honor of your Uncle Arnie.
Karen
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I feel sad for this caller, she is clueless about what adoption really means. My daughter would tell this person that adoption means love. The caller is only thinking of herself right now, which we all know changes within moments of meeting your baby, the "Blessing" chosen for you by his/her first parents.
Placing and Adopting is such a miracle in itself, one you treasure for the rest of your life. Why mess it up with controls and stipulations, not to mention unrealistic expectations?
It's inconceivable to ask first parents to wait on placing their newborn, because the adopting family does not want any maternity bills. And how can any family have a baby without these expenses? Talk about babies dropping out of the sky, let's be real.
There are times like this, I wish there could be a reality check for these callers. How I wish they could know the wonderful Moms (and Dads) who do the best they can as they place their baby, making life changing decisions for themselves and for their newly created family, with so little support and yet somewhere find the biggest amount of Faith... and Love.
Karen
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There are lots of reasons to light a candle today. TGIF!
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"how nice that they found their birthparents, their biological link is important".
I like this too.
Karen
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Hi Traci,
you could just say...
the reality is children who were once adopted have two sets of real parents, how wonderful that she is able to know both, now.
Susan's response is so nice, not sure I could keep the conversation going that long.
Karen
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I used to fret over everything I was missing- his first haircut, his first word, walking. It weighed me down so much.
Colby's so big now, he is his own person. I don't look back very often now.
He's so happy and big and smart and cute and perfect. I think now of whats to come. Him growing older. My daydreams currently are seeing what a magnificent person he's been enabled to become.
Kristal, your feelings and words are awesome! How wonderful for you and Colby!
Karen
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Oh I remember being there. It wasn't purely cowardice that kept me out of Abrazo's line of fire with Dj, although it felt that way at times. I had fallen for his lies for so long and I was afraid to hear anymore from him, because I couldn't trust my resolve to stay away.
I don't know if he fought signing the papers, if he tried to talk Holly into letting him talk to me, if he tried to convince her he would take care of Colby. I don't want to know. I wonder about him sometimes, because I feel bad that I don't remember anything great about him to tell our son.
Kristal, thank you for posting your thoughts regarding your child's birthfather. I know it was hard then... and still now.
We, as parents, also struggle with great things to say about our child's birthfather, when we have so little to draw from...due to the placement experience in regards to him not being there and/or not involved in his child's adoption plan. Either way we have limited information. Both of our daughter's birthparents were/are not still "together", as a matter of fact, their birthfathers were "out of the relationship", so to speak, before they were born.
But even so, as parents we must try to always keep the connection open, if it's possible, for our child. I know some of us worry about how our child's Birthmother will react knowing that some day, our child may want to contact him, meet him, spend time with him, and so forth.
Do you have any helpful wisdom you would like to share? And have your thoughts changed over time?
Karen
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Lighting one for Jessica, in recognition of her first post!
And Lauren, in recognition of her third post!
Welcome to the forum ladies.
Karen
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As a father, I am sad for him that he will never have some of the opportunities that healthy children have to play sports, be in school plays, have long talks with best friends, etc..., but in contrast many healthy children will never receive the amount of love and care that Danny and other Special Needs kids get on a daily basis from their teachers and therapists, etc...Instead, it just becomes a matter of changing expectations and altering your reality?
Dan, I love what you say here.
Karen
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Hi Natalie,
I love your reply!!!
So many of us have many years behind us now... since orientation(s). You do seem to forget all the emotions and thoughts that we ALL had to work through to get us where we are today. Thanks for reminding me of mine.
I can remember leaving orientation so excited about "who" our Birthmom would be...and she became very real to me before we even knew each other. I was so open to knowing her and helping her through, not sure how at that point, but open nonetheless. I can remember thinking I wanted to embrace her the same way I would want to be embraced, if we switched places.
Thanks Natalie!
Karen
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Hi, I am new to the forum. Currently my husband and I are on the last couple of treatments for infertility. I have contacted Abrazo and received some information. We have to wait 6 months after we end treatment before we can apply. Why is that I wonder? Anyway, we have some friends that adopted through ABRAZO and have a beautiful child now. This is definately the agency that we decided to go with when we end our fertility journey (has been a long road). I am looking for any information anyone can give about this process, final expenses, how long before placement, what should we be doing during the next 6 mos while we wait to apply, etc. My husband and I are physically and emotionally exhausted from the long years of fertility treatments and are both now at peace with adopting rather than giving birth to our child. We know that there are many children that need good homes and the love that we can provide. So any information would be helpful. thanks
Welcome to Abrazo Pam (and husband)!
I wish you all the best as you finish your infertility journey and prepare your broken hearts (and body) for an adoption journey, if that is how you choose to proceed in growing your family.
It's important for you both to feel as whole as possible before adopting and before entering into relationship with an expectant Mom, so she never has to worry if her choice is the right one. Your child's future depends on you being "who" you say you are and knowing "why" you have come to adoption. All of this takes time, sometimes lots of time. Adoption is a new personal journey unlike no other, beginning with a special Blessing that's truly mean't to be yours.
Again welcome!
Karen
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John,
I did not know your brother Ralph... I do not even know you in person, but I feel your loss today as you remember the time you had together and as you grieve the time you and your brother are apart. I am sorry.
Peace to you and your entire family.
Karen
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Dear Nana,
Well...we are still waiting on your update after meeting your newest granddaughter? (Bragging is so welcome here!!!)
We understand if your too busy holding and loving her to pieces!
Congratulations to the new parents, Josh and Kara too!
Never forgetting the first Mom (and birthgrandma) who chose them (and you) for baby Julia.
Peace,
Karen
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Keeping HOPE alive for those still waiting...miracles happen every day and in every way!
Congratulations to all the newest families who have blessed by open adoption...and the waiting, whether short or long, has become crystal clear through the eyes of your precious Blessings and their Birthfamilies.
Love to all,
Karen
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I still feel like an idiot though. At least I didn't get too far into it.
Melissa and Danny,
I am really glad you posted this experience on the forum because we ALL learn how easy it is to be scammed (or at least get caught up), and not just think it can only happen to desperate people who do not know better. Glad you are here to learn and to help us learn too!
Stay plugged in and keep reaching out because it may lead you to the right place, to the right person, for all the right reasons.
Good luck,
Karen
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I am so excited for the Mohlers and Mark&Laurie (and anyone else) who is brave enough to reach out on their own!
Anyone else? Make sure you post so we will know who you are...I think this is an awesome thing to do.
Even more excited to hear about the RESULTS!
Good Luck.
Karen
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I agree Melissa, I think Donna's post is very very helpful to so many!!!
I wish I had been more involved in finding our baby, in hindsight I just wasn't there yet. At the time, I was still very private and secretive about our infertility and our struggles, not giving people enough credit for understanding, much less helping us. I could definitely do it now!
I think the more you talk about it, and not see it as this impossible dream, you will find "who" needs you most!
Karen
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I finally watched Juno last night. My 12 year old daughter looked on at different times during the movie. She asked me "how did she get pregnant?". I said because she had sex, one time, the first time. What struck me during the movie, as Juno experienced her pregnancy and the emotions of her options that went with each, was that...pregnancy in itself is not bad, it's just the options that are so darn difficult, for a woman not ready to parent.
I was okay with the ending, although I didn't want it to be over. For Juno and Bleaker it will never be over, I felt that.
There was a sweetness about the movie, the innocence of the young, the innocence of having sex... which somehow becomes a huge (not so innocent) problem.
It portrayed the naivity of the so-called adults (and parents) around them, including the medical technician.
Juno knew what she needed to do, despite many fears and uncertainties.
I could relate to Juno, she reminded me of our daughter's first Mom, who became pregnant while in High School. She, too, had this tough exterior and strong will, with self protected emotion underneath.
God Bless all First Moms!
Karen
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I just wanted to share what my parents did last year and are doing again this year. Throughout the year, they attend various charity events, and most have silent auctions. They bid on items for the sole purpose of winning and donating to our raffle at Camp Abrazo. This year already looks exciting!
So far we have...
A handcrafted toddler rocking chair, painted royal blue with matching blanket (very adorable!)...
Two ceramic angels, one lights up with different hues, the other a small statue. Both are beautiful!
And a handmade animal print quilt, jungle theme. Really neat!
There's more... but it's a Surprise!!!
So So Excited!!!! And thankful to them for always thinking of ways to help! Go Grandpaw Bruce and Grandma Pat!
Karen
In Memoriam
in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck
Posted