karen&scott

Dear smr, I have been thinking about you and how scared you are to talk about this. Maybe you could ask your mom for her help.... with something that is very important (more important than grades). Once you have her attention, maybe ask for her understanding and support before you tell her. Then maybe it will be easier to talk right into it. You'll do and say the right thing when you are ready. I have confidence in you and your mom. Also remember to be understanding of your Mom while she adjusts to this new information. Ultimately though this is about "you" and not her, although her support would be so helpful. I pray that your mom will be there for you with all the support and love and hugs that you need right now. Good Luck. Love, Karen

Dear smr, I was reading your post and thinking how hard all of these decisions will be. Please call the 800 # and talk with someone at Abrazo or call collect. I promise you no one would ever make you do anything you do not feel is right. Gather as much information as possible for yourself, your baby's father, and most importantly the baby that you are carrying. I know you will find in your heart and (the baby's father's heart) the right decision for all. You will also find on this forum some birthmom posts regarding not telling their parents. Maybe you will find comfort in what they say. Ultimately those decisions are all yours and no one elses. I truly hope you have a good friend or a support person to lean on during this time. I think that would help alot. I will share with you a personal part of our life. I am an adoptive mom who adopted both of our precious girls through Abrazo. The agency is easy to work with although it is about "you" and not them. Our first adoption, we met our wonderful 16, about to be 17 year old birthmom. She had her Mom to support her and help her through the birth of her baby girl. That was 7 years ago and we still keep in touch because they are very much a part of our family. Our second adoption was just as beautiful but very different. Our courageous birthmom was in her thirties and already parenting 2 pre-teens as a single parent. She hid the pregnancy from her children as well as her job and all of her family members. She had a best friend at her job that she could talk to when she needed. To this day, she has never told anyone else about this pregnancy. Both of our birthfamilies were able to make the hardest decision of their life on behalf of their baby's life. Good luck to you and please call Abrazo, a phone call does not commit you to anything. Karen

Only you will know the right time and the right words to tell your parents. I can give you another viewpoint that I learned going through our infertility years. A counselor once asked me why I kept my infertility a big secret. Why did I want to bear the burden and stress all be myself when she knew I had a loving family that could support me and share the hard times. Every period (month)was a hard time. I did not want anyone to know (especially my family) that I was flawed, that was how I felt at the time. After some brief counseling, I was able to talk about it and it was like a huge weight being lifted. When my loved ones knew what we were going through as a couple, alot of the hurt eased. Family became more in tune with our challenges and less hurtful things were being said in our presence. The hurtful things were being said inadvertantly because they did not know our secret struggles. When you ease your stress, I think you can think more clearly and gain back confidence. It sounds like your Mom is a close friend and would not abandon you. ( Moms are like that ) Consider talking with a counselor or someone at Abrazo regarding your secret.