[Positive Adoption Language Primer]

So here is something I've been thinking about for a while, and I thought you call could help me with it. Since we don't have any contact wtih Mikey's birthparents per their own decision, I keep thinking it's going to be harder for us to explain to him his adoption story than if we had contact. We still send pictures and cards to Abrazo, hoping his BP will someday call and ask for them. But everytime I think about how to start this conversation with Mikey when he's a bit older... I can't find the right answer. We have a picture of her, and I've shown it to Mikey a couple of times. But how do we teach him to understand who she is, if we don't know how likely it is that he'll ever meet her?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I have to say that I feel terribly unqualified to answer this - but I find it a compelling question.

I don't have an answer, but it reminds me of how I feel about my Daddy, who passed away in 2004. I hate that Sloane will never know him, but I want her to have a sense of who he is. So I have a picture of him, in his prime (skinny with lots of thick, dark hair) framed in her nursery. It's not in a very prominent place, but it's still there.

And I talk to her about him in way that makes him seem "real" - not like he's going to pop in for a visit, but in a way that lets her know that although she'll never meet him, he matters because he had a significant role in shaping who we are as a family. I think the biggest thing that will help her understand who he is/was is letting her see and feel my love and appreciation for him.

I know your situation is very different than mine, but I believe Mikey will learn so much just from his perception of your feelings toward his birth family. The fact that you continue to send cards and pictures says a lot about your committment to his birthfamily - and to him. I hope someday they choose to establish some sort of contact and tangible interest in him.

[A Birth Grandmother's Role]

You are so right, our two miracles and so much more, an unbreakable bond like no other I know, is theirs and held only between them two.

Blessings,

Mari

You are right. But you can't deny the unbreakable bond you have with your girls either. I have always believed that in so many ways you were their great protector and their strength - and one of the biggest reasons they are both so beautfiul and healthy today.

Shelley

[Baby Announcements 2009]

So overjoyed for my fellow piggies!!! I've been hanging out on the forum all day just for this news!

[Positive Adoption Language]

Thanks for posting the article Dyna. Really enjoyed it.

[A Birth Grandmother's Role]

Love the black and white picture you added - and am so grateful/happy that you keep sharing your thoughts. I wish more people from the placement side would share as openly and honestly as you do, although I understand why that is not the case. Your insight helps all of us to have more compassion, as well as a more meaningful understanding of the adoption process.

I also wanted to add that you have a beautiful grandbaby.

[A Birth Grandmother's Role]

1st Time Grandma,

You post is very courageous. You are right - it's easy to share joy and excitement. But the harder side of life is so much more challenging to discuss - especially when you are a private, protective person.

Your words expose what an amazing and beautiful heart you have. No question, your daughters and granddaughter are lucky to have you as a nurturer and role model - as is the couple who your grandbaby was placed with...

I hope your post leads to an overwhelming amount of love and support for you and your family. I also hope that it inspires others who are in your situation to step forward and share their experiences, because you're right - unless you've been there it's impossible to understand. It would be wonderful for you and others to have a place to share, vent, grieve without any fear of being judged. I'm sure you need that and you very much deserve it after the selflessness you and your daughter have shown.

Thank you for sharing your heart - please continue to do so. We are all so very blessed by you, your story, your strength and your courage.

Much love to you - Shelley

[Baby Announcements 2009]

Congratulations! I love the name Elektra - reminds me of the beautiful Greek plays.

[Baby Announcements 2009]

Don, Andrea & Clara,

I am so happy for you!!! You have always been such a source of encouragement to us all - my heart overflows with joy for you!!!!

We definitely need to plan a playdate!!!

Shelley

[Baby Announcements 2009]

Though her arrival came earlier than expected, she's impressing everyone with her vigor and determination already, and it's no wonder, considering her remarkable origins... because she was born to a young teen with an ageless heart, who has survived life-and-death odds to bring this baby into the world (and into the lives of the adoptive couple so carefully chosen by her birthmom and birthgrandmother.)

Elizabeth - your words are beautiful and so true.

I imagine most adoptive families think their baby's first mother is amazing - but it is hard to say how very special ours is. The fact that she is even here with is remarkable - and that she is still strong enough to place her precious angel in our care, even more so. I don't know how she manages to endure so much and still be so incredibly beautiful and full of light.

But she has had the miracle of a mother's love. Our baby not only has an amazing birthmother, but a birthgrandmother who would go to the end of the earth to demonstrate her love for her girls.

I can't wait to tell Sloan all about her journey into this world - it s a one of a kind story and one I know she will be so proud of.