ElizabethAnn

From the book "The Shack" by William Young... a quote attributed to that novel's version of God, which may help soothe the souls of those struggling with various adoption losses:

Well, Willie's redeemed himself, by a notch, in my book by publicly stating that he is allowing for openness, saying "I'll never NOT let (his birthmother) see him." Good for him, for having compassion for the birthmother's circumstances and recognizing the importance of honoring his new son's first family regardless!

Tina, here's a story that previously ran on Good Morning America that questions the appropriateness of adoption fairs: Matching Parties or Meat Markets? I can't help but wonder what the "ugly sixteen-year-olds" and the other "unwantable" foster kids at the fair out of which Willie picked his "sweet and cute" boy are feeling, hearing his comments. Click here to see just a few of the kids in Los Angeles who still wait for families. (And check out this great program, Weekend Miracles, which is trying to facilitate adoptions of older kids both in Los Angeles and Washington, D.C.) In an interesting twist on this subject, country music star Rodney Atkins talks about being The Baby That Two Families Gave Back.

I think, in her mind, you're the gift she's given to her most precious baby ever...

I know, Ellen, although it's clearly meant to be satire! But can you believe that the parts in italics were actual quotes from the new adoptive dad, in real life? (See Heidi's link, in post 221.) I am sure he was speaking "off the cuff" and maybe he got into adoption without undergoing much preparation or adoption education, but hopefully he'll learn to address the process with more discretion, for his new son's sake.

Amanda, you weren't alone in reacting as you did... here's the satirical take from our friends across the pond: Actor Wins Child at Adoption Fair

I don't know how many folks out there saw the original letter referenced in this Dear Abby column, but it was very sad, and I can't help but wonder how many other desperate moms are out there thinking the same thing without any realization that there IS help available, if they reach out? Mother's Plight Arouses Concern

AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY by Susan Zaremba Never in my life had I imagined, I would be where I am now. I always thought the road would be smooth and easy, When I made my wedding vow. We would have a family, just like that, Whenever we decided to, at the drop of a hat. Nobody around me in my life led me to believe otherwise, That I would not become a mother, when I became a wife. But the road has been so long, with lots of curves and hills And bumps, and things that just went so wrong... When I thought I was at the end of my journey and my baby was meant to be, Once again I crashed and was awakened to reality. So I continue on my travels, I go on trying, and hoping, and crying... As the story of my fate unravels... at least I have found some peace in knowing That along the way, I have met others, Who are on this journey to become mothers. And I may have found a gift, that God has blessed me with to share, Until we all find our way there. There-- where we are not going in circles, or hitting a dead end, But seeing the horizon ahead, and then this empty hole will mend... As our journey ends, which we complete with our new friends, and on this road we will finally find our children to hold, and our grandchildren as we grow old. On this unexpected journey, Which I never knew would be so long, Or so rough, Or so inspiring, Or that it would make me so strong. I'm glad I am now taking the scenic route. I'm learning what it's all about. It will be worth it without a doubt!

Mari, if the Abrazo staff can help in any way, please don't hesitate to call on us! Keeping you and your entire family in our prayers, and thanking God that your daughter is still among us to celebrate another birthday, by the grace of God! Big hugs to you both... (P.S. Don't hesitate to call Pat, if additional sessions would help. If you need her number again, just let us know.)

There is something so terribly ironic about the fact that this mother, Otty Sanchez, who sacrificed her baby's life was taken to University Hospital for treatment on the same morning that Grace Ellen's mother was discharged from that same hospital, preparing instead to secure her baby's future through a loving adoption plan. It's becoming more clear, with continued (and unnecessarily grotesque) news reports that Otty's son probably would not have been a likely candidate for adoption, since his father was in the picture and helping to house and support this child and his mom until Otty's recent move-out. His parents have stated in recent interviews that they love(d) Otty like a daughter; obviously, her own mother and sister were also trying to help her care for the baby in their home, as well, taking shifts until that fateful moment when he was killed in the early hours of the morning. Very few mothers with mental illness have the forethought to make loving adoption plans, unfortunately. And those who do generally need alot of ongoing support to negotiate the sharp curves of grief that follow. I appreciate Dyna's prayer that she get the help she needs, and I join her in that petition. I can't help but think of how devastated this woman will likely be when the fog passes and she realizes the horror of what her illness caused her to do. Prayers, also, for Scott W. Bucholtz, the baby's father, and his family, as they struggle to come to terms with this unspeakable loss!

CLICK HERE to light some candles of your own today!

(I've taken the liberty of moving some of the preceding posts from the Cootchie thread over here, to keep the discussion flowing smoothly.) Perhaps this might help clarify things: Why Your Insurance MUST Cover the Child You Adopt. Once again... we KNOW that MOST insurance companies will NOT sign that form we send home with you from orientation, because it confirms that the insurance company will grant you coverage from birth, and once signed and notarized, it becomes a legal agreement. Why do we ask you to try to get them to do it, then? Because a surprizingly high number of companies that do not cover babies being adopted from birth DO sign that form when asked (for whatever reasons?!) and in doing so, a surprizingly high number of Abrazo's families have gained additional insurance benefits for the children we placed with them. So it's worth a try!! but if they won't sign it, no need to inform Abrazo. And if they DO, send it back in to us quick and count yourselves lucky!

Interestingly enough, the San Francisco Gate is rerunning a Redbook article that's complementary to the one cited in my first post on this thread, as if presenting the opposite side of the coin: THIS IS WHAT ADOPTION FEELS LIKE. My favorite quote from this piece follows, here. I imagine most of Abrazo's families who've adopted can relate:

Sadly, the world's oldest mom (a native of Spain, who underwent fertility treatment in the U.S. in order to birth twins at age 66) is now dead, and her twin boys are just three years old: read it here.

Abrazo tries not to use that vernacular ("giving up a child for adoption") because it implies that a child is something that one can easily pass over to another, and nothing is further from the truth. But how many prospective adopters out there really understand what an enormous sacrifice a mother makes for her baby when she places a newborn, and what a toll doing so takes on her psyche for the rest of her life? If more folks understood that, would as many truly seek to reduce adoption to a business transaction, a process of "getting papers signed" then parting ways forever? Or would more compassionate people find the courage to embrace openness even before sitting through that panel at Abrazo's orientation weekends, realizing that the Golden Rule truly must apply, because not one of them could ever bear to see their mothers or sisters or daughters put through the indignity of a closed adoption, and thus could not ever consider such impersonal arrangements ever again? Would understanding the toll that relinquishment takes make us better adopters? Better adoption workers? Better-prepared birthparents? Would it lend clarity and increase our patience when adoption plans end abruptly, in advance of surrender? Can those who hope to adopt truly hope to believe that birthmothers "move on" with their lives once the ink is dry? And why would such denial not be a betrayal of the child involved? Who would want to be matched with a woman so heartless? Or does that idea somehow alleviate us of our own sense of culpability for her pain? (How many of Abrazo's already-placed adoptive parents even realize/d that their child's birthmother was still bleeding, long after their Compact was approved and even after the baby arrived at home with them? ) Here's a stunning, wrenching account of what a loving birthmother experiences, from delivery to relinquishment and long afterwards: Painful Truths Every Prospective Adopter Should Know. There's no such thing as "just getting a baby," in adoption, so let's just be honest about how hard this is. Right from the start. And let's uphold all who brave this experience with eyes wide open and hearts to match.

I am so in awe of your faith and your courage and your strength and your grace in the face of such fearful circumstances... God, too, must be smiling down on you and your daughter and granddaughter, thinking "that's my girls!"

Find more homestate mentors, HERE! Abrazo is blessed to have numerous alumni all over America who will gladly take "newbies" under their wing, to offer support and guidance throughout the adoption process. All they/we ask is that you pay it forward, and extend the same assistance to others once you're home with your new son and/or daughter...

Interesting story... Finding Comfort from Adoption. Granted, most adoption agencies are hesitant to place with those who have current or recent cancer diagnoses not because they question the ability of cancer patients or cancer survivors to be good parents, but because of the need to try to shield children who have already suffered the loss of two parents any additional pain of loss in their early developmental years. Here's hoping this child and the parents she adopted have ample time to enjoy a healthy life together!

Lighting a candle tonight for the family of Officer Stephen Tyrone Johns, who was killed by an armed bigot today in Washington, D.C., at the Holocaust Museum: join me...

This just in... for all those celebrity adoption watchers who have been waiting with bated breath on this one: Madonna To Be Permitted to Proceed with Adoption of Mercy And for a bonus round: Nicole Kidman's Adoption Plans.