Runyan2002
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Posts posted by Runyan2002
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Granted, not everyone can do a special needs adoption. But those who do have truly special families to show for it.
I completely agree!! My little sister (who has cerebal palsy & was adopted from the state @ 9 months) is not only the greatest addition to our family...I believe she transformed our family, made us who we were. Gifts like racial / handicap equality kind of thinking are just that...gifts in this society. That being said, it truley takes a unique person to parent a child who is handicapped, it takes a lifetime committment & isn't always easy.
Side note - we went to my little sister's prom (she is 17) at her school (which is specifically for handicapped kids) a couple of weekend's ago. They like for the brothers and sisters to come because they can dance with the kids that go there...so it isn't just filled with mom's and dad's to dance with KWIM? Anyways, it was so amazing. They had a red carpet and each person got to walk down it as they called thier name and all the families clapped (like a regular prom...or at least in my hometown), thier faces lit up...they were all decked out in prom dresses and tuxes. Then to see them dance....if you know a handicapped person (not all...as some have sensitivity to loud music, etc) well you know how most LOVE to dance. This is when they can just wiggle around and clap and sing and just be crazy...let it all go and be themselves!! They had so much fun. My little sister is in a wheelchair along with a few other kids, well we were swinging that wheel chair around in circles and back and forth...my goodness I don't think she stopped smiling and laughing and screaming ONCE!! (you should see her at our family weddings LOL we all get around in a circle as my brother spins her around). It was a glorious night and I was so thankful they did that for these kids!!!
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But I think many PIW feel an sense of entitlement - I didn't get to have a child of my "flesh" so I should at least have a say in the process that matches me with the child of my heart. I think it might be very difficult for most to just let the process happen and trust that you can rasie the child you are entrusted with.
But is this always a good thing and something that should be encouraged? Shouldn't we give them the resources & education neccessary to realize why this isn't accepted? I understand that it's nice to have a say in adoption, that with adoption, it does come with the added benefit of being able to choose. But if adoption is for the child, doesn't that child have the RIGHT to have parents that are 100% comfortable with ALL thier races that make them who they are?
I don't think that we should MAKE all potential aparents be open to EVERY race (though that would be amazing...but not possible...I mean what does race matter anyways? The child isn't going to be your exact match anyways...so does it really matter HOW they are different? I degress...) But as transracial parent, I understand it isn't for everyone.
But with not allowing "1/2 or 1/4 or 1/8 or 1/90 (lol)" this is just saying "You are either open to a race completely, or not at all". I think that would make aparents THINK about why they aren't open to a child of a FULL race. Make them truley ponder about what makes them so uncomfortable with it and why.
I know for my dh, he was just open to biracial when he first opened up to AA race, I told him no way no how. That if he wasn't open to full AA then we aren't open to AA at all. There is no in between, either you are comfortable with raising a child of AA heritage or your aren't. He took time to think about it and he made a complete 180...it wasn't pretty finding those inner racist feelings that society puts in us. But really what the heck does it matter if the child is part white anyways? Does that make them LESS black or LESS white? Not in my opinion...it just adds another race to thier "mix-up". It's like having two grandma's or one. Do you say "this is my half grandma"?
Just thinking out loud on a very slow work day...LOL
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I never received any response to my post on the last page. Could someone answer?I'm wondering how much of a chance we'd have of getting into the full program. We are 36 and 41 and meet the three basic crieteria. We hope to adopt our foster son in the next several months. We also have a son adopted from Guatemala and we would like to adopt a fully Hispanic infant so our son is not the only non-Anglo person in our family. Our boys are currently 22mo and 16 mo and we wouldn't be starting the process until this fall when our youngest has been home for a year.
Thanks,
H
The best advice i would give is to call Abrazo and talk to them...or send in an initial inquiry. I know they have limited space for people with children already. Good luck!!
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So for all those againers...did you wait to do your homestudy update until you were aware of placement?
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*forcefully uncramping hand from tight fist* So I'm about 3/4 of the way done with the inquiry. LOL!! I have been taking my time....but still...that "why adopt" question still gets me (even after doing this once before!!)
I'm going to try to finish the inquiry then work on all the additionals (W2's, health insuranc, etc etc). This is more fun for me now considering I am more patient!! I love that we aren't rushed (since we have another month....which to me, who likes to get everything done in an hour, isn't rushed). We are still trying to decide if we are gong to orientation....we would love to go but are not sure we can afford it....though we could just drive....but plus June's is for only childless couples.
I do have a question....if I have references....can I use a couple that we are friends with as two references? I'm having a little trouble with the third reference as we really haven't known a third couple very long (or very well). Is it okay to use references who you have known about a year?
Other than that...I'm really getting excited about going through everything again. Funny...I thought I would be scared....and NOT looking forward to it because of the emotions...but I am!! how CRAzy am I??? Maybe it will hit me once we send off this inquiry.....
How is everyone else doing?
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Well I've just now found yet another reason why I want to adopt through Abrazo.
I am SO proud of your agency for doing this, it's not about money, or wait time.
Wow...just...wow. Shame on the caller, but LEAD THE WAY Abrazo!!!!
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... Funny...most people sorta get sad at 25 because they are "halfway through thier twenties" as a friend of mine said. I can not WAIT because then we will be on our road to another baby!!
Natalie
Just think your half way to 50.
At least that's what others teased me about when I was 25.Heather
LOL!! Okay well thanks for the downer there! HA! I am getting pampered by my girlfriend for my bday because she knows we are looking to adopt after it! She has two kids so she tells me to live it up with just one because the REAL fun begins with two! LOL
Jen - Hello!! It's fun for me to see other couples who are our age adopting! Mainly because of all the looks of awe we get from others when they know our age (not to mention the "just-a-little-too-obnoxious" comments from some about how "we should live OUR lives first before kids"...which is exactly what we are doing BY having kids!!!). We are also old souls...it's just a maturity thing and every person hits a part of thier lives at different ages. Part of what I love about humanity is the diversity!!
Angela - Oh my am I not envious about that part of your job. I can't imagine how hard it must be to have to tell an adoptive couple "No for now". I think it's great that you are fueled, not by greed (like some agencies who take on anyone if they get thier check in the mail) but for the greater good for everyone involved. Of course...I believe sometimes this is God's way of opening a person's heart to someone they may not have been open to.
As for us, well...I decided that until we officially join Abrazo, I am going to enjoy my time with being just "three" for now. I think God puts speed bumps in my path many times as a way of (sometimes not so gently) telling me to slow down for just a little...and usually it turns out just perfect, so I trust Him. Adopting our son has made it much easier to see how God works in His time, and the beauty that he has in store for us. I know that our little son/daughter needs us to wait for now....and I will.
Meanwhile...did anyone do anything to prepare for having two versus one? I find myself being SO excited but then a little part of me is scared...will it be too much? Will it make me too busy for my kids?
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Erin & James - I felt the same when we first started looking into adoption at the age of 23. We were turned away by multiple agencies. Just know that the right agency IS out there...and that there is a higher power that is leading you there. It still stings though...so don't feel bad about venting.
It's just hard to start over huh?
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I second what Karen said. Adoption in general makes you realize so much about yourself as an individual. Between overcoming your own stereotypes & insecurities, there is so much emotion there. I'm SO glad of the training and research I did before adoption, especially boards like these, where I could hear from bparents, adoptees, and other aparents.
As far as the race preference goes...I must ask you to challenge yourself as to why you are open to biracial but not full AA children. I don't mean to pose this in a judging way believe me. I just would want you to look within yourself and ask yourself that question. Biracial children will have the same racial outlook for most of society as full AA children (and sometimes it's harder) and most of the time (in my personal experience) they look AA or biracial, so most of the "racism" you would face with a full AA child you will with a biracial. Anyways, not meaning to pry...I just have been there with my dh (who felt this way until I posed the same question on him).
Also, I would also caution you to be open to only what you are comfortable with. Don't be open to biracial if you or your spouse would see it as "worst case". I cannot diminish the face that there will be certain aspects of your parenting and everyday life that will forever be different when you become a transracial family. I see them as blessings, but I know many people who just aren't comfortable with it and the attention that transracial families recieve everyday, everywhere they go. It's better to be honest now than regret it later.
As far as the open adoption goes, I too think it's a very natural process. The more research you do, the more aware you become of some of your own insecurities which will need to be overcome for your child's sake. Once you research more you will likely see what I did, which is how important open adoption is TO THE ADOPTEE! It's not about the bparent, or aparents for me (even though I believe everyone does benefit) it's about the child. YES open adoption is harder for all involved at times, but it's worth it because it is for the child. You will also find that in the research you do, that you aren't expected to NOT have certain feelings (jealousy, etc) with the bparents...you do have these and a lot of the times you can't help it. What they do is prepare you to KNOW what you are feeling, being able to recognize it, so you know how to deal with it.
Anyways, I wish you luck!! Open adoption is such a NEW thing to much of the society, it's hard to imagine it working (especially with all those Lifetime movies)...but it can work and does (for most)!
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Erin - I'm so sorry about that. I wonder if they have too many couples already with children? As much as it stinks, I like the fact that agencies like Abrazo "cut off" the number of aparents after so many, just so that they don't get overrun and the wait becomes that much longer for the people in the book KWIM? It is STILL hard though!!
We are open to all races, and have a child, but are having to wait until I turn 25 (end of May). So, even though it's not a big deal, and with our recent move is actually kind of nice to be able to relax...it still stinks.
Well I forgot to send in our picture with our inquiry, so I did that last week (hopefully they didn't all gasp in horror LMAO). I'm not sure if they are going to wait until after I turn 25 to send back the full application, or do it now. I would love for them to do it now so that we can take our time filling it out then send it back after I turn 25. Funny...most people sorta get sad at 25 because they are "halfway through thier twenties" as a friend of mine said. I can not WAIT because then we will be on our road to another baby!!
Natalie
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Funny I was just talking to my friend about this the other day.
The one thing that irritates me the MOST is when I tell people my son and they say "what a great thing you did". I get this when they see he is black too. It's really irritating and I have actually told people that "To tell you the truth it's not what I did but what his birthparents did, because honestly they could have parented him and they would have been GREAT parents. They chose to adopt not because they couldn't provide for him but because they couldn't provide (IN THIER OPINION) everything THEY wanted for him."
I also get really upset when they say "it's for the best" when they hear we haven't heard from his bmom in a while. NO IT'S NOT!!! Besides, how do YOU know, you don't even KNOW them!! I bet if you placed a child for adoption you might take a couple of years to get your feelings in order also.
Funny how the little things sting with language. Some birthmothers prefer first mother, some natural mother. I for one, dispise the "natural mother" term. I would love for everyone to just be called Mother but it takes a lot to get to that place for aparents (and I will admit some days it stings). I actually don't think I could have gotten to that place had we had contact with his bfamily since he was tiny. Sometimes it takes people dissappearing from our lives to realize how important they are. Not that I think I'm not "enough" for my son...but I just WANT that for him (and for us).
Okay...obviously I have too much time on my hands at work.
Natalie
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Thanks!!
So far, we have had good responses. But it helps that the toys are good quality (and educational...something that you can't find just anywhere in todays cheap over-stimulating stores). I do feel like this takes work...I have to plan the parties, put the orders in, show the stuff, learn about it, etc etc. The only reason I don't feel bad about doing this is that I can bring Cooper with me (although I might now if my dh can watch him) so I don't feel like I'm neglecting him during that time. Plus I don't feel as guilty asking my friends to buy toys (something every parent likes to do) rather than makeup or something. Hopefully this will be fun for me (though I have to tell myself not to spend my earnings on toys for Cooper! LOL
The whole money thing just stinks, but it's worse when you have a child because you don't want to stop doing everything all of a sudden (like the little extras).
Natalie
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I think the yard sale could be a good idea, but I wouldn't advertise that it is to help afford the adoption. You could tell close friends and maybe tell people it's to help "pay off the loans that made her adoption successful".
I am actually wondering for us if selling stuff (like Pampered Chef) and putting all the earnings toward the adoption appropriate? I am thinking about selling Discovery Toys (educational toys for kids). My sister sells them and I actually joined and have friends who are going to have parties for me but I'm not sure if this is still inappropriate. We are NOT used to asking for help, so this is a hard hit to our pride, but even if we can come up with a couple thousand it will help.
I just don't want to lay on the guilt for people to feel like they HAVE to buy stuff...ya know?
Natalie
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Everytime I call they are AWESOME about answering...but I have a big tendency to get impatient and call too much (oops...). Must be my sultry voice
I called them about our inquiry and I didn't realize this, but you have to be 25, my dh and I are both 24 (he is turning 25 this weekend and I am turning it May 31 though). So we have to wait until May 31. I'm actually TOTALLY okay with this though because it gives us more time to save and to unpack into the new home. After that it is fair game though and I will be READY I'm sure!! LOL I was wondering why I didn't use them the first adoption though and I forgot about that rule!
Good luck though to everyone! I can't WAIT to get started again (though I am getting very anxious / nervous about the whole process again)!
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CONGRATS!! YAY I'm so happy for them!!!
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I hadn't realized that ya'll were in Arlington until just now. We are in the area often. My husband has family outside of DFW in DeSoto and Mason has to go to the doctor at Scottish Rite now almost every two-three weeks. What a small world. I wish that Wichita falls/Burkburnett weren't so small and almost unheard of!
Wichita Falls is close to Denton right? We are moving up there next week. We should all get together when you come into town!
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I can't decide if we will go to orientation or not! We won't make March's (obviously) but might make May's depending on the move & work. Hey I LOVE San Antonio so any excuse to go would be good for me! Plus it is really only a 3 or 4 hour drive for us.
Natalie
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Ohhh BEAUTIFUL family!! Congratulations!!
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LOL Okay okay I'll get together (if you twist my arm ha!) But it will have to be after March 10 when I move in and finish unpacking (so let's shoot for...ummm....September? Ha! Just kidding!!).
I don't think we will be at orientation because we are going through the "Promesa Program". Have you adopted before Julie?
Natalie
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Where is the gallery? I want to see pictures too!
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Hello!! I actually live in Arlington now!! Fun! I would love to get together sometime with you!!
So is your 13 month old saying a lot of words? Mine just learned "uh oh". It's adorable to listen to!
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Thanks again everyone!! I did call today and we are going to send in our inquiry today!! I'm so excited / anxious / etc!!
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Saying many prayers for the family. I hope they are able to match with a family that meets their needs!!
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Thanks everyone!! I am going to call Abrazo soon and ask them the specifics. I didn't think we could even be waiting until after we did the update??
I will call them and ask them. I'm so excited!! I can't believe I'm starting it again!!
Dale - OMG your avatar is SO lovely!! How beautiful!! How long was your wait if you don't mind me asking?
When Christianity & Adoption Intersect
in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck
Posted
This part stood directly out for me. I can not agree with it any more. The more our infertility became a reality, the more i could hear God calling me to Transracial Adoption. The more I did to fulfill our adoption, the more the world, finally, became at peace for me. It felt more right than when we first started trying biologically....for one of the first times in my life I felt like I was being carried...I FELT God's call and his hands leading me.
Don't get me wrong....it still is a grief process, infertility, to me. I still at times pang for the experience of pregnancy. But, these times are very few and far between and virtually non existant now that Cooper is here. I think now, going through everything and looking back, I can see God's hands working through my life...through all my tears during infertility I can see him trying to whisper to me "I have a bigger plan for you, please trust in Me." It is sad that it took that long for me trust God & his timing...but now I do completely and Thank Him for that. I think in Adoption we have to trust in God...because there is no growing belly to see God's work...we constantly have to trust that things won't just fall apart, we have no choice but to put it completely in God's hands or go insane with stress. Maybe that is why I said a total of 12 rosaries on the way to pick up our son Cooper (I still have the rosary bead bracelet that I used that my grandma gave me in his momento box)
If you know what a rosary is you know how crazy I was with stress...LOL
Many times through the process I thought to myself "Turn this stress over to God...TRUST in God, Trust that he will be sure everything will turn out the way intended." Funny though...I could pratically feel someone lifting something off of me every time....prayer is a beautiful thing!