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DPJ

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  5. PET QUESTION ON APPLICATION

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Jada-

    This is a good question. We have a border collie and told our sw that she may need to warm up to her. Well, she did and let me tell you that even putting the dog outside dog was like trying to come in. So, we brought her in and during the first visit we had to hold her almost like a baby to settle her. We passed and she noted how we talked to the border collie as good/future parenting techniques. I hope that helps. Best of luck and look forward in your journey to fostering/adopting.

  10. A Birth Grandmother's Role

    in BirthGrandparents & Important Others

    Posted

    Continuation…Part 33

    We finally received the call we had eagerly been awaiting, my daughter was doing well, surgery was complete, doctor had already started closing her up and he would be out to talk to us as soon as he was done. I was so grateful that every time they called us the nurse started by telling us my daughter was doing well, even though I didn’t want to think that something could go wrong and that would be the next call, it was always there, in the back of my mind. We all gave thanks to God, and I could see the relief in everyone waiting with us. Now we waited for the doctor to come out, we still didn’t know nor were sure what would come next, would she be taken up or would she be kept there in recovery, would the tumor be malignant or benign, was he able to get it all and clear the passage for the fluid or did he have to insert a shunt, and the baby, was she ok, did she make it through. It was so noisy in my head, one step at a time, don’t get ahead of yourself and make yourself crazy, were things I kept trying to repeat to myself to stay calm and positive. Shortly before noon the doctor came out to talk to us, she was on her way up, they were taking her back to her room in the NCCU, he felt confident that he had gotten all the tumor out, part of the tumor had collapsed when he tried to remove it with the scope which would have been much less evasive then the full cut, but once part of it collapsed due to lack of blood supply he had no choice but to open her up. He told us how much hair he had to take which amounted to approx. a little less than three inches wide, the incision was eight inches long across the top of her head to above the ears, though he had thought at first he knew what type of tumor she might have, he found that the texture and coloring were different, he hadn’t seen one like hers and he didn’t want to guess, the tumor was being sent to the Mayo Clinic for biopsy and once he had the results of type of tumor it was, he would know if further treatment would be needed. For now we needed to wait on results. He said it would be a little while before we could see her, but we could go up to the waiting room of the NCCU and they would come and get us.

    Our family moved up to the waiting room, my husband paced back and forth wanting to go see her, I sat with my mom and sister, trying to patiently wait, which was a tough task to accomplish. About a short time later the anesthesiologist came into the waiting room to see us, he went over the surgery as had her surgeon, he also told us that her surgeon was one of the best in his field and he had worked with him for twenty five years. She was in good hands he said, she did amazingly well, “she will be ok”, as soon as they had her settled in her room, a nurse would come and get us he assured us. I really hadn’t experienced an anesthesiologist follow up with the family after a surgery and spend as much time with us as he had, it was very comforting to know that he had taken the time. Once more on this leg of our journey, we were met with yet another compassionate doctor. I felt like God was truly embracing us with his robe and assuring us things were going to be ok by sending these special people into our lives.

    There seems to be something there with some people, men really, who are part of the Catholic ACTS community, that I have noticed and encountered. The reason for this I should mention, or at least in my view, is that while we were waiting for my daughter to go into surgery and her anesthesiologist was talking to us, I noticed he was wearing the ACTS fishers of men bracelet, I glanced at my husband’s wrist and he was also wearing his. Both my husband and the doctor also noticed that they each were wearing them, after he (doctor) was done talking to us about the medication, he went over to my husband and shared some commentary about ACTS and they exchanged information about their perspective church communities, my husband asked him to take care of his little girl and the doctor assured him he would do just that. I am not saying that the doctor took better care of my daughter because of this, I am sure and it was obvious that he really cared about his patients, but I saw it as another one of God’s interventions, another sign he had sent our way.

    My husband couldn’t wait, he went to check on her and a little later came out to get me, he told me my daughter was asking for me, he advised me that she was paralyze from her left side, but they had told him it was temporary. As I walked through the doors of the NCCU, we were met by a nurse, there were still several nurses and one of her doctors in her room, the nurse told me that my daughter was asking for me, and If I could go in first, as we walked she stopped me at the door and advised me that my daughter was very angry at her dad, and it would probably be better if he waited a while to see her, in order not to agitate her further. I was not sure why, how or what was going on, so I went in to see her. I was totally unprepared for what I saw and heard and it scared the heck out of me.. She was moving her right hand and reached for me, as she talked the left side of her face did not move and the nurse was touching her left arm and leg and asking if she could raise her limbs or felt the touches, she couldn’t do either. She seemed to be fully awake, but was talking about things that had happened a year to over three years prior, she was saying that she hated her father, he was mean, and when I asked her why, what had happened, I found that the anger she was expressing for him, was due to an argument/fight they had over a year before due to her boyfriend, but she was talking as if it had just happened. I just looked at her nurse, and I knew she could tell and sense that I was completely confused and worried; she assured me that it was normal for this type of surgery; it would take some time for the distortion in her mind to clear up. She was dozing off and on, I stepped out to tell my husband what was going on and asked him to tell our family that they would have to wait until the next day to see her; she was in no condition to have company, I asked him to thank them for us, and we were sure they would understand, but it was best that she not have any visitors that day. We would keep them posted via phone for now. He was pretty upset that she didn’t want to see him even though I explained to him the situation, and I knew it was more the fact that he was hurt and not really anger on his part, but it was really hard to tell by his actions. He was going to go tell our family, and then go get something to eat and go home for a while, told me to call him whenever she wanted to see him and left. Well, couldn’t worry about him, I had my daughter to go to..I walked back into her room, and sat by her bed for the next three hours. As she talked about events we had been a part of over the last three and a half years, I was amazed, each time it was as if they had just happened, the clarity with which she talked about them made me also feel like they had just happened. It was a very strange feeling, almost like one of those time travel scifi movies, where people travel to the future, but we were traveling back in time and reliving events. It was almost as if the things she was remembering were things that had left the biggest impressions on her. She would drift off to sleep for very short periods of time, then all of sudden she would wake up and be angry at her dad all over again, how she felt about him at those particular times were pretty intense, each time her blood pressure would shoot up and heart rate would accelerate..I learned very quickly to change the subject gingerly, and in some cases just go along with what she was talking about..I noticed and learned that if I tried to correct her or tell her what she was talking about wasn’t’ the case, she became more agitated..Because to her at that moment and in her mind, what she was thinking about was her reality, it was to her the current time and place where she found herself. She talked about her best friend, all of a sudden she would say that L had just left her room, “mom L said she will be right back”, then she would jump to “boy that was a lot of fun at the carwash” and when I asked her what car wash, she told me, “yesterday, the eighth grade carwash, you forgot already?” (which we had in April 2006), or something else completely different, she had just talked to a friend on the phone, or she had talk to her aunt that morning. .I found that I had to also be as quick on my feet with responses and thoughts to keep up with her, I was just never sure what we would be discussing next or what her mood was going to be, she took us through those last several years in quick flashes. I started to picture us as a ball in a pinball machine.

    She finally fell asleep for a good thirty minutes, and when she awoke, she was still somewhat confused, but was also more aware of her current surroundings..The nurse kept checking for movement on her left side, she had all these tubes in her, each connected to a different bag of something or other, or going to two large monitors. She finally asked where her dad was, I told her that he had gone to get something to eat, I still approached the topic of her dad gently, the big proceed with caution sign popping up in my head, and asked her if it was ok to call him to come sit with her so I could go walk a little, I braced myself not knowing what her response was going to be, but she said “sure, you need to get something to eat too”. So I called to tell him, he had the green light to come back and see her, he was going to pick up something for me to eat and be on his way.

    To be continued….

    First of all, Mari, maybe God will lead you to write a book. You have the gift of writing and drawing everyone into the unfolding story of your daughter. Thank you for sharing.

    I too have a fishers of men bracelet. I hold my "WALK" very special with many Christian communities. I am forever changed. I wear my bracelet daily as a reminder of HIS love for ME and whatever trials comes my way I WILL CHOOSE JOY!!! AMEN!!!

  14. Determining God's will

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Last night I was thinking about these posts while I was watching my daughter and her school perform the play "The Drowsy Shepherd". The overall message of this play is "all is possible with Christ". Anyway, I was sitting next to my husband and I started thinking about our daughter. She was singing her little lungs out loving to perform in front of the entire audience.

    I started thinking about what was God's will - I see it so clearly now but I wonder why...and here is what I thought about...Maybe God wanted me to cherish moments like these in a different way than others...maybe he wanted me to share with others the joy of open adoption...maybe he wanted us to appreciate different cultures...maybe I am thinking too hard about this...=)

    God's will was for me to be a mom to 2 wonderful and amazing children...and to help others understand and appreciate the joys of open adoption.

    I agree. The Bible clearly states that God allows us to go through trials so that after we have endured them in faith, we are then able to help others going through similar trials of their own. I know that I could not have made it through our adoption process without the love and support of my friends here on the Abrazo forum who shared their own strength, hope and experiences with me.have also in turn been given the opportunity to educate several preschool teaching staffs about adoption and how to be more supportive of adoptive families. Every day I look at Jenna, she is so beautiful, and I am amazed that God chose me to be her mother. I am SO blessed to be right where I'm at, no matter what pain it took to get me here!

    I WANTED TO BUMP THIS POST FOR THOSE 4 FAMILIES THAT HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG TO MEET THIER FUTURE FAMILIES & BUNDLES OF CLARITY !!

  18. Nursery Notes

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Being part Cherokee this case pulls on my heart! I wish were looking to add to our family.

    Jennifer,

    I should have known with that beautiful skin you have.... our side of the family is from NC...we have Cherokee blood in our family as well.

    Praying for all involved in this families next few decisions in the weeks ahead of time.

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