Elizabeth, that's sad to hear. two of my cousins were adopted back in the 60's and my aunt and uncle told them as soon as they were old enough to understand. it must have been very young, because I can remember my cousin as a four-year-old and she talked about it even then. but I love your recommendation to tell the child from the very beginning so that we get used to telling the story and get super comfortable with it.
One of my cousins I mention above wants to adopt, too, and so she and her husband are closely watching our adoption process. Same thing with a couple of friends of ours. I think you might just have a Kentucky contingent on your hands once we have our baby! You said that's how it usually starts. With one couple.
I have a question - my aunt and uncle were told by the state agencies where they adopted so many years ago to never try to get their children to believe in Santa or the Tooth Fairy or any other mythical character because when they later found out it was make-believe, it would upset them more because they were adopted.
I never understood that reasoning, but it was a subject brought up many times in my family growing up. As in, "Don't tell your cousins that there is a Santa Claus" etc, etc.
I haven't ever seen it mentioned in adoption books. Did the state agency simply make that up? Or is that something they used to tell families in closed adoptions?
One reason we decided to go the open route is because Marc's first cousin was adopted. He has tried in vain to find information about his birthparents and it has been very hard on him and his APs.
Why put a child through that? Every child needs the opportunity to know about their roots. I think we just have to start walking and talking the open adoption way. We can change those non-believers' minds.
