marthaj
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The remaining orientation weekends for 2004 are listed under Forum Topic/Title:
The Abrazo Forum -> Adoptive Parents -> Orientation Weekends, The Whens and Whats
The post is dated Jan 29, 2004. Be sure and check with the Abrazo office for confirmation just in case the orientation weekend dates have been rescheduled for some reason.
Good luck!
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Hi Rick and Julie,
I have a fantastic book to recommend. I bought it 6 years ago when we were Parents-In-Waiting, so I hope it's still available. If it's not on the shelves, maybe your local book store can order a copy.
It's titled
"The Story of David, How we created a family through open adoption" by Dion Howells (who is the adoptive father) with Karen Wilson Pritchard
1997, published by Delacorte Press
The adoption took place in 1992 when open adoption was still largely misunderstood. Against the advice of adoption professionals, the adoptive parents formed a bond with their birthmother that was truly groundbreaking. With open arms they welcomed the birth mother into every aspect of their lives. (Tragically the birth father was killed in a motorcycle accident while David was still a baby.) There are pictures in the book of the birthmom, Nancy, at David's baptism, first birthday party, and during weekend visits. The birthmom was even included in the Howells' first family portrait (the picture of which appears on the book jacket cover.)
I first learned of this book while watching The Gayle King Show in Oct 1997. (At that time, David was 5 years old.) David, his adoptive parents, Dion and Carey, his birthmother Nancy and Nancy's mother Marilou were all guests on the show to share their open adoption journey. They went beyond open adoption to create an extended family that includes the birthmom, her new husband and child, and David's maternal grandmother. The most touching moment in that show came when David's bio-grandmother Marilou revealed that she had herself placed a child for adoption during the 1960's when records were sealed. It was clear to all that Marilou still grieves for the child she never knew, and is still reliving the pain even today, more than 30 years later. And so it was that the Howell's have written David's story, to provide a blueprint for the kind of open adoption that is possible when everyone puts the child's best interests first. (Sounds just like an Abrazo story, doesn't it, except Abrazo wasn't yet an agency in 1992 and the events took place in Ohio.)
If you can't find a copy in Corpus Christi, let me know. I'll go over to Borders Bookstore here in San Antonio, where I originally purchased the book, and see if they still have it in stock or if they can order it. It was about $20 at the time.
Take care and keep the faith!
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I received this e-mail from a mom in my Mother's Enrichment Group, and I thought I'd pass it on as "food for thought."
THE 'L I T T L E' THINGS
After Sept 11th, one company invited the remaining members of other companies who had lost their offices in the attack on the Twin Towers to share their available office space. At a morning meeting, the head of security told stories of why these people were alive....and all the stories were just "the little things."
>>The head of the company got in late that day because his son started kindergarten...
>>Another fellow was alive because it was his turn to bring donuts...
>>One woman was late because her alarm clock didn't go off in time...
>>One was stuck on the NJ Turnpike because of an auto accident...
>>One of them missed his bus...
>>One spilled food on her clothes and had to take time to change...
>>One's car wouldn't start...
>>One went back to answer the telephone...
>>One had a child who dawdled and didn't get ready as soon as he should have...
>>One couldn't get a taxi...
>>Another man put on a new pair of shoes that morning, and took the various means to get to work on time. But, before he got there, he developed a blister on his foot. He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today.
Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to answer a ringing telephone...all the ' little things ' that annoy me... I think to myself "This is exactly where God wants me to be at this very moment."
Next time your morning seems to be going wrong, the children are slow getting dressed, you can't seem to find the car keys, you hit every red light, don't get mad or frustrated. God is at work watching over you!
May God continue to bless you with all those annoying little things and may you remember their possible purpose.
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Oh yes, I forget to add Mexican restaurants and pitchers of margaritas to the Friday night line-up. Now Mexican night for us is Taco Cabana (our local Tex-Mex fast food chain). It really is fast, the food is fresh and hot, and most of all it's inexpensive!!
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Hi Sugarfamily,
We had been married 8 years when we brought our Abrazo babe home. (She's 5 1/2 now and we'll celebrate our 14th anniv in August). Get ready for some changes, because after 10 years of being together some of your old habits and ways of doing things are definitely in for some big changes!!! Like, a Friday night out for us before being parents would have included a nice Italian restaurant or steak house, a carafe of wine, and maybe a late movie showing, or an outdoor jazz concert in the summertime. Now a night out includes game tokens and happens at a place called Peter Piper Pizza or Chuck E Cheese!!! Before we were parents, if we were expecting company, I would vacuum all the carpeting, mop the kitchen and bathroom floors, and just generally spit and polish every inch of the house, to include bathroom mirrors. Now we just try to pick up enough clutter to clear a path from the front door to the living room. The bathroom mirrors get cleaned when we can no longer find our reflection in them!!! And...oh well why take all the fun out of it for you...you'll discover this out for yourselves soon enough!!
Good luck and keep us posted on your progress!!!
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Dear Dreamer,
Am I right in assuming your in-laws have other, biological grandchildren?? Therefore they may feel it necessary to make a "distinction." Hopefully, in time that feeling will fade. When Catherine was first born and we brought her home, I felt I had to explain that we had just adopted her...especially since I got so many comments from strangers on how quickly I'd lost my "pregnancy weight"!!!!!!!!!!!!
My in-laws dote on Catherine because she is their only grandchild. I think sometimes they forget she is adopted, because they'll say something like "She's so much like her Aunt Lori was at this age" or "She looks just like....(someone else in the family)!!
Or another tact to try...if you are with your in-laws when they explain this, you might add "Yes, we are so blessed to have him/her in our lives through the miracle of adoption. After all, family is about relationship, not just biology, and we are so happy our son/daughter has such a loving relationship with his/her grandparents." Maybe after hearing this explanation a few times, your in-laws will realize that it is the quality of their relationship, not biological ties, that truly make one a "grand" grandparent!!!!!!!
Be patient, and good luck!!
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I have a personal experience to share. I've posted this before under a different Forum topic, but it's really most appropriate here. When I was a teenager (I grew up in W.Va.), I went to visit some of my dad's family in Ohio...it was about 1970, I think. Before I left on the Greyhound Bus, my mother cautioned me that my dad's cousin's daughter was adopted, but she didn't know it. My mom said "Don't say anything about (name withheld) being adopted because she doesn't know." Even then I thought it strange that everybody in the family knew about it except the one person that it affected the most...the adoptee.
I also heard a radio show on Family Life Today a few years ago, about an adult adoptee who didn't learn on her adoption until she was well into middle age. Her a/mother had already died, and her a/father had alzheimers and was in a nursing home, when he began babbling one day about her being adopted, and her "secret" was out. Everything she believed about herself felt like a lie. Sadly, the adoption records are closed and sealed and she had been unsuccessful in locating any info about her birth family. The show brought out the point that the effects on adults who learn of their adoption as adults are much more devastating. When a child has been told the truth, he/she learns to accept that truth as just another part of his/her heritage. I believe truth and trust go hand and hand. Just my thoughts.
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I was at our local library branch yesterday, and was looking for children's books for Catherine when one caught my eye. Scanning the titles, I caught the word "Adoption" in the title. I selected the book, entitled "Over the Moon, An Adoption Tale" by Karen Katz, 1997 Henry Holt and Co publishers. Ms Katz and her husband adopted a baby girl from Central America in 1991. Although this was a foreign adoption, the emotions she writes about are real to all of us..."The door opened and there was the baby all soft and small. At last she was in her new mommy's and daddy's arms. Over the top of the blanket two tiny eyes looked up at them, and the mommy and daddy looked back at her. Then they hugged her and hugged her -- at least a hundred times! They were so happy. Still, the new mommy and daddy were nervous. They had never taken care of a teeny-tiny baby before. But they fed her and changed her and played with her and bathed her. And before they knew it, their first day as a family was over, and they could not wait for the next one to begin." The book is beautifully illustrated with vibrant colors. In the author's note, Ms Katz writes "Having the opportunity to express the magic of adoption with paint and words is a great joy to me. It is my gift to our daughter and to the children and parents who have shared this journey." I recommend this little book whole heartedly to be shared with your children.
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Hi Jonathan and Lisa
You have come to the right place, for we all share your desires to be a parent (which is what brought us all to Abrazo in the first place) and we all had set backs along the way of some sort or another.
You said you are finishing up your application. Is this your initial inquiry, or have you attended orientation already and are finishing up the package? Maybe you could work with Abrazo and attend one of the later orientations in 2004, that way you can continue to save money until that time. (Perhaps Uncle Sam will smile on you with a nice income tax refund!
I know you're probably anxious to get started, so I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that a way will be provided. There is a saying, when the Lord closes one door, he opens another! 
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Dear Cathy,
I would like to add my thoughts and perhaps some words of encouragement for you. I too struggled with your same decisions. At 39, married just 3 years, I started researching and talking to adoption agencies. I talked with Catholic Social Services, and they told me flatly I was already too old...they didn't work with anyone over 40. Another agency said I was a poor risk because of a previous divorce, and another because of our religion (ie, the birthmothers wouldn't select Catholic parents for their children in the Baptist bible belt....I'm not making this up.....this is exactly what we were told!!) So I began to think that a foreign adoption was our only choice.
I attended an information session on China adoptions. The pictures of the beautiful Chinese baby girls left on the doorsteps of orphanages (due to China's one child policy) just broke my heart. But then there was the paperwork.....not just the agency forms, but also INS requirements, State Department approval, travel restrictions, criminal background checks, etc. I became very discouraged , because with my tendency to procrastinate, it would surely be another 5 years before I finished all the paperwork and requirements! I began to believe it just wasn't in my destiny to be a mother.
Then, in 1997 my husband and I attended an Adoption Fair sponsored by my (then) employer, and we met Elizabeth and learned about Abrazo. My age, our religion and my previous marital failures no longer mattered. What mattered most was if we had the love and openness to work within the framework of an open adoption. We did and.............fast forward to the happy ending, I became a first time mom at age 44, and my daughter is now a happy and healthy curly haired 5 year old little dynamo!!!!
So I would recommend going to a Barnes & Nobles or other bookstore, or even your public library and reading all you can about the requirements for foreign and domestic adoptions. Then, run (don't walk)....or rather fly (don't drive) to the next Abrazo Orientation Weekend. (there is no obligation to contract with the agency, and you can think of it as a weekend getaway to visit our beautiful city of San Antonio and have some authentic Mexican food.)
Whichever path your journey may lead you, I wish you good luck and God's speed!
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For Birthfamily Members Who Didn't Know
in BirthGrandparents & Important Others
Posted · Edited by marthaj
It must have taken great courage for you to come forward and ask for advice and support. I can "hear" the concern in your voice, for both your daughter and her unborn child. You have definitely come to the right place. We are a community of concerned, caring individuals who are here to support and encourage one another through life's many challenges.
I sense that you are still in a state of "shock" or even "denial" (how can this be happening to us...to our family!) What you are feeling is certainly normal. It's what you do with those feelings that really matter. (i.e. Do you "punish" your daughter in some way, or do you express your love and support for her through this difficult time?) I have some suggestions on how you can support your daughter in the coming months...
If your daughter is still in (high) school, there are services available through your school district to help accomodate her to continue her education throughout her pregnancy. (Please do not be "ashamed" to call...they've heard it all before!!) Here is San Antonio, there is even an alternative school for young mothers that provides child care services, so that the baby or toddler can be cared for in a safe and nurturing environment and the mother can continue her education and graduate with her high school diploma. Some high schools provide evening classes for young parents who must work during the day. Many religious groups (such as Catholic Charities or Lutheran Social Services, for example) can also provide free counselling and services. The best place to start is a phone call to your area school district or religious organization. They are sometimes the best place to provide counselling and referral services.
I know it sounds trite...but you are not the first parent to be confronted with an unplanned pregnancy, and you won't be the last. Please use those counsellings services and available resources. And please know that you have a caring, supportive community here on the Forum who will listen.
Take care and my best wishes for you and your family.