marthaj
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Posts posted by marthaj
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Well, since no one has "stepped up to the plate" I guess I will be the first!
My BIG mistake was not getting Catherine on a "schedule." You know, like waking her up at the same time each day, feeding her at the same time, nap at the same time, bath and bed at the same time. Since I decided to quit work when she was 6 months old (and I was only working part-time anyway when we took placement, evenings and weekends) I just kind of "pooh pooh'ed" the whole schedule idea.
Of course for baby's first 4-6 months, they are going to eat and sleep based on their bodies' needs. I fully believe in "feeding on demand" for the first 4 months (not OVER feeding, but feeding when baby tells you they are hungry.) But at about the 5-6 month point, it is totally possible to put baby on a schedule. Catherine's pediatrician even wrote out a precise schedule for me at the 6 month check-up....what time SHE wanted her to wake up, how many ounces of juice SHE wanted her to have, when SHE wanted her to go down for a nap etc (at least that's how I saw it....I was OUT of the decision making loop. And I will add, this is not the pediatrician we have now....I love our Doctor we have now, and wish I had found this pediatrics practice sooner.)
So I didn't even try the schedule, I think I threw it away before I even left the building! I let Catherine set her own schedule....if she wanted to take a nap at 6pm and then stay up till 11pm, I let her. If she wanted to sleep until 10am the next morning, I let her. Sometimes she didn't get breakfast until 10:30am. I figured that since I was staying home with her anyway, she didn't need to be scheduled. And because I never put her in her crib while still awake and let her learn to "soothe" herself to sleep (ie cry it out!) I was still rocking her to sleep when she was 4 years old! And when she got too big to rock, I would sit with her in the rocking chair and watch the 24 hour PBS Kids station (Barney, Teletubbies, Clifford, etc) until she fell asleep.
Well....when Catherine was 4 and 5 years old, and still up and running around at 11pm....I realized my resistance to adopting a schedule early on was a BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It especially hit home when I discussed the bedtime issue with some other moms in my Mother's Enrichment Group. These were all stay-at-home moms. One mom was an elementary school teacher who choose to stay home with her 2 kids. Her children were ready for bed by 7:30pm....in fact if it got too much past 7:30 they were BEGGING to go to bed! I asked her how she did it. She said "I get them up by 6:30am every morning." Now, you have to understand this mom was a VERY organized, very scheduled type of person. She got up at 5am, was waiting at the Health Club when they opened the doors at 5:30, got in a good 45 minute workout, then made it home before her husband left for work. She was in bed herself asleep by 9pm each night. Her children ate breakfast at the same time each day, snack and lunch at the same time, had their play time, nap time, bath and bed at the same time each day. Her kids knew what to expect, and they were ready for it.
Well, believe me it's extremely difficult to put a 5 year old on a schedule, who has been allowed to set her own schedule for the past 5 years. And to be honest, it's because I did not want to be scheduled. I wanted to sleep in (or at least stay in bed) until 9am, I wanted to do things when I felt like doing them. So, I am reaping what I sowed. I have a child who does not want to go to bed at night, and who will only stay in bed if one of us lies down with her. I have a child who resists getting up in the morning for school (but who, on the weekends, will be wide awake at 8am insisting WE get up.) I have a child who only wants to snack and not eat properly at meal times, because I did not have her meals ready at the same time each and every day. Every evening it's a struggle to get her into bed by 8:30...which becomes 9 then 9:30pm. Every morning it's a struggle to get her out of bed at 6:30am, which becomes 6:45, which becomes 7:00, which becomes "Catherine, you're going to be late for school! COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I could have never in my wildest dreams imagined that my lack of focus, preparation and organization would continue to have repercussions 8 years later.
So, my advice....MAKE A SCHEDULE EARLY ON, AND STICK TO IT!!!! I didn't, and I regret it now, BIG TIME!
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By my quick calculations, we have at least 15 PIW couples who are not currently matched.
I am praying that at least a few couples among our 15 or more in-waiting will open their hearts, and that Abrazo will not have to go outside our community to find loving homes for these precious little ones!
And to the incoming January orientation group, opportunities to become parents abound if your heart is open and your homes are ready!
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* a floor plan* showing every room in your home and noting the purpose of each;
This was not a requirement when we were PIW 8 1/2 years ago....but I bought my home new from the builder (19 years ago!), and just always kept the builder's brochure showing each of the homes for sale at that time with their floor plans (so I have all my neighbor's floor plans too!)
So if you are in the process of buying a new home, or have recently purchased a new home, ask the builder for a floor plan. It's just an idea I wanted to pass on!
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The San Antonio Express-News today ran a story about The Costs of Adopting. (I've already fired off a letter to the editor objecting to the claim that international adoption is more popular because it usually happens quicker... go figure! Tell that to the thousands of applicants whose international adoption dreams get held up each year by frequently-changing laws in other countries-- like Romania, Bulgaria, Russia, Guatamala, etc.)
Did the Express News ever publish your letter? If they did, I must have missed it. Could you post a copy of it here, please?
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the first night of Hanukah this year is December 16th so I think I will try to go through the 8 nights of Hanukah with Kayleigh this year solo, just winging it. Heidi (or anyone else for that matter), any ideas on what to do each night?
Lisa
Here is a link for ideas to celebrate Hanukkah, along with arts and crafts and other activities. I hope this is what you were looking for.
When you open the page, scroll all the way down to the bottom and look for the section on the left hand side that says Holiday Traditions. At the bottom of that section is Hanukkah Celebration. Click on that line and it will take you to the Hanukkah page.
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I also got the impression that Madonna selected this particular boy because he was the youngest one at the orphanage. She made the point of saying he was the youngest one there.
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I just wanted to comment on Claudia's post about special needs placements. Not all "special needs" will be the same. I grew up with a cousin who would be classified as "special needs." He was born with a split-lip and a cleft palate (which were corrected over time thru several surgeries.) As a child, he also had to have tubes inserted in his ears. He was the 5th child born to my aunt and uncle. They took advantage of various resources available through the March of Dimes and the Crippled Children's program.
As an adult my cousin has suffered from sleep apnea, and has had to use a breathing machine at night. He is now in his mid-30's, but unless you know the background you would not know that he ever had so many challenges so early in life.
So, if you are given the opportunity to adopt a special needs child, I would recommend that you learn as much as you can about the "special needs" involved. There are programs available for almost every special need (and new programs become available as new needs are identified.)
I guess my point in posting on this thread is just to share my experience in growing up with a "special needs" cousin, and to let you know that there are rewards, as well as challenges, in any parenting experience!
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A BIG congratulations to the Wombles from someone who has been where you are (or were).
Our wait was 12 months, plus a couple of weeks and handful of days....(and we had to do it WITHOUT the support of a Forum community, because the Forum was not yet born in 1997/98!!)
So, I'm celebrating along with the Wombles, the Good Buddies and the entire Forum community today!
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Sabrina,
The Lord led you to this church for a reason! Perhaps you could help to start a support group within your church community for those families blessed by adoption!
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From forum postings over the past 24 hours, it sounds like some of our families are getting ever closer........
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Gabe wanted to take Catherine back to the hotel with him after our dinner! I wanted to take Parker home with me, but Grammie (Heidi's mom) wouldn't allow it!! LOL
Post those pictures soon!
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Just thinking.....wouldn't it be wonderful if THE STORK could get all of our waiting families placed (or at least matched) by Christmas??? What a wonderful gift that would be for our community!
So, Ms. Stork, don't eat too much over Thanksgiving because we're all counting on you for some very special deliveries before year's end!!!
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If there is anything positive that we as mothers can take away from all this....is to make sure we demonstrate that type of unconditional love for our own children and to let them know that they can come to us with anything. We don't necessarily have to approve of their decisions, but I feel we do have to let them know we are there with our love and support.
We need to let our daughters know that we will love and support them through all types of personal crisis, to include an unplanned pregnancy. We do not want our own daughters to ever have to face this situation, alone and desperate.
Thanks for sharing, Lisa.
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Claudia, I just knew that special angel had to be you! Your love just overfloweth! I hope you will stay in touch with this family, and encourage them to become a part of our forum community so that we can share in their joy!
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Elizabeth,
There is a saying "The pen is mightier than the sword." With your gift for written expression, I think you should write a letter to the editor of every associated press-affiliated newspaper in Texas (or heck why stop at the Lone Star State?) and tell 'em what you just told us (because, you're "preaching to the choir" on the forum!)
Let your voice be heard!!!
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Oprah doesn't air here until 4pm. But thanks for the heads up.
You know, you could go to Oprah.com and e-mail her a comment. Don't know if it would ever get read by the Queen of Daytime Talk herself, but give it a try! (Or better yet, write an "In My Opinion" piece for your newspaper!!)
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Oprah is having Madonna on her show next Wednesday. She is going to give her side of the story concerning the recent adoption. Should be interesting...
Yes, it should be interesting.....as we all tune in to hear Madonna's side of the story, it will certainly mean BIG RATINGS for Oprah, and Madonna once again gets to be the center of the world's attention.
Does anyone remember when she first appeared on Dick Clark's American Bandstand back in the mid-80's, and she pranced down the center of the dance floor and stood before Dick Clark?
When he asked her a question (something about her goals for the future, etc) she announced with much bravado "I WANT TO RULE THE WORLD!"
Now it could be "I WANT TO OWN THE WORLD. THINK I'LL START BY BUYING A VILLAGE IN AFRICA.............." (Sarcasm intended............)
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Can you imagine leaving Texas a week early, then having a NANNY fly home with your child????????????
Even worst, can you imagine even trying to explain to Elizabeth Ann and Angela what was so gosh darn important that you had to leave Texas early, leaving "your" baby behind in the care of someone else...and then wonder 6 months down the road why you're not yet cleared for finalization????????
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I'm wondering....just how many of these celebrities actually take a "hands on" approach to parenting, and how many have nannies or a household staff that primarily do those day to day activities??
Angelina Jolie does seem to take a very hands on approach to parenting. I do believe her motives were pure, but possibly the way she went about it was less than ethical.
But, goodness, at least with all the publicity these celebrities should realize they are "on notice" that the world is watching.
Which reminds me of the movie "Mommie Dearest" (I never read the book, just saw the movie.) The actress Joan Crawford adopted 2 children as infants, then proceeded to terrorize and abuse them (her daughter Christina more so than the brother.) The world never saw this because actors and actresses were idolized during those early days of motion pictures and television. And their private lives were indeed private....at least to the American public.
So perhaps there is a good side to all the publicity and the public scrunity. The world is watching.
(And hey, while we're talking about celebrities, my award for the "Worst Mommy Moment Caught on Film" has to go to pop-star/diva wannabe Brittany Spears, who let her biological son, still just a baby, ride in her lap while she was driving, sitting between her body and the stearing wheel, where a sudden impact could have caused him to be crushed by her body weight???????????????????)
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Oh Ms Bergersnicker, you forgot Meg Ryan, who recently adopted a daughter from China...
AFTER having a very public affair with actor Russell Crowe while filming a movie together (hey, let's call it what it was....ADULTERY!!!!) as she was married to Dennis Quaid at the time...basically disregarding her marital vows, which led to her divorce from Dennis Quaid and depriving their son of the love and security of a 2 parent home.
Yep, that just about covers it......
(Just so you know.....I'm not dissin' single moms here......just the way she went about becoming single, since we are on the subject of celebrity adoptions!!)
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Welcome to our Abrazo family, Baby Olivia, her gorgeous birthmom and big sis, and her new forever family!
Stop by the Forum sometime and introduce yourselves, we'd love to get acquainted!!
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I used to be very embarrassed to disclose that I had 2 failed marriages. The first was a college fling, primarily fueled by rampant hormones, and our marriage was over in less than a year.
The second one was in my mid-20's...a rebound marriage on his part and extreme loneliness on my part. That marriage lasted 5 years but included an affair on his part, then his moving out for several months and finally ended when he got another girl pregnant. The last I heard, he was divorced from her and on marriage #4.
Jeff and I recently celebrated 16 years of marriage, and I am no longer ashamed or embarrassed about my earlier relationships. I no longer let them define me. They were simply poor choices on my part. My marriages may have "failed," but I am not a failure. However, for many years I believed I was because that is what society led me to believe.
When we started our adoption journey, Jeff and I had only been married 5 years and I was very sensitive about telling anyone about my previous marriages. Another adoption agency that we had applied to even turned us down, because they judged me as "unstable." (That was not the reason they gave in writing, but told me that when I telephoned them and pressed them further for an explanation.)
So, when we applied to Abrazo, I was very hesitant to have to reveal that information, but figured out they would find out anyway because of all my different last names. So, I took a deep breath and filled out the form honestly. I am so glad I did.
I will keep this couple in my thoughts and prayers. I pray they will find peace and healing.
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Please Stork.........we need to get that Stroller full, pronto!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Senior Wisdom
in The Family Room
Posted
When Catherine was a year or so old (it's been so long I've forgotten her exact age, maybe she was a little older), Jeff was working a lot of overtime hours...sometimes he wouldn't get home until after 9pm. I thought I was doing the right thing by letting her nap late, then stay up late to have time with daddy. I didn't realize I was laying the foundation for her inner body clock for years to come.
Now "time with daddy" has turned into just another tactic to delay bedtime. Jeff will be out of town on business for 2 weeks beginning this Sunday, Jan 28th. I am actually looking forward to it, because it is so much easier to get her into bed when it is just the two of us. We go to swimming from 6-7:30, home by 8, get into pajamas and have a snack. I keep most of the lights, TV and computer turned off and get her into bed by 8:30. Sleep comes a little later, but at least if I can get her into bed that's half the battle won.
I realize I am not the only one who mistakedly thought a child could be flexible and adaptable later on. Sometimes I will have to run to the grocery store late for something, like at 9 or even 10:00pm (when Jeff is home of course...) and I will see parents with their young children wide awake running around the store. I want to tell them "Your children need to be in bed! This is really going to come back to haunt you later!!" but of course I keep quiet, because no one wants unsolicited advice!!