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chilemom

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Posts posted by chilemom

  2. Bi-racial/Transracial Adoption: Fears, Prejudice & Praise

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I have heard from some that parents, siblings, friends ect would have "huge" issues if I/we adopted a AA child. I ask them is that what they "think" or is that what they "know" as in having had a frank and honest discussion with the person(s) in question. I think people might be surprized if they asked the "rascist" family members flat out to discuss it with them, I really think more would be supportive and be ready to welcome a child into the family than you might think.

    I would add that (at least in our experience) sometimes the reservations that our close family members have, spring from concern over our welfare - perhaps like the question Heidi's dad asks when she visits Gabe's birthmom. The people who love us don't want to see us hurt, and not having had the privilege of being educated about transracial adoption and/or open adoption, they can only draw on the stories they have heard (and we all know that the bad stories are more publicized than the good ones!)

    I remember as a teenager asking my dad about dating or marrying transracially. His response was that he would not be opposed (he cared far more about the condition of my future husband's heart than the color of his skin, and rightly so!) but he would want me to be fully aware of the issues we would face. Because my dad loved me, he wouldn't want me to be blindsided later - and I loved and respected him for it.

  4. Bi-racial/Transracial Adoption: Fears, Prejudice & Praise

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I know that my parents never envisioned having a black grandchild. I know that my grandmother, raised in West Virginia, never expected a black great-grandchild. I also know that my Mexican father-in-law never, NEVER imagined having a black grandchild! I am sure that each of these family members had reservations about our adopting transracially. But let me say that a child can change EVERYTHING. My son brings a smile and laughter to my father-in-law just because of who my son IS - his personality, his craziness - and not because of the color his skin is (or is not.) We all fear the unknown to a certain extent - but when that unknown become known, becomes a child grafted into our family tree, becomes a baby sleeping in our arms, a toddler giving us wildflowers from his grubby little hands, or a pre-schooler wrapping her arms around our neck in a tight hug ... believe me, a child is a miracle maker.

  12. Nursery Notes

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I was thinking of Nick and Sarah and their little Dulce Elise the other day, wondering if they have been able to make it home yet? I am hoping they will be able to celebrate this special first Christmas in their very own home among the people they love ...

  14. When Christianity & Adoption Intersect

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    I think he rejected the value system that enabled their culture to justify the mistreatment of his people.

    Yes, exactly. I was talking to Pedro about this and he pointed out that nowhere does the Bible teach that this was about Moses turning his back on his birthfamily but rather his rejecting the "pleasures of Egypt" (a very sinful, hedonistic society at the time) in order to pursue GOD:

    Hebrews 11:24-26 (NIV)

    By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh's daughter. He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time. He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward.

  15. Picking & Choosing

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I guess the bottom line is that NOBODY - is really exactly what they appear to be on paper, and decisions to accept a match or decline really need to be on so many other things...like connection, faith, love, shared values and ideals...and oh yea...listening to the whispers that assure you that you are making the right choice.

    Beautifully stated, Heidi. ^_^

  17. Picking & Choosing

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Of course, trying to justify your reasons shouldn't be done if it's your way out, but finding your reason is very important to growth.

    Well said, Claudia ... It is a strong person who is willing to really look inside at the why's and wherefore's of their decisions in this area, and to stand their ground even when others might not agree ... when those decisions are truly made thoughtfully and prayerfully and not, as you put it, as just "a way out" ...

    As a mother by both transracial and special needs adoption, I know it is not a place that most of us reach overnight, but that willingness to grow is so important and will reap wonderful blessings if we allow it!

  18. When Christianity & Adoption Intersect

    in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck

    Posted

    My mom used the story of Moses' adoption but in a completely different way. She brought out the fact that when Moses grew up, because he knew and had that relationship with his birthfamily, he decided to go back to his birthfamily and completely shunned his adoptive family. I honestly did not know what to say to this. We ended our conversation there and it hasn't been brought up again.

    I'll have to think about this some more, but my first reaction is to point out that Moses' going back to his birthfamily was obviously part of God's sovereign plan for His chosen people, the Israelites. Also, the Bible does not say that Moses "shunned" his adoptive family; rather his choices (murdering the Egyptian who was beating the Hebrew slave) drove him away from them and when he left, he was fleeing for his life. So in that sense, I think comparing the end result of his "open adoption" with yours is like comparing apples and oranges ... :huh:

  23. FBI checks

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Lisa or anyone,

    Where did you go to get the new fingerprints done? Just wondering, so when it's our turn, we aren't behind.

    Thanks,

    Claudia

    Claudia,

    I have the paperwork that Angela sent, with instructions. Let me find it and I can give you the info in person or over the phone (or, I'm sure Abrazo would gladly send you your own copy! :D )

  24. When To Say When?

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Tricia,

    Your story is such an example of "joy from ashes" ... how traumatic it must have been waking up to such unexpected and devastating news!! ... and yet you can now give GOD all the glory and see His plan in your beautiful baby boy. Thank you for sharing.

    As for us, I guess we were somewhat unusual in that after a couple of cycles of Clomid (which was the only type of infertility "procedure" that our insurance would cover) we knew that pursuing pregnancy was not for us. I won't say that decision wasn't without tears and heartache (though the years and subsequent evidence of God's grace through our precious children has all but erased those sad memories!) but we knew it was the right one. Normally, Pedro and I are pretty laid-back, even-keel individuals and yet the monthly disappointments were turning us into emotional basket cases ... and we had no way of knowing how long this could go on. We just knew that we could not emotionally handle any more than we did, and we had hoped to adopt eventually anyway ... and add to that, God's divine timing of bringing an adoptive family to seminary who took us under their wing and gave us the information we needed to dispel our fears and begin the adoption process with confidence. Nothing earthshattering, but that is our story of saying "when!" ^_^

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