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mandjmasters

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  18. Celebrity Adoptions

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    (FOR ADULTS ONLY)

    It does create a rather bizarre tableau... imagine that esteemed social worker, Berthina Bergersnicker of BabyKing Adoptions (where you can have it your way, for a whopper of a price!) handling homestudy interviews for any of these celebrity adopters...

    The Ritchie Homestudy

    "So, Madeline, oh, I'm sorry, Madonna, is it? Allright. Well, I see you are interested in the arts, and you once produced a coffee table book on, what does this say here, uhhh... about S-E-X? Do you want to tell me more about this project? How do you feel it contributes to your ability to be a good parent? And what would you say has been your involvement in the black community (other than having dated Dennis Rodman many years ago?) I see. Well, now, your current husband has been quoted in the press as saying he's not entirely comfortable with this adoption plan; does that have any bearing on your decision-making process, in your estimation?"

    The Jolie-Pitt Homestudy

    "Let me ask you about your marital history? Ohhh... ok. Let's see if I have this right. You're not married to each other, but you have both been married to other people? Oky-doky. Now, Ms. Jolie, you were plagued with rumors of having had an inappropriate relationship with your brother, but that's all over and done with? But presently, you have cut off all contact with your father? while Mr. Pitt continues to engage in surreptitious communication with his ex-wife, according to the tabloids? Very good... please give my best regards to Jennifer. I just loved her in 'Friends.' Oh, and tell her to call me if she and Vince decide to work it out, I hear they've talked about adopting as well."

    The Allen Homestudy

    "All right. Let's talk about significant relationships. Woody, you met Soon-Yi how? And she was how old at the time? You used to change her diapers? Goodness, how sweet. So, reviewing the chronology; you were engaged in an intimate affair with her adoptive mother, until that unfortunate disagreement about your alleged conduct with her young child, also adopted. Well! I can see how something like that would've really put a crimp in dinnertime conversation, of course that union had to end! So, now... are you hoping to adopt boys or girls? And have you given any thought to making Mia the godmother? Might help resolve any leftover bad vibes between you three... it's just an idea, don't mind me!"

    The Stone Homestudy

    "Ms. Stone--it is "Ms." now, isn't it? I was so sorry to hear you left your husband when he came down with that nasty brain tumor. Now, as I understand it, you are adopting a third son as a single parent... uh... dear? I'm terribly sorry, but would you mind crossing your legs? Because while I am expected to do an extensive home inspection, I really don't need to check that out as a part of this process..."

    The O'Donnell Homestudy

    "Thank you for the cruise tickets, Rosie! I could certainly use some time on the high seas. Now, about your history... you have such lovely tow-headed children! The photo over there, the little dark-headed girl? Oh, yes, that's the foster child you put back into the system, of course! Well, no, she didn't look much like your partner, Kelli, did she? I understand, certainly. I'm so glad your depression has subsided now. I can imagine that quitting the talk-show, getting sued over the ending of your magazine and losing all that money on Boy George's musical must've been quite stressful. But tell me, are you making friends with your new co-workers at 'The View'?"

    :P (Anyone else want to have some fun with this one?!)

    :lol::lol:

    Elizabeth, that was funny!

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