BDP21
-
Posts
2,649 -
Joined
-
Last visited
-
Days Won
38
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Gallery
Events
Posts posted by BDP21
-
-
Leah - We did it all on our own. I don't know if we would have gotten it turned around any faster had we used a CPA but I think our timeline was fairly typical. I hope you are well on your way to getting it all back!
-
1
-
-
We had the same thing happen, Leah. We filed in March. We got everything but the adoption tax credit amount back first - a few weeks later. We got a letter requesting more information which we immediately sent in and then eventually got the full amount back in July, I think it was. It might have been August.
Melissa - if you need to know what all we sent in, just let me know and I'll dig it up. I hope you will get your full refund SOON!
-
Same thing happened with GG, as soon as she saw him, there was no going back! She came to visit us with Grandma M this last time we were down as well and it was so wonderful to just see the look in her eyes
-
What a wonderful birthday present! I love all the pictures! I especially love the 4 generations picture! I so hope we'll be able to have that same picture for Joseph one day now that his GG (great grandma) is involved. Your family is just beautiful
-
Happy Birthday, Mari! I hope you have a wonderful day!
-
Looking forward to reading more of your story, Mari! I have loved each post - you share so beautifully!
-
Mandi - those are great questions. I could definitely see that being the case. I also wonder if maybe those that have those values already are attracted to open adoption in part because they/we don't see birthparents as "other" or "stranger" but as an important part of their child's family and community?
-
I agree with Melissa, too. Open adoption to me is family. Open adoption gives our son (and us) a bigger family and more people that love him. It means he gets to know all sides of his family and never question how much he is loved by each side. He gets to see who he looks like and where he gets his talents from. He gets to know his grandmas and his sisters. He gets to see his first family embrace all of us as family and us as his parents so he doesn't have to wonder if this is really what they thought was best. None of this would be possible without open adoption.
Each open adoption relationship will be different, just as each other kind of relationship is different, but I think every open adoption will allow the child/ren to benefit from knowing all sides of their family.
-
Welcome to the world, Riley! You are blessed to have many people who love you! Congratulations to all of the proud parents!
-
I'm so sorry for your and Lauranda's loss. Losing a pet can be so hard.
-
Paperwork is such fun, huh? We got another stack of it tonight for our new Virginia homestudy. I don't mind going through the process but it is tiring to have to do the same thing twice for the same adoption. Two physical forms, two employment forms, two applications, two versions of basically the same questions... It's just timeconsuming when we're pressed for time to begin with!
-
Happy Anniversary! Here's to many more!
-
Just to prove how much you and Grandma M are alike - she posted this very poem on my Facebook wall this morning!
Oh my gosh Beth, are you kidding me? This is just way too cool and what are the chances.. You tell Grandma M, we are kindred Spirits in the world of our families, please.. I always try and post inspirational things on my facebook also..
It has been a sort of tough day and this has lightened my load like you wouldn't believe. Thanks for sharing..
So glad your load has been lightened! Hope today is a better day
-
(((Ellen)))
-
Just to prove how much you and Grandma M are alike - she posted this very poem on my Facebook wall this morning!
-
1
-
-
Well, somehow I managed to delete part of my comments above..
I have no doubt that Joseph’s 1st grandma may be a lot like me, she loves her grandbaby, and I am sure would love to see that relationship between him and his first mom/ parents as I love to see with my daughter and granddaughter. In the mean time it sounds like she will be the link and the bridge for him BETWEEN his extended family.
"From your mouth to God's ears! We so hope so, too. We would like nothing more than to have Joseph grow up knowing the love of his first mom in person. We are so thankful for Grandma M but of course hope that C will join us."
Keeping both families in my prayers for this to happen. And thank you for loving his first family and keeping those connections, some folks don’t realize how much that means and how much that helps many first moms come to a place of peace, which is what I pray will allow Joseph’s first mom to be a part of his and your life.
Thanks, Mari! Yes, please keep those prayers coming! We are so unbelievably thankful for the wonderful relationships we do have with Grandma M, his aunts and uncles, and his sisters, but there's still that hole where we hope C will be. And if I feel that hole, I can only imagine that Joseph may also. So, I continue to pray and reach out whenever the opportunity presents itself and hope that she will be able to join us one day soon.
And I meant to add that you do remind me very much of Grandma M. You both have such kind, wise spirits and such love for your families! We are lucky to have you both in our lives!
-
My ideal situation would be to have a life-long relationship with the birthmom (and birthdad if possible). One of the things that really attracts me to open adoption is having that relationship. I think about it from the perspective of the child, thinking about when they have questions that I can't answer and the pain that they will feel from being adopted. I think that having a long-standing relationship with their birthmom will help to heal that hole. One of my best friends from growing up was adopted from Guatemala. She does not know her birthparents and will never be able to find them because of how the system was back in the 70's. Her parents have been amazing but I know that she has had a lot of questions that can never be answered. She has traveled back to Guatemala many times and is now learning Spanish. It has been a healing process for her. So for me, having a real relationship (good and bad) with the brithmom would be ideal.
I'd also like us to visit one another or video chat often enough that the relationship stays fresh. I don't really care the background that the birthmom comes from, just that she is open enough and strong enough to stay committed to the relationship. One thing that the orientation really pointed out for me is that the women I probably wouldn't have picked "on paper" were awesome in person and I could have a relationship with them. So I have had my mind broadened and am trying to stay as open as I can.
If I could wave a magic wand and pick a birthmom, ideally I'd like her to be from San Antonio or close enough so that she could participate in the group sessions. I saw the strength that it provided the birthmoms on the panel at orientation. I think that there is a lot of healing that needs to happen probably at different points of the process for all those involved and the group seems like a very healthy way to address that healing for a birthmom.
And of course I'd like us to have at least some things in common, like music or hobbies or other interests. That would help facilitate conversation over the long distance.
I know I sound like a pollyanna here, but I would love it if the birthmom became an extension of our family. But this is all chemistry and timing and having had conversations with some birthmoms through this process, sometimes I think my expectations might be too high. But having been married 7 years and had the ups and downs that it brings, I know that Mark and I will be committed to the ups and downs that this process and these relationships bring as well. I guess the final thing I'd say is that I'd love it if our birthmom could match our sense of commitment to the child in terms of keeping and maintaining a relationship. Is that asking too much?
Fran - I was/am like you in that we really want/ed a life-long relationship with the birthfamily and want/ed them to become part of our family. In some ways, we have exactly that, but unfortunately not with Joseph's birthmom (at least right now) or birthdad. Our relationship is with his extended birthfamily and we all feel like family to each other. Grandma M stands in that gap for us and I know she will always be there for Joseph and for us. Being open to the extended family is critical in our situation to keeping that connection alive for our son.
Even though she's not in direct contact with us, we consider C a part of our family, too. I think part of the ups and downs of the relationship that you talk about is understanding that sometimes the birthparents will need space and as much as we want that relationship, we can't force it. I think your desire to have that commitment to the child is wonderful and what I think we'd all ideally love to have, but it may not be realistic in every situation. I feel that part of our commitment is to hold the door wide open for C, so that she'll feel comfortable coming back through it when she's ready.
I know you'll do a fabulous job navigating the relationships your child brings with him or her. I can tell you so have a wonderful understanding of how important these relationships are! Hoping that you meet your new family soon!
-
Beth, I sure pray your little guy will get to have a relationship with his first parents.. Kudos to 1st grandma.. As a grandma I love seeing and spending time with my angel girl, but the BEST part for me that brings me smiles and a HAPPY HEART is when I see my daughter light up talking to her little one and watch them interact.. it's priceless and a beautiful sight to my eyes..
From your mouth to God's ears! We so hope so, too. We would like nothing more than to have Joseph grow up knowing the love of his first mom in person. We are so thankful for Grandma M but of course hope that C will join us.
-
Congrats on your 4th chili pepper, Mari! As the others have said, your voice is so valuable so please keep posting! And it's incredibly valuable to me and our family as our closest open relationship is with Joseph's 1st grandma. We would of course love to have an open relationship with his first mom (and dad) but that's not in the cards at the moment and so first grandmas have an extra special place in my heart!
-
Soooo cute!!!
-
Congratulations to all who love this precious boy!
-
Lots of good thoughts headed Lauranda's way! Have fun in Vegas!
-
Welcome to the world, Mirabella! Congratulations to all who love this precious girl!
-
Congratulations again Becky and Ryan! Love the family picture!
The Adoption Tax Credit
in Looking to Adopt
Posted
I think the letter came fairly quickly if I remember correctly. We basically re-sent everything we had already given them with a little more detail about each expense we had claimed. There will be a number to call included and I would suggest calling them before you send everything back in to see if at least that person on the line believes you are missing anything. They basically just told us to send everything in again and it worked but I'm glad we called first so we didn't have to do 2 or 3 rounds of back and forth.