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carissaabc

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Posts posted by carissaabc

  2. Profiles: Presenting... YOU!

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Absolutely, Ellen! I always look forward to reading your posts and responses here on the forum because I know you will be honest and I will gain insight into the BP point of view. And everyone on that BP panel that day had such amazing and widely varied stories and everyone shared such a part of their hearts with us that day that I felt like I knew you. (Whatever happened to Frank?) it's funny how we sometimes may not realize the impact we have on people. I'm glad you and Mari are still a part of the forum so that you can know how much of an impact you made simply by sharing your story with a bunch of newbies still not sure how this whole "open adoption" thing would work. Thank you a million times over for that.

  3. Profiles: Presenting... YOU!

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Thank you for your "two cents", Mari and Ellen! Hearing feedback from people who've been on the BP side of this type of information exchange is absolutely priceless! In fact, I think it was both of you (since I was incredibly lucky enough to meet both of you during our first orientation meeting--what an amazing BP panel that was!) who first instilled the "be yourSELF" motto in me and for that I'll be forever grateful. Our son's birthmother told us that she'd chosen us because we "looked nice...and a little bit goofy" which was such an apt description that I knew I'd done something right when putting together our profile. Thanks for pushing me in the right direction even way back then! :)

  4. Profiles: Presenting... YOU!

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    I’ve had very positive responses to the design of both of the adoption profiles I’ve created for our family, and I remember feeling so very lost when we first started trying to create a profile and never felt like I found really useful information online or anywhere that gave me good direction to follow. I already understood that I needed to include in-focus pictures with nice close-ups and use a cohesive design theme of some kind, but I still wanted MORE information. So here I am, paying it forward by passing along a few things I learned through the process to share with anyone working on designing a profile and looking for some guidelines beyond the bare-bones basics.


    1. More pictures, less words. This is really quite important, so I’ll say it again--more pictures, less words! In our first profile, I thought I did this concept fairly well, but I still found that birthmothers who talked to us on the phone had actually read none of the words (or at least totally missed major things like what state we live in (written on the front page, right below our names) or what my profession was(mentioned several times throughout the profile)) and I realized that if a picture is worth a thousand words, it might be worth it to think about what it is that you want to share about yourselves and then figure out if there is a way to express that in a photo instead of in words. Do you like to attend live sporting events? Take a picture of yourselves at the game. Is your favorite food ice cream? Take a picture of yourself enjoying a cone of your favorite flavor.


    2. Emphasize the things that make you unique. I once read a story written by a birthmother who looked through the 300 profiles she’d been given by the agency (!) and found that EVERYONE had a dog, lived in surburbia, were devout Christians and loved to go camping and bake cookies. How could she possibly choose between 300 couples that all seemed the same? Expectant mothers considering placement are often forced to comb through the photos (see #1 above) looking for some small detail that speaks to them. Go beyond listing superficial details and make it easier for them to see what makes you unique. Do you love motorcycles? Include a picture of yourself on your Harley. Do you like to eat pickles on your peanut butter sandwiches? Include a picture of that (gross!) food. Who knows? Maybe she has the same unique likes and dislikes as you and will feel a connection to you because of that!


    3. Be specific. Let’s say that you do, in fact, love to bake cookies. Rather than just saying, “I love baking cookies!” why not tell a bit more of a story and say, “My chocolate crinkle cookies are famous around town. Everyone loves them!” or “We bake 700 Snickerdoodles every year for Halloween.” (or.. include a tantalizing photo of your chocolate crinkle cookies or Snickerdoodles. See #1 above.) Just make sure that your “story” is told in as few words as possible (see #1…. well, you get the idea).


    4. Include family traditions. What makes your family unique? Do you love to go caroling at Christmas every year? Do you have movie and popcorn night every Thursday? Do you go skinny-dipping on New Year’s Eve? Do you have a funny nickname for toes (my family calls them “tooties”)? Traditions, whether annual or more frequent, formal or silly, are one of the things that gives our families their unique “flavor” and can give a quick snapshot of what a birthparent can expect their child to grow up doing with their adopting family. And really, that’s what a birthmother wants to learn--what will her child’s life be like if they grow up in your household? Sharing those traditions helps them to feel like they “know” you better before they even speak with you.


    5. Include a few captions on your photos. If your picture isn’t self-explanatory, add a (short!) caption to explain it. Readers are more likely to read a short caption than a paragraph explaining a photo, so this tool can be very effective. But don’t put a caption on EVERY photo, just the ones that need a bit more information (e.g. extended family members, that weird picture of a peanut butter and pickle sandwich…)

    If you'd like to see our second profile, it's online here: http://issuu.com/carissaabc/docs/christner_profile

    Our first profile is here

    [Okay, I just now did a search online and found a few articles that are helpful and say a few of the same things I did above. My favorite is here. Also, check out this cool adoption photoshoot--how great would this be for your back page?]

    By the way... all of this being said, our daughter’s birthmother told me that she chose us because we were already parenting a child. Not because of any of the carefully crafted words or pictures we included on our profile, but because we had a son. So… you just never know!

    • Upvote 4

  9. A Birth Grandmother's Role

    in BirthGrandparents & Important Others

    Posted

    I love it! You just never know what the sign will be, do you? Thank you for sharing that part of your story here. For some reason, that's always one of my favorite parts of "matching" stories--the 'how did you know they were the ones' part always warms my heart and puts a big smile on my face. I especially love stories like yours where it's some seemingly small detail that catches the eye.

    And you are absolutely right. Hearing those FP stories in our orientation DID open our hearts and give us deeper awareness and understanding. Any doubts we may have held about open adoption before orientation were completely washed away after hearing you all speak. It's amazing to think about how much this community teaches us about open adoption relationships that we can then share with others both within the Abrazo community, the wider adoption community and then the rest of society. Your influence reaches far!

  10. A Birth Grandmother's Role

    in BirthGrandparents & Important Others

    Posted

    Yup, and your story also touched me and has stuck with me all these years too, Ellen! Now that I've been on the forum for awhile, I realize what a rockstar panel the Cootchie Cootchie Coo's got! I love following all of your continuing stories on the forum because I really feel such a connection to all of you after hearing your stories there. Thanks again to all of you who were brave enough and kind enough to speak with us that day. You changed our lives.

  11. A Birth Grandmother's Role

    in BirthGrandparents & Important Others

    Posted

    Mari,

    I just wanted to write a note here to say that I spent the last two evenings staying up waaaaay too late reading this entire thread of yours. I know others have said it already, but you definitely have a gift for writing and especially for the cliff-hangers! I was one of the lucky people who attended the orientation that you and your daughter spoke at in 2009, so I even knew your story and I still couldn't stop reading! Thank you for sharing. I felt like I traveled right next to you, feeling your emotions as you recounted them in such clear and thoughtful detail.

    I also remember a bit from the orientation, especially how you encouraged all of us PIW's to "be ourselves" in our profiles instead of trying to "be perfect" or writing things that we think birthfamilies want to hear. That made a huge impression on me and I think made our final profile so much stronger. I was trying to remember what you said about how you and Lauranda eventually chose Sloane's adoptive family, about how you looked through the profiles together, and I remember feeling touched by what you said, but I can't remember the specifics of that part of your story.

    I am so glad you are such a strong presence on the forum. You voice adds such a layer of wisdom and perspective to the forum conversation and I am grateful for you. May you find healing soon for your current physical ailments. I'll add my prayers to the legion going up for you already.

    :)

    Carissa

    • Upvote 1

  13. Baby Announcements 2013

    in New Arrivals

    Posted · Edited by carissaabc

    I think the Midwest Meet-up group will always feel a special bond to baby Grant. Congratulations, Jen and Haukur! It was great to finally meet you in person, if only long enough for you to drop off the bratwursts for the potluck and head back down south on VERY important business! (they were delicious brats, by the way...)

    • Upvote 2

  15. Medical Insurance Coverage & Requirements

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Hi everyone,

    This forum is amazing and I'm so glad Abrazo has created this resource. Our home agency and the social worker who is working with us on the home study are really resourceful, but I still feel like there are many aspects of adoption that remain a question mark, and it's really good to have our group to share the journey with!

    I'm curious if anyone has experience dealing with a health insurance provider that will not pay for medical costs for an adopted child, prior to placement. The ladies at Abrazo gave us a form at orientation to submit to our medical insurance representative, who has essentially refused to sign and notarize it. I'm pretty surprised because I work for a socially conscious employer, and I thought I remember reading somewhere that there is a law requiring medical insurance providers to cover costs as soon as adoptive parents become financially responsible for a child, which would be at birth in the case of domestic adoption of a newborn.

    Anyhow, I'd be curious to know if anyone else has dealt with this, and whether it's worth pursuing it with our benefits specialist at work or the medical insurance provider, or whether this is a dead end and I'd be wasting my time. :huh:

    Corinne

    Hi Corinne,

    When I contacted my insurance, they basically told me that although they wouldn't sign Abrazo's form, that they would be willing to send me a copy of their own letter stating that they would cover medical fees for adopted children. It was something legal and how their liability people won't let them sign outside forms. When I spoke with Angela, she seemed to think that a letter stating their coverage policies would be sufficient. Is your insurance refusing to pay or just refusing to sign Abrazo's form?

    Thanks everyone for your encouragement and answers to my questions above!

    Carissa

  16. ORIENTATION

    in Looking to Adopt

    Posted

    Howdie from fellow Wisconsite Abrazo family. You have made a terrific choice in adoption agency. We were in the November 2007 InDecision group and our angel was born in May 2008. We couldn't be happier for you and will love watching your journey to your little one unfold. We are from Green Bay, WI and if we can be of any help along the way, just let us know.

    Steve and Patti Chovan

    Hi, we are from Wisconsin. Are you also in the Midwest? Brandy

    Hello to all the Wisconsin girls! My husband and I are researching agencies and I came across Abrazo by chance. Everything that I've read sounds amazing! My questions are this...we too live in WI, why did you choose to go out of state? Are there a lot of extra costs involved? I would be so appreciative to get your feedback (and anyone in other states too)!

    Thanks!!

    Hi Missy,

    My husband and I are living in Madison now, but I grew up in San Antonio and still have some family there, so that's why we were originally attracted to Texas (also because WI adoption laws aren't particularly good for the adoptive parents). After we looked at a few agencies that our homestudy agent recommended, Abrazo seemed to have the best relationship-building philosophy and that looked good to me. After having just gotten back from an orientation weekend, I am even more convinced that we made the right decision.

    Carissa

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