[Baby Announcements 2003]

What a wonderful story of faith and destiny.  God truely does have a plan for each of us.  Congratulations!  I love the name you have chosen, Julia Grace.  Patience is a virtue and good things come to those who wait!  Congratulations again.  

Jean

[When To Say When?]

Welcome Familylove!  As you are already seeing, this is an excellent place to discuss issues and get opinions and information as almost certainly there is someone who is or has been just where you are.  

    I have travelled the infertility road.  My former husband and I tried for several years before seeking professional assistance.  Due to my age at the time, all treatments were aggressive.  I consented to the use of some new drugs that did not have long term study information.  We tried IVF unsuccessfully.  (Boy, I'd like to have your insurance/reimbursement)  My insurance did not pay a single penny of our infertility treatments.  After the IVF failed, the doctors were suggesting donor eggs.  My partner was not willing to do the donor eggs.  I decided that I was going to take a year off.  I would not make any decisions related to it for a full year.  I felt such relief.  It was amazing how free I felt.  I spent that time educating myself, journaling, and participating in individual counseling.  I had to come to terms with the the realities of my situation.  I had to cope with the grief.  There were so many issues.  I had to look at all the options and weigh the pros and cons.  I had to heal.  Finally, I realized that I had said goodbye to the biological baby that I had created in my mind's eye and that biology was not what mattered.  I confirmed my desire to parent.  I solidified my convictions that I did not want to live "childfree/childless". I put closure to my fertility issues and the idea of having a biological child.  Then I began to research adoption and start talking with my ex about adoption.  He was not nearly as confident about it as I.  To make a long/complicated story short, we attended an orientation with another agency and decided to work with them.  Within several months we were matched with a birthmom.  She was five months pregnant and was expecting a girl.  We committed to her and provided financial support.  (she did not want a lot of contact)  Thirteen days before her due date, she let the agency know that she had decided to parent.  Of course, we were devastated.  It drove a wedge between my ex and I.  We spent some time recovering and decided to continue.  Several months later, we were matched again.  Again, to make a long story short, my ex and I had different ideas on the degree of openess and how to handle the relationship and the trust issues left from our first adoption plan that did not result in placement.  I came to realize that just as we were having issues about the best way to work with our birthmom, we would certainly have large issues when it came to raising a child.  I began to realize that my ex and I viewed adoption quite differently and definitely did not agree on the idea of openess with the birthmom and/or child.  I came to the most difficult of decisions, which was that we would have a very hard time raising an adopted child together.  For the third time, to make a long story short..................our marriage ended. We had to disrupt the adoption plan.  Again, some time off to recover, educate, and regroup.  There was never a doubt that I wanted to parent, but now, I'm a single woman in my early 40's.  Can I adopt?  Is it "fair" to "take" a child from a couple?  Is it "fair" to adopt a child when you can't give them a daddy too?  I decided to work with Child Protective Services.  I thought, if I provide a home to a child that is in desperate need, then I'm not being selfish and taking a child away from a couple that could give him/her a mom and dad.  After many months of training, spending time with Foster Parents and some foster children, I saw that this route would be extremely hard on my heart.  Although I thought I was strong enough to do it, I chose not to put myself through that.  Fast forward to May, 2002.  Super friends of mine attend Abrazo Orientation as againers.  They talk to Ruth, who just happened to do the homestudy for my ex and I.  It is explained that the plan Ruth thought had come to pass, did not.  She is informed that I am working with Child Protective to try and adopt.  She tells my friend that I don't need to go that route and to call her.  God puts those people in your path just when you need them.  For those of you who do not know Ruth personally, take it from me, she is a one of a kind dynamo.  She adopted as a single woman.  I had doubts, and she encouraged me.  I had questions she answered.  June, 2002, I completed the inquiry.  August 2002, I completed my application. September 2002, I was scheduled to attend the October orientation.  September 27, 2002 I learned about my son.  October 2, 2002, I went to the Abrazo office, signed papers and met my son for the first time.  My life has had the glow of joy and blessed peace ever since.  Dreams come true.  You have to define exactly what your dreams are to acheive them.  You have to have closure to one avenue before you can go on to another, I believe.  So, familylove, what I'm trying to tell you in a round about way is.......in my experience I had to do everything I was willing to do in the fertility arena before I could move to another arena.  I have no regrets there.  I know I did all I was willing to do, and then I could move on with no regrets or what ifs.  I hope this helps in some way.  Good luck on your journey to parenthood.  Take your time, learn about everything and remember "good things come to those who wait" and truely things happen "in HIS time" not ours.  

God Bless,

Jean

[Home Study]

Welcome Travis and Jacquee!  Abrazo is the BEST!  They help dreams come true.  Good luck on your journey to parenthood.

Jean

[Baby Announcements, 2002]

YeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I know who they are, too, Jennifer, and Nathan and I are doing the Mexican Hat dance to celebrate the beginning of their life together.

CONGRATULATIONS and  SHHAZAAAAAM!!!!!!!!  Dreams really DO come true!!  Can't wait to hear all details......

Hugs,

Nathan and Jean

[Truth or Dare]

I also believe in full disclosure.  Treat others as you would want to be treated.  I do not believe that it will hinder their chances, rather insure that they are chosen by the birthparents that want them as they are, "warts" and all.  (We all have them, you know!   )  I would advise them not to withold information that the agency and birthparents have a right to know.

Jean

[Soul / Sole Support]

Hi Jenny,

 Thank you for responding to my post.  I agree that Abrazo is a wonderful organization of angels.  I have friends who adopted through Abrazo three years ago and have a fabulous son that amazes and blesses me each time I see him.  I believe that open adoption is the best way and even though I have experienced two open birthparent relationships that did not culminate in my becoming a mom, I know that God placed those individuals in my path because we needed each other at that time.  I believe that, as Ruth and Elizabeth say, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.  Thank you again for responding to my post!  

Jean

[Soul / Sole Support]

Hi,

 My name is Jean. I am a 42 year old divorced professional woman.  I have been through ten years of trying to conceive and unsuccessful infertility treatments.  My ex-husband and I made an adoption plan with two birthmothers that did not culminate in a successful placement (with another agency).  A myriad of things lead me to become a single woman, but in all that time, the one thing that never wavered is my desire to parent.  After much soul searching, prayer, and  discussion with family and friends, I have decided to follow my dream of becoming a mom.   I have submitted  my inquiry, application, and preference for orientation weekend to Abrazo. I am gathering photographs and mentally planning my Dear Birthmother Profile. Yes, I am a miracle seeker and a believer that dreams do come true.  I was wondering if there are any other singles who are working to build their families through adoption.  I welcome any responses. (single or not)    

May God Bless you in your search,

Jean