ElizabethAnn
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Posts posted by ElizabethAnn
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Absolutely, Susan! What a wonderful idea! D'Nola was the depiction of grace and beauty and class and resilience, and nobody could've said it better than Jean: there IS a new angel in Heaven, now! I think it would be most appropriate to have a special time of remembrance in D'Nola's honor at Camp this summer, if her beloved son Bruce feels this would be okay?
(P.S. Those who wish to send notes of condolence to Bruce and his wife Pat, please feel free to mail them to Abrazo for forwarding if you no longer have the Camp roster with their address! It is unlikely that those outside the adoption community can truly understand what a loss this is to a son who only met his mother a few years ago.)
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This recent news story should serve as a painful explanation of why Abrazo really does care about what kind of pets people have, however harmless they may seem, and why it is imperative that those pet-owners carefully watch over their pets, if a new baby is placed in the home: Ferret Bits Off Sleeping Baby's Fingers.
To read another "pet query" and the answers that appeared on Yahoo, click here. (And just for the record, I do think that 7 "inside" cats and 2 dogs would probably be a bit excessive, were these people to apply to adopt here!?)
The applicant who originally raised the pet question here may have been interested to know that turtles are typically considered unsafe pets for homes with small children:
Pets to Avoid
Animal > Lizards (such as iguanas), Turtles and other Reptiles (such as snakes)
Why it's Unsafe > Nine out of 10 of these animals typically carry the bacteria for salmonella, a disease that can be life-threatening for young children and infants.
Animal > Amphibians (frogs, toads, newts, and salamanders)
Why it's Unsafe > Children under 5 should avoid these animals due to risk of contamination from bacteria.
Animal > Hedgehogs, prairie dogs, ferrets, chinchillas, and monkeys
Why it's Unsafe > Although available in some pet stores, these animals are still wild, and may not be appropriate for children.
Animal > Baby chicks and ducklings
Why it's Unsafe > Risk of salmonella- a type of bacteria.
Animal > Any animal with a "bad vibe"
Why it's Unsafe > If an animal doesn't seem friendly or seems overly aggressive, it shouldn't be around your child.
Take Caution with These Pets
Animal > Hamsters, gerbils, and other small rodents
Why Take Caution? > Although they are fine pets for older children, these small animals may be too small and fragile for infants and toddlers to play with.
Animal > Puppies and kittens
Why Take Caution? > Baby animals may be feisty and have harsh reactions to handling by a preschooler, such as biting or scratching. An older, calmer animal may be more suitable for your home.
Animal > Rabbits
Why Take Caution? > Rabbits can be great pets, but they can be frightened by energetic children. Sometimes they don't like being picked up and carried around.
Look here, for more information on protecting babies and small children, Healthy Pets, Healthy Kids.
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This is definitely a reminder that any adoption worth doing is worth doing the "right" way...
Charity Newton is a Texas mom who had previously placed through an agency, but when she found herself overwhelmed with another baby boy, opted to place her son Sylar Newton privately, with a friend she knew and trusted... a friend who is now charged with little Sylar's death, along with her own mother:
Grandmother Also Charged in Sylar's Death
While dealing with an adoption agency and all the paperwork involved can seem like a nuisance at times (and although agency placements, too, can have unexpected outcomes on occasion), the protection of post-placement supervision and the overview of adoption professionals can help protect children like Sylar, in cases like this.
Adoption is NOT a perfect alternative, and it's not right for everyone. But done right, it surely could have offered a brighter future for a child like Sylar... may he rest in peace.
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The Sweeneys lived in the Madison area. This story by Jackie Mitchard, from GLAMOUR magazine, includes a photo of Stacey and Gabriella and Jackie which I took of them, at the christening of Jackie's son Atticus (who is my godson)... it was the last time I saw Stacey: What Do You Owe a Friend?
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I love that Embassy Suites! (Don't tell anyone I helped open it back in 1985 when I was fresh out of college and got a job there as a desk clerk right after it was first built, ha!) Unfortunately, though, they won't give us a per night room rate of less than $100, which is our general rule of thumb in selecting properties for orientation, since we know it's not an inexpensive weekend and we do what we can to help keep the costs down for our participants. Otherwise, we'd be all for it!
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Danette, I am not advocating for any of the programs below, but here's a basic summary of the figures I found for IL homestudies, which are significantly higher than Abrazo's $1200 homestudy fee for couples in-state (still, not one of them is anywhere near that $7k mark someone quoted you!?!)
These folks don't post their fees online, but I know several Abrazo families have used them:
http://www.f-r-c.org/home_study_services.php
$2500 (appears to be for homestudy only):
http://www.stmaryservices.com/domestic_fees.cfm
$2580 for homestudy PLUS post-placement supervision:
http://www.adoptionark.org/public/pag13.aspx
$2725 for homestudy PLUS post-placement supervision:
http://www.centerforfamily.com/informationsheet.html
$2750 for homestudy PLUS post-placement supervision:
http://www.adoption-link.org/domestichomestudy.aspx
$2850 (appears to be for homestudy only?)
http://www.sunnyridge.org/adoption/domestic/cost.php
$4k (gulp!) for homestudy PLUS post-placement supervision:
$4,250 (double gulp-- this is a CHURCH-subsidized agency!?!) for homestudy plus postplacement:
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The adoption process IS a "burdensome blessing"! I never heard it described that way before, but it's certainly fitting.
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Ouch! This could happen in any family, of course, but what a shame that children who have already been so victimized would have their tragedy (original newstory here) compounded by the actions of the relatives who adopted them:
Relatives Who Adopted Orphaned Kids Charged With Stealing Fortune (Text appears below in case the link goes bad.)
Adoptive parents accused of stealing inheritanceProsecutors say couple took $1.4 million from orphaned children
Saturday, October 23, 2010
By Jim McKinnon, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
The adoptive parents of two children who became orphans when their parents died in a murder-suicide in 2003 have been charged with stealing from the children's trust fund to support a lavish lifestyle.
"It's really sad," said District Attorney Stephen A. Zappala Jr., referring to how the adopted children of Daniel and Merily Pompa, Dylan and Olivia, have been victimized.
It began in 2003 in Florida, where their biological father, Leslie Young, killed his wife, Lisa, and then himself.
The couple's children were orphaned, but their parents had been successful in various businesses. From it, the children were to inherit more than $1.4 million in insurance benefits and trusts set up by courts in Florida.
Custody of the children was awarded to the Pompas, who relocated the family to Cranberry, along with their own two children. Merily Pompa is a relative of the late Lisa Young.
The couple now live in a spacious house in Ligonier with their biological children, Mr. Zappala said.
The criminal charges were filed in Allegheny County because the Pompas took money from accounts held in Pittsburgh banks.
Daniel and Merily Pompa are charged with criminal conspiracy, a felony because of the huge amount of money, four counts each of theft by failure to make proper distribution of funds and misappropriation of entrusted funds.
They are free on their own recognizance, pending a preliminary hearing at 1 p.m. Tuesday in Municipal Court.
According to a 95-page criminal complaint and affidavit filed Friday in Allegheny County Common Pleas Court, the Pompas already have spent the orphans' money "for their own benefit," Mr. Zappala said.
Untouched were trusts for Dylan's and Olivia's education.
The district attorney alleges the Pompas used the money to pay their own expenses as well as the children's, when, especially after the adoption, it was the duty of the Pompas to support the children.
Since the investigation began about six months ago with a tip from an informant close to the family, district attorney investigators and federal agents have found $88,790 remaining of the original $1.4 million. They also recovered $248,853 stored in investment accounts started by Daniel and Merily Pompa with funds they siphoned from the trusts.
"We were concerned about the [Young] children," Mr. Zappala said at a news conference Friday. Common Pleas Judge Lawrence J. O'Toole in Orphans Court has placed Dylan and Olivia in temporary court-appointed custody.
About $200,000 of the allegedly misappropriated money cannot be recovered, because the statute of limitations to file criminal charges has expired on the corresponding dates of some of the counts against the Pompas.
The informant came forward months ago after being disturbed by a discussion with the Pompas who were considering bankruptcy to avoid having to repay any money they might be ordered to repay if convicted, Mr. Zappala said.
The criminal complaint prohibits any attempt to hide behind a bankruptcy filing, Mr. Zappala said.
At least one of the Pompas, if convicted, could face jail time. Mr. Zappala said his office might not pursue jailing both, because their biological children are not yet grown.
"Their lifestyle could not be supported by their [claims of an income]," Mr. Zappala said.
Daniel Pompa worked as a chiropractor. Though his wife listed various business ventures as being potentially lucrative, none showed any profit or investors, Mr. Zappala said.
Over the past seven years, the complaint says, the Pompas took a minimum of $15,000 a month from the adopted children's trusts.
At one point, after the investigation began, the suspects began repaying $3,000 a month toward restitution. But, said Mr. Zappala, investigators had not determined whether these funds were taken from Dylan's and Olivia's $3,000-a-month Social Security benefit.
The items the Pompas are accused of buying with trust fund money include the house in Cranberry, which is for sale at an inflated price, and their new home in Ligonier.
The suspects spent $458,172 to renovate a condominium at Seven Springs. The amount includes $102,165 the couple requested and received when they closed on the property. Mr. Zappala said his detectives are working to determine if the closing fee is a kickback.
The allegations also say the couple:
• Paid $529 for a brass monkey toilet paper holder.
• Spent $15,675 on one home theater system, and more than $7,000 on a second one.
• Paid $3,231 for products from Carl W. Herman Furs.
• Used trust fund money for $26,025 in payments to Mercedes Benz Financial.
• Contributed $1,000 in 2006 to the Santorum Victory Committee.
The complaint shows the Pompas regularly attended Northway Christian Community, donating in excess of $110,000.
One Pompa bank account twice was negative -- on Oct. 1, 2007, by $58.76 and Dec. 3, 2007, by $99.41. At least three overdraft fees of $30 each are part of the spending as well, the complaint says.
In the complaint, the couple told investigators, "We eat all organic," and they shopped at Whole Foods and the East End Co-op.
Prosecutors have not sought to seize the Pompas' homes because they owe more than the properties are worth, Mr. Zappala said.
Jim McKinnon: jmckinnon@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1939. Staff writer Kathleen McCaffrey contributed to this article.
First published on October 23, 2010 at 12:00 am
See also: Chiropracter and wife who adopted accused of spending $1.5m of orphans' money.
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Welcome, TTC! We adore your daughter and son-in-law and look forward to seeing their (and your) family grow! Please feel free to jump in any conversation, on any topic here on the Forum (grandparent-related or otherwise!) We learn best from each other and we're so glad you've joined our Forum family. Make yourself at home!
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I was doing a little online research to help a former client, and came across some resources that I thought others might find helpful, as well. (Please note: I am not personally endorsing any of these programs, as I don't know any more about them than I can read, but hopefully, something contained here may be of benefit to someone we know):
ABBA Interest-free Adoption Loan program: http://www.abbafund.org/howwecanhelp.htm
Gift of Adoption Grant program: http://www.giftofadoption.org/apply/whoShouldApply.html
Show Hope (adoption grants): http://www.showhope.org/AdoptionAid/AdoptionGrants/ApplyforaGrant.aspx *
God's Grace (adoption grants): http://ggam.org/apply/
National Adoption Foundation: http://www.nafadopt.org/how-we-can-help/direct-grants.shtml
Help Us Adopt Foundation (grants): http://www.helpusadopt.org/
Gotcha Gift Registry (enables cash gifts, etc.): http://www.gotchagiftregistry.com/
*This program has helped more than one Abrazo family adopt in years past.
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Thanks for asking... we have been able to assist one of the two mothers whose needs we posted recently; the other has gone elsewhere to seek assistance.
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Abrazo's next orientation is scheduled for the weekend of November 12-14... please, please, please, if you're thinking of getting started in our program, get your paperwork in and join us then and there! because as you might note from the Parents-in-Waiting profiles on our Gallery, we are definitely in need of more families!
Our fabulous families who are still waiting to match know that their turn is right around the corner, and that every agency needs a sizable assortment of prospective adoptive parents to meet the varying requests of the prospective birthparents who come to us. (Unfortunately, having only a half-dozen waiting couples each with their own varying race and gender requirements is not a sufficient variety!)
Having our beloved clientele matching and placing and moving on is, of course, a nice problem to have, but a problem nonetheless, so get the word out: Abrazo NEEDS more adopting families! Our biggest demand is for (1) childless couples, (2) Texas couples/families, and (3) applicants open to children who are of part or full African-American ancestry.
Help us get our "inventory" of waiting adoptive families back up into the double digits so the flurry of expectant parents coming to us lately find ample numbers of homes to choose from!
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And the NEWEST old celebrity to come forward and admit that he was the birthfather of a baby who was placed for adoption is...
ROD STEWART! (Click underlined link to learn more.)
Kudos for his public acknowledgment of his birthdaughter, and his efforts to stay in touch despite the initial discomfort both reportedly felt in the years since their first reunion. (Which is, of course, as it should be.)
And kudos to a woman whose devotion to the parents that adopted her was not in any way changed by her discovery of her famous birthdad. (Which is, of course, as it should be.)
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And the NEWEST old celebrity to come forward and admit that he was the birthfather of a baby who was placed for adoption is...
Kudos for his public acknowledgment of his birthdaughter at a recent concert.
What an affirmation for a girl who grew up not knowing, herself!
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I realize this is not about "financing an adoption", per se, but it certainly relates to the ignorant remarks adoptive families get from others about the adoption investment and a few other salient issues, so I thought we'd share it here: from the blog Single Dad Laughing, it's "How Much Did Your Kid Cost"? (Text appears below in case the link goes bad, because this is one piece we want everyone to read-- forever!)
Okay, here comes another "Single Dad Ranting" post. You may laugh, but hopefully only because you see the idiocy and carelessness of some people, bless their hearts. Please, though, this is something that I'm very serious about and I hope you'll listen in.
What do you notice about this photo? (Note: blog pictures a father and son of obviously different ethnicities.)
Hopefully you just see a father and son. Maybe you see a beautiful bond. Maybe you see love. Maybe you see two awesome human beings. Hopefully you don't see a Darn price tag hanging from Noah's ear or a child who will never know true happiness.
You see, today when I was at the store with Noah, somebody had the nerve to ask me, right in front of Noah, "how much did he cost?" And this was the second time somebody has asked that absolutely ridiculous and insensitive question to me; I know his mom has heard it too.
You may have noticed that Noah is of a slightly different race than his old man. He's a quarter Panamanian, quarter Jamaican, and half Caucasian. Noah is my son. Noah was adopted. Trust me, I couldn't pass on genetics to a kid this beautiful.
And since he was placed with us, his parents, I have learned just how insensitive the world can be to kids who have been placed through adoption. People don't realize how fragile the minds of young children are. People don't realize that wording things certain ways can hurt a child, and badly. And with that, I present to you the following list, all taken from personal experiences in the past three years:
Single Dad Laughing's Guide to Adoption Etiquette.
1. Never, ever, ever, ask how much a child costs. This includes the phrase, "how much did you pay for him?" First of all, it's none of your business. Second of all, if you're interested in adoption, research it through the appropriate channels. Speak with an adoption agency. Adoptive parents don't purchase children. They simply pay legal fees and agency fees. Just like biological parents pay hospital and doctor bills. Don't turn the child into nothing more than a commodity.
2. Never ask if a celebrity inspired the adoption. Believe it or not, Tom Cruise, Connie Chung, and Angelina Jolie did not convince me one way or the other in the biggest decision of my life. Are you serious?
3. Never ask "where is his real dad?" Forget the fact that it will hurt my feelings. How do you think it will affect my son's feelings to feel like I'm not a real dad to him? Adoptive parents are real parents. The term you're looking for is "birth mother" or "birth father".
4. Don't say things like, "as soon as you adopt you're going to get pregnant" when you find out somebody is adopting. First of all, there are usually many, many years of pain and financial burden strapped to infertility, treatments, and heartache. Do you really think that what you're saying will help them? Secondly, while it is funny when it happens, it's rare.
5. Never say, "why did she give him away?" Do I really need to explain why this one would hurt a child? The proper term is "placed". A birth mother and birth father place their child for adoption. And again, it's personal and none of your business, so don't ask if you aren't my BFF.
6. Don't say, "it's like he's your real son". This is similar to number three, but worthy of mentioning. He is my real son, Darn it.
7. Don't say, "do you love him as if he was your own?" Ummm... probably more than you love your little terror, that's for sure. And again... he is my own, Darn it.
8. Never say things like, "you're so wonderful to adopt a child". I am a parent. Just like anybody else with kids.
9. Don't start spewing your horrible adoption stories. "This one time, my friend's sister's aunt's dog's previous owner's niece adopted a baby and the real dad came back and they took the baby away after they had him for two years." First of all, it probably isn't true. Second of all, how would you feel if I told you about all the ways you could lose your child. Adoption is permanent. And in the extremely rare circumstances that something like that happens, it's not something you should spread because the hurt that exists for all the parties involved must be immeasurable.
10. Don't say things like, "is it hard for him to be adopted?" Well, it wasn't, until you asked me that right in front of him you freaking idiot.
11. I don't want to hear about your second cousin who was on a waiting list for twelve years and never got a baby. Granted, this one was much more annoying when we were going through the adoption process. Nobody wants to know that some people never get chosen. Show some kindness. Even to ugly people.
That's all I can think of right now, but I know there are more. Just be sensitive. Don't put your nose where it doesn't belong. Respect my father-son relationship for what it is and don't lessen it. Don't talk about my son like he's not even there or too little to understand. Or do, if you're okay with a swift kick to the face.
I understand that I'm not being super politically correct here, but I'm a little bit pissed off about what happened today. And understandably, so is the old woman I sent away in an ambulance. I know she meant no harm.
Dan Pearce, Single Adoptive Dad Laughing
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Oops-- sorry! I always forget that the system adds the "http://" part, so when I copy the link and don't delete the prefix, it creates a double posting and deactivates the link. I've fixed it, now, however: Minelli / Adoption Link
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From Psychology Today: One Woman's Truth on Placing Her Child for Adoption
(I flinch whenever I see the term "semi-open" because that is SUCH an oxymoron in my book! but I do appreciate this woman's candor in talking about her adoption experience and I hope one day that neither she nor her child's adopters will feel any reason to hold each other at arm's length, but rather, embrace each other fully in a open manner that breaks down the semi-walls.)
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Liza Minelli says she wanted to become a mother but chose to not adopt in order to help others more:
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It's not an issue with Licensing, as agencies hold the right to set their own admissions procedures... (and orientation is already optional for those in our designated and special needs programs.) But it is an issue with us, because we feel that starting those in our full-service program out with an orientation weekend helps THEM have a better understanding of the process and gives them a needed source of support right from the start. Our Diehard Tweeners have done a great job of seeking out the guidance and friendship of other Abrazo families in their area and at Camp... but maybe we will have to look into options such as video-conferencing or Skype or something like that for those who cannot get to orientation before they complete a homestudy and start getting calls to match?
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I have the same problem! I often wonder about that baby also. We were told about a child with dwarfism that is 2 in foster care in San Antonio. He is up for adoption. The state has been looking for a home for a 1 and half. Makes me wonder if it is him!
We, too, are left wondering whenever referrals of children end up elsewhere. In the case of the little boy with dwarfism from two years ago, the hospital social worker who had contacted us got disgusted that it was taking too long to find a family and the last we'd heard, she'd called that big adoption company in Fort Worth, instead. Your question leaves us wondering whether they got the job done, or if the hospital ended up having to turn that little guy over to the State? (Sigh.)
In answer to your question about the referenced nursery note: that mother did not have a geographical requirement (it was only the mother with HIV that wanted Texas families only.)
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We are also working to find a potential family for a biracial (Anglo/African-American) baby girl due in two-and-a-half weeks.
The mother has had quality prenatal care, which has identified that her fetus has a type of brain malformation (called "ventriculomegaly") that "may or may not" cause the child to have ongoing hydrocephalus and/or some level of neurological development issues.
The specialist has stated that the finding is "somewhat concerning as it does represent an increased risk of mental retardation... ranging from almost normal to extremely impaired... facial structures appear to be normal... there is no evidence of cleft lip at this time."
This will be a special needs case, and time is of the essence, as the mother is losing hope that there will be any family out there for her baby and the due date is imminent.
If you or someone you know might be open to considering this little girl's case, please contact Angela Martinez, LMSW at 210/342-5683 at once. Thank you!
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Oh, Susan... the sight of that gravestone, with the names of Adrian's birthdaughters on it, literally took my breath away. I am so very thankful for the effort you and Bill have made to honor your adoption relationships, in good times and in bad, and to extend compassion, love and support to your children's birthfamilies in all the tides of life. That, to me, is what openness is all about and I am unspeakably touched at what beauty has been borne of such great sorrow, because of it.
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Do Abrazo or Texas homestudy requirements preclude persons with impaired vision or impaired hearing from adopting? What about other "special needs" if the person is otherwise emotionally, physically, and financially healthy and stable?
No, Susan, there is nothing in Abrazo nor Texas' homestudy requirements that precludes persons with disabilities from adopting if they are prepared to be good parents and meet all the other criteria. I have worked with an adopting couple in which one partner was blind, and that partner had a far more acute sense of hearing than I do! It was amazing... I could be on the phone long-distance with this individual yet if another staff member walked in my office during the call, this person could tell right away, even who it was! We have also worked in the past with several adopting parents who were paraplegic, who had M.S., and/or who were deaf (as well as other challenges). It can be more difficult for those with disabilities to get matched, since many prospective birthparents look for adopting families whose health is not an issue (just as adopting families primarily seek healthy children)... but nothing's impossible!
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A Madison County attorney and his wife are suing the Lifelink adoption agency for nearly a million dollars, charging conspiracy in response to rising program costs in their efforts to adopt internationally: read the story here.
In Memoriam
in Abrazo's Chapel Potluck
Posted
We've launched a special memorial site in D'Nola's honor, HERE. Please feel free to post prayers, kind thoughts, Camp memories and any photos you may have of Bruce's birth mom, from her summers with us.