jnholzem
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Posts posted by jnholzem
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What a beautiful story and a beautiful beginning to a wonderful life precious Taylor has ahead of her! Congratulations to Caroline and Benji and the big sis and brother. Prayers to her loving birthmother as well.
Nichole and Joe
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Only 1 candle burning.
Lets light them up folks!!!
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Linda, thank u so much. She sure is our little angel.
PS - What a beautiful Avitar and Baby you have NicholeAmy, we do the same thing...we always bring up Abrazo. Word of mouth is better than anything you can read in a magazine, online or whatever. Actually speaking to somebody about their experience means far more.
That is why when someone asks about agencies, I do mention Abrazo. Isn't a state law here in Texas only agencies and attorneys do adoptions? -
Linda, I did not see the recent Dateline episode but I have seen this on another Primetime a few years ago. It is just really sad that those poor families put themselves in that predicament, because they put their hearts and their finances on the line. When they could have had the backing and protection of the right agency all along. I think that maybe some families are so desperate for a child that they will just jump into something without thinking or researching it. I wonder if the ap's had any doubts along the way that they were about to be duped?
Anyway, the experience that Abrazo has and what they do for their birthparents and adoptive parents cannot be measured in dollars in my opinion.
Nichole
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Wow, a very interesting and thought-provoking topic here and some excellent responses. I do have to agree that I have heard from agencies in other states do have separate costs for adoption of an anglo child versus a child of any other race...and these were CHRISTIAN based agencies. It appalled me and I do not feel it helps people as an incentive to adopt a child of a race they wouldn't normally be comfortable adopting just because it's more cost-efficient to them. It's ridiculous to think...'well I can only afford this much to spend on the adoption costs so I guess I will adopt a child of this race or ethnicity'. But the sad thing is that it probably does go on somewhere in someone's mind because why else would these agencies still be placing children? I know people in the Abrazo community and family are not so shallow and narrow-minded but the world as a whole can be sometimes.
I have a question relating to inappropriate questions that children may ask relating to fees of adoption. My 8 yr old niece asked me one day 'how much did it cost to 'buy' Delaney?'. YIKES!??? I told her that her cousin was not 'bought' but rather that she was 'adopted' by us and left it at that. I didn't think I needed to go into further detail at that time. Her mother was horrified. Just curious what any of you would have answered to that question?
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Also lighting a candle for Patti & Steve and all the other wonderful PIW's.
26 candles burning.
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CONGRATULATIONS to both of the newest forever families!!! What an exciting day!!
May God bless you, your children, and the birthfamilies.
Nichole
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What a nice story! I now look back at our 4 IVF attempts with a different light too in that if we hadn't gone through what we had, we would never have known this special little gift from above in Delaney.
Thank you for sharing your story. Your daughter is just adorable!
Nichole
Jenny and Teena,Thank you for being brave enough to share your stories, they both bring up so many memories (for many of us I'm sure). Warm hugs to you both!
I do have a GOOD story along these lines I thought I'd share!
Layna's birthmother and I were talking a while back about this entire process. How it's been right at a year since we met and changed all of our familes' lives forever, etc. etc. We suddenly realized that Layna was concieved at the exact same time as my last IVF!!!! During that time Bart and I (and our families) were just praying for a healthy baby that was meant to be ours. Little did we know that God did have a plan for that baby that we prayed for, I just wouldn't be the one carrying her!!!!!! As we were going through the IVF craziness I of course had already figured out the tentative due date if I were to get PG. Well, I lost all three embryos but guess what! Sweet Layna was born at the exact time I was looking forward to! HE does have a plan and Layna's birthmother and we believe that Layna was concieved for a reason and she was meant to be our child. Romanticizing a bit ...maybe? But it's what we like to believe.
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Congrats to Pete & Hallye too!! What a beautiful baby boy and I just love the name!!
Enjoy your precious new son!!
Joe and Nichole
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Thank you all so very much. We are truly head over heels in love with this amazing gift from God. We are just as much in love with her incredible birthmother and feel so lucky to have her in Delaney's life. We are going through a roller coaster of emotions these past 5 days...joyful, sad, endearing and inspiring.
We thank Abrazo for making this possible for us and we'd also like to thank our Abrazo friends who have become like family to us as well. The journey is just beginning now!!
Take care everyone...gotta go change a diaper now.
Love, Nichole & Joe
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Congrats to the new joyful, beautiful family!!
What a great picture too!! Love it!
Nichole
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Elizabeth, good advice! I personally took a lot of good advice away from the orientation as all the Abrazochicks have a great eye for the profiles. And something, in each of our eyes, looks different to each one of us.
Kygirl and Cathy, we used one picture of us at our wedding in our profile...but it was also of us holding our neices and nephews so it included a 'kid-shot' if u will. We also included 1 picture (I believe) of our dogs even though our dogs are a huge part of our lives. We wanted to keep the main focus on us and to try to show how much a child would enrich the lives we are already living.
My other suggestion would be to show it to a friend and get their advice if you feel comfortable with that.
Best of luck with it, it sure sounds like you guys will have a huge jump-ahead for orientation already!
Nichole
*Always include a house photo, preferably one taken on a sunny day.*Avoid numerous photos of unnamed relatives; despite how important all these people are to you, to others, they're just lots of strangers using up space that could be showing off more of you.
*Opt for interesting photos with "energy"; too many posed pictures or "couch potato" shots send the message that you are sedentary people who don't "do things" and may not have energy for small kids.
*And for againers, remember: no matter how darling your child/ren is/are, you need to always have as many or more photos featuring you and your spouse as you do of your kid/s.
Finally, if a picture's worth a thousand words, then keep your text brief but worth reading! and don't forget to sign your names at the end if it's in letter form-- because what personal correspondence ends with no signature?
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Congrats Kurt and Sherry!!!
Katherine Adeline is a beautiful, lucky little girl.
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CONGRATS Cathy & Brian!! Orientation is a wonderful time and you will learn soooo much!!
Nichole
I just missed Angela's call a few minutes ago
I caught it tonight
We're invited. . .we're invited
So excited. . .so excited
Cathy and Brian too
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Great to hear that things are moving along for you guys Cathy~!
My suggestion would be to get started on the FBI clearance stuff ASAP. It took me about 3 weeks to get back thankfully but they say that sometimes it can take up to 10 weeks.
Best of luck & please let me know if you have any questions about that because it went smoothly for us.
NicholeAs the NIKE commercial says, "Just Do It "Cathy
I did it. I left Angela a message this afternoon
Cathy
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Good to hear it Cathy (no pun intended).
Hi Cathy,Hope you're feeling better!
Nichole
Thanks, Nichole I finally am. Three days without a voice during our busy season at work is a challenge!
Cathy
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Hi Cathy,
Yes I would call Angela about that question. She's the one who keeps your file in order for the most part.
Hope you're feeling better!
Nichole
Is it best to call Angela to find out if one of our references has been received? Our reference e-mailed me and wanted to make sure it had arrived. I've been voiceless these past two days with a pretty bad cold so I haven't been able to call.Cathy
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Congratulations to both the new families of baby boys!!
How wonderful!!
Nichole & Joe
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Wow!! CONGRATULATIONS Cornish family!! What a wonderful new addition to your family! Many prayers being sent your way for your new baby Brennan and the amazingly strong birthfamily that has so lovingly chosen the blessing that is open adoption.
Nichole and Joe
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Jenny, I agree with the others in that it's very touching that you shared such an emotional story. Thank you for that.
I sure had my share of experience with the needles during our 4 rounds of IVF too, but for me the worst was the IV that they put in your hand when did the egg retrievals!! They make sure you have a completely empty stomach so you're a little dehyrdrated too...go figure they have a hard time finding a vein. haha
Anyway, for me I am at a point now where I can at least say i'm glad that I tried it because it made my husband and I sooooo deeply close and persistent on our pursuit for a family. And now we're diving in full force with adoption and could not be happier about our decision.
I wish you the best in your journey for #2.
Nichole
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Wow, I truly cannot believe that they are transplanting uteruses. That, to me, just seems so risky. And after all that money and the woman having her heart set on this being the one treatment that may actually resolve her infertility, it may still not result in a pregnancy.
I really believe it must be a personal choice of yours and your spouse's decision when you say enough is enough. For us, it really never came down to whether or not we were 'against' adoption at all, but we really never thought infertility treatments would NOT work. We were somehow blinded by the hope that this next treatment might just be it.
After all was said and done we endured many cycles of Clomid, laparoscopy x 1, and then 4 heart-breaking rounds of IVF. The last straw for us was when the physician told us that maybe if I had my tubes removed the next IVF could possibly work (I have severely blocked tubes, so they thought that maybe some retained blood or fluid from my cycle was spilling into the uterus every month in turn flushing out any embryos that may be in there). I just finally said NO way! I'm just not going to have my tubes removed, especially since there still is such an IF factor that it might not work again. We just couldn't do it.
I came to the decision of adoption sooner than my husband Joe. But now we are, and have been, both on board for quite some time now and it's finally feeling like we've got a light at the end of a very long tunnel.
I certainly can relate to Lauren & Chuck's experience and hurdles.
Much love and positive baby mojo!!! Nichole
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Nichole and Joe welcome to Abrazo and the forum family. You will have the best experience working with the girls at abrazo they are all wonderful. The more you can get done before you get the application the better. You can also start working on your profile. A couple from our orientation group ( Holy Flying Fish ) Sept. 2006 was placed with 2 beautiful sisters that same weekend. They were obviously well prepared with homestudy, FBI clearence, and profile complete. Good luck and keep posting.
Char
Thanks Char for the welcome! Unfortunately my house got hit hard with the flu bug the last few weeks. Ugh. But I basically have my application complete, I just need to take some pictures of bedrooms & then it will be on its way. We had our fingerprinting done last week as well. I heard that takes quite a while through the FBI.
I am also working hard on getting our stuff done for the homestudy.
We are hoping to be able to attend the March/April orientation!!
Well have a great day & look forward to chatting with you all more.
Nichole
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Boy Susan, I sure wish I would have known you/read this before we got the call about Kayleigh - it would have saved Lance and I a few agonizing and scary hours.
As I mentioned in another post - when we rec'd the call about Kayleigh, we were informed that it would be a private pay case because her birthmother did not have insurance, nor did she qualify for medicaid. At that time, Kayleigh was to be discharged from the hospital the following day (she was born on a Thursday, we got the call on Friday evening and she was to be discharged on Saturday). Kayleigh was a home birth so even though Abrazo couldn't really estimate during that first phone call what her medical bills would be, we weren't too concerned - we imagined they'd be something we could manage without going to extraordinary measures to cover them.
So, on Saturday, when we talked to Abrazo, we were told that Kayleigh had been admitted to the NICU the night before (or maybe we even found that out later Friday night - we were off and on the phone with Abrazo quite a bit that weekend). To be honest, the last thing on my mind at that time was how much the medical bills were going to be - I do remember talking to my sister who had worked in the NICU just to get a rough idea of what we were looking at and I remember she said something about when she worked in the NICU, just the bed in the NICU alone was about $1600 per day - that was without any tests or procedures or any "extras". Anyway, our placement was scheduled for Monday so still, the medical bills weren't that big of a concern to us - we could handle a few days of NICU.....(and trust me, at that point - there was nothing that could keep us from proceeding with taking placement of our angel, certainly not some pesky medical expenses!)
Anyway, on Monday - Lance started talking to his employer and our insurance carrier to find out what we needed to do to get Kayleigh added onto our insurance (a group insurance plan). We were told that she couldn't be added until she was legally adopted - as in when her adoption was finalized. Oh my gosh - I just remember my heart just sank - not because we weren't going to go through with the adoption, I was just freaking out at what we would have to do in order to pay those bills - at the time, there was no estimate as to when she would be discharged from the NICU and although she was by no means one of the sickest babies in there, there was just a lot they didn't know and weren't able to give a lot of information on (and no info to us at all because we hadn't taken placement so all info we got was the info that the NICU would give to Abrazo and Abrazo would relay to us). I remember for 2 - 3 hours I was just imagining how different everything was going to be - I had planned to stay home with her and suddenly, that was gone because I knew I would be going back to work if we had hundreds of thousands of medical bills to deal with - we had a 4 bedroom house with a nursery I'd fixed up for Kayleigh - I knew we'd have to sell our house and move into an apartment - I mean, the life I had imagined with our child that we'd been waiting for had just vanished before my eyes - I had so much I wanted to give her and it just felt like in a flash, it was all gone.
Elizabeth to the rescue - when she got there to do the placement (which was just us signing the paperwork in our hotel room because Kayleigh was still in the NICU), we told her what we'd been going through with the insurance and she very non-chalantly said, "they can't do that - it's illegal" or something like that - it eased our minds a little bit but it was like pulling teeth to find someone who could give us the right information - noone at the insurance company could (and it was United Healthcare) - they kept pushing us off onto the HR people where Lance worked - the HR people where Lance worked were telling us the whole "legally adopted" thing and had no clue what legally adopted meant or how it was defined - to us, legally adopted meant when it's finalized and when we'd ask them about that, they would say, "Yes, that must be it" - it felt like we were the first people at this company (who is an international huge telecom company that has over 25,000 employees) to ever adopt a child and go through this. Anyway, finally - Lance asked to speak with the head of the HR department for the USA - she called him back and after a very lengthy conversation and a couple of return calls - she confirmed to him that Kayleigh would be covered upon placement......Ugh - it was a nightmare!
I guess that's one reason I'm so passionate about this thread - the moral of this story - try to get all this understood and worked out PRIOR to getting that phone call - because the last thing you want to be fretting over when you're adopting your precious, long-awaited little angel is whether or not you'll be able to cover medical bills, etc.
That's also why when I read Elizabeth's post from the other day - I hope that EVERYONE takes heed of her advice (which I've bolded below). It's possible, this may not ever affect you and that's great if it doesn't. But - let me just emphasize that when you're are experiencing such a joyful moment such as your child's adoption, you just don't want to be also freaking out over medical bills that may mount - definitely have a Plan B...just in case. Don't assume anything.
Adoption agencies have no way of predicting (1) how much hospital bills may run, nor (2) what insurance will or will not cover, nor (3) how long it may take for Medicaid/insurance claims to be processed after the discharge/placement has been done. But as Angela was saying yesterday, this makes it that more crucial that all adopting families be fully aware of the potential bills they might face should insurance deny coverage after the fact. We do try to emphasize in orientation that there are no guarantees, and that's why our estimates include all anticipated medical costs (regardless of the birthparents' Medicaid status). But it's up to each family to know their limits and to have a Plan B, if faced with catastrophic expenses for which there is no coverage (just as they would if they had birthed a biological child for whom the bills exceeded available coverage.)Lisa
Lisa,
Thanks so much for your story. This sounds exactly like what i'm dealing with through United Healthcare right this minute. I cannot get a straight answer out of anybody at that company. I also have to work with them on a daily basis at my office...fun, fun!
It's nice to hear that you were able to work it out & we will have our ducks-in-a-row now too hopefully.
So, if you don't mind me asking, did you only have to pay for the medical bills then prior to the placement out of pocket?
Nichole
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Which in turn makes Medicaid that much more confusing...because if a (birth)mother is fully eligible for medicaid for the birth of her baby (and she has applied for it), then that coverage should not be denied, even if an adoption plan is made (48 hours) later.
The Medicaid stuff is getting significantly harder to negotiate, what with recent federal budget cuts that are tightening the rules on what gets paid by whom and when. I've been researching this lately in an effort to "break the logjam" that's been occurring lately in cases that cannot be finalized in a timely manner because there are astronomical bills for which Medicaid coverage is being denied or having to be refiled again and again. Here's some of what I'm finding...
At the website of Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services, see Third Party Liability, which underscores the "alternative source of payment" argument doctors and hospitals frequently use to argue that the adoptive parents/adoption agency should be charged all medical costs related to the birth of a baby who is placed for adoption. See also Mandatory Eligibility Groups, where it specifies that an infant born to a Medicaid-eligible mom only remains eligible for coverage under her policy "throughout the first year of life so long as the infant remains in the mother's household." (Since relinquishment terminates her legal relationship with her baby, it stands to reason that any Medicaid coverage for that child ends at that point, as well, which is why adopting parents must be prepared to cover the medical bills incurred on behalf of their baby, whether or not their insurance provides coverage from birth or from placement.)
Adoption agencies have no way of predicting (1) how much hospital bills may run, nor (2) what insurance will or will not cover, nor (3) how long it may take for Medicaid/insurance claims to be processed after the discharge/placement has been done. But as Angela was saying yesterday, this makes it that more crucial that all adopting families be fully aware of the potential bills they might face should insurance deny coverage after the fact. We do try to emphasize in orientation that there are no guarantees, and that's why our estimates include all anticipated medical costs (regardless of the birthparents' Medicaid status). But it's up to each family to know their limits and to have a Plan B, if faced with catastrophic expenses for which there is no coverage (just as they would if they had birthed a biological child for whom the bills exceeded available coverage.)
Elizabeth,
Is it possible to take a short-term plan that only covers the baby from birth to the 'legal adoption'? Our plan states that the child is only covered once they are 'legally adopted'. However, they also say that if it is in the court order that they must cover the child from the date of birth then they will also consider that fact. We want to cover our bases of course and not be left un-insured for the baby's inpatient stay.
Thanks a lot for your insight! Nichole
NEW PARENTS NEEDED!
in Looking to Adopt
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I have a couple that I referred a few days ago too, but they will not be homestudy ready for a while. I think they are still waiting for approval to even get on the forum? Not 100% sure about that though.