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Why "Open" Adoption?


ShanOrba

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There was doubt about open adoption until we fully understood what open adoption is.

There are many people in our lives (family, friends, church members) who have adopted or have been adopted. Discussions with them and involvement in some of their attempts to find birth parents helped us to realize that the opportunity for children to have access to their birth parents and siblings is their right and their choice.

We have been blessed with a beautiful, happy baby and as a grand father I will be supportive of any efforts to contact and/or visit with the child's birth parents and siblings, if it is the child's wish.

This child has brought light, happiness, togetherness and awareness to the family through love that only a child can give and by accepting our love in return.

To see Christ one only has to look into the face of a child.

A fulfilled grand father

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ShanOrba, what a beautiful post! Welcome--and thank you for sharing your thoughts. You obviously have a very blessed grandson, to have such a loving and wise grandfather in his life. We'd love to hear more from you. What are your best words of advice for other grandparents out there, or what are your top 10 favorite moments in grandparenting? Anyone?

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YEEHAW!  Lasso that granddaddy and keep him posting on the Forum -- what a great ... and new ... perspective for all of us regulars!

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  • 2 years later...

This post appeared originally under "To Tell Or Not?" but we're adding it to this section, in hopes that more grandparents can offer insight or otherwise glean wisdom from this and better understand how embracing openness can be an important gift they can give both their children and their grandchildren who have been adopted...

My question is about telling family. My mom is from the old school of closed adoptions. She is very upset that we will tell Makenzie that she is adopted from the beginning. She doesn't think we should "burden" her at such a young age. I can't seem to make mom realize that openness in adoption is best for everyone involved. When we discuss it mom gets really upset and defensive. She cannot understand why her BP's would "give her away". She says there is no way to explain to Makenzie that she wasn't wanted without destroying her self esteem. No matter how many times I explain to mom that Makenzie's BP's wanted what was best for her and they simply could not provide it, mom cannot see that perspective. In her eyes her BP's abandoned her and therefore should be cut from her life. I know she is trying to protect Makenzie (and me) because she loves us, but I need for her to understand this.

I don't want her saying these things to Makenzie. Adoption is complicated enough for children without grandparents complicating matters more. I want to educate my mother (and most of our family for that matter) without distancing them. I worry about Makenzie getting older and talking about adoption to our families and the responses she will get.

Any suggestions?

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  • 1 month later...

A few weeks ago our family had the sweet surprise of learning about our daughter's birthgrandmother who contacted Abrazo in effort to share information with us. We jumped at the chance to make this connection. It has been so nice to e-mail back and forth.

I would encourage any birthgrandparents out there who are hesitant to reach out and make a connection to go for it. We have been so blessed to be able to have this contact.

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