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Ladies thank you very much for your kind words and wishes...BTW you all have such beautiful children.

I am glad you liked the poem,I have enjoyed it for years. It is such a beautiful one that says so much. Suzi, LOL,,I am glad it was timely for you, well have to keep you in mind for the future.. ;)

I do hope all had a wonderful Mother's Day..

My daughter and I really enjoyed our retreat on Saturday and met some great women... But nothing tops our Mother's Day, we had an absolutely wonderful one that was more then we could have hoped for.. We had the blessed opportunity to spend part of the day with my granddaughter and her parents..I know my husband and I were on cloud nine, but our daughter we think was on cloud trillion. I couldn't have asked for a better gift for my daughter,what a thoughtful gesture and gift she received, we all received. After all the health issues my daughter has been dealing with, this certainly made her day. Have added a few pics and I think the faces say more then my words can.. We are looking forward to seeing them all again in a couple of weeks for my daughter's graduation.

Blessings to all

Mari

Edited by 1st x grandma
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Mari, I just wanted to tell you that you are such a blessing to this community. Your insight and wisdom are so valuable. You always have a level head and loving heart in the words you share, and I ap

Thank you Leah! I'm glad I was able to add to my photo gallery. I was trying to figure out how to post from my phone, since I can't get access to Abrazo website from home computer.. And to borrow

Beth Thank you Beth… I needed the hugs …. Not feeling sorry for myself or anything, it’s just part of the journey and process and those bitter sweet moments that creep up especially during SPECIAL/Me

Mari, The pictures are precious!!! :D

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What a great day! and Mari I think you and Sloane have very similiar profiles... the pics made me smile - thanks for sharing

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  • 3 weeks later...

Mari, congratulations on your baby's graduation, and your grandbaby's presence there! I know her parents are so proud of all your daughter has achieved, and the fine woman she is becoming, and we all know what an integral role you've played in all that. Big hugs to a great mom and a wonderful birthgrandma! :wub:

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Thank you, we are all so proud of her, she has done all the hard work herself though, I just give the hugs, kisses, lend the shoulder, an ear, help her stay focused on her goals, give her another perspective when needed and love her unconditionally. Oh yeah, and dished out the consequences and punishments when needed. <_<

She has been on an amazing and at times quite difficult journey, but she continues being very optimistic about life and realistic about her educational career plans. She views things from a different perspective then many, and we know it is due to her stronger faith, courage and bumps her journey has encountered. She has not only touched, but has inspired so many lives. This was evident and almost overwhelming to her dad and I on her graduation night, the positive, loving, genuine admiration, sentiments and comments shared with us by her teachers, counselors, school administrators and many of her peers was amazing. She continued to share her faith and positive outlook when she delivered her invocation on behalf of all the graduates.

I am also a very proud grandma…my angel girl was wonderful and the PERFECT ANGEL, if I do say so myself, keeping her grandpa entertained as well as taking in everything around her, she was certainly the other inspiration (celebrity) for many. Can’t even count how many people looked forward to and enjoyed meeting this little gem. We were blessed to have our angel girl, her mom and dad at this milestone and special occasion; we certainly know they are proud of her and her accomplishments. It certainly allows all of us to see the traits, strength, determination, feistiness and courage that no doubt my daughter has passed on to her off spring. Family is everything to us, even our friends there, they are all part of our family, my husband and I could not have asked for a more perfect night for our daughter.

When I think of my daughter, I think of the words in the chorus of the song The Words I Would Say

Be strong in the Lord

And never give up hope

You're gonna do great things

I already know God's got His hand on You

So don't live life in fear

Forgive and forget

But don't forget why you're here

Take your time and pray

These are the words I would say

Blessings,

Mari

TURNING THE TIDE ** When everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.Harriet Beecher Stowe

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I love the picture you posted...very cute!

Thank you...and thank you also to all who support and embrace my child..

blessings

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Wow…I have like a trillion misspells on this latest addition… I better quit typing at night when I am tired..

Sorry about that..

If I can get the computer guru to deleted it I will repost with corrections..I had tired to correct after I reread it several times, but seems like you don’t have much time with the edit mode..

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Wow…I have like a trillion misspells on this latest addition… I better quit typing at night when I am tired..

Sorry about that..

If I can get the computer guru to deleted it I will repost with corrections..I had tired to correct after I reread it several times, but seems like you don't have much time with the edit mode..

It reads perfect Mari....I always enjoy & look forward to reading your post.

Amy

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Wow…I have like a trillion misspells on this latest addition… I better quit typing at night when I am tired..

Sorry about that..

If I can get the computer guru to deleted it I will repost with corrections..I had tired to correct after I reread it several times, but seems like you don't have much time with the edit mode..

It reads perfect Mari....I always enjoy & look forward to reading your post.

Amy

Your sweet, but it’s a pride thing for me.. I think I mentioned early on that people accused me of being a perfectionist, not true, but this latest posting really took the cake.

:o

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Thank you for your latest post, Mari. What a scary, scary time this was for your family.

Scary indeed, well said...It is something you don't wish on even your worst enemy...

Though we are still (more my daughter then us) dealing with the effects..I pray she really is past the worst of it, the rest even though it is a challenge at times can be handled emotionally a whole lot better by us all. :blink:

Blessings,,,,May you all have a wonderful weekend

Mari

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Mari, I continue to be amazed at all your family has gone through and how amazingly your daughter and granddaughter are doing! I'm sure that graduation was a huge celebration!

It was, and WE ARE STILL CELEBRATING....Even though she started college this week, and we have talked about the next graduation in a few years (college)..Due to some of her friends still having their graduations that we have attended, it just keeps going..I am sure eventually it will run out of steam, but I rather be here doing this then where we were not too long ago.

Which brings me to this:

Just as my family celebrates my daughter’s high school graduation and my sister in laws college graduation accompanied by family and friends, we have joined many of our family friends as they also celebrate these huge milestones. I know there must be other families on the forum who are also celebrating graduations. Just want to send out this pray to all GRADUATES AND A BIG CONGRATS with Blessings from our family to yours.

Graduation Prayer

Dear Lord,

I have knowledge, so will You show me now,

How to use it wisely and find a way somehow

To make the world I live in a little better place,

And make life with its problems a little bit easier to face.

Grant me faith and courage and put purpose in my days,

And show me how to serve Thee in effective ways.

So my education, my knowledge and my skills

May find their true fulfillment as I learn to do Thy will.

And may I ever be aware in everything I do,

That knowledge comes from learning, and wisdom comes from You.

Amen.

Edited by 1st x grandma
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Mari, I continue to be amazed at all your family has gone through and how amazingly your daughter and granddaughter are doing! I'm sure that graduation was a huge celebration!

It was, and WE ARE STILL CELEBRATING....Even though she started college this week, and we have talked about the next graduation in a few years (college)..Due to some of her friends still having their graduations that we have attended, it just keeps going..I am sure eventually it will run out of steam, but I rather be here doing this then where we were not too long ago.

Which brings me to this:

Just as my family celebrates my daughter’s high school graduation and my sister in laws college graduation accompanied by family and friends, we have joined many of our family friends as they also celebrate these huge milestones. I know there must be other families on the forum who are also celebrating graduations. Just want to send out this pray to all GRADUATES AND A BIG CONGRATS with Blessings from our family to yours.

Graduation Prayer

Dear Lord,

I have knowledge, so will You show me now,

How to use it wisely and find a way somehow

To make the world I live in a little better place,

And make life with its problems a little bit easier to face.

Grant me faith and courage and put purpose in my days,

And show me how to serve Thee in effective ways.

So my education, my knowledge and my skills

May find their true fulfillment as I learn to do Thy will.

And may I ever be aware in everything I do,

That knowledge comes from learning, and wisdom comes from You.

Amen.

Well said - I will be "borrowing" this for my God daughter's graduation Sunday

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Thank goodness that awful posting of mine has been removed.. I will re post soon.. Hope all have a wonderful day..

thank you :D

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Continuation…Part 38

Friday morning 4:30, they came to get her ready to take her to her CT Scan…She had rested pretty well during the night, only woke when they would come in to take vitals or give her meds. What would a new day bring? I was struggling with my emotions, jumping between being eager for the day to start yet at the same time somewhat cautious. I found myself not only hoping but also praying that it would certainly be better then the day she had before, it certainly had been more then a bit of a battle for me as I had tried to rein in my emotions so they would not distracted me from being useful. At our request, my husband and I had been actively taking care of our daughter. We were able to help with any little things we could. The nurses showed us how to put on her leg massaging boots, how to work the controls, how to adjust her back up on the bed when she slide down, which happened due to her head needing to be kept raised on the bed and several other minor things we could do... This just allowed us to be able to do some thing instead of pacing the floor or biting at the bit.

Once they brought her back to the room and she was fully awake, we knew right away, she was definitely feeling more relaxed, was quite talkative, in a good mood and hungry (all good signs). As she flipped through the TV channels she kept coming across the movie Hairspray. Each time would say, “oh, I want to see this, I’ve never seen it”, and I am sitting there thinking to myself “oh no, not again, I am tired of this movie”, she had watched it numerous times that Wednesday and the days prior to her surgery, but she never remembered watching it.. She did remember that day was the tailgate or at least it is better said she kept remembering and that Saturday would be the holy bowl (her previous catholic school and their rival catholic school’s big annual football game)..She kept asking her dad if the game was that Sat. and if it was going to be televised, he kept telling her it was, but the hospital TV didn’t have the catholic channel. It all of sudden was like that movie ground hog day all over again, except that instead of waking up to the repeat of the day before, it was every few minutes.. She did not remember anything for very long. All the visitors she had gotten since her hospitalization including family and friends were erased from her memory bank in no time…Her doctor and nurses would ask her each time they came in if she knew their names, needless to say, if she were being tested on that information, she certainly would not have passed.

When her doctor would came to examine her, it was going through the drill of checking her strength, her vitals and asking the questions that had become the norm, what day was it, why was she there, what was his name etc... He advised us that the CT showed the fluid was continuing to drain well so he was going to remove the ventricular tube and the dressing from her head. As the nurses prepared what seemed to be a little surgical table in her room with all the tools he would need, he explained how and what would happen when he removed the tubing, told us that some cfc spinal fluid would drip out as well as shoot out, but for us not to get alarmed it was normal. Her dad and I stayed at the foot of the bed while the doctor and the nurses did what they needed to do. First numbing the area, and then removing the sutures that had held the tubing in place. As he gently pulled it out, the line just kept going and going, fluid started oozing out. I was watching in disbelief, how on earth was all that in her head, it seemed like it wasn’t ever going to be finally all out, he kept asking her if she was ok, if she felt any discomfort and to my relief she said she was ok, it didn’t hurt..When the last of it finally came out, her forehead looked almost like a water spicket, fluid just shot straight out; he cleaned up the remaining water and blood then proceeded to stitch it shut. I had to find my way to the chair behind me, I really couldn’t watch any more, though she said it didn’t hurt and she seem to be doing ok, she was definitely doing better then me. Even though doctor told us it would happen, it was obvious that my husband and I still did not fully understood exactly what it would look like, much less how we would feel seeing it. We can laugh about it now, talk about her looking like a little whale with a blow hole, it wasn’t too funny back then though. Then came the removal of the dressing across her head, I just kept telling myself to stay calm, no matter what it looked like, keep a poker face, don’t show emotion on your face, don’t alarm her, and definitely don’t pass out. Once he removed the dressing he checked the staples, he told the nurse to make sure my daughter’s hair was not washed or wet for a few days, which did not make my daughter’s day. She was anxious to wash her hair. Overall it didn’t look too bad, so I told her, but the blood dried matted hair I thought made it look worse then it really was, or at least that’s what I kept telling myself and her when she asked for a mirror. Her doctor made sure she was ok, not feeling faint or in pain, then said he would be back that evening to check on her. The good thing with the ventricular tubing/machine now removed, she would be able to be more mobile, do the little things that she had not been able to do in a week. It would allow her to be able to start sitting up in a chair, walk to the sink to brush her teeth instead of doing it in her bed. There would be both someone from physical therapy and a speech therapist that would come in that afternoon to evaluate. Even though she had been having on and off tingling on her left side, she was anxious to get out of bed at least for short periods of time, now they would work with her to make sure she could start walking short distances, and hopefully on her way to full recovery and out of NCCU, all huge milestones.

Her sister would be in that day, her aunt was going to pick her up at the airport and bring her straight to the hospital. Even though she did not remember, her dad and I would talk to her frequently about the visit, sometimes she would ask if her sister knew she was there, if she had been there, several times before responding with the answers we started suggesting for her to look at her journal for the answers to those questions. We talked about her uncle (my brother) trying to convince her two nights before that she loved math, it was her favorite subject. Though at the time she thought about it for a very short bit, then started laughing and telling him no, that she hated math, but gave him kudos for a good try, but he wouldn’t be able to “brain wash” her to believe she loved math. She had though done extremely well on math problems he had given her to do. It just seem amazing to us how the mind worked, especially with this all being so new to all of us, never having to deal with or be exposed to anything like this was forcing us into a different world, how different, we had no idea at the time.

Her ob came by to check on her, and advise that a different Dr. would be on call for the weekend, but she was requesting for continued daily visits from the on call dr. to monitor the baby’s heartbeat and check- in with the maternity nurses that had been making their daily visits to my daughter. A few times the heartbeat had been difficult to find, but they all felt or at least communicated to us, that the little one was just in hiding and staying low key. The good thing was that my daughter pretty much had the same two nurses come in, so they both became very familiar with both my daughter and granddaughter. After she talked to my daughter for a little while and listened to the heartbeat, she asked to see me outside my daughter’s room, I was not prepared for what she was about to tell me, and everything else that came with it.

To be continued…..

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Continuation….Part 39

Now after her surgery, with both my daughter and her daughter coming through at least that piece, I had thought we were past the worst, but our short sense of relaxation (if you could even call it that) was tested the previous day with the type of day she had. It was as if I knew in my head that things were still very critical, but my heart wanted to feel like the road to recovery would be uneventful and typical, as if I could just kiss it, put a bandage on it and make it all better. Of course, that couldn’t have been further from the true reality. The wait we had begun, for not only test results of the tumor, but also the medications she was taking, were certainly on the forefront of our minds. No one knew the effects if any all this would have on the baby either and if the pregnancy would even continue. Both her ob & neuro told us that we were going to need to keep my daughter’s stress level to a minimum. Her ob advised not to bring up the pregnancy and especially not to bring up or discuss adoption with or in front of my daughter, until she first brought it up. With her memory being impacted, no one knew for sure how much she would remember, what impact that would have on her and they didn’t want any progress she made in her recovery to regress by a traumatic situation (memory). Without knowing what type of tumor it was, it was hard to know what the next step would be until the results of the pathology report came back from the Mayo Clinic. There was the possibility of her needing to get radiation or chemo treatments, again how that would affect both her and the baby, was anybody’s guess, but they would continue to do everything to minimize as much as possible harming the baby, yet making sure my daughter received the medical care and treatments she needed to beat this, but we knew there was a huge risk there for them both. Even though she was having daily CTS, and lab work, we/she was just beginning on another leg on the road of the unknown. As the doctor told me, once she was able to go home, we would have to take over giving her whatever medications she needed to take as well as her prenatal vitamins. It was almost as if she was back in her early elementary years, as far as not being able to take responsibility for what had been previously simple task, because she didn’t have the memory and ability she had prior to that fateful Thursday, at least not at this time. In this area also, no one really knew how long this would take, how this all would play out, even though I had tried to envision it as the doctor talked to me, I just couldn’t. My daughter had asked daily and in some cases, several times a day if she was still pregnant, even though the ob nurses were coming up to the intensive care unit to monitor the baby’s heart beat, she didn’t remember from a few minutes to the next, though it had only been three days since her surgery, I was unsure if she was in denial, like she had been earlier about the tumor or not. My questions kept piling up in my mind, but the answers were slow to come and the questions outweighed the answers.

After our conversation, I found myself walking to a quiet out of the way corner, just to be able to take in what I had just been told. I knew God had plans for us all, no need in questioning what they were, they would reveal themselves in time, or rather he would allow them to be revealed. There was potential good news everywhere I looked, after all she was still with us and her child was still with her, by his grace we had come this far. On the other hand, I knew there might not be a direct path or answer to any of the questions swimming or more like colliding in my head. I didn’t want to be in a situation where I could only sustain my optimism on hope for so long, I knew sooner or later I would need to summon up more courage, more strength __ to help my daughter get through the days, weeks and possibly even long months ahead. Therefore, I figured in the meantime, I would have to conserve my internal resources the best I could, had no idea if I could accomplish this, but I had to try. It seemed like a tall order, but there was no question that I had to figure it out, this was my daughter, this was my responsibility, and I would do all I needed to for her, for her child, and I had to keep my faith in God to help continue to guide me and our family on this path.

When her sister finally arrived, I went out to meet her; I needed to prepare her for what she would see. My oldest is a lot like me, we struggle to hide our feelings, our facial expression sometimes give away how we are feeling at the time. I say I am sentimental, my youngest says I am emotional, yeah, well that’s a debatable point, bottom line for me, if I see a sad movie or hear a sad song, it stirs my emotions and I get SENTIMENTAL. I tell her it beats having a cold heart and not having empathy and compassion. I don’t know that I will ever win that area though, it’s ok, and it is what it is. I updated my daughter and my sister on the most current and showed her into her sister’s room. I could see my daughter’s face light up at the site of her big sis. I watched my oldest carefully, I wanted to make sure she was ok, she had been worried about her little sister since we had talked the evening of her sister’s surgery, and I knew she couldn’t wait to get into town and see that she was ok for herself. After I gave my daughter a few instructions, my husband and I stepped out to the waiting room with my sister, giving them sometime alone. That was the first time in a week that neither one of us had been in there with her, but it felt good to just step away for a little while and feel comfortable about it. It also gave me the opportunity to update him on what her ob had told me. I could tell by his face and his body language that he was very confused in not understanding what all this meant, join the club I thought.

My daughter text me that physical therapist where in her sister’s room, so we made our way back in. After answering their list of questions and them telling us what they would be working on, they proceeded to strap her to this harness contraption to allow her both the freedom to walk but also a safety net to allow them to hold on to her. This was going to be the first time in a week that she was going to walk as much as she was, even though it would only be around the nurse’s station. As they started with her, holding her up and each therapist taking her from each arm to help her start getting her balance and guide her several steps before they slowly started to release her, we held our breath. I knew it wasn’t only me that was feeling nervous, my oldest grabbed my hand and held it tight, squeezing it with each step her sister took, it was tough watching her in this situation, trying to get her balance, having to stop to catch her breath. When she made it back to her room, she was tired, but had done well; they would be back later that day to work with her again.

The day was uneventful in the sense that she had no medical emergencies, which was wonderful. My daughter had several visitors, mostly family, but a couple of friends came by. Both my girls laughed and talked a lot. It was good to see them that way. She had done much better the second time physical therapy worked with her, I would like to say it was because she knew what to expect, but she didn’t remember them being there the first time, even though she was going through the motions. My oldest talked about how strange it was to find herself having to repeat things to her sister, and even though I had told her, she realized hearing it and experiencing it were very different. Yeap, I knew that, and I had been living it for days and it still caught me off guard now and then. When her doctor made his evening rounds, he advised that he would be on vacation starting that Saturday, (tish, talk about me being nervous), but he brought with him his partner who would be the one covering his patients.

To be continued…….

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  • 2 months later...

Just wanted to drop in and say hi to everyone.. Hope all had a good__ no, great summer, and those of you who went to the Abrazo Camp, I am sure you had a blast. Hopefully we can attend one down the road, would love to meet so many of you.

Well school here is under way, vacation time for kiddos over and for some parents I guess it’s the beginning of much needed rest. May all students small and big, teachers and administrators, have a very prosperous and safe school year.

Thank you to all who wished my daughter a happy Bday a couple weeks ago. Turning 18 was a biggie for her and she is still on cloud nine. It was a wonderful way to finish off her summer, especially after her seizure episode at the end of June that sent us for a loop. Sorry I haven’t been back to continue on our journey posting, it has been a busy summer with different dr. appts., therapies, summer school session, plus other eventful (could have done w/out) things going on. I do plan on continuing, just need to discipline myself and make the time to get back into it.

Blessings,

Mari

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Mari,

It is great to hear from you! Sounds like your summer has been very busy. Love the pictures in the gallery! Looks like a lot of wonderful celebrations over the summer!

Blessings,

Tracey

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Mari

Hugs to you and yours...How can your baby be 18????? LOL

Heidi

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Mari,

It is great to hear from you! Sounds like your summer has been very busy. Love the pictures in the gallery! Looks like a lot of wonderful celebrations over the summer!

Blessings,

Tracey

Tracey,thank you so much. Yes summer has been a busy one, filled with ups/a few downs but, they have all kept us going. Of course nothing compared to all folks who have had to deal w/all the storm issues and devastations around the country. I think here we see @ least a few times a wk reporting from one state or another trying to get back to some sense of normalcy. All are in my prayers daily.

BTW, your son is absolutely gorgeous.

Blessings,

Mari

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Mari

Hugs to you and yours...How can your baby be 18????? LOL

Heidi

Heidi, LOL..Your always so sweet..

OMG,haha, that was my first thought when I awoke the morning of her bday.. Several years ago, when I thought about that day, year, time down the road, it was much different in my head, then it turned out to be.. But I am grateful that I don’t have other worries some parents of some kids we know have w/their kids going out of state (away) to college and being teen wild drivers. And when some hit that age they think “I am the boss of me” attitude.. I feel for those parents, but glad I am not there..at least not at the current time, won't say will never be :lol:

Have a wonderful week,

Mari

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Thank you to all who wished my daughter a happy Bday a couple weeks ago. Turning 18 was a biggie for her and she is still on cloud nine. It was a wonderful way to finish off her summer, especially after her seizure episode at the end of June that sent us for a loop. Sorry I haven't been back to continue on our journey posting, it has been a busy summer with different dr. appts., therapies, summer school session, plus other eventful (could have done w/out) things going on. I do plan on continuing, just need to discipline myself and make the time to get back into it.

Mari,

I've missed you lately...but I've been hit or miss as well. Our children share the seizure episodes & we've had some rough patches these past months as well with Hayden's seizure control.

I hope your daughter is doing better now & you continue on your path of healing as well.

I look forward to read more of your journey when the time is right for you.

All my best, Amy

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