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A Birth Grandmother's Role

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Forum Family,

Just a quick note to say that I will not be posting for a while.. My daughter has had some really rough days over that last two months, and as most of you know already, she had brain surgery back in Nov. A very important part of her recovery process is limited amount of stress, sometimes due to the complications of her surgery, plus her added heartbreak, things affect her in ways that sometimes don’t make sense to others. Sometimes, we as adults, even as her parents, forget that even though she made a very mature/adult decision for her child’s future, she is still a child herself, in many ways she is still not that mature. This sometimes makes her communication seem irrational. Her birthday is also coming up soon, and I would like for her to have pleasant memories associate with this, especially since by the Grace of God she is still here to celebrate another birthday. My focus will be on her for now, I/we can not afford for her to digress in her recovery progress.. So I will be busy keeping her busy as much as possible. Your prayers for her and her continued healing though are greatly appreciated.

Much love to all…and thanks for your understanding …

Mari

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Mari-

Healing is never a straight-line thing -I admire your willingness to do whatever it takes, however we will miss you round here. Keeping you and daughter in our hearts and prayers

xoxox

Heidi

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While we will miss you around here, we understand. Praying for your daughter as she heals.

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Mari,

Hugs to you and your daughter. You are an amazing woman and mother. Lifting prayers for healing and happy Birthday memories. We will keep you and all your family in our thoughts and prayers. We will be here for support if you need us. We will miss you.

Blessings,

Tracey

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Mari,

Your daughter and your family will be in my prayers. You are such a strong woman, I admire you.

-Rebecca

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Mari, if the Abrazo staff can help in any way, please don't hesitate to call on us! Keeping you and your entire family in our prayers, and thanking God that your daughter is still among us to celebrate another birthday, by the grace of God! Big hugs to you both...

(P.S. Don't hesitate to call Pat, if additional sessions would help. If you need her number again, just let us know.)

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Mari we are keeping you and your family in our prayers. Hoping Lauranda is feeling better and has a great birthday. We will miss you but totally understand. Your a great mom.

Hugs to you

Char

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Mari and Lauranda, we are keeping you all in our prayers.

Erika

Edited by KeithandErika

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Hello all,

Just wanted to give you an update…And hoping this finds everyone well!

My daughter is doing a lot better for now,,,she returns to school next week and is excited to start back (gosh, never thought I would hear that from her).. I know mostly because it will keep her busy. She met with her school counselor this week, she is pretty focused on what her goals are and he seems to think that with only the 3 credits she needs to graduate, she can be done by her timeline… On the other side if she is not done by Dec. or sooner (as her goal is) she has five more months to play with.. I just need to keep a close eye on her, so that she doesn’t stress herself out pushing herself too hard by trying to finish early.. She will be attending school all day, even though she doesn’t need to based on her dr. and the school, but she wants to double up on two of her subjects..

She had a follow up with her neurosurgeon last week; he is sending her for a brain wave scan, not sure if it will be an EEG or a PET. He feels that taking everything into consideration and how sick she was, she is doing well, even though she still has a way to go to be back to 100%. He feels confidant that will come with time. He was very impressed with her focus on finishing school, though he did remind her not to overdue it..Once she is closer to entering college, he will work with us for her class modifications as needed.

We had a surprise birthday celebration for her last week as well, normally a few family members get together with her for dinner on her b-day, this time it was all her family that was in town and several of her friends and their families. It was more then a birthday celebration, it was a celebration of life. Our deacon gave her a special blessing, which made it even more special to her, she was really excited about this birthday, more then she has ever been before, even more so then when she celebrated her quinceñera, when she was asked why, she told us that at one time, she didn’t think she would be here to celebrate any more b-days and the fact that both she and her daughter made it through some pretty rough and life threatening times and are both here (alive) made it even more of a blessing.

We also spent a couple of weeks visiting her sister out of state; this gave them some good quality time together. She was able to enjoy the change of environment for a while. Her big sis has become even more protective of her and they pretty much were inseparable.

Unfortunately on the down side right now, one of her dogs had to have major surgery this week, and has lost all her hearing, it will be a few weeks for her to recover from the surgery, but out come looks good with the exception of the hearing..So my daughter is busy nursing her dog back to health and making sure she is comfortable.

It will be a bit longer before I start investing time again on my journal postings..but hope to be back to it once my daughter starts on a regular school routine.. Thank you all for your good wishes and prayers for my daughter.

Hope those of you who attended Camp Abrazo had a wonderful time..Maybe my daughter and I will get to do this one day...

Blessings to all,

Mari

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Mari thank you for the update. Sounds like Lauranda is doing well. Hope her dog heals quickly. I love my dog so much too. They are such a big part of the family.

Keeping you all in my prayers. Hopefully you all will go to camp next year we are so hoping to be there too and I would love to meet you and your family.

God Bless

Char

Edited by Scott & Char

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Mari, I hope one day you and your daughter DO come to Camp Abrazo. I would love to meet you!

I know what you mean about getting back into a routine, looking forward to school starting too.

Sounds like things have been okay for you and Lauranda lately. I am glad.

Hugs,

Karen

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Hope those of you who attended Camp Abrazo had a wonderful time..Maybe my daughter and I will get to do this one day...

Mari, we were so disappointed when we found out you and Lauranda and Sloan and Joe & Shelley weren't planning to come, but I was thinking of your daughter on Saturday, when we celebrated all the August birthdays out there at Camp.

Y'all have been through so much in the past year. Here's hoping the year ahead is smooth sailing and blue skies for each of you!

-------

We were talking with an adoptive parent this week about a painful encounter that arose with their children's birthgrandmother recently. The adoptive family, who doesn't get to see their children's adult birthmom more than once a year or so, just spent nearly a week with the entire birthfamily, then asked the birthmom to come to their hotel alone to spend some quality time, one-on-one, with the kids. When the birthgrandmother became aware of the plan she got very upset, forbidding her daughter (the birthmom) to spend this time with them alone. The adoptive parents, concerned that the birthgrandmother had somehow misunderstood their intentions, tried approaching her to discuss it, and to their horror, the "discussion" somehow turned into a shouting match.

Did the birthgrandmother feel over-protective of her daughter? Was she jealous of the adoptive parents' desire to spend time with her daughter alone, or was she feeling threatened by their interest in her, somehow? Did she perceive that they were rejecting her or the rest of the family, even though the prior week had already been spent with all of them together? Should the adoptive parents have not scheduled such a long visit-- was there too much togetherness? Is the birthgrandmother afraid that the length of this visit somehow indicates the family is not planning on coming back?

There are such delicate frameworks of trust in open adoptions, and yet, boundaries are such an important thing. No matter how well acquainted both families are, it's still so important to be mindful of each others' roles.

Birthfamilies visiting with adoptive families need to take care to acknowledge the adoptive parents' authority, to not to disrupt childcare routines, and to ask the adoptive parents' for permission to "do for" (ie., diaper or feed or discipline) the child/ren, just as adoptive parents should do in the hospital when a baby is not officially "theirs" yet.

Adoptive parents need to take responsibility for keeping lines of communication open, and to continue creating opportunities for contact whether or not the birthparents respond, because their child/ren need/s them to keep trying. It's essential that they not allow their fondness for birthgrandparents or other family members to interfere with their ability to communicate effectively with the birthparents (whatever their age).

We're thankful that the adoptive family we spoke with today value their friendship with both the birthmom and her family enough that the incident will not cause them to withdraw. Instead, they are seeking to better understand what happened and why, and rebuild from there.

I'm taking the liberty of sharing this here because I think it's important to acknowledge that there are going to be times in any open adoption relationship where people don't always get along. That's normal. What's important is for people to take such moments in stride, to resolve them as they're able and to ask for help when needed, then to enable relationships to grow from these experiences. That, after all, is what "being family is really all about.

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Elizabeth that is such a sad turn of events for both families I hope they can work through this and become more understanding of one another and be stronger in their relationship.

Char

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Hello all,

Just wanted to give you an update…And hoping this finds everyone well!

My daughter is doing a lot better for now,,,she returns to school next week and is excited to start back (gosh, never thought I would hear that from her).. I know mostly because it will keep her busy. She met with her school counselor this week, she is pretty focused on what her goals are and he seems to think that with only the 3 credits she needs to graduate, she can be done by her timeline… On the other side if she is not done by Dec. or sooner (as her goal is) she has five more months to play with.. I just need to keep a close eye on her, so that she doesn’t stress herself out pushing herself too hard by trying to finish early.. She will be attending school all day, even though she doesn’t need to based on her dr. and the school, but she wants to double up on two of her subjects..

She had a follow up with her neurosurgeon last week; he is sending her for a brain wave scan, not sure if it will be an EEG or a PET. He feels that taking everything into consideration and how sick she was, she is doing well, even though she still has a way to go to be back to 100%. He feels confidant that will come with time. He was very impressed with her focus on finishing school, though he did remind her not to overdue it..Once she is closer to entering college, he will work with us for her class modifications as needed.

We had a surprise birthday celebration for her last week as well, normally a few family members get together with her for dinner on her b-day, this time it was all her family that was in town and several of her friends and their families. It was more then a birthday celebration, it was a celebration of life. Our deacon gave her a special blessing, which made it even more special to her, she was really excited about this birthday, more then she has ever been before, even more so then when she celebrated her quinceñera, when she was asked why, she told us that at one time, she didn’t think she would be here to celebrate any more b-days and the fact that both she and her daughter made it through some pretty rough and life threatening times and are both here (alive) made it even more of a blessing.

We also spent a couple of weeks visiting her sister out of state; this gave them some good quality time together. She was able to enjoy the change of environment for a while. Her big sis has become even more protective of her and they pretty much were inseparable.

Unfortunately on the down side right now, one of her dogs had to have major surgery this week, and has lost all her hearing, it will be a few weeks for her to recover from the surgery, but out come looks good with the exception of the hearing..So my daughter is busy nursing her dog back to health and making sure she is comfortable.

It will be a bit longer before I start investing time again on my journal postings..but hope to be back to it once my daughter starts on a regular school routine.. Thank you all for your good wishes and prayers for my daughter.

Hope those of you who attended Camp Abrazo had a wonderful time..Maybe my daughter and I will get to do this one day...

Blessings to all,

Mari

Mari -

Glad to hear that things are better. You have both made a huge impression on myself and so many others. May yoube blessed with the healing you need.

Hugs

Heidi

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-------

We were talking with an adoptive parent this week about a painful encounter that arose with their children's birthgrandmother recently. The adoptive family, who doesn't get to see their children's adult birthmom more than once a year or so, just spent nearly a week with the entire birthfamily, then asked the birthmom to come to their hotel alone to spend some quality time, one-on-one, with the kids. When the birthgrandmother became aware of the plan she got very upset, forbidding her daughter (the birthmom) to spend this time with them alone. The adoptive parents, concerned that the birthgrandmother had somehow misunderstood their intentions, tried approaching her to discuss it, and to their horror, the "discussion" somehow turned into a shouting match.

Did the birthgrandmother feel over-protective of her daughter? Was she jealous of the adoptive parents' desire to spend time with her daughter alone, or was she feeling threatened by their interest in her, somehow? Did she perceive that they were rejecting her or the rest of the family, even though the prior week had already been spent with all of them together? Should the adoptive parents have not scheduled such a long visit-- was there too much togetherness? Is the birthgrandmother afraid that the length of this visit somehow indicates the family is not planning on coming back?

Wow, not only as a first grama, but as a grandmother in general, I cannot imagine what the fgrama was thinking or why she is making the decisions that she is, why would it bother her or why she would jeopardize the opportunity for her daughter to spend some much needed quality time with her child and her child’s parents. Our daughters need that time; to continue to build on a life time relationship with the Entrusted parents and the child they so lovely chose to give a better life too. It sounds as if it is more of a control situation then a logical one. I hope this first mom takes her rightful place that her child’s parents want to give her whether her mother approves or not, it sounds as if she is old enough, and I am assuming no other reasons medically not to be able to visit without her mother in tow and make her own decisions. I look forward to when my daughter will have an opportunity to visit with her child and be able to build a relationship between the two of them, which I know is still a long way from now, but that thought keeps me going on some of my hardest days.. And in the nearer future I look forward to my daughter being able to have visits with her daughter and her child’s mom and dad on her own. Of course as the grama I would also like to see my angel and be able to hold her and spend time with her, loving her, playing with her, but her mom’s time would have to come first and way before my time with our precious little girl. That bond to me is the most important.

I hope it works out for all of them.. Especially for the child’s sake….They are all in my prayers..

Blessings,

Mari

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Continuation…Part 32

It had been a tough few days already, and it wasn’t going to get any easier. Once everyone left, things quieted down and we tried to rest a little, my daughter decided to take a few of her friend’s calls. Her dad was leaving for the night, but would be back by four thirty the next morning. After he left, which was close to eleven that night, my daughter and I talked until three in the morning, I could tell she was nervous and it was almost as if she were afraid to go to sleep, the time for surgery would be here much too soon it seemed, but it also felt like finally she would get some much needed relief. She put several of her friends phone numbers in my phone, people she had promised to keep posted after her surgery, we also talked about visitors after surgery, she wanted me to let a couple of family friends know, and would decide on anyone else once/if they came up later. Getting her to sleep was a challenge; we prayed and thanked God for our blessings and asked him to continue to watch over her and to continue to keep her strong. I tried to sooth her, caressing her hands, sang (which was scary enough) and hummed her favorite childhood lullaby, anything I could think of to get her to relax. Once she fell asleep, I stayed in a chair right next to her bed holding her hand, making sure she knew I was right there if she woke up.

At four fifteen I got up to wash up and get ready, before long, her nurse came in to start getting her ready, her dad arrived, the night had gone by quickly, it seemed everything was moving quickly now. By five we were on our way down to the OR for her prep. While we waited for her doctor and anesthesiologist, she talked about people who had come to see her or she had spoken too, she talked about all those people who cared for her, if she came out of this ok she said, she would make sure that they would know how much she appreciated their support and love. Her doctor came in, asked her how she was doing, she told him she was nervous and scared, and he replied that it was good, with huge eyes she asked him why that was, he told her because that meant she was aware of what was going on, and her being nervous and scared was a very normal. He asked if she had any questions for him, she did, the first “how much of my hair are you going to shave?” He laughed and told her he was taking it all, her eyes widened up again and he told her that no, he was only going to take off what he needed to do the surgery and get “that darn tumor out”. She also asked him how soon she was going to get the medicine to knock her out, he explained that the anesthesiologist would be in soon to talk to us and explain what he would be doing, then he turned to one of the nurses and he ordered a small dose of a relaxant to be put into her IV meanwhile. The anesthesiology dr. came in and spent a little while talking to us and explained the medication she would be given, both doctors advised us that a nurse would be keeping us posted about every hour and a half on how things were going, they also advised that they would prefer to take her right back up to the NCCU for recovery after surgery, but that would depend on the NCCU having enough nurses to be able to have one stay with her the remainder of the day, if not she would spend three to four hours there in the recovery room. Her dad and I both kissed her and told her we loved her and everything would be ok and go well, then we watched them take her through the double doors to her surgery. My chest felt like a ton of bricks were laying on it as I watched her bed disappear behind the doors, a nurse came to show us the way to the OR waiting area, but it was as if my feet couldn’t move and I couldn’t take my eyes off those doors, before walking out, I just said “God please watch over them” it was six am and the wait began.

As we sat in the waiting room, I pulled out my rosary and with it in hand continued to read the booklet “The Upper Room”, finding comfort in the pages, but yet finding it hard to focus, my mind kept going back to all my daughter had been through. Shortly before seven, my mom and sister walked into the waiting room to wait with us, my sister had brought me a beautiful porcelain one decade rosary, my mom was loaded with coffee and water for us and some cinnamon rolls she had baked that morning.. My sister had talked to my brother on their way to the hospital and he wanted her to keep him posted as things developed, he in turn, would notify my sister in law, my niece and my nephews via text. A short while later, two of my husband’s sisters showed up and one of his friends. We shared small talk and waited. At eight thirty we were called, surgery was well under way and my daughter was doing well, doctor was going in via laser procedure, nurse would call us back in an hour and a half. Thank God I said, shared with family, my sister stepped out to call my brother, the wait continued, we were called to the phone again, when I looked at the clock, I realized it was only nine fifteen, it hadn’t been an hour and a half yet, it was only forty five minutes that had passed, nervously I took the call again, and the nurse started off by telling me that my daughter was still doing good, then informed me that the doctor could not get the tumor out with the laser procedure, he was going to have to go in with the more delicate and larger opening, my heart sank as I heard her words, she would call us back in another hour and a half. When I got off the phone, I had a hard time verbalizing what I had just been told, though I didn’t want to frighten anyone, I tried to tell them through my uncontrollable tears that she was doing good, but it took me a couple of minutes to tell them the rest. Though we knew this was a possibility, we also knew this meant her doctor had come across something that made it more difficult to have the tumor removed. Again my sister stepped out to call my brother, I also had gotten a couple of calls from some friends and my sister offered to call them back for me, I didn’t want to leave the waiting room. At almost ten forty five we were called, everything was still going well; they would call us back a little later. My husband was called to the phone shortly after, I sat there with this heavy weight, until I found out it was one of his friends who was checking on my daughter. The waiting was really agonizing, though my family tried to keep my mind occupied by small talk, I would find that I would lose focus and drift back into my own thoughts. As we waited, doctors were coming in and talking to people who had come into the waiting room after us, one after another, and they would be on their way to the recovery rooms and to see their loved ones, meanwhile we still waited.

To be continued.....

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Mari,

I got your PM but haven't heard back from you. I can tell that you have been very busy but I just wanted to make sure that you did get my message. If you didn't, I didn't want you to think that I wasn't willing to help answer any questions that you might have. I certainly am willing to help you any way I can.

Just let me know when you have time and I hope everything is going well.

Donna

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Mari reading your last post my heart aches for you. What a scary time this was for you and your family. Your daughter and granddaughter are miracles. God was definately watching over them.

Hoping all is going well at home.Is Lauranda back to school and doing well? I think of you all often.

Char

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Mari-

I can hardly take a breath while reading your account of these events.

Hope you are having a wonderful day

Heidi

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Mari reading your last post my heart aches for you. What a scary time this was for you and your family. Your daughter and granddaughter are miracles. God was definately watching over them.

Hoping all is going well at home.Is Lauranda back to school and doing well? I think of you all often.

Char

Hi Char,

School is under way for my daughter, we are having some down time this weekend, or at least around the hours she is daily dedicating to school work, she is determined to stay ahead so she brought school work home for two subjects. We did give each other pedicures and I highlighted her hair, ummm I think the color was RED MADNESS (which she found appropriate for some reason)..

She is doing ok, for the most part, I guess I spoke too soon on the updated post last month, because a few days later to this past week, she has had to deal with weekly doctor visits or lab work, due to some health concerns, which first were thought to be a thyroid problem, but that blood work came back negative, so more labs have been done a few more times. There’s also thought that it may be due to the brain surgery and the pituitary gland, or stress put on her both physically and mentally with everything she has endured. Basically at this point nobody really knows, we have bounced between her ob and primary docs and now she has to add as she words it “yet another doctor to her long list of doctors already”, with an appointment next week to see an endocrinologist. And we will go from there….it’s a good thing we have stuck with taking one day at a time attitude, but I do sometimes feel like we are back on a mystery diagnosis episode. Our faith hasn’t wavered, we know whatever it is well be taken care of, eventually.. One of her biggest concerns is that nothing that she has been dealing with and going on will be hereditary, she doesn’t want her daughter nor her parents to go through what she or us have been through.. Thanks for asking about her..

Heidi, we had a wonderful day, we also spent time with my little nice and nephew,,,they are my daughter's pride and joy next to her daughter.

Blessings to all,

Mari

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Continuation…Part 33

We finally received the call we had eagerly been awaiting, my daughter was doing well, surgery was complete, doctor had already started closing her up and he would be out to talk to us as soon as he was done. I was so grateful that every time they called us the nurse started by telling us my daughter was doing well, even though I didn’t want to think that something could go wrong and that would be the next call, it was always there, in the back of my mind. We all gave thanks to God, and I could see the relief in everyone waiting with us. Now we waited for the doctor to come out, we still didn’t know nor were sure what would come next, would she be taken up or would she be kept there in recovery, would the tumor be malignant or benign, was he able to get it all and clear the passage for the fluid or did he have to insert a shunt, and the baby, was she ok, did she make it through. It was so noisy in my head, one step at a time, don’t get ahead of yourself and make yourself crazy, were things I kept trying to repeat to myself to stay calm and positive. Shortly before noon the doctor came out to talk to us, she was on her way up, they were taking her back to her room in the NCCU, he felt confident that he had gotten all the tumor out, part of the tumor had collapsed when he tried to remove it with the scope which would have been much less evasive then the full cut, but once part of it collapsed due to lack of blood supply he had no choice but to open her up. He told us how much hair he had to take which amounted to approx. a little less than three inches wide, the incision was eight inches long across the top of her head to above the ears, though he had thought at first he knew what type of tumor she might have, he found that the texture and coloring were different, he hadn’t seen one like hers and he didn’t want to guess, the tumor was being sent to the Mayo Clinic for biopsy and once he had the results of type of tumor it was, he would know if further treatment would be needed. For now we needed to wait on results. He said it would be a little while before we could see her, but we could go up to the waiting room of the NCCU and they would come and get us.

Our family moved up to the waiting room, my husband paced back and forth wanting to go see her, I sat with my mom and sister, trying to patiently wait, which was a tough task to accomplish. About a short time later the anesthesiologist came into the waiting room to see us, he went over the surgery as had her surgeon, he also told us that her surgeon was one of the best in his field and he had worked with him for twenty five years. She was in good hands he said, she did amazingly well, “she will be ok”, as soon as they had her settled in her room, a nurse would come and get us he assured us. I really hadn’t experienced an anesthesiologist follow up with the family after a surgery and spend as much time with us as he had, it was very comforting to know that he had taken the time. Once more on this leg of our journey, we were met with yet another compassionate doctor. I felt like God was truly embracing us with his robe and assuring us things were going to be ok by sending these special people into our lives.

There seems to be something there with some people, men really, who are part of the Catholic ACTS community, that I have noticed and encountered. The reason for this I should mention, or at least in my view, is that while we were waiting for my daughter to go into surgery and her anesthesiologist was talking to us, I noticed he was wearing the ACTS fishers of men bracelet, I glanced at my husband’s wrist and he was also wearing his. Both my husband and the doctor also noticed that they each were wearing them, after he (doctor) was done talking to us about the medication, he went over to my husband and shared some commentary about ACTS and they exchanged information about their perspective church communities, my husband asked him to take care of his little girl and the doctor assured him he would do just that. I am not saying that the doctor took better care of my daughter because of this, I am sure and it was obvious that he really cared about his patients, but I saw it as another one of God’s interventions, another sign he had sent our way.

My husband couldn’t wait, he went to check on her and a little later came out to get me, he told me my daughter was asking for me, he advised me that she was paralyze from her left side, but they had told him it was temporary. As I walked through the doors of the NCCU, we were met by a nurse, there were still several nurses and one of her doctors in her room, the nurse told me that my daughter was asking for me, and If I could go in first, as we walked she stopped me at the door and advised me that my daughter was very angry at her dad, and it would probably be better if he waited a while to see her, in order not to agitate her further. I was not sure why, how or what was going on, so I went in to see her. I was totally unprepared for what I saw and heard and it scared the heck out of me.. She was moving her right hand and reached for me, as she talked the left side of her face did not move and the nurse was touching her left arm and leg and asking if she could raise her limbs or felt the touches, she couldn’t do either. She seemed to be fully awake, but was talking about things that had happened a year to over three years prior, she was saying that she hated her father, he was mean, and when I asked her why, what had happened, I found that the anger she was expressing for him, was due to an argument/fight they had over a year before due to her boyfriend, but she was talking as if it had just happened. I just looked at her nurse, and I knew she could tell and sense that I was completely confused and worried; she assured me that it was normal for this type of surgery; it would take some time for the distortion in her mind to clear up. She was dozing off and on, I stepped out to tell my husband what was going on and asked him to tell our family that they would have to wait until the next day to see her; she was in no condition to have company, I asked him to thank them for us, and we were sure they would understand, but it was best that she not have any visitors that day. We would keep them posted via phone for now. He was pretty upset that she didn’t want to see him even though I explained to him the situation, and I knew it was more the fact that he was hurt and not really anger on his part, but it was really hard to tell by his actions. He was going to go tell our family, and then go get something to eat and go home for a while, told me to call him whenever she wanted to see him and left. Well, couldn’t worry about him, I had my daughter to go to..I walked back into her room, and sat by her bed for the next three hours. As she talked about events we had been a part of over the last three and a half years, I was amazed, each time it was as if they had just happened, the clarity with which she talked about them made me also feel like they had just happened. It was a very strange feeling, almost like one of those time travel scifi movies, where people travel to the future, but we were traveling back in time and reliving events. It was almost as if the things she was remembering were things that had left the biggest impressions on her. She would drift off to sleep for very short periods of time, then all of sudden she would wake up and be angry at her dad all over again, how she felt about him at those particular times were pretty intense, each time her blood pressure would shoot up and heart rate would accelerate..I learned very quickly to change the subject gingerly, and in some cases just go along with what she was talking about..I noticed and learned that if I tried to correct her or tell her what she was talking about wasn’t’ the case, she became more agitated..Because to her at that moment and in her mind, what she was thinking about was her reality, it was to her the current time and place where she found herself. She talked about her best friend, all of a sudden she would say that L had just left her room, “mom L said she will be right back”, then she would jump to “boy that was a lot of fun at the carwash” and when I asked her what car wash, she told me, “yesterday, the eighth grade carwash, you forgot already?” (which we had in April 2006), or something else completely different, she had just talked to a friend on the phone, or she had talk to her aunt that morning. .I found that I had to also be as quick on my feet with responses and thoughts to keep up with her, I was just never sure what we would be discussing next or what her mood was going to be, she took us through those last several years in quick flashes. I started to picture us as a ball in a pinball machine.

She finally fell asleep for a good thirty minutes, and when she awoke, she was still somewhat confused, but was also more aware of her current surroundings..The nurse kept checking for movement on her left side, she had all these tubes in her, each connected to a different bag of something or other, or going to two large monitors. She finally asked where her dad was, I told her that he had gone to get something to eat, I still approached the topic of her dad gently, the big proceed with caution sign popping up in my head, and asked her if it was ok to call him to come sit with her so I could go walk a little, I braced myself not knowing what her response was going to be, but she said “sure, you need to get something to eat too”. So I called to tell him, he had the green light to come back and see her, he was going to pick up something for me to eat and be on his way.

To be continued….

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Mari,

Sounds like you had and have a lot going on now. I am hopeful that all of your daughter's tests and doctor's visits will go well. Please know that I am here when you need me.

God Bless!

Donna

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Your writing so vividly takes me there that after this latest installment I feel like I'm spinning. I read your recent updates that Lauranda is again dealing with health ?????'s. I sure hope and pray that all is well.

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Hello forum family,

And thank you ladies for your thoughts and concerns for my baby girl... We are once again waiting on more lab work, and going through the process of elimination. Take her back to endro next week to get latest results, and then go from there. She has actually been taking the process pretty well, it has unfortunately or fortunately (depending on the type of day we are having) become a familiar routine..

We did start taking Zumba classes last week (3xs wk)...even though we started working out in May, 4 to 6 xs a wk...NOTHING prepared me for the aches and pains of muscles I had forgotten I had.. but I know it will be well worth it and really help to work out STRESSSSSSS once I can get past struggling to get out of bed after a workout… On the other hand my daughter to her true form has been a champ and is enjoying the challenge (or maybe more enjoying too much watching me suffer)….

Hope to continue with posting our journey soon...just been somewhat distracted...

May you all have a wonderful week

Blessings,

Mari

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