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A Birth Grandmother's Role


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feel better soon sweet Lady!

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Thank you ladies... so far so good this morning... bracing myself for later today and tomorrow.. keeping my fingers crossed though that i don't hurt like the last time.. Hope that semi that hit me them takes a detour this time... :lol:

Thinking about you this morning, and hoping the semi took a detour!

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Thank you ladies….

Will unfortunately the darn SEMI hit me head on, this time accompanied by headaches and nausea. The good thing is that by tomorrow morning most of my symptoms should subside, the down side is I go through it all over again in two weeks.. But I am hopeful that after it’s all said and done, my arm will be a heck of a lot better and I can start physical therapy and then quickly back to doing basic things like gardening, working on my jewelry (especially with Christmas around the corner), washing my hair without wincing in pain, just those everyday things we take for granted at times, oh yeah and SLEEPING better, tired of my dark circles and huge bags under my eyes..

I don’t know much about Fibromyalgia, or some of those other conditions that cause your entire body head to toes to be so painful and sensitive to the slightest touch but the little that I’ve been exposed to (mostly commercials) I really feel for people who deal with this on a daily bases. Something else to just give me a whole new appreciation for my health..

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Oh, no! Mari - I'm so sorry to hear you've been feeling so bad. I hope everything subsides quickly. We've known a few people in our lives with Fibromyalgia and it's been a really difficult path for them. Praying you are feeling as much relief as possible soon. You always have such a positive outlook, so I know your optimism will help you heal even faster.

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Woke up Friday feeling MUCH MUCH better... only area of soreness was site of injection with a little swelling.. By Saturday even that was gone... arm a little on the tight side, but I hope once I get my last injection and get the physical therapy my range of motion and tightness will improve 100% (ok I'll take 99%).. I'm sure it's like that because when it hurt so bad I would try and not move it if I didn't have to... unfortunately it's might right arm and I'm right handed so I dealt with it.. :o ..

Thanks for you thoughts and good wishes.. :rolleyes:

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Mari,

I just wanted to write a note here to say that I spent the last two evenings staying up waaaaay too late reading this entire thread of yours. I know others have said it already, but you definitely have a gift for writing and especially for the cliff-hangers! I was one of the lucky people who attended the orientation that you and your daughter spoke at in 2009, so I even knew your story and I still couldn't stop reading! Thank you for sharing. I felt like I traveled right next to you, feeling your emotions as you recounted them in such clear and thoughtful detail.

I also remember a bit from the orientation, especially how you encouraged all of us PIW's to "be ourselves" in our profiles instead of trying to "be perfect" or writing things that we think birthfamilies want to hear. That made a huge impression on me and I think made our final profile so much stronger. I was trying to remember what you said about how you and Lauranda eventually chose Sloane's adoptive family, about how you looked through the profiles together, and I remember feeling touched by what you said, but I can't remember the specifics of that part of your story.

I am so glad you are such a strong presence on the forum. You voice adds such a layer of wisdom and perspective to the forum conversation and I am grateful for you. May you find healing soon for your current physical ailments. I'll add my prayers to the legion going up for you already.

:)

Carissa

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Mari, I'm very glad to hear you have had some relief, even if you aren't ready to take the world (or even the day) by the horns! I have always viewed you as a sort of surrogate mother, if you will. I admire you and I love you. I respect how you have always been a voice.of strength even in my toughest of adversities. Thank you for everything you have done for me and everyone on the Forum. You are a blessing in so many ways.

Carissa, wasn't she AMAZING at that orientation? I have been fortunate enough to speak alongside her and Lauranda at two orientatioms, and their story touches me each time.

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Yup, and your story also touched me and has stuck with me all these years too, Ellen! Now that I've been on the forum for awhile, I realize what a rockstar panel the Cootchie Cootchie Coo's got! I love following all of your continuing stories on the forum because I really feel such a connection to all of you after hearing your stories there. Thanks again to all of you who were brave enough and kind enough to speak with us that day. You changed our lives.

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Mari,

I just wanted to write a note here to say that I spent the last two evenings staying up waaaaay too late reading this entire thread of yours. I know others have said it already, but you definitely have a gift for writing and especially for the cliff-hangers! I was one of the lucky people who attended the orientation that you and your daughter spoke at in 2009, so I even knew your story and I still couldn't stop reading! Thank you for sharing. I felt like I traveled right next to you, feeling your emotions as you recounted them in such clear and thoughtful detail.

I also remember a bit from the orientation, especially how you encouraged all of us PIW's to "be ourselves" in our profiles instead of trying to "be perfect" or writing things that we think birthfamilies want to hear. That made a huge impression on me and I think made our final profile so much stronger. I was trying to remember what you said about how you and Lauranda eventually chose Sloane's adoptive family, about how you looked through the profiles together, and I remember feeling touched by what you said, but I can't remember the specifics of that part of your story.

I am so glad you are such a strong presence on the forum. You voice adds such a layer of wisdom and perspective to the forum conversation and I am grateful for you. May you find healing soon for your current physical ailments. I'll add my prayers to the legion going up for you already.

:)

Carissa

Thank you Carissa for your sweet comments, sorry you lost some sleep.. I do have to come back and finish, just haven’t MADE the time to do so..

Ah__ yes that first orientation___ I remember sitting there with some of the most amazing first parents including my daughter and thinking how vulnerable and protective of their tender hearts they seemed, yet in the mist of it all how much strength, courage and selflessness they possessed to make that ultimate sacrifice, and at the same time being so giving of themselves to share their stories face to face to help PIWs better understand a first parents heart/heartache. FPs were all at different levels and places in their journey and their willingness to share their experience gave me an even higher level of respect for them. It was also amazing to see PIWs who’s compassion and own vulnerability showed through their /your eyes and many seemed to open their hearts to embrace these brave souls, almost as if a new and deeper awareness had taken hold of them and their hearts.

Anyway.. back to my granddaughter’s parents being chosen.. My daughter and I whole heartily believe things happen for a reason; God sends/gives us signs to guide us if we are open and observant and still ourselves long enough to listen and see. We had looked through many profiles, none of which were from Texas which is what my daughter really wanted, so she had kinda settled for three at the time. It was a Friday I called Abrazo and spoke with Pamela letting her know we would be going by the office the following week to drop off the ones that were not chosen and asked again about any Texas families, she put me on hold for a bit then came back to the phone, she had just opened up a profile that had arrived shortly before my call and it was a Texas couple. When we went to the office the following week to drop off profiles and pick up the profile that had come in my daughter was given a second Texas couple’s profile that had become available within those few days after my call.. What were the chances, first none now two.. This was going to be tough we both thought …. Weighing pros and cons on the way home as she scanned them both and we talked about them... She liked both couples, we both spoke to them, but what she went back to was what she first noticed in the nursery picture of one of the profiles and she said “look mom, this could be it, this may be my sign” that was the beginning of what led my daughter to her daughter’s parents. The item in the nursery that caught her attention immediately and was what she felt to be a sign for her was a …………..ready……drum roll…….just kidding, but really it was A LARGE STUFFED LION.. Yes, a lion!!…. My daughter is a Leo and she loves lions…

I know it may sound kinda cheesy to some, but when you have the level of Faith she had (has) at coming through the experience of not only her but her child as well almost dying two months prior she felt that God’s hand was continuing to guide her. -_-

BTW, had to check out the much talked about profile. Cover page is great!! Keeping positive thoughts going yals way…

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I love it! You just never know what the sign will be, do you? Thank you for sharing that part of your story here. For some reason, that's always one of my favorite parts of "matching" stories--the 'how did you know they were the ones' part always warms my heart and puts a big smile on my face. I especially love stories like yours where it's some seemingly small detail that catches the eye.

And you are absolutely right. Hearing those FP stories in our orientation DID open our hearts and give us deeper awareness and understanding. Any doubts we may have held about open adoption before orientation were completely washed away after hearing you all speak. It's amazing to think about how much this community teaches us about open adoption relationships that we can then share with others both within the Abrazo community, the wider adoption community and then the rest of society. Your influence reaches far!

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Mari, I'm very glad to hear you have had some relief, even if you aren't ready to take the world (or even the day) by the horns! I have always viewed you as a sort of surrogate mother, if you will. I admire you and I love you. I respect how you have always been a voice.of strength even in my toughest of adversities. Thank you for everything you have done for me and everyone on the Forum. You are a blessing in so many ways.

Carissa, wasn't she AMAZING at that orientation? I have been fortunate enough to speak alongside her and Lauranda at two orientatioms, and their story touches me each time.

Thank you sweetie, I am TOO glad in finding relief for my arm… I cut down some rosebushes Monday for brush pick up and planted a small tree, then re-arranged some kitchen shelves… Felt so good to be able to get it done. I really need to get back to exercising, the numbers on that darn scale have been creeping up in the last six months.. Guess just walking and portion control for me is not doing it. :(:lol:

And I view you as my surrogate daughter.. I think you may be able to tell by my responses to some of your post, I try to be as gentle but as honest and forward as I would be with my own two girls. There is nothing I have told you that I wouldn’t tell them. As well as at times no words seem to be needed from me so I only offer you a hug as I do with my girls at times when they want to just share and no need for mom’s advice or to try and fix anything, so I listen and then embrace them in a hug. I love you too kiddo, you have a special place in my heart as do your kiddos.. :wub:

I also intend to come back hopefully later this evening or tomorrow and comment on Merae’s post on your thread.. Been putting much thought in her post (which is what I try to do with certain topics before I post).. she brought up some good things that sent my mind back through the last four plus years and I hope to be able to shed some light on how we got from then to now.

Hugs to ya and precious princess Naomi …

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Dear Ellen,

Since I couldn’t find your blog, I am placing this post to you here… Lov ya…

Oh sweetie, I am so behind on reading posts on the forum, and reading your latest post last night made me sad, my heart goes out to you. You DO need to take the time and take care of YOU and precious Naomi, I am sure C’s parents understand this, and you don’t have to worry about her because she is being taken good care of. As long as you continue to move forward and continue to look for and take advantage of any resources to better yours and Naomi’s life to get to that place of peace is your first priority right now. Maybe somewhere down the road you will be in a place where you can truly have an open relationship with C and her family. My prayers are that neither side closes the doors to this possibility, but to give you the time to tend to your needs with love, compassion and understanding.

Sweetie, I would hate for you to withhold your great insight that only one who has walked in your shoes can offer to another in the same situation. We already have so few of you brave souls here. You, Lisa, Jada, Krystal and Elicia were the first ones whose experience and willingness to share even when the story was not so pretty and happy go lucky helped me so MUCH understand a little better what my own child was going through. How to put an action plan together to help her get through that very hard first year.

You have been impacted with this placement by also being a young single mom, trying to raise a child (toddler) without much if any family support. My daughter was impacted that first LONG year not only dealing with entrustment and all the raw emotion that goes with that, but also dealing with having freshly gone through major brain surgery and all the affects of that. I on the other hand, BUT as I have mentioned here before and as recently as this past weekend to some fine folks, can in NO WAY compare my heartache of my grand-daughter’s entrustment to my child’s or any first parent’s heartache, But I was also dealing with other stuff that LONG first year. Not sure if you remember my post to you a while back about not staying in that house of darkness, not making it your permanent residence, making sure it was only a short pit stop for you. I was there many times that first year, jumping in and out at times with no warning. Watching my daughter hurt and then trying to keep her stress level and agitation as minimal as possible like her doctors had instructed which was vital to her healing from her brain surgery was the toughest thing that had been put on my shoulders. As a mother I knew I had to do it, I had to be strong for my child no matter what or how I felt. Many times I felt like a single parent trying to keep things going alone because my spouse couldn’t handle it, they say men are stronger then woman, but not when it comes to emotional stuff. His way of dealing with my daughters brain surgery and then placement was to be gone most of the time on “church social events” where I was the one keeping the home front going and helping my daughter relearn many things, home school her and deal with stuff. I had many a day when it took all the strength I had and could muster up to keep my head above the waves of emotion and feeling of despair, many times due to lack of sleep because I had spent night after night keeping vigil over her. At times I literally felt like I had to claw and crawl my way out of that dark hole too many times, more than I care to remember. Some nights as I watched her sleep restlessly, I wondered if we were ever going to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Some days the only outlet for me was getting in the shower and bawling my eyes out and allowing my whole body to wrench with the pain of it all. Eventually we made it through, none of it has been easy, but hard work, persistence, determination and the willingness not to give up helped us along the way.

And you know sitting here typing this right now I just realized I have never outside of this forum and one other group I belong to have really talked about any of this. I’ve never sat with anyone from my family nor any of the few really close friends I have and bared my heart and soul on any of this. But if it weren’t for people like you and the other first parents that have allowed me and others to see your hurt, strength, courage and vulnerability I would not have had the courage and strength to show mine. You are a valuable piece of this community, I am so sorry you feel you are not safe here, because that would mean none of us on the not so pretty side of this journey are. Take time to heal, you deserve it.

Much love to you and thank you for all the strength you and other first mom’s have given me and my daughter. :wub:

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Ah, well I am not a baker any more.. those years passed me LONG LONG ago. Other then helping Lauranda with her Banana Nut Bread for Christmas I stay away from any baking :D .. but I found a pie recipe that I want to make for Thanksgiving.. I'm thinking I will make it this weekend FIRST and use Lauranda and her dad as guinea pigs to try it out... :lol: I sure hope it passes inspection!!!!!

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Lol..... men aren't as subtle as us women :D

I nor my daughter have a sweet tooth, Thank goodness for that :lol: because my faves are items with chocolate.. Oreos, Little Debbie cup cakes, fudge brownies, chocolate on chocolate cakes, M & M's w/peanuts or almonds....BOSTON CREAM PIE...YUMMM...so it is great that only every once in a long while I will treat myself to a treat, if not I'd be a full blown diabetic I think..

I did bake the pie Sunday it's a recipe I got from an Amish book (by the way some of their recipes are extremely high in molasses like their Shoofly pie and stuff, wonder how many of them are diabetics)... this one is a chocolate chip (of course) and pecan one. I had my husband try it first :P though he's like the old Mikey commercials, he'll eat anything just about.. I waited til the next day (just in case) and tried a piece, came out pretty good, not too sweet either.. My daughter calls it the chocolate chip cookie pie because that's what it looks like and the outer texture taste like.. So looks like my family will finally get a dessert for THANKSGIVING, baked by me B)...

Edited by 1st x grandma
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Today will be my third day of my first week of physical therapy... I knew my arm was stiff, but lordy didn't realize how much... But looking ahead at four weeks down the line.. :)

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glad to have you back!

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This is horrible, had to take a short break at work to get on here ... So many good things going on here!!!! So many post I want to put my TWO DIMES in... But my home computers will still not let me access anything on Abrazo..

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