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A Birth Grandmother's Role


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Thank you Jessica... I know there are a lot of other blended families who have a similar relaitonship within open adoption.. I sure would love to hear from the first families their stories, their visits and their loved children.. I know it can be seen and felt as a very private journey, but how much they would help bring hope and strength to others who may benefit from them. Maybe one day other's will feel comfortable enough to jump in here and share within the forum with others who have walked in similar shoes and travel through similar journey.

On another topic... I watched a news report yesterday about a little girl taken from shopping cart at a Walmart when her mother stepped just a few feet away.... Sometimes we don't think about these dangers, it's so easy for us as parents or even caregivers to do this in stores, we get a little distracted and open ourselves up for this possibility. So grateful this little girl is safe, it sends chills through my body as to what outcome this could have had.

This served as a GREAT reminder to protect our treasures, I know next time I go ANYWHERE with my godchildren or any other little munchkin I will be more alert..

Everyone have a safe 4th!!!

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It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself. ~Joyce Maynard

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It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself. ~Joyce Maynard

What a wonderful quote.

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Ah, what parent can't identify with this.. I know even as my daughters get older I continue to learn from them.

The trouble with learning to parent on the job is that your child is the teacher. ~Robert Brault

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Ah, what parent can't identify with this.. I know even as my daughters get older I continue to learn from them.

The trouble with learning to parent on the job is that your child is the teacher. ~Robert Brault

This quote speaks to me today too, Mari. I was just thinking yesterday about how much I have grown in life since we've been entrusted with Jordan. It's amazing how much she has taught me.....and she just started talking! It's an amazing honor and I am so glad she and her first family found their way to us!

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Mari, I'm not sure when you changed your profile pic but just wanted to say that I love it!

Thank you Jocelyn,

I actually changed it a few weeks back but for some reason sometimes it would still show my previous one and sometimes this newer one..

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Ah, what parent can't identify with this.. I know even as my daughters get older I continue to learn from them.

The trouble with learning to parent on the job is that your child is the teacher. ~Robert Brault

This quote speaks to me today too, Mari. I was just thinking yesterday about how much I have grown in life since we've been entrusted with Jordan. It's amazing how much she has taught me.....and she just started talking! It's an amazing honor and I am so glad she and her first family found their way to us!

Jordan is at an amazing stage, but really each stage is beautiful, scary, wonderful, worrisome, fantastic, and a slu of other peaks and valley rollercoaster ride. I have always tried to spend some quiet time and think about my day and opportunities parenthood has brought into my life, the things I learned quickly, those things that I didn't and had to be knocked on my back side to learn, the beauty of it all both positives and the not so good when we happen to learn by trial and error. The journey is full of amazing highs and lows.. Enjoy your beautiful girl and each step of the way...

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Ah, what parent can't identify with this.. I know even as my daughters get older I continue to learn from them.

The trouble with learning to parent on the job is that your child is the teacher. ~Robert Brault

I love this quote.

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If I had my child to raise all over again,

I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.

I would do less correcting and more connecting.

I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.

I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I'd do more hugging and less tugging.

~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again

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If I had my child to raise all over again,

I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.

I would do less correcting and more connecting.

I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.

I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I'd do more hugging and less tugging.

~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again

I love that, Mari. :)

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If I had my child to raise all over again,

I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.

I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.

I would do less correcting and more connecting.

I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.

I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I'd do more hugging and less tugging.

~Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again

Thanks for posting this Mari!

I have tried to follow the advice of my mom, who had lots of regret about spending more time doing laundry or making sure the house was spotless than spending time doing some of the little things. I try to remind myself when there are toys strung all across the house or there are dishes in the sink that I can do them later because one day in the not so distant future I am going to long for the extra work because my babies won't be babies anymore and won't want all this time with me any longer.

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When I was growing up I had a friend who always wanted to come to my house to play and hang out (my house was the hang out place for all our friends) mainly because we could have fun without being constantly told that we needed to “not make a mess”.. Though my mom didn’t really play or hang out with us, she didn’t mind the sheet and chair tents in the living room, the mud pies nor the racing rolly pollies on the floor to just name a few. Our imagination could take whatever turn and twist it wanted, and she knew it was in the safety of our home. Whereas my friends house, they couldn’t touch anything, they couldn’t sit in the living room, they couldn’t they couldn’t they couldn’t …….blah blah blah

With my girls, hang out place, and though I’ve always worked outside the home, I took advantage of those field trips, volunteering with cheerleading, sports, girl scouts, room parent stuff, festivals, dances, sitting at a table with a few other parents while school friends hung out at the pizza parlor (for hours sometimes :blink: ) taxi driver for them and their friends.. list can go on, but reading that I couldn’t help but think what other opportunities I had missed, especially with my youngest due to me traveling a lot due to work for several years. Though I tried to make it up whenever I could some moments we can never get back.

Enjoy your children, they do grow up so fast and one day they may not want mom hanging around, or need mom to drive them anywhere.. :o

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Mari,

Thanks for your lovely wisdom. My mom worked outside the home while I was growing up and she was awesome about letting my friends hang out, etc. We would build tents, play basketball and my Mom would always have snacks for everyone.

Alexander is almost 2 and he is so independent. He does not want to be carried everywhere anymore. I already miss being able to carry him. He still gives lots of kisses and cuddles but he is growing up so fast!

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If your children spend most of their time in other people's houses, you're lucky; if they all congregate at your house, you're blessed. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

I was blessed growing up and thankful that I was also blessed with my girls. :wub:

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Mari, thank you so much for keeping us three and Amber in your thoughts always--I was so touched by your post on our blog! I had the chance to catch up on yours and I always appreciate your quotes, wisdom and the loving spirit. Whether you are an adoptive or birthparent, you take us all under your wings and we all huddle in your arms!

I loved hearing about the sleepover visit with Sloan. It gives me an idea of something I could do with Amber when Juliet is a bit older.

Most importantly, PLEASE take care of your health. I must scold you for not going to GP for 6 years! I presume that everything is ok? Do you know anything more?

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If your children spend most of their time in other people's houses, you're lucky; if they all congregate at your house, you're blessed. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

I was blessed growing up and thankful that I was also blessed with my girls. :wub:

Great quote Mari, and a great reminder for me. Our house has a revolving door with kids coming and going all the time. We have lots of kids in our cove, and if they are not in our house, they are in our garage/yard/always close by. My kids constantly ask if they can have friends over because they know (most likely) I'll say yes! At first I resisted it a little, but then I began to embrace it because I always said I wanted to know where my kids were and who their friends were. I'm glad they enjoy having friends over, and glad their friends enjoy being here! I am blessed!

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If your children spend most of their time in other people's houses, you're lucky; if they all congregate at your house, you're blessed. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

I was blessed growing up and thankful that I was also blessed with my girls. :wub:

Great quote Mari, and a great reminder for me. Our house has a revolving door with kids coming and going all the time. We have lots of kids in our cove, and if they are not in our house, they are in our garage/yard/always close by. My kids constantly ask if they can have friends over because they know (most likely) I'll say yes! At first I resisted it a little, but then I began to embrace it because I always said I wanted to know where my kids were and who their friends were. I'm glad they enjoy having friends over, and glad their friends enjoy being here! I am blessed!

Oohh, your not kidding best way to know where they are and who those friends are.. The other activity that afforded me much knowledge was being a driver for field trips, I recommend it :D

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Mari, thank you so much for keeping us three and Amber in your thoughts always--I was so touched by your post on our blog! I had the chance to catch up on yours and I always appreciate your quotes, wisdom and the loving spirit. Whether you are an adoptive or birthparent, you take us all under your wings and we all huddle in your arms!

I loved hearing about the sleepover visit with Sloan. It gives me an idea of something I could do with Amber when Juliet is a bit older.

Most importantly, PLEASE take care of your health. I must scold you for not going to GP for 6 years! I presume that everything is ok? Do you know anything more?

Thank you Airi,

Sleepover was awesome for all of us especially my daughter, one of the best weekends she’s had. She was able to do things with her little one that otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to experience, like helping her get ready for bed, bed time story, nighttime prayers, and getting her ready in the morning. Such good medicine for my heart and soul. I know it will be priceless for Amber one day as well, and I hope she has someone there to capture the moments on film for her, thank you and bless you for one day giving her the opportunity.

I’ll take my scolding :unsure: .. I know better and not that it’s an excuse :D but having to take my daughter to SO MANY doctor appointments, test, and follow ups since her brain surgery, well it was all the ones I could take and handle for a long time. I am still working on trying to get diagnosis, but pretty much on hold right now, they still can’t find what is causing my right-side hip/pelvic region pain.. For my weird head cloudiness spacy feeling, GP couldn’t find anything (thought it was my heart causing it), right arm he has given me 4 steroid shots which didn’t do a whole lot. His next step was an MRI for arm and an ENT, so I contacted my daughter’s neurosurgeon who also sees patients for neck, shoulders, back, etc. and had an appointment a little over 2 wks ago for my arm and head, he is ordering MRI for my arm, shoulder, neck and head areas, but darn insurance is dragging their feet so I’ve been in limbo. Eventually I hope it will all be behind me, meanwhile I’m sucking it up and though some days are easier then others trying to stay active and not let the pains consume me :ph34r:

Have a great week!

Edited by 1st x grandma
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You are such a rock that one would never know that you are going through so much pain. I totally understand that there is only so much hospital visits/doctors that one could take. This is what happens with caretakers--you don't take care of yourselves! But it sounds like you are now and I truly hope that you get some answers and relief from the pain and discomfort. Maybe you can call up the insurance and have them speed things up--there is nothing more important than your health and they should know that.

thank you again for sharing about the sleepover. That will be a wonderful memory for Juliet also and we look forward to it down the road!

Please take care of yourself, Mari.

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Thank you Airi,

When I read the word “rock” the image that popped into my head was a huge boulder type, with some rough and smooth edges all around it, a few cracks and chips here and there. BUT STILL HOLDING STRONG! ! Made my day :rolleyes:

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You are a ROCK for many....so glad you are taking care of you! Holding up so many is tough, no wonder your shoulders hurts! I think of you like Atlas - with the world on his shoulder

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You are a ROCK for many....so glad you are taking care of you! Holding up so many is tough, no wonder your shoulders hurts! I think of you like Atlas - with the world on his shoulder

You do this and so much more. You're a valuable part of Abrazo's community and I'm so grateful I know you.

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Thank you ladies... LOL. I appreciate your vote of confidence in me... I kinda pictured myself more like Maxine (i love the sense of humor they portray her with in life) trying to hold up a rock instead of Atlas... :lol:

Y'all have a great weekend...

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Gosh this year has flown by... We were in Vegas last year at this time visiting my baby girl #1 and it was the last day my baby girl #2 was a teen.. And today is the last day my baby girl #2 will be 20... Can't believe she will be 21 tomorrow, I thank God everyday for not taking her from me almost five years ago. -_-

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