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A Birth Grandmother's Role


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Oh Mari,

I am so sorry that you are struggling so much with this. I have been reading your story and I am so appreciative of the time, energy, and emotion you have spent to enlighten us on the journey you and your daughter were/are on. I appreciate that you don't gloss over the details, even when they're difficult for you to write about. You are a very valuable member of our Forum.

I checked out your album and your foil looks like Mary to me , I don't think you're nuts. . . .(I'm a fellow Catholic [though not a very sign-y one ;) ] ). May you be comforted. Take the time you need, and whenever you are able to write your next installments you will have a waiting, supportive audience. I hope that it's soon for your sake so that you will feel at peace and are able to get a good night's sleep. I think you are an amazing woman and mom!

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Hugs to you Mari and Lauranda! I know journaling your daughter's pregnancy and the placement of your granddaughter is not easy, nor should it be.

Please take all the time you need.

I respect your thoughts, your parenting and your signs.

Love,

Karen

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BlessedVirginTattoo-1.jpg


When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom... Let it be!
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom... Let it be
!

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be!
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, Let it be!


Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
there will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be!
I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, Let it be!


Let it be, let it be... Let it be, let it be
There will be an answer. let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom... Let it be

-- The Beatles


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Mari.....

Take comfort in the signs that you have seen.

I am so appreciative of the time you are taking & energy you are putting into these post. I can feel the love oozing from every pore of your soul.

When you are ready to share the next segment know that we are ready to digest your words of love.

xoxo, Amy

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Elizabeth,

You remind me of the DJ Delilah that comes on after 7 pm on soft rock.. Plays that perfect song for callers… You are amazing with your lyric selections for different situations.. I have seen some of them in other links. :D

Our story has left me drained at times, didn’t think I had that many tears still left in me, reading the lyrics which ring so true to me and my struggles right now, wow.. I needed that..

Thank you all, for continued encouragement and support, I know I will get over this hill or mountain (depending on the day I am having)..May you all have a wonderful weekend...

Love and Blessings

Mari

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Thank you for sharing with us a piece of you heart. We hope we get to meet you someday at Camp Abrazo!

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Continuation….Part 13

From the time I got home that afternoon, my daughter seemed to be really tired and pretty much slept all afternoon into the evening, I was afraid she would get dehydrated so I kept bringing her some fluids. I would wake her to take a few sips then she would go right back to sleep. It was around 10:30 that night when she hollered out a couple of times in pain, but when I went into her room to check on her she was asleep, I woke her up and asked her to take some Tylenol, she was irritable and said she just wanted to sleep. She didn’t have a fever and she hadn’t thrown up in a couple of hours, so I was hoping whatever she had was passing. Her dad and I finally went to bed shortly after 11:00 that night, it seemed like she was sleeping well enough, I was going to try and get some sleep as well, we had to get up early the next morning, she had her follow up with the specialist and we had to leave the house by 7:15. She always uses the bathroom in the master bedroom if she gets up at night, so as not to wake her three dogs (yes, 3 indoor dogs, poodle, cocker spaniel, & Chihuahua) by going to her bathroom down the hall, I felt comfortable I would hear her if she got up. It seemed I had just dozed off when I heard her throwing up, but she hadn’t come into our bathroom, so I got up and went into her room, I found her with her upper body flung over the side of the bed, throwing up into her trash can, but she had also gotten sick all over herself, I hollered for her dad to bring me a towel to clean her up and I was talking to her trying to get her to sit up, but it was as if she was still asleep. When her dad came in with the towels and we were trying to clean her up, she woke up, and he went off to get some clean linens, as she sat up on the bed, it was obvious she didn’t know she had just gotten sick, I was telling her that we needed to change her bed, then within minutes her eyes rolled back in her head she went back on the bed (almost like a faint) and her body started convulsing, it look like she was having a seizure. I yelled at her dad to call 911, he came in to ask why and I just yelled at him to do it, he grabbed the phone and called, while he is on the phone answering what seemed like a hundred questions they were asking him, her limbs straightened out and her entire body was stiff and solid, then her feet and hands were contorting, she started rolling to one side as her body was jerking, I was trying to keep her from falling off the bed, but I couldn’t move her, I told her dad to move her further over on the bed, but he couldn’t move her by himself either, she was as solid as a rock. We both had to lift her from her upper and lower body to move her.

She was out of it for less than five minutes, the first to arrive was a fire truck, firefighters came in and while one talked to her dad another checked on her and asked me what had happened, while I was explaining the EMTs arrived and the same thing, one sat and enter information into a lap top while the other checked her vitals, by this time the episode had pretty much completely passed, the EMT checking her was asking her questions, but she wouldn’t talk, she just looked aggravated that she was tired and didn’t feel well and wanted to be left alone. Needless to say the EMT felt like she was a teen with an attitude, he wanted to know, had she been home all evening, could she have taken some drugs, we had informed them that she was pregnant, and advised him of the meds she was prescribed, but other than that nothing else, he said that whatever had occurred was probably not a seizure because it would have lasted longer, he said they were not going to transport her to the hospital, she seemed fine, her vitals were good, for us to just call her doctor the following day and make her an appointment and they left.

By this time it was well after 1am, we had her lay on our bed with me and her dad took the recliner in the den. She fell back to sleep pretty quick, and I kept checking on her, at 4:00 am, she woke up and said her head hurt and while I was getting her some Tylenol, she had another episode, again I hollered for her dad to come help me, again it only lasted a few minutes then she fell back to sleep. We had decided that we would take her in first thing in the morning; we would get going at first light. We both remained semi awake, her dad on the recliner and I laying next to her and watching her,. Around 5:30 she began to throw up again, as soon as that passed, she fell asleep, not long after that she started breathing very heavy, wasn’t awake, yet she opened her eyes, again they rolled back and she had another seizure type episode with the stiff and contorting body. Again I called her dad to come help me, as soon as it passed, we dressed her, she was upset that we were taking her to the hospital, she didn’t want to go, said she was only sleepy. I had to get after her so we could get her in the van, shortly before 6am we were on our way to the hospital, we were not going to wait any longer, I didn’t’ care what the EMT had said, to me she was having seizures. I sat in the back with her and had her lay her head on my lap so she could sleep on the way to the hospital, as I caressed her head and hair, I just kept praying that she would be ok.

When we arrived at the hospital which is only 15 minutes away, (though at the time it felt like it took us so much longer to finally get there), while my daughter and I waited in the van, her dad went in through the emergency entrance to find out which side we needed to take her in through, (the hospital we have always used for her has the children and adult emergency right next to each other), a nurse came out to the vehicle to asses my daughter and due to fact that she was pregnant, we were instructed to take her in through the adult ER, the nurse helped us get her out of the vehicle, and while my husband moved the van, the nurse helped me walk my daughter into the admitting office, we each had to sort of hold her up from each side while we walked because her balance and coordination were off. The nurse was asking my daughter about her symptoms and other questions, my daughter just kept walking (more like dragging) and would just look at us, it was like she really didn’t understand, the nurse told her that she needed to tell the admitting clerk what was wrong with her. Even though I had responded to the EMT, and now the nurse, they would direct their questions to my daughter and expected her to respond, I know it was because she was pregnant, it was as if they felt, well if she could get into this situation then she could respond for herself. The admitting clerk took her temp, normal, took her blood pressure, normal, though again I told him what she had been experiencing, he felt like she was over medicated with the prescription drugs, “her doses are too high for her size” was what he kept saying, because her balance was affected, he brought a wheel chair and wheeled her into a room in the ER, they got her on a bed, a nurse came in to check and get more information. Thank goodness we had a vigilant emergency room doctor who knew this was more serious, he asked us about her symptoms, which we told him all she had been experiencing, what made us think she was having seizures, the rolling back of the eyes, tremors, convulsions, then very heavy breathing, her body contorting and stiff and we told him she was pregnant, he wanted to know how far along she was. My daughter was not quite coherent, she was kind of lethargic, and it was as though she were really spaced out on very strong drugs. He asked the nurse to start her on an IV, she was already slightly dehydrated, it seemed like all of a sudden she had developed dark red circles around her eyes, and they seemed sunken in like her cheeks, her face had no other color, she was so pale or ashen looking, my baby didn’t look like the same girl of the morning before. “Does she have epilepsy or a history of seizures” the ER doctor wanted to know; no, only as an infant, twice she had febrile seizures (seizures that occurred when fever develops quickly without warning and shoots up very fast instead of gradually) we told him. He wanted to admit her for observation, asked who family doctor was, we advised him that she had a pediatric dr. that she hadn’t seen since her pregnancy test, a couple of months prior, but we gave him the names and contact info of both her pediatrician and her ob. He also wanted to run some test, would call her doctors, he wasn’t’ sure if he should admit her to the children’s hospital area or maternity floor, he told us he would be back as soon as possible. My daughter had fallen asleep again and while we waited for the doctor to return and tell us what test they were going to do, I left her dad with her , by this time it was almost 7:30 am, I stepped out to call my employer that I wouldn’t be in, I also called my daughter’s school and the specialist office that she would not be there.

While the outside world was planning their Halloween outings for the day, I was experiencing quite an internal battle between my head and my heart.

To be continued....

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What a scary time that was for you. Seeing your child sick without knowing what is wrong I think is the worst. I cannot wait to hear if she is doing o.k. today.?

Heather :)

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Mari,

I can only imagine the feelings of being so scared for your daughter and her health. Your writing makes one feel the experiences and pain you were feeling at that time.

Hugs to you,

Tracey

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Mari -

I have SO APPRECIATED reading your story (I just got caught up to this last post). I am so grateful for your honesty and a I appreciate all of the time and emotional energy you have put into sharing. Thank you so much for sharing.

I am actually "Jen," the adoptive parent from Iowa, who you and Lauranda talked to on the phone back in January. So, on one hand it has been good to read the full story since I know you just a little bit. On the other hand, I have been so grateful to hear your perspective because I have been thinking a lot about our baby's birth mom (A) this last week. Your earlier posts on how you felt as a grandma who would miss your grandchild have been very insightful. Your thoughts have helped me think more about what A and her family are going through. We have a great relationship with all of them. I love them so much and desire do whatever I can during this time (our baby is 5 weeks old now) as they grieve the loss of Abram.

Thanks for going through pain again so that you can share your story. I hope that God continues to use it to help others in their journeys (it has certainly helped me in mine). And of course, I look forward to hearing the rest of the story.

Oh, and P.S. I got to meet and hold your beautiful grand daughter while we were in Texas getting Abram. It was such a blessing!

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Mari,

I have just read your posts about the journey you and your daughter have made from the beginning for the first time. It is a griping story told honestly and with great feeling. I was completely drawn in and couldn't stop reading until I finished it all even though I should have been sleeping. You have so many gifts, Mari. First and foremost you are an extraordinary mother. Your thought processes and intereactions with your daughter in the midst of this month's long, life altering event are phenomenal. I am in awe. I am also in awe of the polished way you relate the story in such a way as to allow the reader to feel as though he or she is inside your head. The way you were able to separate yourself and your personal emotions in favor of giving your daughter the respect and the space she needed to make her own decisions at the same time supporting and providing her with information is a beautiful thing. God surely guided you.

I am touched that you have chosen to share such personal parts of yourself and your family especially knowing that doing so is not within your comfort zone nor is it your usual manner. You are impacting the greater community and healing too. I want to reach through this montor and give you the biggest hug.

When I first started reading, I thought that your writing should be published. I think it could and should be pubilished on its own. You have a powerful story, insight, and writing style. Thank you for sharing it with us all.

I think we have a future keynote speaker in our midst. May God continue to bless and heal you as you bless others with your experience, empathy, love, and words.

Jean

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Dear Abrazo Family,

I am really glad, so many of you can follow along with the story/events of our journey, because I write it in very small pieces at a time, that’s about all I can get through , before I can post any of it (and that it makes sense to you no less), sometimes I feel like I babble, and though I try to re-read before I post, I question having the ability to put down and really convey what is in the depth of my heart and thoughts.. I am a mess when I am putting my thoughts and events down, pretty scary sight; have to do it in the privacy of my bedroom where I can be alone and close the door, so as not to scare my daughter and husband. I would really hate, for the thought to cross their mind that they had to have me carted away in a straight jacket. Kleenex companies have been making a bundle off of me these last 10/11 months..I should have bought stock in the product.

I appreciate the compliments in regards to my writing and ideas about publishing or speaking.. Not sure this is in the cards for me, maybe down the road someday. I know it would be hard for me to talk without breaking down, then my babble would be verbal instead of written, not sure how much would be understood. Do appreciate the thought though. For now, I will just keep writing and sharing our story with you, the forum family.

Jen, we saw pictures, you also have a beautiful little boy.. Stay close with his first family, I know they will always appreciate and love you for that. You have been blessed with him physically, and can hold him every day, and daily they will carry and hold him in their hearts and memories as well, I can assure you. Being able to watch him grow even from a distance and knowing he is so loved by you, will also be blessing for them.

Blessings to all,

Mari

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Mari

Your family will always be grateful that you took the time to document this very importnat time in your lives. May they all always be happy and healthy

Hugs

heidi

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Mari

Thank you again for sharing you and your daughter's experience. You are opening alot of eyes with your story. You have me on the edge of my desk chair reading you are so good with your writings I think you might have to change your career.

Char

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Mari, I just want to add my thanks to you and your daughter for sharing your story. Your writing has evoked every emotion and your insight gives me a much clearer picture of my own two daughter's birth grandparents. Both of their birthgrandparents didn't find out about their daugther's decisions for adoption until after the adoption plans had already been made. However, both grandparents have been very open in sharing their feelings and thoughts with me and so while they aren't members on the forum your written words give voice to their stories. Thank you for your courage and honesty.

Erika

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Continuation…..Part 14

When I went back into the ER area, my daughter was still asleep, a few minutes later the doctor came back in and said they were going to take her to get a CT scan. Within a few minutes they came for her and wheeled her bed out, we would stay in the room to wait for her, my husband went out to call his employer and to bring me coffee. A few minutes after they had taken my daughter for the CT Scan, her ob walked in, the ER doctor called her with a concern about the pregnancy, because of how many weeks along my daughter was, depending on how we looked at it, either ONLY 19 wks or ALREADY 19wks into her pregnancy, her symptoms, her age (under 20 higher risk) the ER doctor thought she was possibly having a severe case of preeclampsia (Eclampsia) and advised my daughter’s ob. She advised me that if it was preeclampsia, and because of the severity of her symptoms, unfortunately they would have to abort the baby, they would have to do it right away. Why, what could happen, isn’t it high blood pressure, can’t it be controlled, I wanted to know. Her symptoms were too severe; they would have to act quickly to ensure my daughter’s organs would not be damaged or possible worse. What do you mean worse? I was asking, yet afraid of asking and what I would be told, I was feeling my jaw and body stiffen. I was advised that seizures sometimes could cause a coma or the possibility of the mother to lose her life, but they would not be able to save the baby, survival rate for a baby born this early was not good. It was difficult to try and get my arms around this news; she had never had a problem with high blood pressure, why would this have happened? She asked where my daughter was, I advised her they had taken her to do a CT scan, they wanted to do the CTS to rule out anything else, and she excused herself, said she was going to go check on her and wanted to be there when they did the test.

I sat there trying to digest what I had just been told, all that had already happened to her and now this. I couldn’t understand why her age would have anything to do with the high blood pressure, why would teens be a higher risk for this. Do many teenage girls have these kinds of problems with their pregnancies? I was sure there was medical research to back this up; it was just hard for me to accept at this time knowing there are so many pregnant teens out there.

I also wondered how she would handle the news of having to abort the baby, especially after everything her and her child had already been through. How would she handle the LOSS? Maybe it was a good thing she/we had procrastinated with contacting an adoption agency, maybe we weren't suppose to, again I found myself with more questions than answers with regards to my daughter's pregnancy and the struggles she had been experiencing. I didn't know the answers again to any of this, and it was not only frustrating, but painful, I felt pain for my child and my grandchild. I found myself trying to rationalize, was it better to lose her child like this, then later through adoption if she went through with it, what would cause her less pain, there was no easy answer. This latest hurdle/challenge she/we were given was either going to take control of us if we allowed it or we would have to be the ones to take control of this new complex situation and what was happening.

It was as if someone was playing a cruel joke, we now found ourselves with my daughter fighting for her life and possibly also loosing my grand-daughter, my two precious girls live's were in danger. My thoughts went to the day we found out my daughter was carrying a girl; now fear not only for my daughter but for my grand-daughter and what might lay ahead scared me. I hadn't even had the chance to meet this little thing that was in the middle of such havoc, (through no fault of her own or her mother's) yet I felt like I already knew her, she was a part of me by being a part of my child, my blood was running through her veins as they were in my daughter's. I wanted to protect her and her mother, but I didn’t know how, it was out of my hands and it was such a helpless feeling. I didn't want to think anymore, my head pounded and felt it would explode. When my husband finally returned, I advised him of the latest, he was asking me a million questions, or at least that’s how it felt. I don't know, I don't know, I kept thinking, quit asking me so many questions, I don't want to think about it.

The wait felt eternal, I kept pacing back and forth in the room cubical, how long was it going to take? Watching the clock tick away was making me nervous. Every time someone walked by, I would think it was them bringing her back. Why couldn't I have gone with her? Why didn't I think of asking? Maybe they would have let me, I was so angry at myself for not thinking of it, she shouldn't be alone, what if something happened while she was there.

Oh, God, please let her be ok, please let her little one be ok, were the words I kept repeating in my head over and over again. My prayer though was not helping to keep the other frightening thoughts that would jump into my head every once in a while to disrupt my praying, it was an unending task pushing them out, drowning them out.

To be continued.....

Edited by 1st x grandma
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What a scarey place to be ? My heart aches for you as you relive this pain

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Mari how scary for you, your daughter and your husband. So much for such a young girl to handle. I feel your pain and worry with each word you wrote.

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Continuation….Part 15

Finally her ob came back into the emergency room where we had been waiting, she told us that they would be bringing my daughter back in a few moments and the ER dr. would be in to talk to us, the CT scan was done and results immediately confirmed the problem. “It isn’t preeclampsia” her ob said, “it has nothing to do with her baby or her pregnancy” she continued. “Oh, thank God,” I blurted out. “That’s good, isn’t it?” I asked, but she looked at me and said the ER dr. would have more info for us. Then it dawned on me and I was confused, so what happened? What was wrong with her? Why was she so sick? I started throwing the questions out to her, she told us my daughter had a lot of fluid in her head, and something was causing the fluid to build up. Thank goodness I was already sitting down, as the news began to unfold. I sat there for a moment, too stunned to speak and just looked at her for what seemed like a long time, before I could respond, but I knew it hadn’t been that long, with disbelief in my head, my body started to tremble, it was hard to keep my composure, a million questions swirling in my head, yet I couldn’t speak. Then all of a sudden it was, “WHAT, is she going to be ok?” I felt like my question had barely come out of my mouth, I sat there with tears streaming down my face, I looked at my husband, he had a blank look on his face, I think trying to take in what she had just told us, as I had been. It was like the dr. was talking Greek, I didn’t understand why this was happening, the doctor just held me while I cried, and said the ER dr. would be coming in to explain, he was making some phone calls. I sat there trying to comprehend what we had just been told. With my husband, it was like it took him several minutes longer before the words the doctor said registered the severity of the situation to his head, but before he could ask any questions, they brought my daughter back in, she was asleep. I needed to pull myself together, before she woke up.

When the ER dr. came back in, he told us that they were going to admit her to the Neuro Critical Care Unit; the scan showed she was suffering from hydrocephalus (build up of cerebrospinal fluid around the brain), something was causing a blockage. He had already been talking to a neurologist and a neurosurgeon. As he talked, I am replaying in my head everything we had been told to this point, and wondering how this could be happening. The ER doctor asked again about her symptoms, had she had any other problems in the past months beside her headaches and nausea? “Yes,” I told him, she was currently under the care of an ENT (ear, nose throat specialist) and had been for a year. “Why?” the ER dr. wanted to know, I relayed that the previous September, she had been experiencing dizziness, she had been running into walls and doors, her hearing in one ear felt like she was hearing in muffled tones, her pediatrician did a hearing test and found that her hearing in that ear was not where it needed to be, so he referred her to a specialist. He asked if they had done any test, a CT or MRI, and if so what was found. I told him they had done extensive testing and a CT I believed had also been done, they confirmed that her hearing was not at the level it needed to be, said it was caused by excess fluid in the inner ear canal. The diagnosis was Meniers Disease. They prescribe medication to help with the dizziness, had her reduce her salt and caffeine intake in order to reduce the fluid. She had been having follow ups monthly then every four months, I had just taken her in July; now she had another appointment already scheduled for December, she also had a complete physical in May. The ER doctor told us they were just waiting for a room to move her up to the NCCU, they were going to give her some morphine and later that afternoon they would do an MRI to determine what the blockage was. My daughter’s ob stayed with us the entire time the ER doctor talked to us. She asked if there was anything we needed, and I just told her the only thing was for my daughter to be ok, and thanked her for being there. She had gotten paged, so she needed to get back to her office, but said she would check back in with us a little later.

Meanwhile they were preparing to move my daughter over one cubical to hook her up and monitor her vitals while they waited for a room to be ready. She was so still laying there; she had not had an episode in almost five hours. It had been a long night and a long morning, but she was doing better then she had been, we were nearing 11 am already. After they moved her over and were starting to hook her up, things took a turn for the worse.

I was standing by her bed side, and even though she had awakened, she still didn’t seem too alert. I noticed her eyes roll back again and her body started convulsing, a lot of liquid started coming out of her mouth, I yelled for her dad to help me roll her on her side, the nurse got a suction hose and tried to suction the fluid out of her mouth so she wouldn’t choke, but he couldn’t because her jaws and teeth were clinched tight. As I am talking to her and asking her to come back out of it, the nurse threw the suction hose down and he ran out, within seconds the ER dr. was back at her side, this seizure was lasting longer than the ones previously, I told him, we kept trying to get her back and as soon as her body started to relax the dr. said almost to himself, “this doesn’t look right” and left the room. Within a few moments he was back in and said a neurosurgeon was on his way, before long the surgeon was in the cubical, as he was talking to her, a nurse from the NCCU came in and was there asking the other nurse for a tray and supplies, the NCCU nurse was placing tools and different medical items on this tray. The neurosurgeon said they were going to have to go in and relieve some of the pressure, they didn’t have time to take her to the OR, they were going to do it right there. As he is explaining what he was going to do, he took a razor and started shaving my daughter’s hair from her forehead hairline, a nurse cut off her upper under clothes, and they injected her with more medication, the surgeon then put local anesthesia on her forehead. He was going to do an emergency ventriculostomy (a procedure where they drilled a hole in her forehead to insert a tube that would drain the fluid that had built up). He advised us that the procedure would take about 15 to 20 minutes, we could wait in the waiting room and they would come and get us as soon as they were done. I couldn’t seem to leave the room and the NCCU nurse that came to assist with the procedure kept assuring me that she would be ok, there were several other nurses there and they promised that they would take good care of her.

I kissed her and told her we would be right outside, I knew she was scared because she held on to my hand so tight, we had to open her fingers to release her grip. I was scared also, I had been holding on to my composure since they had brought her back from the CT scan, but as soon as I left the room, I headed right for the door and outside to get some air, I also couldn’t keep my tears, well, more like sobs under control anymore, the pressure had been mounting and I didn’t want to scare anyone in the ER waiting area. I cried uncontrollably for a long time, my husband kept trying to re-assure me that she was going to be ok, but he also had tears running down his face.

When I was finally able to calm down a little, we went back into the ER waiting area to wait, we need to be there when they came to let us know we could see her. 15 minutes went by, then 20, 30, 45, my husband was getting antsy, kept asking more to himself then to me, why were they taking so long? Could something have gone wrong? They said it would only take 15 or 20 min. I was nervous as it was, and he was making me even more and I was also getting kind of irritable with him, he wanted to know if I was going to call my mom, and I told him, “no, we don’t know everything yet, I don’t want to give her partial information”, a few minutes later he wanted to know, if I was going to call anyone in my family, again I told him no, not until we knew more, I was trying really hard not to snap at him, so I started leafing through a magazine, absent mindedly turning pages without really seeing them, trying to ignore him, but I think more trying to ignore my fear as I would glance at the clock on the wall. The ER dr. finally came out to get us an hour later, before we went back in, he advised us that she had a tube coming from her upper forehead into a sack containing the fluid it was draining, she had done well and the neurosurgeon was still with her waiting to talk to us.

As soon as we walked in, she looked like a different person, she had color back in her face, the dark red circles around her eyes were gone, she was smiling at us and seemed to be in a good mood. I couldn’t believe the difference in her. Her surgeon, who turned out to be someone different then whom the ER dr. had originally told us, he happened to be the one on call, advised us that he had taken six vials of fluid to send to the lab for testing. The procedure itself had taken 20mins. but of course added to that was the prep and then the clean up. The next step was to determine what the blockage was; they would do an MRI later that evening, he wanted to make sure enough fluid was drained, and they needed to make sure she did well enough with the procedure she had just gone through. They would move her within the next couple of hours to the NCCU, but for now a nurse was assigned to her to make sure she handled the procedure ok without problems and to make sure she didn’t pull out the tube, because she was still on the morphine. We talked again about her symptoms and why she was under the care of the ENT, with the surgeon. He would be by to check on her a little later.

As I sat by her side, I looked around her bed, and tried to keep my fear in check, she asked if they had cut a lot of her hair, and I told her no, but as I looked around there was plenty of blood, a lot of her long hair strands,(and of course I didn't tell her this) and all these gadgets hooked up to her. I was trying to imagine what she had gone through, and as hard as I did, I just couldn’t even begin.

To be continued......

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Mari,

You are a very strong lady and an amazing mother, I can see where your daughter gets it. Tears of sadness of what she and your family has gone through. Hugs to you all. I know we have all said this, but you have an amazing writing ability. Leaving me waiting for your next post. I'm sure it is hard to relive all that you have gone thru.

Blessings to your family,

Tracey

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Mari,

My heart goes out to you for what you and your daughter have been through. I am so thankful that the girl who was so critically ill in this story is a vibrant and beautiful young lady who has now become a senior. But what a harrowing journey you have all been on and how hard for you to relive it to put it into words. You are indeed a strong woman.

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Oh Mari,

As I read about the journey you, your daughter and your husband have traveled, I am amazed by your strength and courage. My prayers go out to you all and big hugs are being sent to you from Michigan.

Brenda

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Mari, I do thank you so very much for sharing this journey with us. Even when we do have contact with our children's first parents, we don't always know a fraction of what they are going through and the toll it has taken on them and their families. Your openness is wonderful, but I am so very sorry that you have been through this.

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