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JUNO- The Movie

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Juno, on the other hand, seemed very strong and secure...this is the way it is and this is what I'm going to do about it. I would bet this is also very common in relationships. A very strong, decisive woman and a man who just goes along. Besides...he's told "it's her body...it's her choice."

Maybe I'm sexist, but I think sometimes men don't step up to the plate because they don't know they're needed.

In real life, I've found that even the most decisive, most independent or irreverent and non-emotive birthmoms are anything but strong and secure, inside. But they'd be the last ones in the world to admit it. Sometimes, it's their camouflage they take on, to protect themselves from looking (or feeling) too vulnerable at what is in fact their most vulnerable point of all...

That said, Susan, I think you're right: pregnant fathers rarely seem to know how to be needed without prompting. It's an isolating experience, whether you're the one with the belly or not. And sometimes, they need someone to "tell them what is needed" just as much as their babies' mothers need them to be able to figure it out on their own.

You know, I don't think this is limited to pregnancy....I know some of the earliest disagreements in our marriage came when I expected or wanted Larry to figure out what I needed/wanted in a certain situation...be it emotional or picking his dirty underwear off the floor!! He told me early on that there wasn't much (if anything) he wouldn't do for me...but I had to ask. He couldn't read my mind, and his mind does not work like mine does in the least. Oh sometimes, I hate to have to ask. I want him to just know what to do or what I need. But the reality is...he doesn't. And true to his word, if I ask...he responds.

I am all for going to the movies if someone needs a buddy! I just need advanced notice to make sure I have someone to watch the girls. Maybe we can plan one in the near future for those of us that live in/around Memphis.

Sounds like a moms MAMS night out is needed...follow me to the MAMS thread!!

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I really struggle with this conversation because I can see both sides of it. I definitely think that it is important for BOTH partner to speak out about their wants and needs in a relationship, rather than expecting the other to be a mind-reader. After all, at least in my experience I have not met a true mindreader yet! Especially in romantic relationships.

However, my concern is that we do live in a sexist society and I think that one of the results of this is that women are given much more responsibility in romantic relationships to make sure that the relationship continues to sail smoothly. The result sometimes becomes that it is easier for men not to live up to their responsibilities in these relationships and then to say- "Well she never told me to." Please understand that this is a generalization and it in no way applies to everyone. However, in general men are given less responsibilities in these relationships and are held less accountable to what happens within them. I am a little hesitant to encourage a trend like that.

Edited by MFTMOM

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Bill and I just got back from seeing Juno -- and we both really loved it! We saw in at the downtown movie theatre near campus (Va Tech) and it was packed with college kids -- average age was probably 19! I thought it was so great that so many young people were seeing this movie and I am thrilled what it does to shed more light on adoption, especially on really impressive birthmothers! Yay, go Juno!

I completely balled my eyes out as Juno was giving birth and afterwards. All I could do was cry for our birthmother, our birthfather, and all birthparents. I too cringed at Vanessa in those early scenes, but by the end when she had the note framed on the wall, I found that my feelings for her became more caring and supportive. I think Juno saw something in Vanessa's soul in the scene at the mall that touched her deeply, and I wonder if that is why she decided to follow-through on the placement with her. While I really liked Mark in the beginning, I found myself rather disgusted with him by the end.

I think Abrazo should make this movie a REQUIREMENT for all adoptive parents BEFORE they come to orientation. The Vanessa personality is unfortunately more common than we as adoptive parents collectively care to admit. Had many of us adoptive parents not had the amazing experience of orientation, and of our Abrazo Angels, I fear that many of us would pose such questions to prospective birthparents. I am so glad that Abrazo is there to help us understand what this process is really about.

More to process, but suffice it to say -- go Juno!

Susan

PS -- And Bill loved the movie too -- and laughed the whole time -- so I definitely say to those spouses out there who do not want to go...go, go, I bet you'll like it...

Edited by Susan

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The Vanessa personality is unfortunately more common than we as adoptive parents collectively care to admit. Had many of us adoptive parents not had the amazing experience of orientation, and of our Abrazo Angels, I fear that many of us would pose such questions to prospective birthparents. I am so glad that Abrazo is there to help us understand what this process is really about.

I agree!

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I seen the movie the other night and loved it. Well most of it. I agree with Susan that at first I really liked Mark at the beginning and thought that it was great that he and Juno had music in common and could bond. I also remember reading about the sexual feelings between the birthmom and adoptive dad. I feel that young girls might confuse feelings for the AD as sexual someone to care for their baby and themselves. I really didn't like the part with Mark dancing with Juno and telling her he was leaving Vanessa. I thought what a jerk.

I loved the seen at the mall when Vanessa was talking to the baby and feeling for the baby to move that seen so touched me.

Juno I thought was a sensitive girl who didn't want to be. She put on a front of a tough girl who didn't care. I thought the seen in the hospital with her crying in the bed showed the true Juno. I cried for her and for all the women who have to go through that pain.

I hoped in the end of the movie that it would have had Juno wanting to be in her son's life and having a special closeness with Vanessa. What a special relationship two women can have when they both love their son and only want what is best for him.

Char

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What a special relationship two women can have when they both love their son and only want what is best for him.

So true, Char. In our society, women are too often "set up" as being catty and envious, but in open adoptions, there is often an amazing "soul sisterhood" between firstmothers and mommies-- when both are willing to embrace the intimacy that comes with sharing a child. But it takes alot of courage on the part of both, and it generally means that both women have a solid sense of self. I don't think, from what we saw of Juno and Vanessa, that Juno was mature enough to let down her guard or that Vanessa was secure enough to bridge the gap and let that happen, but I'm thankful to have known plenty of real-life Abrazomoms and birthmothers who do, and who have! :wub:

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Click Here to find out why Juno's attracting attention all the way to China.

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Just a quick note to say I took myself to see Juno on Valentine's Day evening, when Jenna was with Scott. I loved the movie and laughed when the dad was driving Juno to Mark & Vanessa's house for the first time to protect her against "being ripped off by some adoption wackos". I thought - wow, I'm sure that's exactly what birthparents and their families fear going into the whole thing! I liked being able to watch an adoption story from "the other side".

I haven't taken the time to read all the posts about why people didn't like Vanessa, but I could relate to her lifelong anticipation of becoming a mother and the pain in her eyes when Juno said "You should just be glad YOU're not pregnant!" when undoubtedly that had been her original wish before considering adoption. I too was (and still am) awed by the miracle of pregnancy and can't imagine the amazing feeling of having a baby inside you, which is why I liked the scene in the mall when she got to feel Juno's baby moving. Our daughter was a "baby on the ground" so I never got to have that experience.

The thing that encouraged me most about the movie was that Juno still decided to place the baby with Vanessa after she and Mark split up. I know I was very concerned when Scott and I split up last year that Jenna's birthparents would be upset about their decision and regret their decision to place because we didn't stay married. It was so nice to see that a birthmother could judge the heart of a woman like me, who wanted to be a mother more than anything, and look beyond her marital situation. Juno knew that even alone, Vanessa would give the baby the abundance of love Juno wanted for him. I know that Jenna has that same abundance of love from both me and her dad, even though we don't live together any more, and it was just nice to know that a birthmother might still make that decision if she saw the love and commitment to the child...whether the adoptive parent was single or married.

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What a special relationship two women can have when they both love their son and only want what is best for him.

but in open adoptions, there is often an amazing "soul sisterhood" between firstmothers and mommies-- when both are willing to embrace the intimacy that comes with sharing a child.

Amen to that! :wub:

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I think I need to find a movie pal - my husband is not a movie goer. :( And I want to see this movie.

My hubby doesnt like going to the movie either. I love them so much that I just started going by my self. I thought it was a little lonely at first, but now I really like it. Its kind of relaxing to go alone.

Also, I do plan to go see Juno....if I ever get time. ;)

I think my volunteer movie pal has forgotten about me (or maybe she is too busy with 2 active little girls). So, I just may have to go see this movie by myself. :( . Good thing is - "ME TIME"!

Hey! I didn't forget about you! I've left you several messages, silly! You must have been in a fever-induced state! :ph34r: I am just getting around to reading some of the many posts I missed while busy getting ready for annual meeting and then with two girls who did not feel their best this weekend. Hopefully, we're on the road back to "normal," whatever that is. :blink:

I do still want to go and if you have not been, let's book a time. I can meet you after work if that's better than the weekend. Call me! Also, want to talk to you about kids town. ;)

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We haven't heard much from our Forum birthmoms on this movie, but here's a read on what other birthmothers think of it, compliments of the Chicago Tribune: The Trouble with Juno. As usual, it seems that Mirah (Ribben) and the old guard from CUB (Concerned United Birthparents, a militant group of hurt and angry birthmothers primarily from the yesteryear of closed adoptions) are up in arms, while younger birthmothers with more recent and more open adoption experiences found the movie had merit.

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I am a birthmother and had been wanting to go and see the movie before I had my son, and the birthfather had been promising me we would go see it, but never had the time, the after our son was born I wanted to go see it, and finally in the last week of my maternity leave from work I went and saw the movie. This was a great movie and I recomend it to anyone that has not seen it. In some sense of a way I conected with Juno, but then again it was hard to conect fully with the character because she was 16 in the movie and I am 26 yrs old. Placing your child for adoption is not an easy desesion, and even though I knew that is what I wanted without a doubt in my mind for both of my children that I placed, through Abrazo, I still 3 1/2 years later after my first child placed strugle with emotions. When my tears started flowing was when Juno went into labor, it brought back memories of when I was in labor, not the pain. Just the fact that I was bringing this beautiful life or gift into this world and giving this gift to someone else, a gift tht they can not give themselves. Then the tears really came when it showed her and Bleaker in the hospital bed togetther and she was crying. Oh the memories how they hurt. The loss of my child that I waited for nine months to see and now he is gone. The onlty thing that really bothered me as birthmother about the movie was the way the movie ended. Juno get's pregnant, chooses adoption for the baby, has the baby, cries and presto everything is normal again. SOOOOOOOO not true! But thats Hollywood for ya! Sugar coat everything. I really wish that there was a little more on the emotions of how Juno felt after the fact, not just her and Bleaker singing a song together in front of his house like no big deal.

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Hi Hot Mamma,

It's so good to see you here and to hear your thoughts on Juno. We really appreciate your perspective. I hope you post more!!!

Best, Kay

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I finally watched Juno last night. My 12 year old daughter looked on at different times during the movie. She asked me "how did she get pregnant?". I said because she had sex, one time, the first time. What struck me during the movie, as Juno experienced her pregnancy and the emotions of her options that went with each, was that...pregnancy in itself is not bad, it's just the options that are so darn difficult, for a woman not ready to parent.

I was okay with the ending, although I didn't want it to be over. For Juno and Bleaker it will never be over, I felt that.

There was a sweetness about the movie, the innocence of the young, the innocence of having sex... which somehow becomes a huge (not so innocent) problem.

It portrayed the naivity of the so-called adults (and parents) around them, including the medical technician.

Juno knew what she needed to do, despite many fears and uncertainties.

I could relate to Juno, she reminded me of our daughter's first Mom, who became pregnant while in High School. She, too, had this tough exterior and strong will, with self protected emotion underneath.

God Bless all First Moms!

Karen

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I actually saw Juno when it first came out. I don't remember if it was the first day but it was definitely in December. Oh wow that movie. What can I say that hasn't already been said. Just wow! Freakin awesome movie.

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I saw Juno too recently and liked it. I think she saw a great mother in the adoptive mom no matter what her circumstance. :D

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I saw Juno finally over the weekend. I had no idea what the movie was about just heard my sister talk about it and she wanted to see it. Wow, Craig and I were so surprised when she found out she was pregnant, then when she ran out of the clinic and mentioned the finger nails, and then when she did the adoption planning.

FINALLY, hollywood showing adoption as a good option. I cried at the end. Loved the ending, at first didn't think she the adoptive move was all there, but Jennifer Garner really tried to show the nervious side of the adoptive parent.

Ending took me by surprise, when the guy left. Strange, not all men are ready for changes like a child.

I loved how Juno followed through and the note was the center piece of the room! I did hate that it ended like that though, I wanted to know if Juno ever accepted the open adoption. I would think that she would have eventually, just because the relationship was there. At least that is how I would like to think it ended a few years later.

Edited by TeddyRae

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I FINALLY got to watch this movie the other day. To me, it felt right. As far as her keeping her decision to place with Vanessa even after the split. When you feel the "match" it would be devestating (to me) at that point in the game to have to decide. I probably would have made the same choice she did.

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My husband and I watched Juno one weekend and we LOVED it! We even added the soundtrack to our Ipods! It was so great for him to see and understand some of the emotions and love I was feeling when I went through that! We were not together then and I have always been very open (to anyone that will listen!) about my placement and now he finally gets it! It was great!!

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Going to movies together? What's that? ;) My husband and I each saw Juno, separately while the other parent was with the kiddos. We did talk a little about it after...we both agreed that it certainly could be AN adoption story, since each one is so different.

It's been a few months now, but one scene kind of stuck with me...just a little thing, really, but when the prospective adoptive mother takes a moment to arrange the parenting magazines prominently displayed on the coffee table, I think I was the only one in the theater laughing. I was SO THERE with that first home study! So nervous! Making sure the house was cleaner than it ever had been before (or since)....ensuring coffee and tasty refreshments were available....mentioning the books I'd been reading on adoption, especially transracial adoption...will the social worker like us? What will she say about us? Suffice it to say, things were much more casual in subsequent post-placement and pre-adoptive (#2) homestudies! :lol:

About the various Juno controversies: So the characters said ignorant/potentially offensive things. That's Life. I try to view these situations as opportunities to be an "Adoption Ambassador", in hope that more eyes and hearts can be opened. Sadly, there will always be people like a friend of ours encountered:

http://dutchgirl2.multiply.com/journal/item/8/Royal_Flush

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Going to movies together? What's that? ;) My husband and I each saw Juno, separately while the other parent was with the kiddos. We did talk a little about it after...we both agreed that it certainly could be AN adoption story, since each one is so different.

It's been a few months now, but one scene kind of stuck with me...just a little thing, really, but when the prospective adoptive mother takes a moment to arrange the parenting magazines prominently displayed on the coffee table, I think I was the only one in the theater laughing. I was SO THERE with that first home study! So nervous! Making sure the house was cleaner than it ever had been before (or since)....ensuring coffee and tasty refreshments were available....mentioning the books I'd been reading on adoption, especially transracial adoption...will the social worker like us? What will she say about us? Suffice it to say, things were much more casual in subsequent post-placement and pre-adoptive (#2) homestudies! :lol:

About the various Juno controversies: So the characters said ignorant/potentially offensive things. That's Life. I try to view these situations as opportunities to be an "Adoption Ambassador", in hope that more eyes and hearts can be opened. Sadly, there will always be people like a friend of ours encountered:

http://dutchgirl2.multiply.com/journal/item/8/Royal_Flush

Larisa

I am so right there with you - I was rolling watching her "get" ready for the visit. I was so there for my1st homestudy visit. My girlfriend had NO idea why that was even remotely finny to me! Been there done that. :rolleyes:

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I watched Juno for the first time this afternoon. Dante sat with me for part of it... I didn't know exactly what it was about. He ran and played with sister when I saw some of the shots. I bawled at two points in the movie. Gosh, it brought back so many emotions regarding our children's Birthmothers. Marcelo rented it for me and I asked him to watch again with me tonight. I hugged the kids extra tight this evening... what miracles.

Thinking of all Birthmother's at this time... the feeling of separation gives me an ache in the pit of my stomach.

Claudia

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Well, another birthmother posting here about Juno. The funny thing is that I didn't cry when I saw Juno....... I think I may have detached myself from it. It still doesn't feel as though there is a baby growing inside of me, and that I am going to have a baby in about 20 days. It's just crazy. I think I am a lot like Juno dealing with adoption. For the first part of my adoption (until very recently) I have been depending mostly on myself to get through the adoption, and trying to put a strong front on. A big part of this is because I really need people to see that adoption is a good thing, a beautiful thing, and in my case the absolute best thing. I don't think Bleaker was being a ditching birth father- he didn't know how to react to that, and backed off because that's what Juno requested of him. He was there for her as soon as he got the intuition that she was going into labor. He even kept her underwear (weird, I know) and the movie gave me the impression that he read her yearbook message over and over again. I guess I'm just going through the experience that I am in no contact at all with my ex, and there is no way he would have been there for me in the adoption process. But I don't think Bleaker was in the wrong.

I also don't think people are giving Vanessa a big enough chance. When Juno, her dad, Mark, Vanessa and the lawyer sat down to discuss the adoption process and plan, the lawyer said that Mark and Vanessa were willing to negotiate a semi-open adoption with Juno, and Juno turned that down. She did not want any contact after birth (which I can't imagine- I can't NOT know the baby I'm carrying!), and Vanessa was simply respecting her wishes by not pursuing contact. If Juno wanted contact, she had their phone number, address, and knew where they lived. I'm sure she could have gotten contact if she wanted it.

I think this movie will have a different effect on me after this precious little baby is born. I'm almost sure of it. Right now, though, I cannot help but admire Juno- she sacrifices everything for this little baby, and I'm jealous in some ways about how mature and steady she is in her decision! I struggle much more than she does, and I wish it were that easy. Adoption is definitely not an easy decision. I believe this is the case for adoptive parents as well. I think they experience heart break, loss, insecurities, and fears, even if they are completely different than those of us birth mothers. Juno is so smart and strong. I'm a baby- I cry all the time when I think about the fact that I won't be able to raise this baby myself. It's all just very upsetting, and there is a lot of guilt involved in that. It's just hard in general.

I do love the movie though. I think anyone who has gone through adoption should watch it.

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I posted this somewhere else recently.

I just saw juno for the first time about a month ago.

the soundtrack RULES! The Rotten Peaches have become one of my fav bands...killer!

Ryan loves her as well!

I think that the insight to closed or semi open adoptions is brilliant. I NEVER understood it before watching this movie.

I loved it!

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Im a birthmother. (whole blog under Diana's Diary) When I watched Juno, I was fine until the end, when she was laying in the hospital room crying. It brought several memories of me doing the same (tho I saw Tucker for the 2 weeks after his birth) I balled like a baby myself. I didnt go into this having a closed adoption, but my AP's have cut ties to Abrazo and I havent heard from them. I like where the father told her "one day you'll get your turn and you'll be back" I loved the movie, and am very happy one was made. It gives insight into a whole lot. I havent been able to watch it again tho, it hurts. But I think it was a great movie!!

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