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Hidden Pregnancies

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Folks sometimes cannot understand how or why women choose to hide their pregnancies, but it's done for many different reasons by many different people.

Women have concealed their pregnancies for generations. Sometimes, they do it out of fear. Sometimes, it's about privacy. On occasion, it's a matter of vanity. Other times, it's for safety.

Pregnancies can be hidden by clothing. By psychological strategy. By weight gain or loss. By physical positioning. By health conditions.

Pregnancy is, after all, a condition that places women in a position of vulnerability. It can be very disabling. Sometimes, the outcome can even be fatal to mother or child.

If you feel forced to hide a pregnancy and need to talk with someone who understands, call 1-800-454-5683 and ask for Elizabeth or Pamela.

Whatever your circumstances, we can help.

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Can you pick out which person was 8 months pregnant in this photo? click here.

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I have a few guesses but I really don't want to offend someone. So I'll have to say, it's too hard to tell. Had I not been having triplets. I would have been able to hide it for quite sometime. I hid it with Daeieah up until I started showing about 7.5 months along!

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I was very good at hiding my pregnancies. I hid my first untill almost 6 months when I finally told somebody. My second I never tried to hide I just didn't get very big. With Charlie he was a whopping 4 lbs 15 oz full term. Not too hard to hide. Lindsey was born 10 weeks premature at 4lbs 5 oz also not very hard to hide. Clayton was my biggest at 6lbs 11 oz and I didn't start showing untill about 6 months. My first pregnancy I hid for fear that my parents would kick me out if they found out,so I made sure I had a place lined up first. With Charlie and Lindsey I had my pregnancies with them because my husband at the time did not want anybody to know we were placing them for adoption. I guess it just depends on the size of the person and the circumstances they are in.

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Pregnancy is, after all, a condition that places women in a position of vulnerability. It can be very disabling. Sometimes, the outcome can even be fatal to mother or child.

If you feel forced to hide a pregnancy and need to talk with someone who understands, call 1-800-454-5683 and ask for Elizabeth or Pamela.

Whatever your circumstances, we can help.

I do hope anyone who is in this situation that reads this, will call for their sake as well as their childs.

Cathy

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You know, that the more pregnancies you've carried the faster you grow and the bigger you get. This is evident in the fact that with Alex I weighed MORE than I did with the triplets. (Fiona I was 4 lbs lighter than the triplets) Just a tidbit I'd thought I'd share.

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While we're on the subject of how dangerous hidden pregnancies can be for moms and babies...

here's a sad story of one mom who had placed a child for adoption before but was apparently too scared to tell anyone of her pregnancy in time to make rational plans for the baby's welfare: Kalita's Little Secret.

There's one glaring omission, in my opinion: while the media was quick to report that this young woman has birthed four children already, it failed to investigate, apparently, what happened to the man who impregnated her; why he's apparently not around to help, and why he's not doing any jail time with her as an accessory to this crime!? :angry:

Granted, pregnancies are hidden from fathers, too, sometimes. But oftentimes, it's the males species and their anticipated response to news of a pregnancy that creates a woman's perceived need for secrecy (witness Kalita's reported fear of her stepfather's likely reaction), which can be extremely detrimental, in the long run.

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You know, that the more pregnancies you've carried the faster you grow and the bigger you get. This is evident in the fact that with Alex I weighed MORE than I did with the triplets. (Fiona I was 4 lbs lighter than the triplets) Just a tidbit I'd thought I'd share.

That wasn't necessisarily the case with my mother. I (child #2) was the smallest of 4. Mom's first baby was the largest of the first three, but the baby of the bunch was definitely the largest overall:

Older Brother: 8 lbs 8 oz

Me: 8 lbs 2 ounces

Younger Brother: 8 lbs 6 oz

Baby Brother: 10 lbs 10 oz :blink:

And wouldn't you know now I'm the biggest of the bunch :huh: at 6'5" and my older brother is the smallest at 5'10"

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My babies sizes were all different.

Elizabeth(first) 6 lbs. 8 oz.

Robin (second) 6 lbs 7 oz.

Charlie(3rd) 4 lbs 14 oz(full term)

Lindsay (4th) 4 lbs 5 oz(10 weeks premature would have been almost 11 pounds full term)

Clayton (5th) 6 pounds 11 oz

But I have heard that usually you show sooner with each one and each baby generally gets bigger. Not in my case I guess.

I too believe that the men's reactions are a big reason why alot of women hide their pregnancies. I remember being afraid to tell my husband I was pregnant with Clayton at first for fear that he would make me place him for adoption too.

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My birthmom hid me, she showed up one night in the middle of the night to her life family doctor to deliver me, dropped me off. She drank while pregnant and not once was seen for prenatal care. I guess you could say, is that God was watching over me, because he had a plan for me.

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Oh, Loriahn... there is so much more to the story of your beginnings than just that, whether or not you know what's on those other pages yet! Because no mama, however desperate, ever just "drops off a baby," walks away and forgets. Never.

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Because no mama, however desperate, ever just "drops off a baby," walks away and forgets. Never.

I am sure your mother has thought of you more than you may ever know. We out here know there was more than one plan for you. . .to be a mother yourself is only one :)

Cathy

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Loriahn, I agree with Elizabeth. You may not know your whole story yet. But being a birthmother(who hid 2 pregnancies from everybody except my husband), I am sure your birthmother thinks of you often and wonders how you are. She cared enough to give you life and made sure she gave you to somebody so you were safe. She cared!!!! There are many missing pieces, I am praying one day you will be able to find those missing pieces. You have done many great things in your life and many more are to come. Both of your mothers(and you) should be proud!!!!

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Sorry I guess I came off not like I meant. All I meant was, that this is what I know so far. :-) I know she hasn't forgotten. That is why I'm looking for her. Sorry again. I was really tired when I wrote it, still am very tired. The commute kills me. But oh well only for a few more days.

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Sorry I guess I came off not like I meant. All I meant was, that this is what I know so far. :-) I know she hasn't forgotten. That is why I'm looking for her. Sorry again. I was really tired when I wrote it, still am very tired. The commute kills me. But oh well only for a few more days.

I can only imagine what you are going through right now--not including hoping to find your birthmother. I hope you are able to be successful in your search :)

Cathy

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I wish all of us out there who are searching find our answers soon. Lord knows we are deserving, but sometimes he wants us to grow in the journey. wishing us all great knowledge on a short timetable!

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I wish all of us out there who are searching find our answers soon. Lord knows we are deserving, but sometimes he wants us to grow in the journey. wishing us all great knowledge on a short timetable!

Well said.

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An Omaha woman who hid her pregnancy talked to the media about what it's like to feel trapped between a rock and a hard place: Why I Did What I Did.

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All I can say is I can relate. Both of my pregnancies with Charlie and Lindsay were hidden. NOBODY knew I was pregant except my husband at the time and the adoption agency. It is a feeling hard to explain. I would NEVER abandon my babies but I know what it feels like to have to hide it and have no support.

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All I can say is I can relate. Both of my pregnancies with Charlie and Lindsay were hidden. NOBODY knew I was pregant except my husband at the time and the adoption agency. It is a feeling hard to explain. I would NEVER abandon my babies but I know what it feels like to have to hide it and have no support.

I know that there are places that women can turn to, but is there anything that would have made it easier to talk to anyone? I think that a compassionate ear might be helpful.

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My husband made me hide the pregnancies because he didn't want anybody to know we were placing them for adoption. A few people at my work found out and he wanted me to tell them that when I had the baby it "died" rather than tell them the truth. :angry: I didn't of course but he never knew that. I had no one to talk to. I was alone. I had no family,no phone ,no car etc... Some people can't imagine what some people live like. Like I said it is hard to explain and hard to talk about at times even 14 years later.

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Jada,

I know I've said this before and I'd like to say it again "I am so sorry".

I am glad you are able to talk about your children (and your pregnancies) now.

Karen

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Jada,

I know I've said this before and I'd like to say it again "I am so sorry".

I am glad you are able to talk about your children (and your pregnancies) now.

Karen

I ditto what Karen said Jada and your experiences and voice helps us all learn so much. Thank you so much for continuing to share and open up. I can imagine how hard that is some times.

Jenny

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How To Hide a Pregnancy

(or "How NOT to Deal with This Crisis!")

1) Wear big clothes or sweats all the time.

2) Eat less so you won't gain as much weight; nobody notices just 5-10 lbs put on over 9 months time.

3) Don't let anyone take side photos of you. In group photos, always hide in the back row.

4) Keep asking your mom to buy tampons for you, flush the cotton part, but throw the applicator and wrapping in the trash so it looks like it has been used. (Same goes for pads, except you can't flush them.)

5) Tell your family you've got the bird flu if morning sickness is a problem.

6) Hide the folder of paperwork the adoption agency sends you. Keep it buried in your car trunk so no one can see it.

7) Keep prenatal vitamins in your locker at school or tell people you're taking them to grow your hair and nails out.

8) If anyone asks you if you're pregnancy, look at them like they're crazy and deny, deny, deny!

9) Don't tell any friends you're pregnant, so nobody can accidently blab to someone else.

10) Shift your weight to your back foot and hunch shoulders forward when standing, to hide your growing tummy.

11) Give the clinic your cell phone number so nobody calls your house with appointment reminders.

12) Keep popping the pills out of your birth control pack and leave it on the bathroom counter so your mom will think you're still taking them.

13) Tell your boyfriend your belly's just bulging because you've got gas; if your ankles swell, say it's only water retention.

14) Tell your coworkers you're just not drinking because you're on some medication that doesn't mix with alcohol.

15) Tell your family your mood swings are just because you've got P.M.S.

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My pregnancies were not hidden from everyone, just from some people. I avoided seeing my family that lived 3 hours away. I did many of the things in Elizabeth's list to avoid my mom, who I lived with in the during one of my pregnancies. She asked, I denied. I refused to tell her, I know why, it is not hard to figure out. She was always so critical and judgemental of me. She was pushy and had to have things her way, even when it was not her choice. She found out just after I delivered my son, and her way of dealing was to tell his new parents how irresponsible and impulsive I was, and how that was the worst decision I ever made. With my daughter she found out due to a "mistake" call from the Dr. when my answering machine ( I had a private line) picked up and it was not on silent. She decided it would be best for me to allow her to raise my daughter, but that was the worst choice I could have made. In both instances, I chose to go against what her decision would have been, and her finding out after the fact was easier than dealing with her rage during pregnancy.

I do hope that all of us can find a place in our lives where it is known, and we can be available for those ladies who need to talk, even if I am a stranger, it does help to talk.

Lisa

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“My mom didn’t even know until the night I delivered,” she said.

“I shared it with my cat and that was all — somebody who couldn’t talk.”

Here's a story of a birthmom in Montana who hid her pregnancy from everyone until right before the end-- and recently reunited with her son, forty-five years after she'd placed him for adoption: No Secrets, No Lies.

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