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ElizabethAnn

If It Happens Again...

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I know that I did not hessitate to call Abrazo when I found out that I was pregnant a second time even though I was a little embarassed that I had messed up again. When I first called I really wasn't considering my first childs APs because we had kinda lost touch and I felt like the openness had been lost with them. I did however keep them in mind when I recieved the packet of profiles, but would not make any final desisions until I had talked to them to see if they would really want to adopt another child of mine or not. After spending my lunch hour on the phone with them I decided that I would rather keep my children toghether instead of apart and also it would be easier on myself to only have to keep up with one family instead of two. We the APs and myself made a renewd promise of openess and are in touch more now then we have ever been in the 4 years that I have known them. So if you are faced with an unplaned pregnancy again, pick up the phone and call!

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I know that I did not hessitate to call Abrazo when I found out that I was pregnant a second time even though I was a little embarassed that I had messed up again. When I first called I really wasn't considering my first childs APs because we had kinda lost touch and I felt like the openness had been lost with them. I did however keep them in mind when I recieved the packet of profiles, but would not make any final desisions until I had talked to them to see if they would really want to adopt another child of mine or not. After spending my lunch hour on the phone with them I decided that I would rather keep my children toghether instead of apart and also it would be easier on myself to only have to keep up with one family instead of two. We the APs and myself made a renewd promise of openess and are in touch more now then we have ever been in the 4 years that I have known them. So if you are faced with an unplaned pregnancy again, pick up the phone and call!

Good for you! Good for you for keeping your options open, for keeping your children's best interests at heart, and for making the commitment to renew your open relationship! Your post is is full of hope and love, thank you for sharing this with us and blessings to you and your children and your child's parents!

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Big hugs to 1HotMama!

We are just so very thankful that you gave Abrazo the opportunity to help you make a subsequent placement plan! But you didn't "mess up again," hon... you found yourself in a position to make another miracle happen for someone else, and I know how very thankful your children's adoptive parents are, that you gave them another chance. I am so tickled that your relationship is growing even better now; they're good people, as are you, and that's what makes it so perfect that y'all are RELATED! ;)

(So glad you're also part of our Forum family! I love that you're posting, and hope you'll do more of it!)

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Don't They Know What Causes This?!

The Duggars (surprize, surprize!) are expecting again, and Michelle reportedly did not realize what had happened when she had conceived just 8 months after the birth of her 18th child.

I'm posting this here to make the point that lightning does strike twice or thrice (sometimes 19 times, if we let it!?) so why should any loving mother feel she must be ashamed of herself for placing more than once?

Just think how many grateful adoptive families could have been created if someone with the reproductive power of Michelle Duggar had been sharing her "quiverful" with others?

Which is NOT to say we want to see any of our beloved birthmoms feeling compelled to put themselves through the grief that comes with placing 19 times... but it is interesting that American society responds positively to this particular family (even rewarding them with a TV show) yet looks down on married birthcouples with multiple children who choose to place, in order to give their child/ren a better life?

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If "IT" happens again, I think I would use abrazo again.

I am planning to stop using the Depo Provera,

I feel that it may be causiing me to gain weight,

because I have in fact gained the weight back that I had lost.

If I eliminate the Depo and the weight just happens to fall off

then I was right.

I don't have the time or money to eat right and excercise.

Well I mean the time thing doesnt really apply,

but resources I do not have any.

Ok well that's a lie too,

but the gym here doesn't have the machines that I want to use.

I also don't like thinking that people are watching me and my fat bouncing around.

Well anyway,

I don't plan on having sex for a few months at least,

but considering how vulnerable I am right now,

if the opportunity just happened to present itself,

I probably would.

depending on the situation....

I would place my baby for adoption

because they are expensive and I am greedy.

And seeing the messed up kids (teenagers) around here

at Job Corps with they're disciplinary issues, their immaturity

and their ADHD, just to name one disorder off the top of my head.

Yeah i know I am smart and could probably raise a child in the right direction,

but I don't want any more kids.

I see other peoples kids.

I don't want them.

My sister pawns her kids off on me,

I don't want all of that...

learning disorders and speach delays.

I had the perfect set.

one son and one daughter.

I don't want or need more.

The doctor here says that only one more would be safe at this point...

since I've had the double c section.

So yeah if I have any more.

Its back to abrazo most definitely.

I really feel like worrying about myself.

I have a lot of work to do on myself.

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If you did ever find yourself in a position to need to come back to Abrazo, Imelda, you know we would welcome you with open arms. (And yes, I remember how much you don't like being hugged! LOL) But if you're getting off of Depo Provera, why not talk with your doctor about an alternative form of birth control that doesn't cause weight gain (ie., IUD) but will protect you in case you do get lonely? Because there's nothing like an unplanned pregnancy to really make a girl feel vulnerable (and we've all "been there, done that." Well, okay-- some of us, anyway!) ;)

I think moms who need to make adoption plans more than once sometimes worry that we'll judge them or be disappointed in them if they come back. But they forget that we really do see them as family and we want to be there for them no matter what. (And I know that their children's adoptive families feel the very same way.)

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Yes, we definitely feel the same way you do Elizabeth! We don't consider ourselves to be judgemental people and only want the best for our boy's birth mother. I do think she had a problem telling us when she was pregnant with Gavin because of how we might feel about her. We tell her all the time that 'nothing' will change how we feel about her, least of all if she was to get pregnant again. Our biggest concern would be for her emotionally if she decided to place a child again and how that might affect her. I try never to judge someone because you never know how you will feel or how you might react if you were in that person's shoes.

Don't judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes.

Donna

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Just wanted to bump this up for some of our beloved birthmoms who are finding themselves in a place they thought they'd never be again, and trying to make the best of it...

The short reading that follows is from an adoption support organization in Australia, so know that lightning does strike more than once, no matter what part of the world you may be in! http://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q=cache:5DdlX4LNxd0J:cms.bensoc.org.au/uploads/documents/IS9_Women_who_have_placed_more_than_one_child.pdf+&hl=en&gl=us&pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESid3-ctZEKJFkH2DMwajixQqZGjV1GAHqE5KTzqkpNyaR_xZjTg-Hju7uPoCrKwgBGuQLPwwU9luqVmlpKF01R1zrChjQiaTn8ITyN-WuyL9xr0THqQDC4WL0IxMdTYLZmOdNR0&sig=AHIEtbSdZSAsD6_FSzcAHBZ3ULVLM19hVg.

We feel for our birthmoms who "have" to consider adoption more than once only because we know every adoption takes an emotional toll and we worry about people we care about enduring repeated losses in life. For this reason, Abrazo still offers the same "options counseling" to returning birthmoms; we never assume that just because someone has placed before, they automatically need to place again.

Often, the options to placing are less than optimal for the parent/s and the baby, however, or the latest pregnancy has just come up at the worst possible time. We know that can happen, and while we encourage our returning moms to take time to think things through and not jump into matching until the second trimester (if possible), we always welcome them "home" with open arms and nonjudgemental hearts.

Abrazo generally encourages mothers who have placed before and need to make subsequent adoption plans to consider placing the new baby with the sibling placed previously, provided that adoptive family has honored its open adoption promises and is in good standing with Abrazo.

Sometimes, though, the adoptive family is not ready for another baby or the expectant parent does not wish to place with the same family for reasons of their own. In that event, the agency works with the expectant parent/s to make an alternative placement plan that will still enable the baby and his/her family to enjoy an open adoption relationship with the sibling in the prior adoptive home.

It's important for returning parents to remember that every adoption experience is different. While some of the elements may be familiar, no two pregnancies-- or adoptive families-- are ever going to be "exactly alike." It's okay to have different feelings about different experiences, and different relationships with different people. You're not the same person you were before, and in some ways, some parts of this journey may seem more or less difficult than they were before, when everything was new to you.

Needing to make more than one adoption plan doesn't mean you are "stupid" or "careless" or "slutty" (or any of the other labels judgemental people in your life may be throwing at you.) It just means you're fertile, and in every culture in history, that has been considered a good thing-- ironic, isn't it?

You don't owe anybody any apologies or explanations. Pregnancy happens, and not always when it "should." Your only obligation is to yourself and your child, to make the best decisions you can based on your own values and resources. And if those decisions lead you back home to Abrazo, where you know you are respected and loved, then welcome back.

We're always glad to see you, placing or not placing. That's because we're family, after all.

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I do feel stupid and careless and slutty.

There is a reason and plan for your baby. Whether here or now....God has a path for you, friend.

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(((Ellen)))

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I do feel stupid and careless and slutty.

I'm sorry you feel that way, Ellen... I know nobody can tell you to feel differently, but you aren't seen that way in our eyes, no matter how you feel. xo

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