Adam & Beth Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 (edited) Thought it would be nice to have a place to share jokes that we might hear or receive. I know I love a good laugh. Remember, this is all in good fun PS) I wasn't sure if there was already a Jokes thread. UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. WIFE VS. HUSBAND (I loved this one) A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws." WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton. WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" Guilty as charged CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, " I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .... "HEBREWS" Thank goodness I don't drink coffee. The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." I received some of these today from my mother and got a kick out of them. Hope at least one made you laugh too. Have a great day! -A Edited March 22, 2007 by Adam & Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam & Beth Posted March 22, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 (edited) Why We Love Children! NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!" MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents." KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle." SCHOOL A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!" BIBLE A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!" Edited March 22, 2007 by Adam & Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
weadoptedthree Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 Adam, there is another joke thread, but I'm laughing so hard right now I forget where it is! Thanks for these! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisa2 Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 ADAM... put your undies back on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angie Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 Adam, I loved the jokes. I better remember some of the punch lines because you never know when they might come in handy!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam & Beth Posted March 22, 2007 Author Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 (edited) ADAM... put your undies back on! I thought it felt a bit drafty in here today Yeah, I debated whether or not to even post that one as I figured it might prompt a response coming from 'Adam' It was pretty funny though so I didn't want to pass it up. Moderator, please feel free to move this thread into the other -A Edited March 22, 2007 by Adam & Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FeelingBlessed Posted March 23, 2007 Report Share Posted March 23, 2007 (edited) IMO, you can NEVER laugh too much or too often! So, with apologies to Baptists and Methodists (of which I am one!), here's my offering for the night: A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl coming from the other direction. "Hello," said the little boy. "Hi," replied the little girl. "Where are you going?" asked the little boy. "I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home," answered the little girl. "Me too", replied the little boy. "I'm also on my way home from church." "Which church do you go to?" asked the little boy. "I go to the Baptist church back down the road," replied the little girl. "What about you?" "I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill," replied the little boy. They discovered that they were both going the same way so they decided that they'd walk together. They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had partially flooded the road so there was no way that they could get across to the other side without getting wet. "If I get my new Sunday dress wet my Mom's going to skin me alive," said the little girl. "My Mom'll tan my hide too if I get my new Sunday suit wet," replied the little boy. "I tell you what I think I'll do," said the little girl. "I'm gonna pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across." "That's a good idea," replied the little boy. "I'm going to do the same thing with my suit." So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on when the little boy finally remarked: "You know, I never did realize before just how much difference there really is between a Baptist and Methodist!" (And, BTW, here's the OTHER site for rib-ticklin' stories in the Corner Cafe thread: "Laughter, the best medicine" -- http://abrazo.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=2704&st=0) Edited March 23, 2007 by FeelingBlessed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissamerritt Posted March 23, 2007 Report Share Posted March 23, 2007 Thanks Adam and Karen and my students thank you also! I really needed to start the day off with a laugh. Those were too funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven&Melissa Posted September 8, 2011 Report Share Posted September 8, 2011 Although this entire email forward I received today made me laugh so hard I was crying, this one was cute. It's the product of d*mnyouautocorrect.com - always good for a laugh. My own personal auto correct moment was when I was leaving the doctor's office after finding out I'd need to see a specialist for my endometriosis and my mom texted to say "how are you?" I meant to write back "I'm fine, now!" but it autocorrected to "I'm fine, nag!" [ I also had a much more mortifying experience recently when I was texting Oliver's birthmom, who does an amazingly accurate duck impression, and meant to say "Practice your duck impression - Ollie thinks that sound is hilarious now!" Well, autocorrect decided to change the "d" in duck to an "f." Urrrrrgggggg.... not one of my better moments. Just reinforces Abrazo's suggestion - call your kids' birthparents, don't rely on texts!!! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TexasFamily Posted September 9, 2011 Report Share Posted September 9, 2011 Although this entire email forward I received today made me laugh so hard I was crying, this one was cute. It's the product of d*mnyouautocorrect.com - always good for a laugh. My own personal auto correct moment was when I was leaving the doctor's office after finding out I'd need to see a specialist for my endometriosis and my mom texted to say "how are you?" I meant to write back "I'm fine, now!" but it autocorrected to "I'm fine, nag!" [ I also had a much more mortifying experience recently when I was texting Oliver's birthmom, who does an amazingly accurate duck impression, and meant to say "Practice your duck impression - Ollie thinks that sound is hilarious now!" Well, autocorrect decided to change the "d" in duck to an "f." Urrrrrgggggg.... not one of my better moments. Just reinforces Abrazo's suggestion - call your kids' birthparents, don't rely on texts!!! Your post is hilarious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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