Jump to content

The Myths, Misconceptions, Facts, & Reality of Open Adoption


linlacor

Recommended Posts

There are notorious baby brokers who will say anything anyone wants to hear, sadly. We do know of situations where potential birthmothers were promised by despicable adoption workers that they "could get the baby back in a year" if they'd let the baby go with an adoptive couple at birth, or where they were told that "open adoption is like foster care," only to find out later that of course, they had absolutely no legal rights to seek custody or reclaim their child later. She is clearly being induced to place by an agency with no ethics whatsoever and we hope she will consult an independent attorney to find out what the adoption laws really say in her locale.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

There are notorious baby brokers who will say anything anyone wants to hear, sadly. We do know of situations where potential birthmothers were promised by despicable adoption workers that they "could get the baby back in a year" if they'd let the baby go with an adoptive couple at birth, or where they were told that "open adoption is like foster care," only to find out later that of course, they had absolutely no legal rights to seek custody or reclaim their child later. She is clearly being induced to place by an agency with no ethics whatsoever and we hope she will consult an independent attorney to find out what the adoption laws really say in her locale.

It is so sad that people would take advantage during such a sensitive time. I am thankful that the adoptive parents giving her advice were guiding her in the right way and trying to give her resources that would tell her the truth and help her explore her options.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 7 months later...
  • 2 months later...

Did you see this on late night TV???

CRAIGLIST ADOPTIONS ON NIGHTLINE ABC

http://abcnews.go.com/US/baby-wanted-desperate-couples-advertise-children-craigslist/story?id=17732116

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes... Kinda wondered what made it newsworthy, frankly? Folks have been doing adoption advertising online for years. (Renee was the one who started placing Abrazo's ads onCraigslist, to give you an idea how NOT new the Craigslist adoption ads are?) But it was nice to see the birthmom get to finally see her child again even if/though the visit was set up primarily for the cameras.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think one common misconception is that "open adoption (is supposed to) make things easier for the grown-ups." It doesn't. (Nor should it, frankly.) Open adoption can be complicated... messy, even (sometimes.) It takes work to make it work.

The primary purpose of open adoption is to provide the person(s) being adopted with lifelong information and ongoing access to their family of origin, understanding that they should not have to lose who rightfully belongs to them from the beginning just to belong with the parents who adopt them for a lifetime.

Roots are important, after all. They ground us. Yet roots aren't all that's needed... all growing things need nurture and sunshine and oxygen and water, those essential "extras" that make life possible.

It takes the love of both birthfamilies and adoptive families to raise wholly-loved adoptees. (And that takes unending effort on the part of all the parents, who have varying and changing needs of their own.) They don't always get along. They don't always agree on everything. They don't always appreciate the other as perhaps they should. These are challenges we encounter in nearly any human relationship, after all.

When open adoption relationships break down, it doesn't mean open adoption "doesn't work." It just means both parties aren't able to do what it takes to keep the relationship healthy, for whatever reason. Sometimes, they need time to work out individual problems; sometimes, they need space to recalibrate expectations or work through misunderstandings. Time-outs can sometimes be useful, if they don't result in permanent disruptions. Open adoption agreements can always be renegotiated but should never be completely abandoned, for the child's sake.

Any "open adoption relationship" is based on an agreement made between parents, committing themselves to a certain standard of contact and communication. It cannot and does not obligate the child who is adopted to be "in relationship" because that is the choice of each adoptee to make, upon adulthood (whether or not they choose to be "in relationship" with their family of origin.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...